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How do you meet people?





Bookface
I'm not a big club dancer type, and I don't really like bars (nor can I find any around me with a young enough crowd to match my age, 23 in NY suburbs, Long Island). I'm looking for a relationship, but finding friends is good too.

I had this idea that I would go to the bookstore regularly and hang out in the cafe, and just being out would at least expose me to more people. I've struck up a conversation or two, but it never really went anywhere from there. Still, it's always nice to talk to people different from your regular group of friends.

Last night, though, I got intrested in this math problem some people at the table next to me were working on, decided to put my two cents in, and returned to my table after I was done. It turns out we were schoolmates in high school, though, and they recognized me. So we started talking and ended up hanging out at a coffeehouse after the bookstore closed and we'll probably be meeting up again. So it actually really worked (going to the bookstore as a method of meeting people.)

Besides school, working in a customer service postion, and the few singlesy-meetupy places like bars and clubs, I don't really know how people meet up with each other. Except for the internet, which I've done a few times too but prefer not to.

Where do you go to hang out that has an socially interactive atmosphere? Where have you met people before? Tell me your stories!
Devang
where I stay, we have a lovely famous street where you can find many coffee shops, bars, theatres and shopping malls, so obsiously ths street is full of people all day, and till midnight. this is the biggest place where I can meet up as many people as I want, like while having a coffe, shopping etc. in fact, couple of times i found a partner to watch movie, there itself.
larkin_z
I live in Malta so we have no distance problems. You can travel from one side of the island to the other in only 1 hr! First of all, the main meeting place for teenagers is their city core. They stay there in some bar or youth centre and have fun with their friends. When you get the age of 16, you become fed up of staying always in the city core so in the morning and in the evening, Valletta (our capital city) is the main attraction: shopping, cinema, pitches etc. In the weekends, the brst place is called Paceville. In this village full of bars, clubs, cafe's, shopping arcades, restaurants, hotels and also a beach, the majority of the 14 year olds upto 30 years old meet there. This is the main interaction for Maltese people but apart from occasions were having fun, schools or working places are another place to meet people. In these places, you can find people more similar to you because they have chosen the subjects or applied to the same job as you did.
jaysen
Where i lilve it isn't so much the problem of meeting people as it is being able to go out once in a while WITHOUT running into someone you know, or someone who knows who you are. Small communtiies can be a pain sometimes...
ylmun
India, Malta, Canada. Man, all these friendly places where you can just walk outside and meet people easily. I wish I lived there.

I, too, like the originator of this topic live in New York; One of the most neurotic cities where people don't even look you in the eye and they walk too fast to say hello, much less get out of your way. As they say in that song "Spend time in New York, but leave before you grow hard" or something like that.

But, I digress. I don't know if you're looking for information on where to meet people or not, but for me, I find that attending events, activities or joining groups with semi regular schedules is a good way to meet people. For a while there, I was into swing dancing and salsa and there's a pretty big community for that in New York.

Then, there's Meetups (hint, hint) of people with similar interests that usually happen monthly. Or book signings and readings go on all the time in New York.

If you fairly well off, go on the internet and find professional groups (read: they cost money) that organize outings for people with similar interest. Or start attending classes that you're interested in, like foreign languages (and then attend the conversation groups that are all over the city).

And if all that fails, there's always that new phenomenon, "speed friending" - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11079038/site/newsweek/

If you didn't really want suggestions, but were just curious about people's stories, then....sorry.
Sabz
I am a Baha'i and so lucky enough to live amongst a large community with lots of wonderful individuals to meet. I can go anywhere in the world and straight away I have many people in that country who would welcome me. So generally that's one way I meet new people, going to different Baha'i functions and happenings. I'm not sure where you live, but I'm sure there would be a Baha'i community close to you, and they would be welcoming and fun people to get to know. But other than that I know what you mean, there aren't many places out there that you can just go and meet people. Most of those I've met are friends I've made through uni or work.

Oh sorry, just noticed that you live in New York, so here's a link for the Baha'is in NY:

http://www.bahainyc.org/
Citizen Kane
what made me meet a lot of people is to have a hobby, in which you participate amongst others. Sports or something of that sort of thing. In my case this was playing in a band. I made new friends I got to play with and while we would be performing we would meet all kinds of other people, generally hangin' out with them afterwards.

