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2 good Customer Support jokes!!!

(The phone rings).
HelpDesk: Good morning, Technical Support, how can we help you?
End User: My cupholder is broken.
HelpDesk: I beg your pardon?
End User: My cupholder is broken. I've just put a fresh cup of coffee into it and its broken right off. Can you give me a replacment?
(the HelpDesk techie is justifiably puzzled by this).
HelpDesk: Erm... we don't normally support things like this. Did you get it from a sales rep., or at a trade exhibition, or...?
End User: No, it's built into the front of my computer.
(the HelpDesk techie is now really puzzled by this).
HelpDesk: Oh. Right. Well, can you describe it to me?
End User: Erm... well, okay. It's kind of like a tray that comes out of the front of my PC, with a hole in it for my coffee cup.
HelpDesk: (Stifling a laugh) And does it say anything on the front of this "cupholder"?
End User: Yes, it says "16x"
HelpDesk: (Just about wetting himself) That's not a cupholder, sir. That's your PCs CD ROM drive!
End User: Oh. No-one ever told me I had one of those. