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Why do girls come to me and cry on my shoulder?





udaykamboj
For the past few months I've become a sort of a godfather for many girls around me and it's like they come to me with all their troubles and cry on my shoulder. It's nice to help them out sometimes as it kinda shows that they trust me. Or is it they can't find anyone else besides a jirk me?

A girl I used to like for quite sometime started to date a guy behind my back and now she comes to me complaining all the time about that guy and expects me to share all her sorrows. She's not even on talking terms with that guy as he turned out to be a jirk. I feel sorry for her and try to console her but now it's becoming a lil too much to handle. It's so frustrating of her to talk about other guys when with me and completely ignore me as an option. I've told her many times how much I like her, but now I just don't feel like even talking to her.

Am I taking too much shit? What do I do? Advice please?

Thanks
freecitizen
Tell her how you feel. It's really awful of her to day that to you if she knows you like her.

Or, you know.. I did to that to a few guys without realizing I might be hurting them, because I thought they were "over" me, when they weren't. So when I did realize it I stopped.

hm. I also did that once to a guy that liked me, that I also liked.. I got frustrated by him not making a move and did that to make him jealous.
udaykamboj
Thanks for the reply, but I've told her many times I like her and given her more then enough hints.

Although I'm over her but one day she called up and sounded completely broken and asked me for a date. I didn't wanna say a yes but I did as I thought i'll let her do what she wants and I'll just spectate.

She was great for a few days then she started to become the same old herself and taking me for granted.

I force myself not to think of her so that I can be at peace but when she calls at random and starts talking the same old crap I get frustrated again.

I guess time should give me the perfect answer.

Thanks again for the reply
PeterWu
Uday, I think I diagnosed your problem: You're passive aggressive, and that doesn't cut it well in the no nonsense world of relationships.

This girl that you like, lets call her Amy, already has a certain closeness with you. That's a good thing. You guys talk about very personal things like her love life, and obviously must spend a certain amount of time together. You are the person who she goes to for help, the person (as you put it) who she cries on the shoulder of. The nice passive boy who is the doppledanger to the jerks that she meets on the outside world.

However, you also want this girl. In fact, you've told her many times. This is very aggressive of you, revealing your interest in a girl. However, if you ever hope to succeed in her reciprocating these feelings, you have to choose the right situation to express them.

Ponder with me a little bit about this. Amy talks to you about guys in her life. You are a guy, so clearly she is not complaining about you. In other words, you do not belong to that set of men. But who are those she's complaining about? Those are the men that she went out with, the men that at one time or another she was attracted to. Though it's not irrefutable proof, it's a very good indication that if you are on the recieving end of the complaints, you are not in her eyes, attractive that way. Telling her that you like her (aggressive) while she thinks you're just a passive nice guy (which you are!) is not a match.

The right situation to tell a girl that you have feelings towards her is when you can unite the passive with the aggressive. There are two simple ways to do this, although i'm sure you can think of more.

The first is to be completely aggressive. Tell her once and for all you like her, and that you cannot stand to hear stories about the jerks she goes out with. Tell her that you'll be three times the man anyone of those men are and you won't hear anymore talk of hers unless she is yours.

The second is to be completely passive. Stop reminding her that you like her, and listen to her stories. Actually listen. Respond to her, care for her in troubled times, and soon with hope you can win her heart over with tenderness. She already has good hints that you like her, but with constant reminder comes annoyance.

Though I'm coming on this from a completely ignorant view, I hope you can use some of my advice. Good luck Uday with her!
Devang
Boy, it seems your attitude is of nice-simple guy that girls are attracted towards you, not the way you want them, but to utilize you as a path shower. Why don't you change your attitude a bit? I mean, try to be a funky kinda guy, not so simple or not so good one. Girls dont prefer good guys for dating, but they prefer, romantic, funto kinda guy.

they chose good guys as they friends, and others as their boy friends. so now is the time for you to chose your path.

It's all about attitude, my boy!
screamingdecay
Well, the way I see it is there thinking of you as a good friend who they can trust man. I do think thats a good thing, unless you cant be trusted?
udaykamboj
It was great hearing all this from you and in fact I have adopted a similar policy with her a few weeks ago. I have begun to just listen to her problems as a friend and guide her the best I can. But this has also told me that she may not be the way I thought she was. If I really have to try so hard for someone to like me when she's happy I really do not think it's worth all that trouble. I've been with her in all her ups and downs (downs basically) but it's kinda frustrating when she goes to guy X when she wants to date and ME when he annoys her! I'm Not her Godfather! I guess it's high time I moved on! If she rebounds I may give her a thought!

