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I Am Gay ...





wumingsden
(QuickNote: All replies that go along the lines of "Your Sick", "The bible says its wrong", etc, will be trashed by your's truely Wink )

Update:
Late last night I finally told my mother that I was gay. She was very good with it. I thought that she may have already known but she hadn't. She said that "you don't act nor talk gay so how was I supposed to know?". Anyway, she was very good with the news. She said that it "maybe a phase" but I know it isn't, although I haven't lost my virginity yet I know what I like and what I don't know, which makes me o-so different to everyone else.
I have decided not to tell my father. We don't speak so it doesn't matter much. He'll only be more of a failure to me when he does find out.
I am going to tell friends soon. The next time I see all of my friends at the same time will be in August when I go and pick up exam results. Anyone got any advice on how to do that? Its was obviously very difficult to tell my mum and my friends should be easier but am unsure how to do it. Anyone got any advice?


Old News:

After speaking to a member (known from now on as Mr. X) here at FriHost who was brave enough to "Come Out", I have decided that now is the time for me. I have set a date by which I want to do it on, 8th August 2006. This is a special date to Mr. X who really helped me, if I have the courage to do it beforehand then that will also be great.

I however do not want to pretend to be someone that I am not after this date.

Up till now I have been saying to myself and to members here on FriHost that I am bi-sexual, I think however I said, and still say this, because of the pressure that is around me to be like everyone else. I am already extremely different to everyone else and the pressure is great to be just like them, which I do not want to be.

I need some encouraging words/advice on how to do it. Past experiences of "coming out" will also help a great deal. I also want to hear what the impact on you was when a fmaily member/friend of yours "came out".

Nobody knows that I am gay, not my friends, family, nor parents. It will be an immense satisfaction for me to see the look on my fathers face when he see's me with a boyfriend, lets just say that we don't see eye-2-eye Wink

I Am Gay .... now I need to tell everyone in my life this. How ?

@ Mr. X - I've been tossing and turning all night thanks to you (which is why I posted this thread) Very Happy - not much pun intended Cool

Update -

I'd just like to add that I don't really care about other people's opinions, I just mainly need advice so I can find it easier to tell some family/close friends.

2nd Update -

I was unsure whether the person named Mr. X would be uncomfotable if I posted his real username here. After speaking to him today he says that I can say who he is.

Mr. X is James007, another member of staff here at FriHost. Thank you for everything you have done, Salvi
HoboPelican
congrats, man. that is going to be a big weight off of your mind... There is bound to be problems, but I bet you find it worthwhile. Ive had many friends over the years who came out and for the most part, friends stayed friends and family learned to adjust.

No advice, but there really are a lot of people out there who could care less about your orientation...just be open when they ask you the awkward questions. People are more curious than judgemental I think.
bladesage
I have many homosexual aquaintences. Some are open about it, some only to their close friends. Many have gone for years without saying a word about it, and suddenly begun telling it to everyone. I can't say I agree with the idea, but I've got nothing against it. I have too many homosexual friends of mine (both genders) who count on my approval, and so I'm always there for them.

It's not always easy talking about it, and it may not be easy for you. Now while many, many people can either accept it or get used to it, there are those who may try to deny it, or persecute you for it. You must always remember that (this may sound kinda corny) it's never what they think. If this is the way you are, then this is the way it's going to be. Don't let them think that their opinions matter to you (though in some cases they do).

If they cannot accept it, then they will just have to live with it. Be strong about yourself. They cannot crush confidence, only weaken it. Don't let them get that far. If they do, then shame on them, for they make up the lowest part of the pool: The shallow end.
jasmine
That's the spiri! Just be yourself!

I really don't get those shallow minded people who persecute gay people. I mean c'mon all of us are humans, with dreams and lives to live. I happen to applaud gay people because they have such a positive outlook (at least those I got acquainted too) and they are a very determined lot.

So to all gay people, don't feel bad if some people are against your preferences, there are also a number of us who will accept you as you are. Very Happy
Timothysm
I am not gay, however!, a friend of mine came out in the past and I felt he came out the wrong way.

Here is what I suggest. Try to tell everyone in person, and be direct about it. I'd ask them if they have any questions, and just try to answer them as truthfully as you can. Also, just because you are gay, doesn't make you a weak person or any lesser of a human being, so do not let ANYONE treat you as a lesser. You are your own person, show it and don't be afraid.

If I can think of anything else, I will post here.

Good luck! Cool
PoolCleaner
It's a big thing to admit your sexual way. But I'm happy to know. A lot of people use "Gay" as an insult but it's just a choice so don't let them insult you.

Punch Them! Twisted Evil
alkady
Congrats for Coming out of the Closet, It took alot of guts to do that and I admire you for that. I live in Montreal where we have a Gay Village down in Beaudry Metro (Downtown).

Now I've never experience this or know someone who did, But my suggestion to you is just confront them, At first they will be shocked but atleast give them time to get used to it. There is a chance your parents/friends may disown you for this but it's worth a try.

Good Luck Wink
Soulfire
You know, I'm Christian, and I don't agree with homosexuality, but I admire your courage and ability to come out. It must be a big weight off of your chest? Now, I said I don't agree with it, but I certainly respect it. Best of luck.

Advice: Like the Nike slogan says, just do it
alkady
^ You know that just reminds me, I was going over this "Gonzo" guy's post and it turns out he seems to be a devout Religious, I wonder what he would have said in this situation, With the picture on his avatar and all that, It makes everything he say non-professional and entertaining in a way.
Vrythramax
Congrats! Be yourself not what others want or expect you to be. I think you deserve kudos just for coming out in these forums like this. I can only imagine what kind of relief you will have once you let others know your preference....I can also imagne 2 others things...1. your going to have a tough time of it at first, the people around you may not be so accepting of your nature...and 2. if your dad and you didn't see eye-2-eye before...I don't think this is going to smooth things over any Sad

I wish I had some advce I could give you that would help, but I'm afraid this is a situation I can't picture myself in....sorry for that.

