A friend who has been showing me interest ever since he met me, finally told me tonight that he really really likes me and wants a relationship with me. I told him that I was not intending to have a relationship at the moment for various reasons... but he started BEGGING me that I would still think about it and consider him etc. I told him I would think about it...
Please tell me, is there a way that I can help him move on? Can I still keep my friendship with him? I am not interested in having a relationship with him, but like and respect him A LOT as a friend, it reallly hurts me that I am hurting him. What makes this particularly hard is that I can not give him any room to move on by seeing him less often. We are currently involved in working on a project together (something that is likely to be ongoing) and see each other at least once or twice a week!!
Please give me some advice on how I can make this easy for him and make him stop liking me (or at least move on and become interested in someone else ), without ruining our friendship!
P.S. for all the guys who are complaining under the topic "Why is it always the guys asking the girls?" trust me on this, it's not so much fun!!! it is SO hard rejecting people if they truely like you...
im a boy self, and this might be waht i would want to hear
you shall be claim, and then say, hey, i know that you like me really really lreally much (trust me, he allreaddy knows you will say no now) but (don't let him interup you) then explain to him, what you think is wrong, like you not are readdy, and say waht you really respect hims as a friend, and want him as a friend, but you also need a bit space right now,
just say, waht you mean, but go easy on with it.
he might get upset, but trust me, he will respect it if he really loves you and it will not hurt him after some days,
just be easy and tell the truth, even if it's curel
( ok if it's because he is ugly and got a dick as only reach 1 cm, then cut that out)
men might look strong and brave, but under the force field of self respect, are we just as sensentive as you can be
if he needs explanation on those things, try give him them, tell him it a public place, but not to public , not in you room you risk he needs to stay, because he faint, lol and not a place with 100 of people so it would be embaresing from him to let his feelings come out
i hope it can be your solution
I dunno much about dating and all but I think you should just say that you really like him as a friend and don't intend to have a relationship with him and say that you hope that he'll understand. If he truly likes you, he'll understand...
The easiest way to tell him you don't like him or arent looking for a relationship would be to tell him that at this point in you alls friendship, it wouldnt be inappropiate to take it any further than what it already is because of the possibility of the friendship being ruined. Tell him that you cherish the friendship too much to sacrifice it for a fling that will more than likely not work.
Since you work with this guy and see him once or twice a week, its really hard to have him move on completely. Maybe you could tell him that you arent ready at the moment and it makes you uncomfortable working together if there is going to be tension. let him know that you need time to mull things over and its not out of the possibility that you two would ever be together, but now isnt the right time and all.
You have to square up with him. He needs the truth and eventually you can be friends again. If not, then he was probably only in it from the start to become your boyfriend. He may not admit it, but if he cannot just be friends, he probably likes you too much and it will hurt too much to stay friends.
You owe it to him, to just say..."Look I don't think we're ever going to go out, or at least not in the future that I see. I'll never say, never, but I need you to get it out of your mind, if you want to remain friends. If not, I understand, but for now we will not be dating."
I had a girl I liked, but she told me she didn't have the same feelings for me. I understood and backed off as much as it hurt. Then through the months, I'd show her I could still be a great friend, but I kept my distance more than I personally liked. I just didn't want to be around her too much, or I'd fall for her again. Low and behold, she started pursuing me a little. Then we started dating--fireworks!! We broker up for a short while about 3 months later, but then got together about 3 months after that and we've been together ever since.
Thus, he can know, if it's meant to be he cannot worry about it and you cannot change the way you feel.
Guys just never get the message. We think about sex every 20 seconds and the rest of the time we are constantly in denial.
Letting a guy down softly will only mean he still thinks he's in with a chance (then when you start dating someone else, he'll come up to you with a forlorn look in his eyes.)
If you're not interested in someone, then simply tell them you just want to be friends. Dont' make any bs excuses such as 'i'm in a transitional stage', cos that's just asking for a guy to wait and sneak up on you in a couple of months.
Forget about letting us down gently: give it to us direct. (We're not as emotionally subtle as you ladies ...)
A friend whos been showing me interest ever since we met,finaly told me tonight that he likes me and wants a relationship with me.I told him that I was not intending to have a relationship at the moment for various reasons.but he started BEGGING me that I would still think about it and consider him etc.I told him I would think about it.Please tell me,is there a way that I can help him move on?Can I still keep my friendship with him?I'm not interested in having a relationship with him,but like and respect him ALOT as a friend,it really hurts me that I am hurting him.What makes this particularly hard is that I can not give him any room to move on by seeing him less often.We're currently involved in working on a project together(something that is likely to be ongoing)and see each other at least once or twice a week!Please advice me on how I can make this easy for him and make him stop liking me(or at least move on and become interested in someone else),without ruining our friendship?
