Situation, Need Advice...

OtakuBoi · Last edited by OtakuBoi on Wed Jun 21, 2006 1:45 am; edited 1 time in total

Ok, I'll try to stick to the facts, but I tend to ramble =/

Here's the story, I'm a 9th grader in HS and I've never had a girlfriend, never had any close relationship with a girl or anything at all(but I'm straight).

First day of school this year I saw a girl in my Spanish 2 class whom I'd never seen before (my HS has grades 7 - 12, no middle school). I instantly fell in love with her... Now I know what a "hot/sexy" girl looks like, but she wasn't really either.. more cute :3... She's a Korean girl who is pretty short (~4'9")... Beginning of the year I sat far away from her but out of chance I was placed right next to her for the next 3 months...

I hadn't really gotten to know her, other than random small talk we'd have in class, but I felt I should go after her... Right before Christmas I went out and bought the cuttest thing I could find as a present... What better than a hello kitty doll! I spent $30 on it and gave it to her the day before winter break, right after school... She looked really happy and kept thanking me.. After we went our seperate ways, she called her friend and kept looking over at me smiling (really awkward lol)

So break came and went... When I got back to school I had learned that her schedule had changed and she was no longer in my Spanish 2 period.. I saw her every day multiple times, she never looked at me or said anything, one day I almost bumped into her by accident.. she didn't say a thing.. just kept walking.... Sad

An entire quarter went by, I got very ill and my grades declined, I was deppressed to hell =/.. Beginning of the next quarter (current one) I decided to go over to her and just see how she was doing, I wasn't about to let her slip away...

So I did......... One lunch I went over and sat with her and her friends (just like 3 people).... I just walked up and said "Mind if I sit here with you guys?" At first she looked surprised, then almost scared, but then she spoke up and said "oh sure, you can sit here.. but we speak Korean" Well wadda yah know? I said that's cool and sat down anyway... to be to the point I've been sitting there with them about everyday now.. I'm trying to learn korean too (went out and bought a course set with book + 2 cds)

I started picking up vibes that her friend "Huang-Se" (or something like that) was going out with her... I'm about 60% sure they are going out..

Anyway, she's on the cross country team so I decided to stay after one day and talk to her.. alone... So I did... She looked surprised and just sat next to me and did math... for about 20 minutes until her mom picked her up.. She never looked up at me.. She got into the car and waved to me saying bye, her mom did the same about 10 seconds later)

I sat with her again a few days later after school, I was smart, I picked a friday so she couldn't avoid me with work Wink

... I sat there and asked for help with my Korean.. the pronounciation of a couple things... She looked confused, but then happy.. she helped me and we talked for like 2 minutes about nothing... Then her mom came and she left...

Lately I've felt like she's been avoiding her.. Her mom comes a lot earlier (used to pick her up at 4pm, now about 3:10pm) She hasn't been saying anything to me...

Now I have two theories for why she seemed scared when I came to see her at first and why she's been avoiding me

A - Her father won't let her see a "white boi" (yes, that's me) because "it is not korean way"

B - Her boyfriend is "Huang-se" and she likes him and not me (though I think she likes me, she smiles at me differently than everyone else)

C - She likes me but now is stuck with Huang-Se and is trying to avoid waves (she doesn't really seem close to him other than laughing at school together, he puts his jacket on her once, and sometimes they walk together) (basically no physical connections, hugging, kissing, w/e)

D - She is shy as hell (wouldn't be uncommon for koreans)

Anway, school is coming to an end on June 22 and I don't want to imagine summer without at least seeing her... I've been in love with her since September and still haven't gotten anywhere =/ I've got to get her number or something by that time but I have no clue how to do it...

Anyway, If you guys have any ideas or advice you could give me please help.. I'm desperate and on a time constraint Crying or Very sad

PS: Thanks to those of you who read that entire thing, as I said in the beginning I tend to tell more than necessary, I've basically explained the past 10 months of my life Shocked

xeszline

Hey.. Pretty complicated is it?

Well yeah. People from Asian (I'm asian too) countries prefer their children especially their daughters to marry the same race guys. Some people are already open-minded but a lot of them still dislike if their children marry white people.
Because asian cultures are a lot different to western, and mostly the conservative parents dislike it. Disagree about sexy outfit, going to club, kissin, or anything that's in public..