Good luck to you, I honestly hope it works out for you.
Blaster
Hmm i had a fealling you where. Good to express it though. Thats the best thing you can do. i have some homosexaul friends and they told me and i was the only one who knew. The kid acts the same though. But i would say just be yourself. Nothing more. Dont' be nervous too.
Mr Smith
I think that you should just tell the world. What is wrong with people having slightly different feelings? Those who cannot accept you aren't true friends.
Hobbit
That's really cool! It's gonna be really hard (I can imagine). I have a friend that's bi, and I was the first to know, I was happy that he came out, little by little he told more people. So are you planning on telling everyone one day? Or just little by little, or what? Good luck.
rightclickscott
Good work, it takes alot to say that on a forum so big. When it comes to telling your friends and family, hold a huge banquet and invite everyone you know. Then, once everyone is settled, just shut everyone up and say "I'm gay!" and hug the guy closest to you. That's what my friend Joe did on Thanksgiving, and it kind of strange, because he didn't let go for awhile...

By the way, that's a joke! Good luck with your sexual preference.
Tumbleweed
Most of your family and close friends will probably allready have an incling your gay , the two gay men I know didnt lose many friends when they came out .......most ppl just knew anyway
jasmine
I guess coming out in the open would make one realize just who thier real friends are.

And real friends are the best gifts in life. Very Happy
seanooi
It takes great courage for a man to admit something, and for what you've done, I salute you.
From my point of view, there is nothing wrong about being gay. I have gay friends too. His parents eventually accepted the fact.
Don't worry man, I'm sure you will have everyone's support here including me Very Happy
wumingsden
Nice, positive feedback (mostly), thanks all - except to the two members mentioned in my first post Wink

Quote:
So are you planning on telling everyone one day? Or just little by little, or what? Good luck.


I plan on telling my mother first, and then maybe tell everyone that I know at a special occasion. I "coming out" party springs to mind but I think I'll leave it till a funeral Wink No, to be honest, my mother is extremely proud of me (ie. always friggin' talking about me) so I am in no doubt that everyone that doesn't need to know will know in time.
XSTG
That's just great, be happy and don't forget not to let others treat you as shit.

I totally agree with this, personnally.... so congrats!
lors
Most people who are close to you probably have a pretty good idea, and anyone who would turn their back on you, isn't really a friend anyway. No matter what you have to deal with by coming out, it's still better than hiding it. Be proud of who you are and stand up for what you believe in, don't let anyone put you down.
felisleo
yesterday i read that being gay comes from birth.so if you re gay you re gay i understand you can t change it.hiding it would cause depression.

anyway i think you should meet other gay people.that could relax you...
710ths
Being true to yourself is the key. It may seem hard to come out but if you dont then you are just living a lie. Be honest with yourself, family and friends and they will respect you for it.
Good luck
tidruG
It's likely that most people who you tell will not have much clue about homosexuality. So, when you tell them, remain calm, and be prepared to answer questions.

Some of them may ask rude questions, but you'll have to be prepared to answer them.

Best of luck.
whplace
Thats actually cool.

Be yourself and show the world u can be whatever you want not being ashamed of yourself!

Keep it up!

whplace
silvermesh
If you told other people that you were bisexual, it will be much easier to tell them that you are gay, however if this was only the case at frihost I guess you've got your work cut out for you. Really the only good advice I have is this: you are you. This is one of those things about you that no matter what you simply cannot change. Those of our friends and family who can accept this are worth keeping, those who do not are not. In a way, this is a blessing because it gives you a situation that literally strains off the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Just be strong and remember that you aren't the only one. there are millions just like you. You aren't flawed.
Ratman2050
There are friendly switchhitters(BI) people in prison...
tidruG
Ratman2050 wrote:
There are friendly switchhitters(BI) people in prison...

And your point is.........?
Ratman2050
Point is im homophobic...
tidruG
Ratman2050 wrote:
Point is im homophobic...

No offense, but you're not really contributing much to this thread then, are you?

original thread starter, in the first post wrote:
I'd just like to add that I don't really care about other people's opinions, I just mainly need advice so I can find it easier to tell some family/close friends.


PS:
Off-topic, but you'll need to make longer posts than your last 2 posts to get hosting Razz
wumingsden
tidruG wrote:
Ratman2050 wrote:
Point is im homophobic...

No offense, but you're not really contributing much to this thread then, are you?

original thread starter, in the first post wrote:
I'd just like to add that I don't really care about other people's opinions, I just mainly need advice so I can find it easier to tell some family/close friends.


PS:
Off-topic, but you'll need to make longer posts than your last 2 posts to get hosting Razz


Don't worry Gurdit, his name says it all. Its now clear that users cannot see read italic writing too. Its a real shame that I took down the "Shame On You" part Cool
And no, there not really contributing anything to the thread.
Ratman2050, Shame on you
Also like to head that I am desperately wanting to hear your coming out stories, how you did it, how people took it close to you, etc.

P.S - I updated my first post to reveal who Mr. X is
Ratman2050
Lol. I am sorry I just was playing there. I don't really care. Its your decision. Have fun.
wumingsden
Ratman2050 wrote:
Lol. I am sorry I just was playing there. I don't really care. Its your decision. Have fun.


Don't worry, I certainly intend to when I do "come out" Wink
James007
Don't call me Mr. X.... Very Happy Very Happy
I'm glad to hear it was a help to you. Wink

James007 Cool
izcool
I congratulate you to come out with it and tell us. I believe everyone here thinks that a majority of FriHost's members are straight, and that very few are gay, lesbians, that sort of thing.

I am straight, but I'm not a homophobe where I suddenly freak out when I'm next to someone who has different sexual desires than I do. I found this one chick's blog online and bookmarked it, she's really hot and has a lot of great pictures. If I ever meet her someday, she and I are going to marry. Very Happy (I mean, this chick is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HOT, drop-dead gorgeous).

I had a couple of friends online that were gay. One of them turned gay when he was really young because he was raped by a woman when he wasn't that old. I guess that has a lot to do with it, I'm sure that the frightening pictures could change your views forever. The other friend of mine was a bit of a flake, he kept hitting on me, so I just blocked him. I appreciate that you're not like that. Smile

- Mike.
venc
hmmm, I would never make fun of you, but I wonder why people that being gay is so wrong, not that I am. but its just wrong how some people think of gay people like whites used to think of blacks. this may make us go through another decade+ of racism. but I must gongratulate you on admitting it without any fear. I hape all goes well!
_Venc
HoboPelican
Being more inclined to the opposite sex, I dont have a personal coming out story, but my former brother in law "came out" in a very bad way. He was caught in doing something inappropriate for a straight fellow at a gathering where his parents were. It did not go well. Crying or Very sad I don't relate that to just be negative, but to encourage you in coming out on your own terms and not be caught in an what might be an embarassing situation.

