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Third Wheel : (





Ray Gravin
I have two really close friends who are know "gasp" dating! I mean these two are my BEST friends. We are all vegan, we share tast in music and art to some extent, were in a band together and we share most of our free time together. These are the only friends I have that I can relate to on some of the more fundamental issues that govern my life. I love them both dearly and respect them both more then myself sometimes.

However know that there "officialy" dating (aparently theres been something going on between them as long as ive known them but they kept it secret from everyone) theve started the habit of having couple problems when im alone with them. It really bothers me to see them get as ugly as they do towards each other. I cant help but take sides. I really dont want to be alone with them becouse of that now. I want to strangle one or the other of them depending on wich one is being the biggest ass.

I dont have many other friends and none that hang out nearly as often. Should I avoid spending time with them when I have to play the role of the third weel or should I tell them to keep there little couple fight moments to them selves?

Anybody have any interesting stories along this line? If so how did you resolve the issue if it was in fact resolved?
escritor
The hardest point is if they argue and ask you to take a side. You just can't do it, because you are friend of both of them.
kv
If you are finding yourself in this situation often, you should sit and talk to them sometime when there are no issues and everybody is calm. Just make it clear that both of them are same to you and you don't want to take sides -- even if you know one of them is wrong. From then on, if you get into that situation, you just remind them of this talk and refuse to comment.
supjapscrapper
..this would be the perfect scenario for a box office blockbuster comedy...I am serious Very Happy you can't let your friends down because tehy don't respect you enough by fighting against each other when you're there. You got to draw the line buddy. You got to sho them that YOU are A FRIEND and not a REFEREE... This means in concrete that every time they start acting like jerks or having coupl problems you juzst go.. just go..that'll show them that you are not interested in taking part or even losing THEIR problems. However, I guess if they are your best freinds, it ywould be a pity, maybe your biggest fault ever if you dpon't meet with them anymore. And the best is...Start dating someone, you'll findou t that you'll spend less time with them and you'll have more perspective about what they are experioencing because you are experiencing the smae with your own girl-friend. Good luck!
escritor
kv wrote:
If you are finding yourself in this situation often, you should sit and talk to them sometime when there are no issues and everybody is calm. Just make it clear that both of them are same to you and you don't want to take sides -- even if you know one of them is wrong. From then on, if you get into that situation, you just remind them of this talk and refuse to comment.

It sounds pretty good in theory. I hope that Ray'll manage to do it for real. Smile
Coen
I can only agree with what kv said.
Akito
kv wrote:
If you are finding yourself in this situation often, you should sit and talk to them sometime when there are no issues and everybody is calm. Just make it clear that both of them are same to you and you don't want to take sides -- even if you know one of them is wrong. From then on, if you get into that situation, you just remind them of this talk and refuse to comment.


That post was from the heart of a member, thumbs up from me. Confused
mike_phi
Hi there sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place at times, mmmm I think you have to have a chat and explain how you feel at times, make it clear that you see the both of them as great friends and they are both specal to you, then let them now that you do respect their relationship but you really cant take sides during momments of indifference as you feel conflict of interest in both directions, also make it clear that you dont expect them to be abnormal couple and not argue at times and you dont feel uncomfortable being there when they argue the only problem is they cant use you to reflect their issues as you are too close to home on both sides and its unfair on you and the party being reflected on which also hapens to be your freind.

I think you guys sound like a great click of friends and I really would not encourage that you stay away from them due to this, I would rather ope you set things straight and continue to enjoy your friendship.

good luck cheers
escritor
mike_phi wrote:
I think you guys sound like a great click of friends and I really would not encourage that you stay away from them due to this, I would rather ope you set things straight and continue to enjoy your friendship.

Indeed. To lose them both would be sad.
bonestorm74
Tough problem, one I find hard to advise you on. Take things carefully and good luck.
TrueFact
Yes, Ray have to draw the line, but they are his best friends and he can't let them down. Sooner or later, something will happen and he will step to one side and stick himself there which will lead to lose the other friend. The solution in my opinion is to step away for sometime to think and think deeply. So far Ray has been just correcting the results and he never touched the roots of the problem. Step away and think to find out what made all this happen then you can straight up everything without losing any of them.

Another point is that you (Ray) have to find other friends or even someone to date. You can't let your life evolve about only a person or two. You have a life to live and this can't be done with only two people.

Good luck
escritor
TrueFact wrote:
You have a life to live and this can't be done with only two people.

Don't you have a best friend?
Drawingguy
I think that the best thing to do would be to simply give them their space sometimes. I mean, you're their friend, but that doesn't mean you should feel obligated to intervene in all of the situations.
RubySlasher
Some people have already given some good ideas about you taking to your own side and telling them how you feel.
But to me it sounds like they fight too much.
Instead of being just a third wheel, you've possibly become 'training wheels." Supjapscrapper is right, you need to show that you are a friend and not a referee. You're not their crutch. When they start acting up, you need to ask them if they're fighting because you're there, and if you need to leave to give them alone time.
If they keep at it, you need to verbally let them know that they're upsetting you.
It's going to take time to ween them off of you. And it's going to be difficult because you love them so much. But if they love you just as much, they'll stop putting on such a display whenever they're with you.
Flarkis
ahhhh yes...the age old "third wheel" problem. Here is my advice tell them that you don't want your relationship with the two of them to change now that they are officially dating. Say you respect that they are going out but they can solve issues on their own time and you just want to have fun with the two of them.
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