This topic is in response to a different topic in this forum. Let me know what your opinion is?
I think that the culture has changed so much over the past 50-years that it's hard for anything to stay put. Look at technology, communications, business, everything is changing so fast that unless each person invovled in the relationship put extra time into physically, mentally, and yes, spiritually relating to the other individual then the relationship falls apart.
Another part of it is whether you define love as a "feeling" or a "decision." If you define it as a feeling then it's really easy to fall in and out of love with someone, however if you define it as a decision or a choice I think that it becomes easier to stay in that relationship longer. Everyday I get up and I choose to love my wife. Someday we might not make that choice, but there've been lots of times that I haven't felt like loving my wife but I make the choice to. I'm not saying that feelings aren't a part of love. I just think that in today's world we focus more on the feelings than on the choices and the consequences of those choices.
Love is a feeling... like... come on... even the dictionary says that it's a feeling... i don't see where it could be a choice... like... you can't make the choice "i want to love her" if you don't have the love feeling for her...
i've been with a girl and i had no intentions of loving her... i just wanted to have fun... and enjoy life... and after 6 months i falled for it... i was loving... it wasn't my choice... it just happened...
I think that it is a bit of both.
One gets a feeling about someone then makes a choice to act on that feeling. Without the feeling there is no choice and vice versa.
I voted feeling, because you simply can not DECIDE to love someone, love has a life of its own. HOWEVER, once that love does happen, it is our responsibility to ensure silly things don't ruin it. I don't think true love fades in a few months. I believe true love is eternal. However, I agree with you that love needs nurturing, and to have a happy relationship you must put effort in it. But that does not mean that love is simply a choice we can make. I have had guy friends that I felt would make the perfect partner for me, as we just had so much in common, and the logical side of my brain told me that they are the exact person I have always been looking for. But there was no feelings, and believe me I tried to develop feelings for them, but love is not simply a decision you can make.
How love can be a choice ???
Love is a feeling. If it's a choice, it's not a true love.
love is both a choice and a feeling. you have feeling for someone and but you also have the choice to act on those feelings or not.
i know a girl... and we have a good time together... she has a crush on me... but i don't want to have a relationship with her... anyway... nothing changed... i told her what i feel... and my choice... so she kinda understanded... and now... i've started to like her... i feel something for her... but my choice remains the same... so... if this is what the thread is about... i would say that it is both...
but for my point of view... love is love... and it will allways remain a feeling... no mather what... it's the thing you feel...
to make a decision to love someone... the relationship wouldn't be so happy... because you feel forced to do it...
Like a lot of others, I gotta go with both. I think you can choose to love someone, but some times it just jumps up and grabs you by the neck and throws you to the ground and stomps you into submission.
it's actually several chemical reactions in the brain
science has proven that when we feel 'love' certain chemical are released in the brain that are not normally there. when someone is attracted to another, their brain triggers the release of certain chemicals.
Phenylethylamine is one of these chemicals. it speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells, and the release of dopamine, and norepinephrine. Dopamine makes you feel good and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. Together, these chemicals explain why when we are around someone we are attracted to we feel a "rush" and our heart beats faster.
Oxytocin, is a sexual arousal hormone that makes people calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others. Physical and emotional cues trigger the release of oxytocin. For example, a partner's voice, look or even a sexual thought can trigger its release.
Endorphins being released has been linked to when we feel attached to someone. (ie when we are attached, our brain releases endophins when we think about or see them) endorphins produce feelings of tranquility, reduced anxiety, and comfort.
Serotonin levels in the brain drop when we are 'in love', which may lead people to obsess about their lover. (The levels of serotonin are also low in people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder.)
As if that wasn't enough...
A scientist at the University of London has found that when people look at their new loves, the neural circuits that are usually in charge of social judgment are suppressed.
so we're blinded by love, but it's soothing
choice or feeling?
well it is altogether possible that one could train themselves to love certain people - that making it choice
but natrually it's a feeling moreso
Although i wish you could choose who to love, it doesn't work that way.
Basically its a feeling, It just happens, But i must say that it can be a choice on the same time , situation matters.
Love is the decision
to refuse to be angry the whole day.
It begins with a feeling. Then, when the relationship is in a mature state, then it becomes a choice, renewed frequently.
if You accept feelings.
Loving someone seriously is always a choice, in my opinion. But it should be a choice, accompanied with feelings. True love will not exist without the other. If everything is purely based on feelings, then due to human nature, after a few years that feeling will disappear. And if everything is purely based on choice, then the thrill of loving and being loved is gone, and you are in a relationship out of convenience - which is not good either.
I personally think that there should be a balance between the two - choice and feelings. The same balance that reason and emotion have.
Choice and feeling is the same.
Try feeling without choice.
Try choice without feeling.
Lonely people refuse decisions.
Love is also a choice. Once must choose what makes him/her happy
Once must choose what makes him/her happy
What should I say.
No choose no love.
And then we watch the lonely sad people. No choose. No choose. Just sitting and waiting for solution. But no
choose. To much responsibiltiy. I am poor boy. This is honest and sexy. Cheerio.
Choices produces feelings if you ask me
I think it works both ways. Yes you do want to be with someone that you have feelings for. But you then also must make the decision to work on maintaining the love you have.
In Reality: Feelings produce choices. Ask Your mother.