Another friend, a wasn't sure about his family and told his friends, individually, first. I think he wanted a support system in case the family freaked. The family was surprised, but mostly took it well.

Again, best of luck!

And can I say that I'm glad you found someone like James007 to talk, too. Friends make all the difference in the world! Wink
Shiva
Wouw.. congratulations, that must have requiret some curretsh from your site!! Cool!! Cool
wumingsden
Thank you to all the people that have posted, although I would like a member to come forward and tell how they "came out". Is anyone here male, gay and pride ? If so I wanna hear from you (feel free to PM me if you feel uncomfortable telling your story)

HoboPelican wrote:
And can I say that I'm glad you found someone like James007 to talk, too. Friends make all the difference in the world! Wink


James007 is great to talk too Wink
Marston
It's great that you're coming out and all, but... Couldn't you like talk to a personal friend? I mean- it's kind of weird announcing you're gay on an internet discussion forum.

Whatever, congrats. Wink
bladesage
Marston wrote:
It's great that you're coming out and all, but... Couldn't you like talk to a personal friend? I mean- it's kind of weird announcing you're gay on an internet discussion forum.

Whatever, congrats. Wink


Hey, he came here for advice and experiences. That's not weird at all. It's not exactly common, but if I had a big secret to announce, the first place I'd come to would be Frihost. People on Frihost are always there when I need advice on something.

This is the perfect place to start Very Happy
wumingsden
bladesage wrote:
Marston wrote:
It's great that you're coming out and all, but... Couldn't you like talk to a personal friend? I mean- it's kind of weird announcing you're gay on an internet discussion forum.

Whatever, congrats. Wink


Hey, he came here for advice and experiences. That's not weird at all. It's not exactly common, but if I had a big secret to announce, the first place I'd come to would be Frihost. People on Frihost are always there when I need advice on something.

This is the perfect place to start Very Happy


Exactly. For some reason people ar not reading the first post properly (or it doesn't make sense). I'm asking for advice on how to do it as bladesage said. And no, i have no friends that know i am gay. I speak to James007 about it though which is cool - i don't know him in real life though ...

for all I know he could be a 50 yr old Rolling Eyes
not really salvi Very Happy
darvit
Quote:
for all I know he could be a 50 yr old Rolling Eyes
not really salvi Very Happy


Lmao--^ that made me laugh. Laughing

Anyway, congratulations. Smile
I used to have a crush on one of my brother's friends who I considered "perfect": perfect brains, looks, talents, attitude, etc...

I was disappointed to find out that he was gay... Sad

He told us about his coming-out story, though.

He came out on the morning of his birthday. The night before, he went out partying with his friends, and he arrived home pretty late [or rather pretty early] at 7AM of the next day [his actual birthday]. When he arrived, his whole family was at the breakfast table, waiting for him.

He then just blurted out,
"Mom, Dad... I'm gay."

His mom went in shock, and was hysterical.. She was furious, mad, shocked, etc.. This friend of mine had a younger brother, too. In his mom's shock and fury, she also asked: "Then is Marc [the younger bro] gay too???!!" And amidst Marc's protests and angry defenses, she walked out on everyone and ran up to her room.

His dad, ironically, was the sympathetic one. He just gave him a pat on the back and said, "that's okay, son." His dad cried, and they embraced.

It's a sad story, and that's the only "coming-out" story that I know. I have another gay friend, who now that he's in college, went out to the whole world and has started cross-dressing and drinking hormones. His whole family has accepted him, too.

Anyway, good luck with your coming out! I have no tips to give, since I am not knowledgeable in this sort of thing.
alkady
Well the best place to get your advice first hand is off Google, Just google for advice on this subject and youll probably find it in a blog near you.

Youll probably be able to find a ton of stories of a bunch of people coming out of the closet. But it sure doesnt beat Frihost of course.
bladesage
wumingsden wrote:
(unfortunately I could't mind one, except of a man & woman kissing, urgh!)* Smile


They are quite easy to come across, although I don't think many people here would like to see one.

http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?ei=UTF-8&fr=ybr_sbc&p=guys%20kissing&fr2=tab-web

Please don't ask for me to find you one out of there, I've seen quite enough of that for one lifetime d'oh!.
Zug Zug
Good job man! I know it's hard coming out, my cousin Neimah had a very har d time....becuase his family is Muslim heh. Anyway, he just sat us all down to dinner, and raised his glass and said "I have an announcement to make! I love and respect you all, but...I have something very important to tell you. I am a homosexual..." the looks on our faces must have been shocked....he gave us absolutly no clue! We accepted him for who he was lol...except his dad. Anyway, I just want to congratulate you. It takes guts, good luck, have fun/be safe. Later!
wumingsden
I was about to tell my mother that I was gay about 1 hour ago after building up the courage for days - I was literally about to shout it out. However ....

.. after going downstairs I find a note on the table saying that she'll be out for a couple of hours Exclamation

I am in despair. After wanting to tell so bad now I can't Sad I'll have to build up the courage again.
S3nd K3ys
wumingsden wrote:
I was about to tell my mother that I was gay about 1 hour ago after building up the courage for days - I was literally about to shout it out. However ....

.. after going downstairs I find a note on the table saying that she'll be out for a couple of hours Exclamation

I am in despair. After wanting to tell so bad now I can't Sad I'll have to build up the courage again.


Just bring your boyfriend over and let your mom see you taking it like a man, that'll get her attention... Wink

Seriously, have him there for support, it will be easier. Especially if your mom likes him.
area547
hey man congrats on that.
Eventhough I am against gay marriage, I'll admit that it takes a man to come out.
I hope everything works out for you. Just remember by coming out, you've probably done something more couragous than a lot of other people ever have.
The Czar
You really are a great person as you aren't afraid to come clean with the community. Respect For You From Schutzstaffel.
EVILSKAAP
Well, I say: GOOD FOR YOU!

I have a gay friend, and he is one of the best friends i have.

One thing that allways pisses me off is tha some of my other friends do not want to invite him to parties and stuff, because: "what if he likes me??", i mean come on! PLEASE! But in only shows how insecure they feel about themselves!

