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Am i being too jealous ?

Am I too jealous or is she the one causing me to be ?
I'm obviously overly jealous !
 38%  [ 7 ]
Naa, it's her fault! She's hurting you and doesnt even care!!
 61%  [ 11 ]
Total Votes : 18

My gf spends a lot of time on messenger..
And she has a huge list of friends.. about 50 gals and 50 boys lol

The thing is .. she speaks to guys regulary and it bothers me.. she has like best friends sorta and she likes talkin to them and even has some private stuff that they talk about (nothing dirty i think but still a secret from me u see) and their own private jokes and stuff, you get the deal.

I get really jealous of these guys.. some of them - inspite being in a relationship - still come on to my gf or ask to see her bra on cam n stuff.. and it pisses me off my mind (!).. I really wish they didnt exist coz she spends so much time ignoring me and talking to them, i bet she doesnt even realise..

OK, i do understand that having friends is ok.. and some of them really do seem like decent guys and all.. but I still get tramendously jealous of each and every one of them. Especially when i try to talk to her and i get offish responds, and when i ask who she chattin with it's some guy/s..

At this point you must realise my distress... does any1 have any good suggestions at what i should do ? or what i should think ? i know that in the end it's me who's wiv her in bed and she want me to cuddle wiv her and kiss but.. maybe she wants it with them too sometimes (they are fit mostly) ? and even just friends.. shouldnt she show me she cares more for me then them ? like not act offish and feel my uncomfortable mood?
No offense, but I think you may be over-reacting to simple text a bit...but I could be wrong, I'm not there and I don't see how your GF treats you. Something to consider, she may be just trying to make you jealous to see if you care. Some people have strange notions about that sort of thing. In any event, as long as she isn't attempting to meet any of these people IRL, and she stills looks to you for comfort, I wouldn't stress over it all that much.

Try to's just text. Smile
Ahh i guess you're right, if it was just as easy to ignore them as to admit..
I hope she won't stop loving me because i'm so jealous for her...
I don't know if you're too jealous or not, but I think you are, most of the time it is that way (I have quite some experience with it. Wink) If you feel uncomfortable about it, just say it to her, and normally she will understand it. A good tip: say her that you're a bit jealous because you really love her and you don't want to lose her. That will decrease the chance that she will get mad at you. Good luck! Wink
fairy tale answer:

Relax dude, you have nothing to worry about, it's just text.

Real world answer:

Jealousy means that you really like that person very much, otherwise you would not be so concerned about losing her. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous when your girlfriend spend too much time talking to other guys. Text or not, it doesn't matter. Chatting on the internet is just another form of comunication and interaction between people. So be jealous, but don't overdoit. You could try installing a logger on her computer, and analysing all of her conversations when she is a sleep Very Happy
But this will only make you more jealous. Trust me, i know. So, you can either put up with it and accept her like she is, ot you can talk to her and explain how much it hurts you. If she is indifferent to your needs, it means she doesn't care that much for you. Remember that you always have choices, and there are plenty of fish in the sea Twisted Evil
The others may say you're being over-jealous but personally, I know exactly how you feel. I get jealous with my boyfriend a lot, too. Just try to think of it this way: your girlfriend may be talking to other guys, but she obviously just sees them as friends, otherwise she wouldn't have chosen you for her boyfriend. Smile If it really bothers you, just sit her down and talk to her about it. (Probably best if you do it face to face). Just explain what she does and how it makes you feel and if she's worth keeping, she'll try to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. (The issue you mentioned in your original post, how her friends ask to see her bra and such...does she actually do so? If so, this is something you definitely might consider addressing with her. That's not right.) If she gets upset or just lets it roll off her shoulders without a care, that may be a sign that it's time to find a new girlfriend.

Good luck!
another answer could be that she is trying to keep possibilities open... for example if you two might brake up.. she could have a spare Very Happy
obviously don't take this the wrong way, she isn't doing it intentionally.
It's just something we all do on a subconscious level. Well, good luck with the girl and be sure to tell us what happened Very Happy
I can't vote on your poll until you tell us how hot your GF is on a scale of 1 to 10. You could post a pic - that would be even better. As far as chatting on messenger goes, it only shows that she's being an introvert. If she goes out all night flirting, then you might have reason for concern.
look at your relationship. I'd be jealous too. My wife has guy friends and girl friends, did when we were dating too. However, anything deemed sexual or flirtatoeous wasn't allowed. They knew she was taken and I wasn't worried. I was confident she loved me and she was confident I loved her. If you're commited to each other, you wouldn't pull that kind of stuff.

If she hides comments from you, she probably likes it and it perhaps playing the field for the future as someone above said. If she didn't like it, she'd probably show you and say, "Look what so and so said. Can you believe it?" That would make me less jealous than her hiding messages. I don't need to worry about my wife's visits with guys, but she also doesn't try to hide it just like I don't hide anything.

To me, the underlying part of all this, is that she appears to be hiding some of it from you. If she's openly showing you, then it's not as bad.

