I suppose many of you all have realised this but I would really like to hear if it is just my area or happens globally. When in a relationship with a girl, and both of you love each other, it is usually the girl depending on the guy to tell her or make the first date!! I reckon this is unfair or is it just girls arn't used to be rejected or something...
Has anyone else realised this a lot, what are your thoughts on it?
Girls sometimes also need to ask the guy out. Girls do ask but it rarely happens, and it's usually if the guy is not into the girl but the girl is. This is from personal experience. Bu they should ask more often than they do. Prob. get less rejected than guys. It might be a good thing for change.
I think that it's human nature to expect the male to make the first move, just look at animals, it's usually the male who makes the first move. it could also be partially a social thing, that men are expected to ask the girl first and therefore the girl just waits for the males to approach her. but, i don't know, i have never approached a guy before because i'm too shy. 
Girls control guys. That's the simple answer; If they like you they'll force you to ask them out, not the other way around. I guess it's the cheekiness we like in females... or not I don't know.
I wish girls would ask me out. A girl can really like a guy and the guy may like her a little and she missed out becuase of that. I think that girls should ask guys out too. 
girls want to date GUYS. Unless they are lesbien. So grow a pair of balls and ask her out. No girls want to see duck tape down there.
You asked an honest question, and I'll try to give you an honest answer.
Believe it or not, it has to do with history. If a girl were to ask a boy out, she would have come across as fast and her reputation would have been shot all to pieces. Now, I think it's more tradition than anything else. I'm going to assume that there is probably a generation between us in age, but realize I could be wrong. Growing up, a girl never called a boy. It was a sure sign that she was easy, which is a reputation that you didn't want to have. Being the mother of two boys that are too young to date yet, Thank God, I don't know if things have changed or not. But I do know that that is how it used to be.
I begining to think it is a mixture between what livilou said and shinnoyami. But traditions have changed so much over the years, like before WWI women didn't work and didn't have free speech and all that stuff.
After WWI things started to change and women began to work and now in the 21st century they are working even more and they are becoming even more equal to men in their right's etc. I would have thought that traditions like this would have started to be stamped out. I found this quote on a website ...
| http://www.some-guy.com/quotes/wisdom.html wrote: |
| Human action can be modified to some extent, but human nature can not be changed |
Maybe things are just like this....
Great to hear peoples thoughts! Hope to read more... | Squeeky wrote: |
I begining to think it is a mixture between what livilou said and shinnoyami. But traditions have changed so much over the years, like before WWI women didn't work and didn't have free speech and all that stuff.
After WWI things started to change and women began to work and now in the 21st century they are working even more and they are becoming even more equal to men in their right's etc. I would have thought that traditions like this would have started to be stamped out. I found this quote on a website ... |
Great point there. women are getting more now so they should act like it and ask men out too it's basically girls expecting the guy to do that. coz to them, that's the guy's job. Simple. Part of it also girls thinking its borderline slutty to ask a guy out. Which really sucks because then that makes us guys the sluts! See what I mean.
But hey, nothing worth having is easy to get. so i agree, grow a pair and just ask her. If you get rejected, you probably deserved it. Just kidding. Pick your self up, dust yourself off and move on to the next!
| lyndonray wrote: |
it's basically girls expecting the guy to do that. coz to them, that's the guy's job. Simple. Part of it also girls thinking its borderline slutty to ask a guy out. Which really sucks because then that makes us guys the sluts! See what I mean.
But hey, nothing worth having is easy to get. so i agree, grow a pair and just ask her. If you get rejected, you probably deserved it. Just kidding. Pick your self up, dust yourself off and move on to the next! |
| blaster wrote: |
Squeeky wrote:
I begining to think it is a mixture between what livilou said and shinnoyami. But traditions have changed so much over the years, like before WWI women didn't work and didn't have free speech and all that stuff.
After WWI things started to change and women began to work and now in the 21st century they are working even more and they are becoming even more equal to men in their right's etc. I would have thought that traditions like this would have started to be stamped out. I found this quote on a website ...