Njoy!
wumingsden
I am finally told my mother that I am gay. I need advice on how to tell my friends.

The update in on the first page if you want to read it.
Hobbit
Yay! I knew you could do it.

To tell your friends I suggest you should all be talking, and just say "i have something to say.. im gay", it sounds simple but I know it's probably the hardest thing in the world.

Or you can say "I finally told my mom I'm gay.", they'll say "you're gay?!", You, "Yeah you didn't know? =P"
wumingsden
Hobbit wrote:
Yay! I knew you could do it.

To tell your friends I suggest you should all be talking, and just say "i have something to say.. im gay", it sounds simple but I know it's probably the hardest thing in the world.

Or you can say "I finally told my mom I'm gay.", they'll say "you're gay?!", You, "Yeah you didn't know? =P"


It was dredfully difficult but couldn't hide it anymore and I feel so, so, so much better than I did before. I know it sounds extremely easy to say but it definitly wasn't.

I think I'll do it more like the first way you mentioned. I've been speaking to James007 who has been a great help and also gave advice on how to do it. Now that I've told my mother though it feels like anything is possible Very Happy
venc
hmmm, dude, your strong, I could never do that. I woulod hide it for years before I told some one, good job dude, good job.
alkady
@ Wumingden

Couldnt tell your father heh? Same here, For some reason if I ever where to tell my father I am gay (Which I'm not) he would kill me in a sense, For some reason my mother would understand but never my father. Plus looks like you have alot supportive friend when it comes to choosing your orientation.
wumingsden
venc wrote:
hmmm, dude, your strong, I could never do that. I woulod hide it for years before I told some one, good job dude, good job.


It was so hard, and I know I keep repeating this but it really, really is. However the feeling after is so unbelievable. I hadn't eaten properly for 3 days because I was so worried.

venc wrote:
@ Wumingden

Couldnt tell your father heh? Same here, For some reason if I ever where to tell my father I am gay (Which I'm not) he would kill me in a sense, For some reason my mother would understand but never my father. Plus looks like you have alot supportive friend when it comes to choosing your orientation.


I dislike everything about my "father". He is biologically my father, but he has never been there for me. I don't speak to him and he doesn't deserve to know that I am gay. My father would also " kill me in a sense".
Have you told your mother yet that you are gay ? Also, how old are you ?
alkady
Quote:
@ Wumingden

Couldnt tell your father heh? Same here, For some reason if I ever where to tell my father I am gay (Which I'm not) he would kill me in a sense, For some reason my mother would understand but never my father. Plus looks like you have alot supportive friend when it comes to choosing your orientation.


LOL, First it wasnt Venc who wrote that and secondly, I'm not gay, Should have specified If I was ever but I guess you missed the (Which I'm Not) part. It happens.
driftingfe3s
Congratulations! I’m glad your mother took it well and I hope your friends do too. As how to tell them, I think you should just sit them down individually and sincerely just tell them. If they are really good friends they will accept you as even with this new news, just as your mother did.
XeononyX
Ratman2050 wrote:
There are friendly switchhitters(BI) people in prison...


Heh, there's only a handful of ways to find out they are BI, my 2 cents has officially been entered.

Congrats to you accomplishments. Must be safe out there though.
wumingsden
alkady wrote:
Quote:
@ Wumingden

Couldnt tell your father heh? Same here, For some reason if I ever where to tell my father I am gay (Which I'm not) he would kill me in a sense, For some reason my mother would understand but never my father. Plus looks like you have alot supportive friend when it comes to choosing your orientation.


LOL, First it wasnt Venc who wrote that and secondly, I'm not gay, Should have specified If I was ever but I guess you missed the (Which I'm Not) part. It happens.


By "Which I'm not" I thought you ment that you are gay and that you were never going to tell your father. Its now in bold so its easier to understand Wink
Sorry for the confusion, I cannot think straight Cool

Also, thanks to (just about) everyone that has posted Very Happy
mustaq
this is really big problem how a days people dont think that there loosing there own county popultion being gay or less
pennymellow
I was a little hesitant about replying to this. It's your personal business and I didn't feel that it was my place to give you advice as I don't know you at all. Bugger it, though. Haha.

First of all, congratulations on getting to this point. There's nothing healthy about denying who you are, but that doesn't make coming out any less daunting.

On the subject of your friends, do they know that you are bisexual? If they do, that will certainly help you ease them into the idea of your being gay. If not, that's fine, too. Perhaps you'd like to consider telling your closest friends first? You can let the others know as you feel comfortable. It does not have to be a big affair. In fact, I'd suggest against addressing your friends as a whole and blerting out the news, especially if you are a gaurded person.

It's possible (but certainly not probable!) that you may lose a friend or two over this. If that happens, let it happen. Our mothers have said this to us for years: if the don't accept you for who you are they are not really your friends. If you encounter some uncomfortable moments with a few unsure friends, try reassuring them by behaving quite normally. Let them see that you're still the same person.

You might want to recruit a few friends from the GLBT community for online support, too. Chances are they know how you feel.

I've found a few interesting articles online that might help you:

http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Coming_Out3&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=22921
http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/gay/outparents.html
http://www.gmhp.demon.co.uk/coming-out/

Remember: this is about you. This is the most important thing that you can ever do for yourself. Don't let anyone frightening you away from being the real you.

Good luck with your friends.
wumingsden
mustaq wrote:
this is really big problem how a days people dont think that there loosing there own county popultion being gay or less


Your afraid as well as everyone else that feels this way when there is no need to be. Being gay doesn't make me completely different from everyone else, we just prefer the same sex.

pennymellow wrote:
I was a little hesitant about replying to this. It's your personal business and I didn't feel that it was my place to give you advice as I don't know you at all. Bugger it, though. Haha.

First of all, congratulations on getting to this point. There's nothing healthy about denying who you are, but that doesn't make coming out any less daunting.

On the subject of your friends, do they know that you are bisexual? If they do, that will certainly help you ease them into the idea of your being gay. If not, that's fine, too. Perhaps you'd like to consider telling your closest friends first? You can let the others know as you feel comfortable. It does not have to be a big affair. In fact, I'd suggest against addressing your friends as a whole and blerting out the news, especially if you are a gaurded person.

