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How long does it take to fall in love?





BruceTheDauber
I saw this story today:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,1736458,00.html

Quote:
Researchers at Bath University have concluded that "consummate love", defined as a balance of passion, intimacy and commitment, takes around 12 months to develop in a relationship. Surprisingly, their findings were based on studying couplings forged via a dating website.


They classified states of love into different types, according to the degree of intimacy, passion and commitment, which is interesting in itself, but does it really take 12 months to achieve the deepest kind of love? Is there nothing to the idea of that love at first sight, then?
WeAlreadyHaveACult
or four and a half minutes. in some cases, love may be confused with 'limerence.'

last night you said to me, "i don't give away diamonds."

you meant, I was a Diamond, and that you would never risk losing me. we were talking about marriage, oddly. you meant, you wouldn't consider NOT marrying me, but the words literally said you wouldnt' not give a diamond. that is how marriage is usually done, with a diamond.

I don't GIVE away Diamonds is another way to think of it.

like, you wouldn't give a diamond to just anybody, but that you inteneded to give me one.

or maybe, i'm just not the kind of girl who wants a diamond and you know it.

anyhow, our hypothetical children are already twinkles in your mother's eye.
udaykamboj
Thats crap man... you can't apply a formula to something like love. I see a saucy hot dog and I know i'm in love with it. In twelve months whose gonna want that? Smile)
Mr Smith
If you don't want the hot dog I'll have it.
Yazz
No one has a definition of what love IS, so you can't even create a length of time for it. Love is different for everyone, and it takes everyone different amounts of time to fall in love. Also, certain conditions, like be trapped with each other, will forge relationships much faster than normal.

Anyways, it's just a last minute thought-vomit. I have to get to Physics.

-Yazz
Soulfire
I would have to go with the whole "Love is different for each person" thing. Each couple is different, there are no two exactly alike. Sure you may be able to find an average, but that doesn't mean much in something that is not so average.
bercha
u can't really 'time' it..
i believe that everyone is different Razz
innercity
I think, one sec is ok !
frozenhead
You can never tell how long, because love is a broad word to define.
BruceTheDauber
frozenhead wrote:
You can never tell how long, because love is a broad word to define.


I think these guys found a good way of defining love. By saying it consists of three qualities (passion, intimacy, and commitment) they have come up with a way of classifying different kinds of love. For instance, "love at first sight" could be high on passion, but low on commitment, and then after a while of knowing each other well, a passionate couple could potentially develop a sense of commitment. Sometimes, there are partners who are more like friends than lovers -- they have commitment and intimacy, but very little passion, yet they still love each other. The strongest kind of love is one where passion, intimacy and commitment are all high. I think that has to take time, because you have to get to know someone well before you can be totally intimate and committed, though the passion could be instant.
livilou
BruceTheDauber wrote:
frozenhead wrote:
You can never tell how long, because love is a broad word to define.


I think these guys found a good way of defining love. By saying it consists of three qualities (passion, intimacy, and commitment) they have come up with a way of classifying different kinds of love. For instance, "love at first sight" could be high on passion, but low on commitment, and then after a while of knowing each other well, a passionate couple could potentially develop a sense of commitment. Sometimes, there are partners who are more like friends than lovers -- they have commitment and intimacy, but very little passion, yet they still love each other. The strongest kind of love is one where passion, intimacy and commitment are all high. I think that has to take time, because you have to get to know someone well before you can be totally intimate and committed, though the passion could be instant.



What a wonderfully worded post! You described it perfectly.

My husband and I married after dating only 6 days, but it took a long time for us to get used to each other. We almost split up a time or two because we weren't used to how the other thought and acted. In the 21 years of being with this person, I appreciate my husband in ways now that I never could have when we first got married. We've learned to talk to each other about anything. We've learned trust in each other. I can't imagine my life with any other person. He's more than a friend, more than a lover.

True lasting love, in and of itself, does take time. I didn't understand that when I first got married. It takes understanding that the person you're with isn't perfect and never will be. It takes a willingness to look over some of those faults. It takes compromise and not thinking that one person is always correct. It takes respect for that other person.
iiimcciii
innercity wrote:
I think, one sec is ok !


for others maybe.. an hr ,.. a day... or even 12 months.. i think you just can't tell how long because an hour for you to realize that your in love might be a year from others.. it's a variable.
indianinworld
If a girl / boy is beautiful, then you fall in Love immediately - The Next second - The next movement.
Laughing
HoboPelican
Hey, somebody had money for grant. They defined the cirteria: intimacy, passion and commitment. Developed a method to measure said criteria and executed the procedure. Cool, we got results! What does it mean? I guess it means that according the criteria of the study, it takes an average of 12 months to reach the deepest love. Real world take away? Love grows.

I personally would have included "tolerance", though.
Smile

I don't think the study precludes "love at first sight". I have to believe in it, since I fell in love with my wife the moment I saw her. Of course, that was pretty superficial love, but it got me motivated to ask her out and get to know her better. Passion first, then intimacy, and over the years commitment grew. (and over a decade or so, tolerance grew, too!)
windrei
how long ?? you mean both sides love each other or just one side love??? if one side only, then my case is love at first sight..... ... of course, it's failed. Sad
megastar
STARTING FROM ONE DAY TO 6 YEARS

BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!!!!

SHE TOOK JUST ONE DAY TO LOVE ME AND KEPT LOVING

I TOOK 6 YEARS TO ACCEPT THAT LOVE AND I AM SAD I DIDNT LOVE HER BEFORE AND HAPPY THAT SHES MINE EVER AFTER Smile
eliasr
BruceTheDauber wrote:


but does it really take 12 months to achieve the deepest kind of love? Is there nothing to the idea of that love at first sight, then?


well, it take under 12 months for my sister.... but wtf, if she can ****** somebody with no releationship to, well how long wold she then could love one ? 20 seconds ? hmm naa, her boyfriend is to ugly for that, maybe 30 seconds
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