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Spark or compatibility?





steveadams617
So I'm dating someone who is kind, reasonably attractive, generous, civic minded, pleasant, happy, willing to try new things and has a reasonably interesting and well-paying job. I, of course, am not feeling any spark with this great person.

I'm amazed at how my friends are evenly divided on what I should do. Half say:

"The infatuation wears off anyway. Arranged marriages work in other countries. This is a compatible person for you and you need to grab it."

The other half say:

"You know right away if it's right. Don't toruture yourself. Move on"

What do others think?
puredazzle
If i would be you I would not start an relationship with this girl. I rather live happy with someone who I really can feel that "this is right!". In the long run this will be the best, I think. Or it will at least be the happiest relationsship.


Love from sweden!
Tac-Tics
I've been on both sides of this ugly stick. First, I dated the girl of my dreams and it unraveled when I wasn't looking. Then I dated the exact opposite... the most reliable dependable girl in the entire world (who happened to see me as the most exciting scientific discovery since the automatic breadmaker).... but I just didn't feel the spark with her.

Overall, though, as long as they are happy with you and as long as they doesn't cause you grief or problems, see where you two end up. People can change gradually over time for better or worse.

Also, how old are you two? Younger people have a tendency to change more quickly than older people.

Disclaimer: The order of my ex's and current relationships to them probably play a large roll in the above stated opinion.
altikris
you cant be with someone if you dont feel a spark. cuz your going to want to feel that spark. there must always be something there. your interest in her JOB will fade or whatever. If there is no spark at all, find someone that you could be completely happy with. no joke.
Citizen Kane
Quote:
you cant be with someone if you dont feel a spark. cuz your going to want to feel that spark. there must always be something there. your interest in her JOB will fade or whatever. If there is no spark at all, find someone that you could be completely happy with. no joke.


or: you could actually fall in love. This might also be the case. I've had that one, where the spark came later on. At first just liking each other, fireworks only later.

Don't do what is most conveniant, do what is most likely you!
matttai
I personally feel you need to take the opportunity if you see it.
The spark may not necessarily come first, however you could find it in the person that is compatible with you.
After all if it doesn't feel right you can always remain friends. If you don't do it you never know what could have happened. You have nothing to lose!
HoboPelican
Here's an idea. You don't have to date her, but why not just be friends? Sounds like a nice person and those are hard to find. Let her know where you're at and just be buds. As someone mentioned, a spark may appear later, but if not you still have friend who is "kind, reasonably attractive, generous, civic minded, pleasant, happy, willing to try new things and has a reasonably interesting and well-paying job".

Very Happy Very Happy
jipmerite
Very good suggestion by HoboPelican.

If anyone thinks that a Spark is the yard stick to measure a relationshp, do give a thought to the Millions of arranged marriages across Asia. They just meet all of a sudden for their marriage but most of them end up quite happily married. Where does the Spark come for them? I guess it comes after marriage.

That is not to say that you should marry a person hoping that the Spark will come later. Once you are mature enough you will realise if a particular person will make a good wife for yourself and whether you two can be happy together.

Meanwhile you can be friends, take time to get close and share your life and see what happens.
ranciel
My ex-boyfriend wasn't a good boyfriend and he had a horrific temper I had to put up with. But with him, I felt all the sparks in the world. So after that relationship, I decided I wanted someone who was good to me and for me. And so I got together with a guy who was great - patient, kind, considerate, humourous. But after a while, I got bored of a relationship that was void of arguments. I needed some intellectual stimulation I normally get from arguing. Not quarrel sort of argument, but a debate sort of argument. I love debating on issues with boyfriends. But this guy was too nice. He always let me win and I didn't get a kick out of winning all the time. Confused

So spark or compatibility? I really don't know. I guess it really doesn't matter much.

Do what your heart tells you. Take time to figure out what it's telling you. I'm a strong believer of intuitions. Feel with your heart. It's almost always correct.

Always, always follow your heart. Silly I know, but I always thought it's better to make mistakes and get hurt than wonder what if.
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