It's possible (but certainly not probable!) that you may lose a friend or two over this. If that happens, let it happen. Our mothers have said this to us for years: if the don't accept you for who you are they are not really your friends. If you encounter some uncomfortable moments with a few unsure friends, try reassuring them by behaving quite normally. Let them see that you're still the same person.

You might want to recruit a few friends from the GLBT community for online support, too. Chances are they know how you feel.

I've found a few interesting articles online that might help you:

http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Coming_Out3&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=22921
http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/gay/outparents.html
http://www.gmhp.demon.co.uk/coming-out/

Remember: this is about you. This is the most important thing that you can ever do for yourself. Don't let anyone frightening you away from being the real you.

Good luck with your friends.


My friends to not know that I (thought I was) bi-sexual.
Thanks for the post, I'm gonna check out the links a little later, which now i am extremely busy Sad
mustaq
dont think i am hurting you just like to know what will be your future ? after you there will be no generation
wumingsden
mustaq wrote:
dont think i am hurting you just like to know what will be your future ? after you there will be no generation


Again, you are afriad. As if gay people will destroy the earth Confused
It could be argued that homosexuality is to control the earth's population, but that can be discussed in the Homosexuality, is it biologically natural? thread Wink
[FuN]goku
good for you mate not many homosexual people admit they are. i know a few people who are rather open about it.
horseatingweeds
As fare as advice is concerned, according to the other members your party idea is no good. I thought is sounded a little flamboyant at first anyway. I thin ka parade is definitely out. Everyone seems to prefer the idea of approaching your best friends individually. This I think would be most sincere.

Regardless, I have trouble understanding why ‘coming out’ is so difficult. It seems to me the following slew of questions would be the tough part. The forum would be excellent for practice and I have plenty of questions myself, if you would permit.

It sounds like you are young still living at home, a kid in other words, not an adult.
What makes you think you’re gay? Or, what does ‘gay’ mean to you?

You say you are a virgin but you know what you like. Does this mean you have sexual feelings toward your own sex and not the other?
wumingsden
horseatingweeds wrote:
As fare as advice is concerned, according to the other members your party idea is no good. I thought is sounded a little flamboyant at first anyway. I thin ka parade is definitely out. Everyone seems to prefer the idea of approaching your best friends individually. This I think would be most sincere.

Regardless, I have trouble understanding why ‘coming out’ is so difficult. It seems to me the following slew of questions would be the tough part. The forum would be excellent for practice and I have plenty of questions myself, if you would permit.

It sounds like you are young still living at home, a kid in other words, not an adult.
What makes you think you’re gay? Or, what does ‘gay’ mean to you?

You say you are a virgin but you know what you like. Does this mean you have sexual feelings toward your own sex and not the other?


If I mentioned having a party then I would have only been joking, I am not very good at them [joking that is] Embarassed
Also, a party isn't the best idea but it works for some people. Like I mentioned James007 (kind of) done it this way so maybe you could of gotten confused?

I can say that a girl/woman is beautiful but I am not turned on by them, which is why i say I am gay and which is why I thought I was bi-sexual.
I still live at home, I am 16 yrs old. I have known I'm gay practically all my life, ever since I can remember really and which then in turn became stronger at 9yrs old when I started puberty. I do not class myself as a child nor as an adult. I have a higher maturity level then other 16yr olds and I am more sensible. I also look older than I actually am.
Yes, I am a virgin, and yes I know what I like. Yes, I have sexual feelings towards my own sex and not the opposite one which are all reasons why I say I'm gay. I can say that this man is hot and this woman is beautiful but will only "get turned on" by one of them, the man.
And no, I am not flamboyant and am not attracted to flamboyant men. They act like women when I like men. Like I said in my first post, my mum said she had no idea that I was gay because I "Act and talk straight". Hopefully this will give you a little bit of insight into my life, feel free to ask anything else.
caroline
Okay even though I’m one of those “the bible says being gay is wrong” people Smile congrats on coming out. It takes a lot of courage!
horseatingweeds
Actually caroline, the Bible describes homosexual sex as being an abomination. There is not anything that comes to mined about being ‘gay’, in other words feeling attracted to your own gender. Being ‘gay’ doesn’t mean you have homosexual sex. Additionally, the description in the Bible most often includes intoxication and orgies.

Wumingsden, 16 ? Young adolescent. I remember being that age, it is confusing, not that this is a symptom of confusion. You describe the pressure of your society on you to conform to heterosexuality. My advice is to not allow your society to pressure you into choosing a sexuality. A sixteen year old doesn’t need one. A wise, or as you describe yourself, sensible young man, unlike the young man I was, would not add the extra pressure and confusion of sexuality to his life until he is matured. And by matured I mean something that comes with education, self reliance and employment.

This ‘coming out’ business may be more than you need to concern yourself with currently. Sharing your feelings is perfectly good with your friends of course but rendering yourself as an official ‘gay’ is really not yet necessary.

There is certainly the social pressure to have a girl friend and date and go to dances and all that gay crap. Just replacing a boy friend for a girl friend is a compromise. I wish I would have stayed away from those damned ‘relationships’. Going out and having friends is good, maybe even a little superficial dating here and there but non of this boyfriending and girlfriending. It’s just trouble and more distractions from that which will make you into a good proficient man.
mceejaydee
Congrats on having the courage to tell your mother and the whole frihost community. Careful of homophobes.
Soulfire
Quote:
Actually caroline, the Bible describes homosexual sex as being an abomination. There is not anything that comes to mined about being ‘gay’, in other words feeling attracted to your own gender. Being ‘gay’ doesn’t mean you have homosexual sex. Additionally, the description in the Bible most often includes intoxication and orgies.

Yeah, but do you really think being 'gay' won't lead to sex? You have a point, but rarely does a person who is homosexual actually go his/her entire life without having sex with a person of that same sex.
caroline
Yep. And I’m not saying that I condemn the fact that he’s gay… I do somewhat believe in freedom of choice Smile
karysky
I am really, truly happy for you. It's so sad when parents don't accept their children's choices in life... but then again, is being gay really a choice? I don't think so.

But this will become so much easier for you from now on. I have a lesbian friend and the hardest was to tell her mother, but she was really okay with it. When she told me (actually I first learned it from someone else, as we're not THAT close), I was shocked. Not in a bad sense, just in the sense that I didn't suspect at all.

But last week, we were doing night shifts together and she talked to me about her female ex's, and everything, and it was nice. I was actually curious about her experiences.