Great point there. women are getting more now so they should act like it and ask men out too |
I don't think it does make the guys sluts. I myself, have always liked a take charge kind of guy. I was raised to feel that a guy should be more aggressive than a girl, and I still feel that way, just don't take it to far. I also don't want women to act like men. I know for a fact that I'm an old fashioned person, but I like to see girls and women to act like ladies. They can always take things too far. I like guys to hold doors for me, always have. Womens lib while in a way was a good thing, it was a bad thing also. Gentlemanly manners were killed during that time, it did not die a slow natural death. I remember seeing women get offended when a guy tried to be nice and hold open a door for them. I don't see anything wrong with acting like a lady or a gentleman.I never thought of asking a girl out as a "duty" for the guy. I've always looked at it as something of a ("weird") privilege. But then, I'm also the old fashioned type who likes to, as livilou put it, "take charge" (and thank you, livilou, for letting us be men 
). Any woman who's ever asked me has tended to be the kind that freaks me out after 10 minutes - being clingy, overly "cute" and/or hyper-submissive - ironic for a woman who takes over the traditional "man's job".
Anyway, I don't think I've had a date where the girl made the first move which went at all well. Somehow, these girls have all seemed to be looking for a guy who'll be controlling and "risky" constantly, when what I'm looking for is someone who'll keep me in check while still giving me some room to be the irresponsible, headless child a man needs to be. My love for the past two years has been such a woman, and yes, I asked her out.
Maybe it's because I give only half of the "right" impression when I'm among people I don't know intimately. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's why haven't read any of this beyond the initial post, but :
in my experience, guys prefer to do the pursuing. the girl's job is to encourage the pursuing, pretty much. of course, anyone likes to be approached by someone with confidence, including males, but when it comes down to it, males still prefer to pursue instead of to be pursued. which suits me just fine, since i'd rather be chased instead of waste my time trying to chase 
i think it's nicer if a guy shows he can take charge and ask a girl out. personally, if a girl does any flirting, she's already pretty much did her job with asking the guy out, now he's just gotta say it, lol.
Or maybe we want guys who will read our signals properly then ask us out at the right time, it means there's more potential for them to psychically predict every crazy thought we ever have in the future 
| haris3 wrote: |
| Girls sometimes also need to ask the guy out. Girls do ask but it rarely happens, and it's usually if the guy is not into the girl but the girl is. This is from personal experience. Bu they should ask more often than they do. Prob. get less rejected than guys. It might be a good thing for change. |
Actually that isnt as rare as it seems, But ya it is kind of rare if you really think about it.Yea it is really rare. Never had a girl ask me to dance or anything. But when i go to ask one to dace they are all exicted. Girls are just afraid I think I really wish it was as equell as they said
I think the answer lies in the fact that girls have guys hoplessley twisted around their fingers.
your so right, but girls expeckt the boy to ask.
I never heard of a boy asked a girl, girl flurt sometimes, but they never ask...
Yea it is so sad too. Guys would like it sometimes. I just dont' understand why not. Girls always say women and men should be created egueal. So why not treat us like we treat you?
Well I guess, We're all afraid of rejection, That the answer will be no. We all fear that simple word. Too bad really.
yea but guys can take it. Why can't girls? I don't want rejection but i still ask. They say know oh well then. There is nothing you can do.
Hey, just something interesting...I was talking to some girls the other day and they were saying how hard it was to reject someone unless you really hated them! And were trying to work out if it was harder to reject someone face to face or through sms etc. Maybe (very unlikely though), girls don't ask because the don't want to put a boy in that sort of position...
And because someone has to say it the girls have taken the "responsibility" of rejecting (lol, sounds really lame!). Anyway, everything seems a reason 
. I think it's EXACTLY what you said Squeeky, it's just that girls aren't used to being rejected. I think the society and the media kind of tell girls that if you are not attractive and guys don't like you, then you are not worth much! So fear of rejection is so much higher in girls (well I'm not a guy but from what I've observed guys don't get affected by rejection as much as girls do. Most girls I know can become totally depressed and lose their self confidence by the smallest rejections!).
Also another reason may be that girls don't usually want to go out with a guy who just MILDLY likes them. They want to know that the guy likes them above all other girls around and will do anything to have them (I think often guys don't realise this about girls, and that's why they don't understand girls' sensitivities). I think waiting for him to ask them out is a bit of a test to see how badly he really wants them. I personally sometimes feel that if I ask a guy that I like out I would never know how much he really wanted me... 
he might just go out with me because I was there and asked!
| Sabz wrote: |
Also another reason may be that girls don't usually want to go out with a guy who just MILDLY likes them. They want to know that the guy likes them above all other girls around and will do anything to have them (I think often guys don't realise this about girls, and that's why they don't understand girls' sensitivities). I think waiting for him to ask them out is a bit of a test to see how badly he really wants them. I personally sometimes feel that if I ask a guy that I like out I would never know how much he really wanted me... he might just go out with me because I was there and asked!