That's my take.
Sorry, sort of abrupt and heartless, but I think what she is doing is an indication that she is not really into you the way you want her to be (even if you haven't told her it bothers you, I'm sure she knows it).

I understand different sex friendships and they are great. But the above poster was right, you have to keep any come-ons, flirting or secrets out of it, unless everybody agrees (including the online contacts).

Yeah, I know people will disagree and relate their own experiences to the contrary, but ask your self a few questions:

Are willing to put up with this situation permanently?
If she says she will stop, will you believe her or worry she is just hiding it from you?

Good luck. Wink
Something that could be interesting to try: simulate that your internet connection is down for like half a week, and see how your life changes...
I think you should worry more, if she spent all that time she spends on 50 girls and 50 guys, on ONE guy!

Dont be jealous if some guy asks to see her bra. But if she shows them her bra - be jealous! If there were something to be jealous about, she would probably not show you these messages.

So her guy-friends are mostly fit? Says who? Many of them are probably fat, showing some picture they found at google images instead :)

If you think she is spending too much time chatting on the internet, give her someting better to do. Maybe you two should get a new hobby? Be a friend. Spend more time with your friends in real life. While spending lots of time with "friends" on the internet, its easy to exclude the other person not sitting by the computer.

Give her a massage! The guys on the internet cannot compete with that!
yes i'm jealous
but that isn't bad
if you're not jealous then you're relationship isn't healthy
because jealousy gives a dynamic touch to it
it's the thing that keeps your relationship awake
MrBlockeel wrote:
yes i'm jealous
but that isn't bad
if you're not jealous then you're relationship isn't healthy
because jealousy gives a dynamic touch to it
it's the thing that keeps your relationship awake

If your happy, more power to ya. But I have to strongly disagree with you.
Maybe it's a definitiional thing, so here are some def of jealousy:

1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.
a. Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others.
b. Inclined to suspect rivalry.
3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts.
4. Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name.
5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.

I don't think any of those defs are good things in a relationship. I love my wife of 15 years more than life itself, but I am not fearful of her running off. I don't suspect there is anyone else. We both make a point of let each other know where things stand.

So, for me at least, I don't need jealousy to give my marriage a "dynamic touch". I love not having to worry about if my wife is gonna cheat on me. It gives me more time to appreciate a wonderful lady and find ways to thank her for putting up with a pain in the arse like me Wink
You are married so you guys have known each other, i am guessing, longer and better than this guy. His girlfirend is probbably just an outgoing person, but for the times when she tells him off... I'm not sure... something does look wrong in that picture. I also don't really think being jelous is that bad... You are caring more but don't go to extremes by making conflict. Tell her how you feel and ask again what is happenning...

hope all the best goes for you
Mr Smith
Only two things that you can do here buddy...

1. Peel a banana
2. Eat it

Sorry, but from the luck that your having... she's gone like a bird with wings... wait... they all got wings =/
I didn't read your post, but from your title, the answer is... yes you are. If you have to ask, then you are.
Uhm. Well, I'll say you're just jealous with her chatmates, sorry to be mean though.

Besides, you have her! that's the most important fact you should put in your head.

Uhm. We are just homo - sapiens that need's interaction with one or another so just relax, play with your PS2 or XBOX and just love her the way she want's you to be.
Have you tried to chat with her with a new nickname... you might find out interesting stuff about you! Wink

just kidding... I wouldn't do that!
Subsonic Sound
Be careful.

A lot of people here are saying that it's a sign she doesn't like you, that you're right to be suspicious... but bear in mind that even if there is nothing wrong, paranoia could CREATE a problem.

This is about trust. You don't trust her to be loyal to you. If she IS loyal to you, and she realises you don't trust her... well, it's a slippery slope. People don't trust those who won't trust them in return, and she could well grow resentful.

It is a difficult situation, and a familiar one. I did grow pretty nervous about a friend of my girlfriend's, with whom she spends a LOT of time. But I'm satisfied now they are just friends. And I do trust her. She cares about him, sure, but not like that.

To be honest, it often seems that girls have an easier time keeping the distinction between friendship and attraction clear.
You are right to feel jealous and you need to talk to her about this. I'm not saying she is interested in those guys (or she might be, i dont know), but she is not realising that she is hurting you this way. You need to talk to her.
You really just have to sit back and remember that she is with you, no matter what any other guy says, as long as she is genuine and truthful to you. Words from another person seem to upset you at times, but every every EVERY man on the planet hits on girls. No matter who they are, no matter what girl it is ie. attractive, fat, ugly, blah blah a guy will still hit on her in every way possible. It is going to happen. Your lucky that she isnt hanging out with these guys and all she is doing is typing on a computer to them. its not like she likes any of them, shes with you right
I think you might be overreacting about her talking to other guys and having their own inside jokes. I mean, my girl friends has a lot of those with a bunch of guys but then again i dont really care if she is getting with them either...neways I think the whole cybering with the bra thing is a little weird.

First and foremost u should let her no how u feel.


This is natural, mens are jelaous!
"Experts" on jealousy and relationships usually handle jealousy as they would the problem of a washed-out bridge.