So, I tell you, don't care about what your friends will think of you. Tell them what you told your mother. Your true friends will remain, I swear.
Spe_eddy
my mums a lesbian, she divorced my dad when I was 6 and i thought her 'friend' was living in our house for a while, i only found out about 4 years later when i was 9, because my Dad told me, but when the subject came up with my mum she just denied it, im not sure if i believed her or not, i knew for sure because last year she randomly told me she was getting a civil partnership, i havnt told any of my friends, but i think they must have figured it out because whenever they come over my mums partner is always there, im not sure if im going to tell them either. I think i might though because whenever the subject of lesbians come up with my friends, i just go red and dont say anything, do you think i should tell my friends?
wumingsden
Spe_eddy wrote:
my mums a lesbian, she divorced my dad when I was 6 and i thought her 'friend' was living in our house for a while, i only found out about 4 years later when i was 9, because my Dad told me, but when the subject came up with my mum she just denied it, im not sure if i believed her or not, i knew for sure because last year she randomly told me she was getting a civil partnership, i havnt told any of my friends, but i think they must have figured it out because whenever they come over my mums partner is always there, im not sure if im going to tell them either. I think i might though because whenever the subject of lesbians come up with my friends, i just go red and dont say anything, do you think i should tell my friends?


It is obviously up to you. If the subject of lesbianism (is that a word?) comes up again just mention that you see nothing wrong with it and your mother has a girlfriend. Before doing this though I'd speak to your mum, she needs to have the confidence to tell her son that she is gay and everyone else out aloud. If you are not proud of her of she herself isn't then she needs to gain the confidence first, and she needs you to have it to too not be ashamed of her. She needs to be able to feel the need not to care what other people think. If she doesn't mind everyone knowing then I'd tell them, but just drop it into an appropiate conversation rather than sitting down and telling them.
jcvincent
Being gay is not bad. As long as you know that you are not doing anything wrong, go for it. Be happy. Just do the good things, not he bad things. It just means that you are true to yourself. Congratulations!
woozzii
I'm not. Bad for me.
indyeah
now this post makes me feel sad, disgusted and angry..........wats wrong with the society mate, to be really honest and frank i hate gays, its a pathetic psycho prob., where a dude feels for a dude

[other content removed by James007]
James007
I removed the rest of your post because you were flaming. You can't say "death to all gays" what clearly was the conclusion of your post. We didn't ask your opinion on being gay. You might want to read the first post again.

Please refrain from posting in such a manner if you want to stay at frihost.
indyeah
James007 wrote:
I removed the rest of your post because you were flaming. You can't say "death to all gays" what clearly was the conclusion of your post. We didn't ask your opinion on being gay. You might want to read the first post again.

Please refrain from posting in such a manner if you want to stay at frihost.


sorry mate, but this is really pathetic, well u can for sure del me frm the forum,but this wont refrain me from saying it, gays are a social prob for our society,i wud repeat the same lines which were deleted before.......why wud we have adam and eve in our holybooks rather we wud have adam and some other dude

[Snipped by Bockman] (dunno wanna be rude, but cant help it mate)
Miniwood
indyeah wrote:
sorry mate, but this is really pathetic, well u can for sure del me frm the forum,but this wont refrain me from saying it, gays are a social prob for our society,i wud repeat the same lines which were deleted before.......why wud we have adam and eve in our holybooks rather we wud have adam and some other dude

[Snipped by Bockman] (dunno wanna be rude, but cant help it mate)


Gay people are less of a problem to 'our society' than bad grammar and spelling. I note you said 'our society', which means you share 'our society' with all kinds of people, you'll need to learn to be more acceptant or 'our society' will reject you. Intolerance of the beliefs, sexuality and lifestyle of other members of our society is the main problem we have to deal with.

@ wumingsden Well done man! It must have been hard to come out here and I'm sure it will be harder out in 'our society' but you are off to a good start. I am not gay but my wife's brother is and I have several gay and lesbian friends. My wife's brother is not completely open with people about his sexuality and in my opinion it causes him more problems than if he just came out. He's constantly paranoid that they suspect. He is not comfortable with his own sexuality and therefore feels other people will be the same. Not being true to yourself can be a great pressure.

I'd say don't deny your own feelings just because other people think there is something wrong with them and tell people you are gay when it feels right. There seems to be an attitude that gay people need to declare themselves, like lepers ringing a bell. I don't go around telling everyone I'm straight. Not everyone wants, or needs, to know your sexuality. Tell the people that you think need to know and if anyone asks, be honest.

These are just my opinions, take 'em or leave 'em. I really admire your courage and hope you get through your coming out without too many problems.
Bockman
indyeah wrote:

sorry mate, but this is really pathetic, well u can for sure del me frm the forum,but this wont refrain me from saying it, gays are a social prob for our society,i wud repeat the same lines which were deleted before.......why wud we have adam and eve in our holybooks rather we wud have adam and some other dude

homosexualism in pure lame words sucks (dunno wanna be rude, but cant help it mate)


Actually, he can't del you from the forums. Amazingly, I can!

If you are so horrified about this theme, simply do not open this thread.

As a heads up, i'll just quote you one of Frihost's rules:

Frihost Forum Rules wrote:
1. General Rules
(...)
h. Posts, avatars, signatures and usernames must not imply, in a derogatory or discriminatory manner, that your culture, religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, country and/or language is superior to any other culture, religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, country and/or language. (Note that opinions can be expressed in a positive manner for the sake of discussion)
(...)
Any of the rules broken in this category may result in a warning or a ban


If you do not agree to our Forums policy, feel free to leave us.
If you persist on harrassing other members, you WILL be removed from our Forums.

Wikipedia wrote:
Prejudice is, as the name implies, the process of "pre-judging" something. It implies coming to a judgment on a subject before learning where the preponderance of evidence actually lies, or forming a judgment without direct experience. Holding a politically unpopular view is not in itself prejudice, and politically popular views are not necessarily free of prejudice. When applied to social groups, prejudice generally refers to existing biases toward the members of such groups, often based on social stereotypes; and at its most extreme, results in groups being denied benefits and rights unjustly or, conversely, unfairly showing unwarranted favor towards others.