I didn't meet my girlfriend this way, but I met a couple of other interesting people while being active in the music scene.

So my advice to you would be: find something you are good at and start in activities where you can do this. It will eventually start to roll from there...
Bookface
Thanks for all the great ideas!

Citizen Kane, you have an excellent point regarding activities bringing you together with people (that share a common interest, no less.) It's one of those things you can know and forget sometimes. Most of my interests are solitary activities, but while there's always a component that can be expanded into an event interest, I don't see as many opportunities for engaging in regular groups. Most clubs (book clubs, bowling leagues, etc.) seemed to tend to have older people involved in them. It's been a long while since I've explored that avenue, though, so I should check again and see if I can find anything better. I have been working out at home, and have for a while been considering joining a gym, but I feel hypocritical and thus hesitant because I know it would be more for social reasons than any improvement in my actual workout.

Sabz, that's a nice thought, but I'm not very religious and I'm not ready to join a religion to meet people. However, I'm willing to try anything once or twice, and I'll certainly give attending a Baha'i event a shot. You also reminded me of Unitarianism, which operates upon roughly the same lines but does not treat (as far as I know) any human as a manifestation of God, necessarily.

ylmun, I was involved in Meetups and set up to attend a meeting before it went for-profit (or at least startetd costing money) and have been avoiding it ever since. Conversation groups for foreign languages sounds like and excellent idea in and of itself, and is definitely worth pursuing for me as I'm trying to pick up a few languages. Speed friending sounds interesting, but a bit scary, and unnatural. (See also my response to Citizen Kane regarding other activities.)

Unfortunately, I think I live in an area that's got all the callousness of the big city with a lot fewer of the events and activities. NYC is only 30 minutes away, but 30min+15 min to get where you need to be +$18 round trip railroad/subway (or maybe $10-12 worth of gas and the inconvience/risk of finding parking) makes it somewhat prohibitive for events 1) of uncertain interest (and possibly no one in my age group, has happened a few times--although the good part of the city is I can always blow it off and go somewhere else if that happens), and morover 2) with people who I would have to go through the same commute to meet up with again.

There are events on Long Island, but I have never seen anyone younger than 30 at anything I found myself interested enough to go to.

Small towns all have that one street where everyone bumps into each other, big cities require some more planning to meet up but have so many opportunities, and us mid-sized areas get lost somewhere in between.

Nonetheless, there have been some great suggestions and thoughts in this thread, and I appreciate them all, they're all helpful! thanks again, keep them coming!
altikris
just get out. you can go anywhere and meet anyone at any time. Restaurants, social places, malls, whatever. Just get out of the house, cuz noone is going to randomly come to your house except for delivery people. and you really cant rely on that one. haha
Joe944
The problem I find with meeting people is that when you're out at say a cafe with lots of people around that those people are preoccupied with what they're doing and not really wanting to strike up conversations with random strangers.

Maybe I just suck at dealing with people. Razz
alkady
If you really want to make new friends or get into a relationship. Get in a job where you have to meet new people all the time. Like running a small enterprise. You have to meet new clients, new suppliers, New everything and it will probably be a great experience. And you may never know when that special someone meets your eyes. *Wink
Sabrina
It would depend on what sort of person I'm looking for I guess. Smile Cool If I'm just looking for a person to "hang out" with (a new person) maybe I'll go clubbing with friends and meet people there. I have more stronger friendship bonds with girls, so I go out to meet guys. Laughing

If I'm looking for normal friends then I won't ever find any at the bookstore or any other simple place. I have actually met a lot of nice people online (both men and women) and we're maintaining platonic friendship.

I believe in just meeting someone when you least expect it. Smile Cool
lara
I think it would be best if you can start with your own environment first like in school or at work. (Though for me it wouldn't be a good thing to have a relationship with a colleague since it's quite complicated and demanding... ) You can make great friends with them. They can also be the key to get to know other people like on a social event they asked you to attend. Smile
marcmgeronimo
i meet people in the gym, in my school and at work.

