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i don't know

I DON'T KNOW: sometimes when i hear people talkin abt love i feel like puckin. i don't know why? 4 instance my friend was speakin abt a couple who loved 4 8 yrs & got married. i don't thnk its even possible 2 love someone 4 8 yrs. 4 someone like me its like a miracle. i've never been loved in my life. i don't know wat it feels like 2 be important or be loved. maybe tats why i hate tat word so much & belive tat it doesn't exist. it gives me peace of mind. i can at night{well actually i sleep when da sun is up}.
i haerd of tis guy who died in my college while on a trip & da funny part { i know 2 see someone's death as fun i must be really sick. weii i am} was tat no one realised tat he was dead or missing 4 a couple of hrs. well tis could easily happen 2 me. if i'm gone no one will realise it 4 atleast a couple of days. then someguy would say,"where is da freak who used 2 act like a smart guy?". probably by then they would have forgotten my name. some say everybody's life has a purpose, well i've never found out mine. if u don't have a purpose should u be alive. wat da hell am i doin here? this question has been killin me all my life. if u have an answer 2 tis i would love 2 know it.
one more thing if there is someone out there can teach me wat da hell love is all abt. i'd become their slave. tats a promise people.
nowadays i've become more friendly & tis is scarin me . i'm very afraid. i don't wanna get addicted 2 people. wen i'm alone there is tis peace tats soothin. i don't feel any pain. and when i do there is no one 2 judge me 4 havin tears in my eyes. i like loneliness. i can be me only with a couple of people, one of thm is always late & da other i don't know whether i should trust. but apart frm tat its just me. the shell is more beautiful than da outside world i should stay in it.......

First of all, don't give up. It's not because no one never loved you before, that it will never happen. You don't have to have be really stunning to find a girlfriend. If you're kind to them, and you show you care for them, they will really appreciate you, that's a beginning. You also don't need to be a stud or something, just take care that you care for your body.

What is love all about? That's a hard question, maybe something for in the Philosphy & Religion-forum. "Loving someone", is willing to care for someone, because he/she is very special to you, because you like him/her very much, and because of the person he/she is. It's really hard, I just did a try.
That's the romantic version at least. Wink

Albert Camus once said: "The only philosophical question is: suicide." Yes, he commited suicide. Why? He couldn't find a goal to live for.

You don't have a purpose to live for determined by a God or something. You'll have to find out for yourself. What do you like, what are you good in? Maybe you have a hidden talent. If you find something that you like or where you're good in (normally there's a relation between those two), you can make it your purpose of. By example, the purpose of your life could be posting on Frihost! (that's a bit unhealthy and exaggerated.) Maybe you could make your purpose of life "positive thinking." If I read your post, I think you really have a very bad image of yourself, while that's not necessary. Start by positive thinking. I know it's going to be hard. But try to be positive, and find the good things of yourself. You're probably exagerating the bad things of yourself. Everyone has its bad things.

Just try to be yourself, and start making more contact with people. That might help too. Smile
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