Let this be a (Public) Warning to you or others who may feel that they can get in here and harass other members. They have exactly the same rights as you do in here and you don't see any of them being biased on account of you being heterosexual.

Be Well Cool

P.S. - indyeah, you have just been served your first warning
indyeah
Miniwood wrote:
indyeah wrote:
sorry mate, but this is really pathetic, well u can for sure del me frm the forum,but this wont refrain me from saying it, gays are a social prob for our society,i wud repeat the same lines which were deleted before.......why wud we have adam and eve in our holybooks rather we wud have adam and some other dude

[Snipped by Bockman] (dunno wanna be rude, but cant help it mate)


Gay people are less of a problem to 'our society' than bad grammar and spelling. I note you said 'our society', which means you share 'our society' with all kinds of people, you'll need to learn to be more acceptant or 'our society' will reject you. Intolerance of the beliefs, sexuality and lifestyle of other members of our society is the main problem we have to deal with.

@ wumingsden Well done man! It must have been hard to come out here and I'm sure it will be harder out in 'our society' but you are off to a good start. I am not gay but my wife's brother is and I have several gay and lesbian friends. My wife's brother is not completely open with people about his sexuality and in my opinion it causes him more problems than if he just came out. He's constantly paranoid that they suspect. He is not comfortable with his own sexuality and therefore feels other people will be the same. Not being true to yourself can be a great pressure.

I'd say don't deny your own feelings just because other people think there is something wrong with them and tell people you are gay when it feels right. There seems to be an attitude that gay people need to declare themselves, like lepers ringing a bell. I don't go around telling everyone I'm straight. Not everyone wants, or needs, to know your sexuality. Tell the people that you think need to know and if anyone asks, be honest.

These are just my opinions, take 'em or leave 'em. I really admire your courage and hope you get through your coming out without too many problems.


well u might have a good grammer mate, but u dunno have decency n dats y ur in here charging at ppls for there grammer............... now dats lame
lol , nehow was drunk so didnt bother bout the words

hav always said n will say again ----[Snipped by Bockman], gimme a red card n remove me lol.................i hav replied back cheers ,hahaha
indyeah
Bockman wrote:
indyeah wrote:

sorry mate, but this is really pathetic, well u can for sure del me frm the forum,but this wont refrain me from saying it, gays are a social prob for our society,i wud repeat the same lines which were deleted before.......why wud we have adam and eve in our holybooks rather we wud have adam and some other dude

homosexualism in pure lame words sucks (dunno wanna be rude, but cant help it mate)


Actually, he can't del you from the forums. Amazingly, I can!

If you are so horrified about this theme, simply do not open this thread.

As a heads up, i'll just quote you one of Frihost's rules:

Frihost Forum Rules wrote:
1. General Rules
(...)
h. Posts, avatars, signatures and usernames must not imply, in a derogatory or discriminatory manner, that your culture, religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, country and/or language is superior to any other culture, religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, country and/or language. (Note that opinions can be expressed in a positive manner for the sake of discussion)
(...)
Any of the rules broken in this category may result in a warning or a ban


If you do not agree to our Forums policy, feel free to leave us.
If you persist on harrassing other members, you WILL be removed from our Forums.

Wikipedia wrote:
Prejudice is, as the name implies, the process of "pre-judging" something. It implies coming to a judgment on a subject before learning where the preponderance of evidence actually lies, or forming a judgment without direct experience. Holding a politically unpopular view is not in itself prejudice, and politically popular views are not necessarily free of prejudice. When applied to social groups, prejudice generally refers to existing biases toward the members of such groups, often based on social stereotypes; and at its most extreme, results in groups being denied benefits and rights unjustly or, conversely, unfairly showing unwarranted favor towards others.


Let this be a (Public) Warning to you or others who may feel that they can get in here and harass other members. They have exactly the same rights as you do in here and you don't see any of them being biased on account of you being heterosexual.

Be Well Cool

P.S. - indyeah, you have just been served your first warning


do u know the meaning of prejudice, leme define it for yall....pre-judice = anething related to degrading of ones religion

n nehow, i aint degrading aneone...i jus wanna simply say homosexualism
is a deep <censored>,

EDIT: Advertising murder is not allowed on Frihost.

cheers, del me now ,, lol i did my stuff
Bondings
indyeah wrote:
cheers, del me now ,, lol i did my stuff

We're always ready to do you a pleasure! Cool
Sappho
I just can't believe my eyes, i really did think that people like that aren't out there anymore. Guess i am just naive. Sad

indyeah wrote:
cheers, del me now ,, lol i did my stuff


Yep you sure did your stuff, if proving what an unbelievable idiot you are is your stuff you should get an A+. Rolling Eyes

PS.: I apologize for abusing the forum rules, i did try my best to formulate the sentence without the use of invectives, but i simply failed to do so.
HoboPelican
Sappho wrote:
I just can't believe my eyes, i really did think that people like that aren't out there anymore. Guess i am just naive. Sad

indyeah wrote:
cheers, del me now ,, lol i did my stuff


Yep you sure did your stuff, if proving what an unbelievable idiot you are is your stuff you should get an A+. Rolling Eyes

PS.: I apologize for abusing the forum rules, i did try my best to formulate the sentence without the use of invectives, but i simply failed to do so.


Actually, I think you did fine and your ire was rightous. The way I read it, you were just telling him that if he was trying to prove himself a fool, he did an excellent job....But that's just me.

Yeah, it still amazes me that people even care about this issue anymore. Fear of the different is still with us it seems.
mustaq
Well i came her not to discuss gay or lesbian are good or bad well agenda is what about your country future when every one turn guy or lesbian there will be no population to bring up your country there will lots vacant for jobs, there will no future after your family generation. There will be big finical draw back in your country, which that lead country like Africa, do you people have any plan to tackle those problem?
poisonhzkj
You make yourself actually face your real spirit. That's great!
chrisu
I have a friend that is bi-sexual. Suprisingly I was one of the first one that she told, even though that we had known each other only for two months. I don't know why she told me so early, I guess that she thought that it would be easier to tell me.

So for all you gay/lesbian/bi-sexual people out there that are wondering how you can tell your friends about your sexuality, choose someone that you think that are the most easiest to tell that could understand it the best. And then go on to the next one.