You can't do it without hurting him, at least a little. But it's still the right thing to do. Pain is a part of life, personal growth, and also DEFINITELY part of love!
We all put too much effort into avoiding it.
well i donno what you could tell him... all i can tell you is that... he will see all your moves... think about everything you do... analyse you... think about your every word... etc. etc.
I've kinda been in this situation... and i got the unswer "No" with all those words "i want to be friends... we understand each other just like we are now... etc." and... i kinda understanded... but i haven't liked what she was behaving... i got upset pretty easy... over nothing... and... we haven't talked to each other anymore... even though we have remained "friends"...
So... i suggest that... you tell him the truth but not that pity talk(that makes him feel like a foul...) and keep him close... if you still want to be friends... it's important to keep him close... talk... have fun... etc. and i donno if he would want another girl except you... (even if he finds one... he would think that he is betraing you) so i donno... encourage him some how... but remember: no pity talk!
Honestly there is no easy way out of this. The guy is going to get husrt in someway or other.
You need to level with the guy, tell him how you truly feel, let him know the friendship is there regardless of how he takes the news. He will not like what you have to tell him but make sure it is the truth.
If he likes you as much as he does he will respect your decision.
to quote an old clich้ (paraphrased): "let love go, if it was meant to be it will return". Not from your side but his.
Thank you so much everyone!! So much great advice there. I will try everything you said!! I will tell him the way I feel and that I don't see us having a relationship (gently but honestly), with no pitty talk. But I will also tell him how much I value our friendship and try to keep him close (going out to movies and stuff with a group of friends). And I will also try to get him interested in other girls!! Although that one might be a bit tough...
P.S. great story Trapper!
If you don't hurt him now, later you are going to hurt yourself.
So say No firmly and meet each other less for a while.
Hey Sabz, as a guy I've got a few things I want to tell you from my personal experience as a guy. It seemed to me that you knew the guy is interested in you from the beginning! If this is the case, don't treat him any different from how you used to treat him. This way, you wouldn't risk screwing up the friendship.
Secondly, don't tell him that he will find a better person than you or that you are not good enough for him. At this moment, all he cares about is you, and you alone. As many have pointed out, you can't avoid not hurting him. Getting rejected can be painful, but going out with him just because you pitty him makes it even worse. So don't try to make it all rosey. Rather, tell him exactly how you feel, just as you've told us.
Another thing to avoid doing is to push another girl to him. If you do that, it is likely that he'll end up telling you how she is nothing compared to you blah blah blah...
Do keep us posted on how things went
if he really likes you, then he must respect you AND your decisions.
Telling him u are not interested in relationship should be good enough, just try to name a few reasons.(example: school, family. etc)
if he keep beg u just tell him u already made your decision, and hope that he respects your decision.
I didn't read most of the advise given because I want to give you my advise and I don't want my advise to be influenced of what I've read in here, so here's my advise:
Be honest about it. Tell him what you really feel and especially mention your feelings for him. All of it and don't hold anything back. Let him know what you feel, but that you don't want to ruin your relationship. He will understand if he is seriously and has a crush on you.
Now... I'm not absolutely certain about this, but eh... if I were this guy and suppose I was only going for the physical relationship, I would be very understanding (so I hope he won't be too understanding) and later on I would try to move in anyways, like getting my arm around you, steal a kiss and that sorta moves. So this is my other advise: try to find out if he's in love with you or if he's just looking for sex. The begging part you were talking about sounds familiar to me so... beware...
|Sadow wrote: |
|Now... I'm not absolutely certain about this, but eh... if I were this guy and suppose I was only going for the physical relationship, I would be very understanding (so I hope he won't be too understanding) and later on I would try to move in anyways, like getting my arm around you, steal a kiss and that sorta moves. So this is my other advise: try to find out if he's in love with you or if he's just looking for sex. The begging part you were talking about sounds familiar to me so... beware... |
Thanks Sadow. I'll keep that in mind!
Also thanks atholas and everyone else, you had some good points...
No problem, Sabz. I hope it'll work out the way you hope it will be.
Why don't you want to be in a relationship with him? I would guess you are not in love with him. So tell him that - or whatever reason you might have.
Do not tell him that it's because you dont want to have a relationship at the moment. Then he might wait and wait and wait untill you are ready. And if you find someone else in the meantime, he might be offended.