I get to meet lots of people in the gym and establish a very large network there. When you meet a new friend, you can extend the network by meeting their friends.

I also attend some geek groups so that i can have different friends from all sorts of life.
Citizen Kane
Bookface wrote:
Thanks for all the great ideas!

Citizen Kane, you have an excellent point regarding activities bringing you together with people (that share a common interest, no less.) It's one of those things you can know and forget sometimes. Most of my interests are solitary activities, but while there's always a component that can be expanded into an event interest, I don't see as many opportunities for engaging in regular groups. Most clubs (book clubs, bowling leagues, etc.) seemed to tend to have older people involved in them. It's been a long while since I've explored that avenue, though, so I should check again and see if I can find anything better. I have been working out at home, and have for a while been considering joining a gym, but I feel hypocritical and thus hesitant because I know it would be more for social reasons than any improvement in my actual workout.

Unfortunately, I think I live in an area that's got all the callousness of the big city with a lot fewer of the events and activities. NYC is only 30 minutes away, but 30min+15 min to get where you need to be +$18 round trip railroad/subway (or maybe $10-12 worth of gas and the inconvience/risk of finding parking) makes it somewhat prohibitive for events 1) of uncertain interest (and possibly no one in my age group, has happened a few times--although the good part of the city is I can always blow it off and go somewhere else if that happens), and morover 2) with people who I would have to go through the same commute to meet up with again.

There are events on Long Island, but I have never seen anyone younger than 30 at anything I found myself interested enough to go to.

Small towns all have that one street where everyone bumps into each other, big cities require some more planning to meet up but have so many opportunities, and us mid-sized areas get lost somewhere in between.

Nonetheless, there have been some great suggestions and thoughts in this thread, and I appreciate them all, they're all helpful! thanks again, keep them coming!


About going to a gym for social reasons, I think there's nothing wrong or hypocritical about attending a gym just for social reasons. I think gyms are actually invented for that reason. For people to work out together. otherwise we'd all stay at home (which is possible). So I'd say give it a go just for the social reason alone. a lot of couples met eachother in the gym (at least where I live). Thus you might even meet a nice girl to hook up with Very Happy

And about Long Island and mid sized areas; It's not uncommon in Holland for people to move just because there aren't enough social activities around. People here tend to wanna live where they are at their best. So actually moving to an area where it's easier to engage in social activities isn't a bad idea.
altikris
any sort of event......fairs, clubs, picnics, whatever! people are everywhere, you only have to scope out the scene when your there to figure out who is single, or who is taken. it takes practice. but just get out into the world. thats where it all happens.....out.
OutlawSpirit
i dunno.. just out everynight with my m8's tho i dont do the bar/club thing because i dotn drink and find it kinda boring... plus i dont hav no money

so i just hang at the busiest places... with my ppl and if any1 new arives... b cool with em and talk 2 em... see what they r like

Cool
app893
I think just go around and you can meet many people that have the same character with you,and that you would have chance to make friends with them.
md7dani
I have another question related to this thread. I'm looking for friendship with girls but this seems to be really difficult. Do you have any advice?
dhani
I have met alot of people on the Internet. I am active in forums of my interests and I discuss with alot of people. Some people I meet irl if I feel that we have things in common. I have also met partners on the Internet. Otherwise I make friends at the gym and at work. There are also some webpages just for making new friends...that is great.
deanhills
For me meeting people has to be spontaneous. One has to figure out what one is passionate about, develop hobbies that get you up and going, and before you know it you are talking to people without the objective of meeting people. I meet quite a variety of people while diving for example. I love swimming and I love the ocean, and diving is almost like going down into heaven. I usually go for weekends, and just before diving I may think of a few problems I have to solve at work, and all of a sudden when diving, it is as though I am in a totally different world. Likewise there has to be at least a number of hobbies that could interest people similarly. And when one is passionate about your hobby, that just attracts likeminded passionate people. Without thinking about meeting people, they just seem to be there.
macky
people may come and go to our lives... we have to be choosy in dealing with people because

sometimes people are just using us for their own good not ours...
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