|
Yes, but then the guy doesn't know how much the girl likes him so it is two sided . And all that you said in that second paragraph applies to guys to, just I think that tradition thing is still in play so it turn out on the girls side.I have never been asked out by a guy in my life. I've always been the one to take the first move. But then again, i'm one of those crazy out going chicks who never conforms to anything stereotypical.
many guys are traumatized by past cruel rejections from girls, and girls scared by past sleazy high-pressured come ons, so those girls out there who are cutting down genuinely respectful advances (and probably giving yourselves and egoboost in the process) and those guys forcing their way rudely (trying to compensate for past rejection) just cool it please and make life easier for the rest of us and yourselves
| Squeeky wrote: |
| Yes, but then the guy doesn't know how much the girl likes him so it is two sided . And all that you said in that second paragraph applies to guys to, just I think that tradition thing is still in play so it turn out on the girls side. |
I guess you're right Squeeky...
And very well said ouiliam!! /Removed
Last edited by allanmeter on Thu Jun 29, 2006 3:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
| Squeeky wrote: |
Hey, just something interesting...I was talking to some girls the other day and they were saying how hard it was to reject someone unless you really hated them! And were trying to work out if it was harder to reject someone face to face or through sms etc. Maybe (very unlikely though), girls don't ask because the don't want to put a boy in that sort of position...
And because someone has to say it the girls have taken the "responsibility" of rejecting (lol, sounds really lame!). Anyway, everything seems a reason . |
Then how come best friends sometimes reject. there has to be more to that one. Really now. Heck, all I know is that if girls asked guys, we would go on alot more dates.
| Game Fortress wrote: |
| Heck, all I know is that if girls asked guys, we would go on alot more dates. |
Oh yes we would Girls are less likely to get rejected then guys.There is no way to have true equality between the sexes. There are some things a male can do better than a female, and some things a female can do better than a male. I don't care what people say, it won't really happen. I don't think women think or reason better than men, or vise versa. We just think differently. We each have different strengths. If I had girls, instead of 2 hard headed boys, I would teach them not to ask a boy out because I am old fashioned. Not all guys want the women to take charge, but as stated some do.
What would you do if a girl you didn't think was cute asked you out? Would you still be willing to go out with her if she asked?
It all depends on who the girl is. Just becuase we are guys doesn't mean we go for everybody. Girls say no to us so we would do the same. Just not as much. They would have a better chace then us.
| Squeeky wrote: |
Hey, just something interesting...I was talking to some girls the other day and they were saying how hard it was to reject someone unless you really hated them! And were trying to work out if it was harder to reject someone face to face or through sms etc. Maybe (very unlikely though), girls don't ask because the don't want to put a boy in that sort of position...
And because someone has to say it the girls have taken the "responsibility" of rejecting (lol, sounds really lame!). Anyway, everything seems a reason . |
I'm not sure if I'd say that's the reason for girls not asking guys out as much - but it is incredibly hard to reject someone. I've felt awful for days (or more) for having to say "no, sorry".
And I make the first move alot. Not just in flirtation... I've winked and suggested a guy come with me and a mate somewhere on the weekend, more than once. And I've certainly asked for numbers/e-mails just as much as mine have been asked of me.
I guess I've never directly asked a guy out on a date (specifically), but you've gotta get to know someone before you can start calling it that. (Even if you know that's what he'll tell his mates it is anyway, lol... or words to some such effect).
I'll also admit it is kind of fun to flirt and see how long it takes him to ask for your no/e-mail, or just flat-out ask you out somewhere. Watching him build up the courage. Trying to gauge your interest in him through some cute flimsy conversation. 
(okay, so it's an ego trip, but I'm not that much of a bitch about it)...
Generally I can read guys pretty well though - in fact I read most people pretty well. Maybe that's why I'm not afraid to ask a guy out - because I know if he's interested - and I can tell what he's interested in, in terms of anything with me. "Relationship", or... otherwise. | Sabz wrote: |
I think it's EXACTLY what you said Squeeky, it's just that girls aren't used to being rejected. I think the society and the media kind of tell girls that if you are not attractive and guys don't like you, then you are not worth much! So fear of rejection is so much higher in girls (well I'm not a guy but from what I've observed guys don't get affected by rejection as much as girls do. Most girls I know can become totally depressed and lose their self confidence by the smallest rejections!).
|
Hokay, to start with, guys are affected by rejection - but they are hardly going to give their distress (which isn't huge, but it wouldn't be fair to say they don't care at all) a public display because a.)then more people would know he was rejected, and b.) guys aren't all emotional like a girl, what are you talking about? (from a social aspect it isn't done).