Thanks a lot for your advice anyway! You've been great.


PeterWu wrote:
Uday, I think I diagnosed your problem: You're passive aggressive, and that doesn't cut it well in the no nonsense world of relationships.

This girl that you like, lets call her Amy, already has a certain closeness with you. That's a good thing. You guys talk about very personal things like her love life, and obviously must spend a certain amount of time together. You are the person who she goes to for help, the person (as you put it) who she cries on the shoulder of. The nice passive boy who is the doppledanger to the jerks that she meets on the outside world.

However, you also want this girl. In fact, you've told her many times. This is very aggressive of you, revealing your interest in a girl. However, if you ever hope to succeed in her reciprocating these feelings, you have to choose the right situation to express them.

Ponder with me a little bit about this. Amy talks to you about guys in her life. You are a guy, so clearly she is not complaining about you. In other words, you do not belong to that set of men. But who are those she's complaining about? Those are the men that she went out with, the men that at one time or another she was attracted to. Though it's not irrefutable proof, it's a very good indication that if you are on the recieving end of the complaints, you are not in her eyes, attractive that way. Telling her that you like her (aggressive) while she thinks you're just a passive nice guy (which you are!) is not a match.

The right situation to tell a girl that you have feelings towards her is when you can unite the passive with the aggressive. There are two simple ways to do this, although i'm sure you can think of more.

The first is to be completely aggressive. Tell her once and for all you like her, and that you cannot stand to hear stories about the jerks she goes out with. Tell her that you'll be three times the man anyone of those men are and you won't hear anymore talk of hers unless she is yours.

The second is to be completely passive. Stop reminding her that you like her, and listen to her stories. Actually listen. Respond to her, care for her in troubled times, and soon with hope you can win her heart over with tenderness. She already has good hints that you like her, but with constant reminder comes annoyance.

Though I'm coming on this from a completely ignorant view, I hope you can use some of my advice. Good luck Uday with her!
udaykamboj
Dude, I've dated a lot and know how it's done. But there's a time when you hit the wall and come across someone you think you know for a long time and wanna do more than just date and move on, you may wanna hold on to her and see if she might be the one. Sooner or later everyone faces this.

I've been dating girls while wanting to be with her. I'm not being a jirk her but instead always wanted to see if I could distract myself from her. It turned out I was all happy on my date and had a good time, but when she called my adrenaline jumped sky high.

It's all about luck, my boy.

Anyway thanks for taking out time to help me. Appreciate it!

Devang wrote:
Boy, it seems your attitude is of nice-simple guy that girls are attracted towards you, not the way you want them, but to utilize you as a path shower. Why don't you change your attitude a bit? I mean, try to be a funky kinda guy, not so simple or not so good one. Girls dont prefer good guys for dating, but they prefer, romantic, funto kinda guy.

they chose good guys as they friends, and others as their boy friends. so now is the time for you to chose your path.

It's all about attitude, my boy!
tingkagol
PeterWu wrote:
Uday, I think I diagnosed your problem: You're passive aggressive, and that doesn't cut it well in the no nonsense world of relationships.

This girl that you like, lets call her Amy, already has a certain closeness with you. That's a good thing. You guys talk about very personal things like her love life, and obviously must spend a certain amount of time together. You are the person who she goes to for help, the person (as you put it) who she cries on the shoulder of. The nice passive boy who is the doppledanger to the jerks that she meets on the outside world.

However, you also want this girl. In fact, you've told her many times. This is very aggressive of you, revealing your interest in a girl. However, if you ever hope to succeed in her reciprocating these feelings, you have to choose the right situation to express them.

Ponder with me a little bit about this. Amy talks to you about guys in her life. You are a guy, so clearly she is not complaining about you. In other words, you do not belong to that set of men. But who are those she's complaining about? Those are the men that she went out with, the men that at one time or another she was attracted to. Though it's not irrefutable proof, it's a very good indication that if you are on the recieving end of the complaints, you are not in her eyes, attractive that way. Telling her that you like her (aggressive) while she thinks you're just a passive nice guy (which you are!) is not a match.