But if you really really want to make a relationship to her, fight for it. If you're really in to her, fight for it. Even if you have to go against her parents, as long as the girl also like you too.
My boyfriend and I are different religions and my parents are so religious. We got a prohibition to even meet and my mom always picked me up earlier than the time to go home so I couldn't meet my boyfriend (he was my senior) but then both of us fought for it and after 2 years we have the approval.
Now we have been dating 4 years and 10 months. My parents like him and both of us even have family events together.

It's all about how strong your feeling is to the person and whether you would want to sacrifice yourself for her. Love is full of sacrifices.. When you could go through the hardship you'll find happiness of all those sacrifices. And because of you have so much hardships in your relationship, anyone would feel pity if both of you separate.

I know you're still too young to think about marriage. I'm trying to give a pointer here.. If you're willing to give sacrifices for the girl, you might be in love with her. So, go for her.. With a straight fair way. If in case anything happens, if you go fair, a lot of people will stand up for you.

Hehehheheh..
I really hope this would help lighten your burden a bit.. I just join today. So.. I wish I could replied to this post as soon as you posted it. But no.. So.. OK. Break a leg for you!

alkady

If there is something I would say, "Baby steps at a time" Something that you are doing, How about exchanging emails. Thats a start.

Your probably not goint to get your big leap yet, But perhaps you should watch your steps. Perhaps her parents wont have a good view of "White Boi's" as you say, But maybe you can try to look acceptable. You've already done half the work, Why not become a study buddy or partners in a project. If her parents really cared about her, They leave you work with her at least.

songsalways

Whatever the condition... [its quite complex though], jsut follow your heart bcecause its worth do it.

Just go ahead... and spill yourself out.

Dont think what happens. Think about what are you feeling, and think about what would be the result if you stay quiet and never express the whole thing.

Go ahead.

livilou

I think xeszline gave you the best answer. Follow that advice and I don't feel that you can go wrong. If you feel that this girl is worth fighting for, then go for it. I'm not very familiar with their culture, but meeting the father might not be a bad idea. From what I gather, they have a certain way to do things like this.

Tvis

It is true that Koreans for example still at this moment don't have contact in public (for example kissing or hugging) so that Huang-Se or whatever is his name could very well be her boyfriend. If he is as educated as she is (according to Korean traditions) they won't do anything in public and it would look like they are family. I would try to find out if she had a boyfriend...you have to know. Ask her straight...it is the only option. Because you might spend a lot of time thinking about her while she is with someone else.

Koreans also are not good in telling someone "no"...traditional Koreans will never say no to someone...it is unpolite. She might feel flattered with your attention. But doesn't know how to deal with it.

I myself am from Europe I am living with a Mexican girl now. We had so many communication problems in the beginning...all cultural, imagine that we were already having a relationship together and still were able to communicate good. What brings that to your situation...you have to make some big steps soon...or you'll end up suffering one way or the other...

good luck

OtakuBoi

Wow thanks, I just saw all these replies! School is out for the summer on Thursday (today is Tuesday) So I went out and just bought her a practical gift, something I noticed she needed for her iPod Wink

And basically tommorow after school I'll talk to her flat out as you guys said... My plan consists of this...

1 - Meet after school, wait for most of the people to leave but her/me
2 - Start small conversation
3 - Ask if she's going out with anyone
4 - If yes, say I just felt I had to ask or I wouldn't be able to live with myself over the summer, if no, ask her out
5 - Either way give her the present
6 - Give phone number, incase she needs anything... Ask for hers anyway

Wish me luck! I'll try to report back what happens Wink

PS: I too noticed that she very rarely says no unless I'm offering gum or something lol...

EDIT: rofl, I put she's about 5'9" (after saying she's short) I meant about 4'9" lol

Sabrina

Hi there OtakiBoi! I'm in Shanghai and I'm in a foreign language school (learning Chinese) and there are TONS of Koreans here. Thing is, they're like the only foreigners who don't like to mix and get to know other people. We find them a bit stuck-up because it's like they don't think we're good enough to hang out with us or something. Although I have some Korean friends who talk to me sometimes and they're all SOO wonderful. I think their favourite topic of discussion is food (especially Korean food) so maybe you could tell the girl you're in love with that you'd like it if she would teach you how to cook some Korean food or something during the holidays. Maybe she'd love to teach you how to cook some dishes, and maybe even invite you over for lunch.