Girls are alot more open about their "emotions" - and a big reason behind it is that male/female social dynamics are different. At school for a guy, it's very much all about living up to a macho ideal - coming to school with a monday morning story, etc.
For girls, the MM story can be about DFO's clothing sale, and it doesn't matter.
The other part is also biological. We do just look into everything that little bit deeper, and guys just don't take it as personally.
| Quote: |
Also another reason may be that girls don't usually want to go out with a guy who just MILDLY likes them. They want to know that the guy likes them above all other girls around and will do anything to have them (I think often guys don't realise this about girls, and that's why they don't understand girls' sensitivities). I think waiting for him to ask them out is a bit of a test to see how badly he really wants them. I personally sometimes feel that if I ask a guy that I like out I would never know how much he really wanted me... he might just go out with me because I was there and asked!
|
I think that pretty well applies to guys as well. They want a girl to want them - because they have something the other guys don't (in some primitive sense alpha male syndrome). They want you to like them, but not only as much as their best mate and the random who catches their bus - and know they are in with you only because they happened to make the first move.
Unless you're easy and that's all they're interested in - in which case you'll be MMstory and who cares who you're with tomorrow night.
In terms of a relationship though - they want you to be "crazy" about them - not insane call every two minutes crazy, but I want you kind of crazy.
Last edited by blackheart on Thu May 04, 2006 3:44 am; edited 2 times in totalwow blackheart you had a lot to say. I guess most of what you say is true. Girls are more emotional. If a guy gets rejected it is like damn and that is it. Girls i talk to she really really liked this one guy. I finally got tired of her saying it that i told her to ask him out. She of course said no. But she got her friend to talk to him and found out that he didn't like her. Well that is all i heard was how he didn't like her. So yea girls are more emotional then guys.
| mantasx wrote: |
| That's not really true |
At least with most of the guys I know it is.
Another thing I've noticed is that quite a few guys prefer telling their problems to a chick, than to another guy.
I'm just saying alot of guys talk to me, from alot of "places" on the "social ladder" - and are pretty affected by "rejection" when it comes to girls they actually like. If it's a just a "right place, right time" kind of girl, it doesn't seem to matter as much.
But I mean te ones they've worked on... I mean liked, for a while and who have shut them down.
I've also heard from some pretty insecure guys who are worried their gf is only with them because she didn't want to say no, liked him asa friend kind of thing.
lol - maybe Aussie guys are a bunch of pansies. ?Yea it does hurt us when we got people we really like and they say no. Girls have to relize that guys do have fellings. Some girls can be bitches though. They are the ones that usally are the ones that say no becuase of some stupid excuse.
Aussie guys a bunch of pansies!!!!!!!!!!!! I see it the other way around . It has been very interesting to read what you had to say blackheart. I didn't know that guys came to girls for counselling, i thought they just bottled it up. I definately agree with you about that emotional thing, its always the girls who seem to be crying about little things (no offence) were a guy would just do nothing. | Squeeky wrote: |
| Aussie guys a bunch of pansies!!!!!!!!!!!! I see it the other way around . It has been very interesting to read what you had to say blackheart. I didn't know that guys came to girls for counselling, i thought they just bottled it up. I definately agree with you about that emotional thing, its always the girls who seem to be crying about little things (no offence) were a guy would just do nothing. |
Note that I never tell anyone who comes to me, and I doubt they tell anyone they come to me either. Womans thinks that they are something more than Us! So They think THEY should be ASKED! Just respect counts at them!
sorry for my english
Hi,
I've asked guys out before, i have also been rejected before, sure it's embarassing and kinda uncomfortable but you survive.
So guys suck it up and do it and just remember yeah you might have to ask the girl out but... the girls have the babies, if you want to swap jobs any female will agree to a change in duties 
| Blaster wrote: |
| wow blackheart you had a lot to say. I guess most of what you say is true. Girls are more emotional. If a guy gets rejected it is like damn and that is it. Girls i talk to she really really liked this one guy. I finally got tired of her saying it that i told her to ask him out. She of course said no. But she got her friend to talk to him and found out that he didn't like her. Well that is all i heard was how he didn't like her. So yea girls are more emotional then guys. |
And your point is???
Yes, females are usually more emotional. But we're raised that way. I remember growing up and my father telling my brother that real men don't cry. People expect it of females.
