this joke is kinda borderline appropiate, but I heard it from my chem teacher so it can't be that bad
so here it goes.
Bush dies and goes to hell, but the devil says "Oh hell is full right now, but since you do belong here, I'll let you decide someone to kick out and you can take their place". So the devil and bush are walking down the hall when they open door one. Inside is Nixon repeatdly jumping in and out of a pool of water. Bush says "you know I'm not a strong swimmer, lets move on". They soon get to door two. Inside is Micheal Jackson breaking rocks with a sledgehammer. "Hows this?" asks the devil, but bush responds "oh you know my shoulder's kinda bad, lets try the next one". After some walking, they reach door 3. Inside is Clinton naked with his hands tied behind his back and Monica doing what she does best. And bush excitidly says "wow, I think I can deal with this forever". And the devil's like, "Great! Monica, you're free to go"
I like it not appropriate for teens funny though so i give u 5frihs for your effert. Also a little on the long side.
what's the difference between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer?
one goe WHACK, damn!
the other goes DAMN! WHACK!
I don't get it...... The first one was good though.
OK HERE IS MINE!
This guy calls the sporting goods store and asks for something. The person on the other end of the line says "Give me a minute why I contact someone from the sporting goods compartment."
I didn't get eather of those sorr y im a little light headed to night mabe when im not tired tommrow i will decide its funny
How about a really simple one:
A guy walked into a bar and said...
... ouch, that really hurt!
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks,
"Is Michael Jackson God?"
I heard that one before. What about mine Teenzine?
Congrats that will be feacherd in our next editon of our newsletter ! Would u like 20 frihs or 10 and a banner add on any page of your choice ( NOT home page or any staff page)
JOkes will know be judged in 2 weeks from know please remember I love giving frihs to people who reguarly attempt my contests.
Hurry im alreadly starting on our next edition please post jokes asap i realy realy realy realy realy realy need them.
How many jokes can i post??
1. As a policeman writes out a ticket for speeding, the driver gets furious: “What the hell do I do with your ticket?”
“Keep it,” advises the policeman. “When you collect twelve, you’ll get a bicycle!”
2. Scurrying through the aisles of a supermarket, two men accidentally bump into each other.
“I’m sorry,” says one of them, “but I’m looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence!” says the other. “I’m looking for my wife too.”
“Maybe I can help you,” says the first man. “What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, has light brown hair, shapely legs, a firm bust and a great body.”
“Forget about my wife,” says the first man. “Let’s go look for yours!”
Q: what did one DNA say to another DNA?
A: Do these genes make me look fat?
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
*********MUST READ THIS JOKE**********
This Is A Blonde Joke That Me And A Few Friends Made Up.
Well this blonde was cruisin across the freeway till she see's red and blue in the rear view mirror, Wooo Wooo (It's the cops). So she park's aside and the policeman walk's out of his shitty cop car and goes upto the blonde which has one sxc looking car and ask's her registration and license please. She shows him, then the police walks away.
As he walks away he looks back and notices the blonde is laughing her head off, he walks back and asks "why" she replies "you got a shitty car" the policeman get pissed and asks her to step out of the car. so she does.
the police man draws a little circle on the floor enough for the blondie to stand in and tells her to stand in it and STRICTLY NOT to step out of it. so she stands in the circle.
he gets a hammer smashes her windows, looks back at her shes laughing. Then he flattens her tires Spray paints all over the car, fills it up with water, looks back shes still laughing. then he gets C4 plants it in the car (((BOOM))) it blows up, looks back shes still laughing.
he walks upto her askn why are you laughing. she replies
"""""" I STEPPED OUT OF THE CIRCLE 3 TIMES HAHA""""""
tell me if u like.. took me a while to write it down.
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''
"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''
here's a few Yo momma jokes that I enjoy
Yo Momma's so fat when she walks by the TV you miss 3 episodes!
Yo Momma's so stupid she watches the 3 stooges and takes notes!
Yo Momma's so stupid when she was filling out a report for work it said Sex: M F and she circled both and wrote [Sometimes wendsday]!
lol get it? if u don't get any of them just reply.
I love the last one
So you going to pick teenzine?
MF ?? Milf ??
dont get it
There all realy long can your shorten it alittle Im trying to conserve space make it less then 2 page newsletter.
In my joke it said M F for Male Female but yo momma's so stupid she thought it was how many times do u have sex a week and she thought M F meant Monday Friday ! lol...
George W. Bush turned red for the last time. He had enough!
People won't stop accusing him of lying us into war. He decided to give the CIA a visit and administer a lie detector test to settle this matter once and for all. The CIA agent explained the test to him, "I will be asking you a series of questions." "When you tell the truth, the light will turn green. When you tell a lie, the light will turn red. Each question as it is asked will be recorded." After the agent finished explaining this to Bush, he asked him whether he understood. "Yes."
The light turned red.
Shorter people i like the one above so im donating frihs know.
How many Emo Kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
your muma jokes....
your muma is so stupid she tryed to drown a fish in water.
your muma is so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
the bermuda triangle and your muma both have something in common they both swallow alot of semen.
I love this one. It is totally true.
Ha, thank you blasty. I am sort of an emo basher so Ill give a couple more.
Have you ever heard of the emo pizza? Yeah, it cuts itself. (saves a ton on labor cost).
How do you get an emo out of a tree? cut the rope. (Thats actually really bad taste, but hey, its a joke.)
Pretty much anything works. Mine tend to be in really bad taste though. Like...
Whats more fun then nailing an Emo to a fence? Ripping it off.
How do you catch an emo that falls off a cliff? Pitchfork.
see really bad taste, so I am going to stop now.
-close- by request.
Please PM any moderator if you want this thread re-opened.