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I'm currently on a relationship.. and I want to get more...

physical in it. The thing is, she says that I can't control myself, which is kinda true when it comes to sex stuff.

is there any trick on how to have selfcontrol?
Citizen Kane
Hey Mamsaac,

I have a few questions: how can your girlfriend know that you cant control yourself if it comes to sex related stuff if you havent been physical yet?

and what do you mean by getting more physical? Just more sex? ore have you been kissing and you want the full monty?

and there is no trick on having self control. you just have it or you don't.
Well, showing respect and consideration for your partner's feelings is usually a good place to begin. Find out what turns her on by talking with her about it. Wink
well, she knows I've no control over myself mainly for other relationships I've had... and more because who where the girls I had the other relationships.

and if I just can't have more control, then it's not fair Sad She doesn't want sex, I don't blame her or her values, but a man has it's needs
Citizen Kane
Mamsaac wrote:
and if I just can't have more control, then it's not fair Sad She doesn't want sex, I don't blame her or her values, but a man has it's needs

She doesn't want sex? hmmm... I wonder what kinda relationship you are in. Is this because of principles or because religious reasons or because of bad experiences with sex?

if it where principles and religious reasons, you could practically talk her under the table but if it were because of bad experiences, there she might have a point. Still, before giving advice, please tell me more of the situation.

- why doesn't she want to have sex?

- what kind of relationship do you two have?

- why do you want to have sex?

- explain "control"? is that not touching your girl when she doesn't want to? or is that just going a little too fast?

- What is the reason you let your girlfriend define "your" control or, for the matter, the lack of it?

- how does she specifically know that you have a lack of control? has she experienced that herself or did other girls just tell her?

A lot of difficult questions, I know. Probably hard to awnser too, but give it a shot and I'll be able to help you better Wink
because she's 15 and she says she's not ready.

I don't blame her, she's still young... there are also the religious motives too.
Citizen Kane
hah, I see. And that's a good one. I guess you have to respect her opinion as in being not ready for it because of her age. Will be pretty much hard to get over. I think it comes down to this:

Try to examen yourself to the point were you know what is the reason behind your relationship. If it is getting into the physical and getting it quick: this would not be your thing. If on the other hand you do feel things for her then try to figure out why and how you don't seem to have controle anymore. Is your love for her strong enough in order to keep yourself from loosing control? and if it is, how can you achieve selfcontrol? methinks that If you love her enough, the selfcontrol comes automatically. It always helpsme though to focus on my feelings and not the physical aspect.
I really think you should talk to her (which it sounds like you did a bit) and not force it upon her. The best thing to do is respect her decisions and morals, and she will hopefully return that respect to you. When it comes down to will, if she doesn't want it, that could be rape.

Until she's ready, I'd just get closer to each other in the emotional sense for awhile, because as one person puts it "Sex is always better when emotion is involved."
yeah, I've talked to her... twice. I'm not forcing her (no way I'm gonna do that), mainly because I really like her. We've been a couple for... 4 months, which is a lot for me, and I guess I will just have to either wait a lot of time or... I dunno, but there's not much I can do but wait.

I'll have to listen to "Patience" my Guns 'n Roses more often, it better helps a little Wink
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