It is sad that it has to be this way that gays/lesbians/bi-sexuals feels it is difficult to tell others about their sexualty. It should be normal to everyone that men can like men too and women like women. But we do not live in a perfect world.
HoboPelican
mustaq wrote:
Well i came her not to discuss gay or lesbian are good or bad well agenda is what about your country future when every one turn guy or lesbian there will be no population to bring up your country there will lots vacant for jobs, there will no future after your family generation. There will be big finical draw back in your country, which that lead country like Africa, do you people have any plan to tackle those problem?


Hmmm, I don't think any one really believes that EVERYONE is gonna turn gay just because we accept it as a normal thing. Tha seems just a bit silly to me.
Miniwood
mustaq wrote:
Well i came her not to discuss gay or lesbian are good or bad well agenda is what about your country future when every one turn guy or lesbian there will be no population to bring up your country


I don't believe there is a country where everyone is likely to turn gay, your fear of a depopulated planet is irrational. AFAIK around 10% of the world's poulation is gay, and always has been, evenly distributed in all countries. Also, gay people and lesbians have children, and raise them successfully. There are many ways of organizing human conception.
snowboardude
yea man, for sure, if u think u are, then go for it.

and if ure friends really are ure friends.... they'll accept u too.

also, when telling other guys, make sure they don't think ure hitting on em, cos they may freak.

but yeah, 100% go for it
watersoul
Well done for coming out, every gay friend of mine has told me how difficult they all found it, being sure, being brave enough to just be judged for who they are and not what they pretend to be.
As far as your friends go, i would just tell them straight to their faces with no shame at all... if they are real friends they'll help you through this and support you, if they have a problem then you probably dont want to be friends with such small minded judgemental people, and they've done you a favour giving you the opportunity to find decent real friends!
Good luck and blue skies with it though Smile
ThornsOfSorrow
Congratulations on coming out. I can't even imagine the strength needed to do that. I have a number of openly gay friends, and I respect them more than anything simply because they somehow find the strength to deal with homophobic people each day. So good luck to you and once again, congratulations on doing something so difficult.
mustaq
Miniwood wrote:
mustaq wrote:
Well i came her not to discuss gay or lesbian are good or bad well agenda is what about your country future when every one turn guy or lesbian there will be no population to bring up your country


I don't believe there is a country where everyone is likely to turn gay, your fear of a depopulated planet is irrational. AFAIK around 10% of the world's poulation is gay, and always has been, evenly distributed in all countries. Also, gay people and lesbians have children, and raise them successfully. There are many ways of organizing human conception.

its dosn't mean every one almost 100% but just across in my mind of the future nothing else never mind its al your wish to be how i like to know how your parents react , if you guys dont mind post your age too
Kaisonic
I'm not sure if the original poster's situation was resolved or not, but I figured I'd put in my two cents as well.

I feel that openness about one's sexual orientation is probably the best thing that someone can do. Even if everyone around the person denies the person's life or something, it's better than living a lie or living in secrecy. I have three bisexual friends and a gay friend, and they're all very open about it. And our community's great, because no one judges them based on this. Especially my girlfriend, who happens to be a bisexual, but I'm okay with that (in fact I find it kinda hot, and it may help later in life, but that's besides the point). My other bisexual friend (a guy) had a boyfriend whose mother didn't accept him because he was bi, which is pretty crappy, cause they broke up because of it.

I'm not quite sure if any of this is pertinent to anything, but I figured I'd might as well put in my two cents. But I lost my train of thought in there, so now I'm just filling space (yay points!)
Karl
Soulfire wrote:
You know, I'm Christian, and I don't agree with homosexuality, but I admire your courage and ability to come out. It must be a big weight off of your chest? Now, I said I don't agree with it, but I certainly respect it. Best of luck.

Advice: Like the Nike slogan says, just do it


Agree? As you believe in some kind of old fashioned semitic tribal superstition, it is actually not up to you but your God to judge other people or are your god not omnipotent?

You can't agree with the way other people are it is not things people choose.
Sometimes I think people are afraight of the gay issue (like some obscure branch of Christianity) because the ass is occupied by a stick.
Sorry
Vrythramax
Can we at least try to maintain a level of civility here please. This topic is not for discussing the religious implications or what society thinks of the topic...there are other forums for that.

Please read the original post and not just comment on the last one, or whichever one catches your eye....it's called staying on topic.
hack_man_
You are so lucky!!! You tell thousands of people that you are gay, and most of them are OK with it. I tell people I am straight (and I am) and they all think I am not straight and try to make my life miserable Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Congrats! Being Gay is all about being Happy! Seeing how that is the definition of the word!
wumingsden
hack_man_ wrote:
You are so lucky!!! You tell thousands of people that you are gay, and most of them are OK with it. I tell people I am straight (and I am) and they all think I am not straight and try to make my life miserable Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Congrats! Being Gay is all about being Happy! Seeing how that is the definition of the word!



Quote:
tell thousands of people


Thats a bit of an over-statement Very Happy Only a handful of people know. I've decided to refrain from telling my father, I've realised that he doesn't deserve the right to know. Besides, now that he's living with me it'll cause more harm than good. I'm a little weirded out due to the fact that I kinda like this girl (a little too much) and a guy in college. I've realised though that my sexuality is exactly that, my sexuality Cool I just don't see gender as a barrier which is just the same as not seeing race, religion, etc.
Indyan
Well done. You are truely a brave man.And also a lucky guy to have a supporting and understanding mother. I have seen many incidents on tv where parents have disonwed their son after they decided to come out.

Now, that you have decided to come out you will also know who is a true and a good friend.

And, I do think its high time that people start accepting homosexuals. For me a homosexual is as natural as someone writing with a left hand.
R2.DETARD
wumingsden wrote:

Quote:
tell thousands of people


Thats a bit of an over-statement.

member count of Frihost??
24 500.
By my watch, that's thousands of people.
tom69
I think that if our ''friends'' are realy .. ''FRIENDS'' then you obviously go tnothing to worry about however it is normal you are having problems to tell them. Just tell them if they're friends they'll accept you the way you are if not then they weren't good friends anyway.
jenice
Congratulations for having the courage to come out as who you really are to your Mom. I'm sure it must have been very difficult for you. I bet it's lifted a weight off your shoulders too. Smile

I don't have any personal experience with telling friends about such matters, so I'm not sure what to tell you. I suppose you could always be subtle and make references to people from the entertainment industry that you think are hot. Wink
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