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The thin line beetween trust and jealousy in relationships!





DJ Santos
In my opinion, we all have a bit of jealousy because we all work hard for what we want in a relationship and don't want to loose it.
For example, my girlfriend and i were trying to apply a common concept which is: "Well if you trust me, i shouldn't feel bad dancing with another girl (and vice-versa)"
After many discussions, i found out that most of the demands were originated by fear of loosing, and that fear tend to make people jealous.

But you know what, i asked to myself, do i really want to pay the price of the incoforts of knowing that my girl would dance in total respect with another man, since i know i wouldn't like it!?

What i'm trying to say is that we all care for what we have, and want to keep it. Just try to differentiate excessive jealousy, which as in any case of excess, demonstrates a problem more complex and that needs special attention. Don't fear jealousy, confront it and accept that every human being as some in him.

What's your opinion?
Slammer
Excellent topic!

When i started seeing my girlfriend (almost 1 1/2 years now) i guess i got jealous rather easy. Even up to mibbe 5months ago, but now its different. I dont really anymore, which is a good thing, i guess its cause i 'really' know her now, and know how she feels about me and its much better.

I think thats just part of loving someone, you have to try and trust them even if your not sure, because usually the paranoia is on you not them.
ebkari
jealousy is something new to me. until i started dating my recent boyfriend, i was NEVER jealous about anything..in any situation. but somehow when you fall in love that jealousy seems to jump in. our deal is "just ask." if i say "i don't like you flirting with other girls" he says, okay. i won't. but if i ask "do you care if i'm a flirt?" and he says no, then i can continue. it really just has to do with what your partner wants.

but as for now, watch out girls. lol. he's mine.
Vrythramax
I think it's more than just a matter of doing or not doing what your partner wants. My wife and I have been together for a long time and we definatly trust each other, if she wants to dance with another man I don't offense at it, instead I see it as a compliment to my good taste in women. I know it's only a dance and when it's over she will be back by my side and we will be going home together. Trust is very hard to come by nowadays and once you earn it you don't betray it. At least you shouldn't betray it.

As for jealousy, I think if you try to hold on to someone to tight, you may end up pushing it further away by mistake....then you lose all.
DJ Santos
Vrythramax wrote:
I think it's more than just a matter of doing or not doing what your partner wants. My wife and I have been together for a long time and we definatly trust each other, if she wants to dance with another man I don't offense at it, instead I see it as a compliment to my good taste in women. I know it's only a dance and when it's over she will be back by my side and we will be going home together. Trust is very hard to come by nowadays and once you earn it you don't betray it. At least you shouldn't betray it.

As for jealousy, I think if you try to hold on to someone to tight, you may end up pushing it further away by mistake....then you lose all.


What i wouldn't like my girlfriend to dance with another man, is because it's rare, it almost never happens that a man is only there to appreciate in a gentleman manner the pleasure of dancing. Therefore, i see it a lack of respect for my relationship, because most of the time, man expect something in return.
I wouldn't mind if the intentions were only gentleman's, but event that is almost an utopia, because dancing signifies a certain attraction, therefore, being neutral is almost impossible, and do not be fooled by appearences.

I don'T see a display of another man's attraction towards my girl as a compliment of my good taste, because id don'T really need that kind of compliments.
I see it more as a lack of respect when it's displayed in an unrespectfull maner.
Seing my girl dance salsa with another man while i'M there, if it's done with respect, doesn'T botther me at all.
But man ten not to have respect when the husband is not present, therefore my girl doesn'T go into places where she could dance with other man if i'm not there, and it's from a common decision we made.
Because dancing itself can be neutral, just for the pleasuer, non sexual of it, because nowadays, i don'T believe there are lots of gentlemans out there, it's a matter of respect for me, because i impose the upmost respect towards others relationships...

PEace
Vrythramax
I thought it was a given that the request and the actual dance was done in a respectful manner...I'm not about to let my wife be manhandled by some drunken slob who just wants to cop a feel. That has nothing to do with jealousy, I swore to protect my wife from harm in any fashion. A simple dance can be as you said quite neutral and inoffensive if done with proper respect. I don't tell my wife where she can go or who she can go with because of the simple fact I trust her. She goes out with her friends and it doesn't bother me a bit...I go out with my friends as well. At some point in your life you find that you not only want, but in many cases need, the trust of your partner...and if you are to possesive or jealous of thier actions you can never fully gain thier trust or respect.

Once again, this is only my opinion on the matter, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me...it just works for me. Smile
Jacqueline
I think that if I'm going to get jelous in a relationship, for any reason, then it's because I am shallow about it.
Say the guy I'm dating is gorgeous, and I want everyone to know he's MINE. But other people are hanging around him, and I'm not.
That might make me jealous.

Jelousy gives me a good chance to evaluate how I truly feel about a relationship.

I've found that the best relationship I've ever been in, was a happy one because i couldn't get jelous about anything.
I loved him, I knew he loved me, and I knew what our reasons were. I didn't care about how he looked.
I didn't even realize how cute he was until we broke up.

He left for the Navy, and I was telling some friends that we broke up because I wasn't willing to marry him just so we could stay near to each other, and I showed them his picture, and I was like "wow...he's hot".
Course, my friend slapped me for not realizing it before, but it made me realize why I was never jelous.
Cause we had more things, then other people, between us.
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