They put up warning and detour signs. They point out the awful results of jealousy. No relationships can succeed until the "green-eyed monster" has been vanquished. The basic fallacy in this approach is the assumption that jealousy can be overcome by an act of will.

The man on the road who sees the warning sign can take the detour, and probably will. But jealousy is not a rational proposition. The jealous mate may recognize clearly the dangers of his or her condition.

But he or she can no more cure his/her jealousy by merely determining to do so, than he/she could cure himself of cancer, or eczema. Jealousy often results in a lack of confidence in one's self. The conviction that most other men are smarter, most other women more attractive; the feeling that no one could love me; such are the base of much jealousy.

''Warnings may only add to the feelings of helplessness and guilt, thus doing more harm than good. Not until confidence is established can jealousy be overcome. The story is told of a man with an insanely jealous wife. Instead of trying to defend himself from her accusations, or scolding her for her lack of confidence in him, he acted to build her up.

He persuaded the ice man and the milk man to try to flirt with her. He hired several men to try to pick her up on the street. With her confidence in her attractiveness thus restored, she lost her jealousy.

The cure is not always so simple. The reasons for a lack of self-confidence may lie deeply hidden in the subconscious. Cure may involve extensive analysis and treatment. Our purpose here is not to point out how a lack of self-confidence can be cured. I wish only to indicate that those who lack a basic understanding of jealousy and relationships are not yet ready for dating much less marriage.''
have you ever tried to talk to her frankly and calmly ???

well, love is of course 2 people's matter, but both side should have his/her own private life too. As you said, the one who is in bed with her finally is you. So, why can't you let her to live in her way ?

and, it's a test of your relationship. Now you can see her true characters and you can either accept this, continuing together with her, or cannot tolerate this and break apart. i don't know how old you are, but love relationship will become a married coupl eventually. It's good for you to know more about her now, rather than recognising this fact after marriage !!!

Some girls would likt that her boy friends are jelous. I can't understand it. But it's true for some girls in my experiences.
I think you'd better talk to her frankly about your problem. or ignore all of them...

if you do that and she has changed, you can get a chance to talk to her seriously. even though you do that, if she hasn't changed, I think you'd better think about your relationship with her again..

Good luck
well dude that normal... grow up dats all... you have to hand in hand... all you can do is tell her how you fell... and all depends how she reacts...

off topic : if some ask your GF to show up in bra. what does she do?
here is the deal. she needs to get off the computer and start spending time to you...her man. If she doesn't want to spend her free time with you then you are wasting your time with her. The fact is that 99% of the guys on the net if they are talking to her would if given the chance ****** her. They may not want to keep her or even be with her. They just want to ****** her. It is simple. And if she is telling you that they don't approach her in manners that suggest or outright shout they want sex with her she is lying to you and if she says they are asking for bra pictures that really means they are asking for full nude photos of her and again she is lying to you. Don't be a dupe. Don't be a sucker. If she is home from work and she is spending all her time on the internet with these guys then the relationship is really with them and you are just the fill in to relieve the loneliness she gets from not having them next to her to be with. She keeps you around because she has fears that they won't stay once they get to know her or see all her physical defects that don't show on the photos on those friend sites. She knows you will, so you get the shaft and spending time with the tv while she flirts it up with these attentive men. I bet she isn't meeting your sexual needs as well. It always starts that way. Eventually she will be up odd hours of the night online with them and she won't go to bed with you when it is time to sleep. Sex will become next to nonexistent and when you talk about it you will get every reason not to under the sun. Here is the real word on it ok. Life is too short to spend it in a relationship with someone who isn't heading in the same direction as you or isn't invested in the relationship as much as you. They all end in unhappiness or worst are unhappy but last a lifetime. Then you get to spend your whole life alone and unhappy but married to someone. I was in your shoes before. Ask her if you can read the conversations and mails. If she has nothing to hide she will let you when you tell her it is very important to you. If she has something to hide she will not let you see them. Also check her phone. You may not know it but if she is spending so much time online with them I will bet if you check her phone you will see repeat calls received and eventually returned by her from these guys when you are not around. Again, I will say I know from experience. Eventually, if you press the issue she will leave you. One of these guys she talks to the most will come to your state or town and she will be ****** them. After about three weeks he will go home because it didn't work out and then she will be on your doorstep crying and begging you back and telling you how much she loves you. This happened to me. The whole time mind you during this 3 weeks she is getting boffed out of her mind by some guy she met on the net and if you are smart you will not go back. If you are smart you will wait until you find the right woman. The one who wants to spend time with you and wants to be invested in a relationship with you and not a bunch of ****** online.
I did that and now I have the woman who loves me properly. Who spends her time with me and when we are together we do things together. Even if it is around the house our conversations and affections are for each other. I wouldn't have chosen it any other way from the woman who became my best friend and is now my WIFE!
You have to communicate, communicate, communicate about feelings. Define to yourself and to each other what you feel. If you are jelous, you are often insecure...
Ghost Rider103
This topic is four years old and the user hasn't been around the forums for about four years as well. I don't see any reason to keep this open any longer.

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