Also, we're rejected more than you realize. What about the girl that is never asked out? Doesn't she feel rejected because she wasn't asked? Which hurts worse, being asked and told no, or never being asked in the first place? | livilou wrote: |
| Blaster wrote: | | wow blackheart you had a lot to say. I guess most of what you say is true. Girls are more emotional. If a guy gets rejected it is like damn and that is it. Girls i talk to she really really liked this one guy. I finally got tired of her saying it that i told her to ask him out. She of course said no. But she got her friend to talk to him and found out that he didn't like her. Well that is all i heard was how he didn't like her. So yea girls are more emotional then guys. |
And your point is???
Yes, females are usually more emotional. But we're raised that way. I remember growing up and my father telling my brother that real men don't cry. People expect it of females.
Also, we're rejected more than you realize. What about the girl that is never asked out? Doesn't she feel rejected because she wasn't asked? Which hurts worse, being asked and told no, or never being asked in the first place? |
So it doesn't hurt the guys that they arn't asked. Girls want equall responesbilty in life so why not them be treated like it. It would be nice for girls to ask us out sometimes. We would most likely say yes to them. Its just a guy thing.No it isn't just a guy thing, because "some" women are asking guys out too! are they sick or something? (it is girls thing, too)
if both asked each other, there would be way more dating going on, and we would be saved from people who commit suicide and do other crazy stuff just because they can't find somebody to be with.
Would make the world a better place.
LEt's get this out to all.
Girls would think of themselves as sluts if they asked the guy. But what happens when you meet an actual slut? WoW. yeah. Anyways guys can't ever be sluts but girls asking can be seen as sluts.
| lyndonray wrote: |
it's basically girls expecting the guy to do that. coz to them, that's the guy's job. Simple. Part of it also girls thinking its borderline slutty to ask a guy out. Which really sucks because then that makes us guys the sluts! See what I mean.
But hey, nothing worth having is easy to get. so i agree, grow a pair and just ask her. If you get rejected, you probably deserved it. Just kidding. Pick your self up, dust yourself off and move on to the next! |
Control freaks, they always have to have it there own way.
I once read something, don't know if any of you have heard of it or not on The Nice Guy Forum, about how they manipulate people all the time, to think that they are always right. That sort of crap.
well as shy as you are did you ever stop to think...maybe shes just as shy? or maybe shes scared and doesn't know you like her. but either way the worst thing that could happen is her rejecting you and it would be over as fast as it started. no harm no foul.
2.
'Coz that's just the way it is. It seems more appropriate that guys ask the girls. Me being the traditionalist I am prefers to be asked by a guy first. Plus, if a girl ask a guy out, some will think that she's an easy-to-get girl and girls don't like being seen that way.
3.
In sociology, and psychology classes taken in college we learned about these things called "cultural norms". It's a "cultural norm" for guys to ask girls out. If you're having trouble, you just need to do stuff to boost your confidence. This means get a good job, workout/lift weights etc.
thi have been asking questions about this topic for ages. i mean if girls actually think that they are equal in all rights to men, then why don't they ask guys out first or pay on dates. i just think they are a bunch of hypocrites except some girls. not all of them are.
i don't know about you guys... but... when i have a crush on a girl i get shy... and when i ask her out... i feel like a idiot... so... i kinda giving up asking girls that i have a crush on...
but... when i don't have any intentions to a girl.... it's pretty easy for me to start a conversation with her... and finally she asks me out... or if i have a crush on her after knowing her it's easy for me to ask her... because i allready know that we had a great time and she won't refuse me...
and about paying on dates... come on... grow up... when we are going on dates the girls pay they're own meal... and we pay our own... The guy that pays for both it's a sucker... and girls takes advantege of him...
| Caesar_ wrote: |
i don't know about you guys... but... when i have a crush on a girl i get shy... and when i ask her out... i feel like a idiot... so... i kinda giving up asking girls that i have a crush on...
but... when i don't have any intentions to a girl.... it's pretty easy for me to start a conversation with her... and finally she asks me out... or if i have a crush on her after knowing her it's easy for me to ask her... because i allready know that we had a great time and she won't refuse me...
and about paying on dates... come on... grow up... when we are going on dates the girls pay they're own meal... and we pay our own... The guy that pays for both it's a sucker... and girls takes advantege of him... |
I am the same way. I get shy when asking girls i have a crush on out. But like if some of these girls asked me out i might say yes. Its a guys nature to say yes to things like that most of the time.