The right situation to tell a girl that you have feelings towards her is when you can unite the passive with the aggressive. There are two simple ways to do this, although i'm sure you can think of more.

The first is to be completely aggressive. Tell her once and for all you like her, and that you cannot stand to hear stories about the jerks she goes out with. Tell her that you'll be three times the man anyone of those men are and you won't hear anymore talk of hers unless she is yours.

The second is to be completely passive. Stop reminding her that you like her, and listen to her stories. Actually listen. Respond to her, care for her in troubled times, and soon with hope you can win her heart over with tenderness. She already has good hints that you like her, but with constant reminder comes annoyance.

Though I'm coming on this from a completely ignorant view, I hope you can use some of my advice. Good luck Uday with her!

what he said ^. nicely put.
The_Gamer294
yeah.. peter pretty much nailed it, but one more thing. its "Jerk" not "Jirk"
thpn
PeterWu wrote:
Uday, I think I diagnosed your problem: You're passive aggressive, and that doesn't cut it well in the no nonsense world of relationships.

This girl that you like, lets call her Amy, already has a certain closeness with you. That's a good thing. You guys talk about very personal things like her love life, and obviously must spend a certain amount of time together. You are the person who she goes to for help, the person (as you put it) who she cries on the shoulder of. The nice passive boy who is the doppledanger to the jerks that she meets on the outside world.

However, you also want this girl. In fact, you've told her many times. This is very aggressive of you, revealing your interest in a girl. However, if you ever hope to succeed in her reciprocating these feelings, you have to choose the right situation to express them.

Ponder with me a little bit about this. Amy talks to you about guys in her life. You are a guy, so clearly she is not complaining about you. In other words, you do not belong to that set of men. But who are those she's complaining about? Those are the men that she went out with, the men that at one time or another she was attracted to. Though it's not irrefutable proof, it's a very good indication that if you are on the recieving end of the complaints, you are not in her eyes, attractive that way. Telling her that you like her (aggressive) while she thinks you're just a passive nice guy (which you are!) is not a match.

The right situation to tell a girl that you have feelings towards her is when you can unite the passive with the aggressive. There are two simple ways to do this, although i'm sure you can think of more.

The first is to be completely aggressive. Tell her once and for all you like her, and that you cannot stand to hear stories about the jerks she goes out with. Tell her that you'll be three times the man anyone of those men are and you won't hear anymore talk of hers unless she is yours.

The second is to be completely passive. Stop reminding her that you like her, and listen to her stories. Actually listen. Respond to her, care for her in troubled times, and soon with hope you can win her heart over with tenderness. She already has good hints that you like her, but with constant reminder comes annoyance.

Though I'm coming on this from a completely ignorant view, I hope you can use some of my advice. Good luck Uday with her!


Haha, you sound like one of those guys on a "finding love" tape that has a deep slow voice and he gives people names like that then goes into detail about them...well anyways, just wanted to point that out.
altikris
i hear this problem alot. You become too good friends with a girl, even though you like her more than a friend, and you become labeled a friend in her mind, like her brother or confidant. NEVER become too close to a girl that you think might label you a friend if you want something more. always leave a hint of something so you may be able to have more if you wish. Remember, your the man, you control what happens, as long as you know how. There must always be an element of mystery, you must always make sure they know how much better you are than any man they could be with, and always have confidence in yourself. Definite.
Panthrowzay
"he's like a brother" this is a consept guys just dont get and don't have. When a friend says to her other friend you two should go out, and she responds "he's like a brother" the sayed boy is screwed and best ride out the friend ship and hope better yet pray, that you two end op in akward situation to break the stalemate. so to you i say your screw man, got a friend that a girl not a girlfriend. just enjoy it, there are some perks.
biffi
I made the same mistake a couple of times. You get feelings for her, and become closer. You give some hints, but they remain unanswerred. Then you become even more closer untill you are to close and it's all to late: you're the best friend. No mather wath, you'll have a hard time trying to get her to love you, harder than another guy. Eventually, you'll be "victorious", but only if no other boys come into play...
Panthrowzay
that stament is misleadingly hopeful have of earths human population are boys. I'm in the same boat with 5 different girl, your not going to get anything but a akward moment.
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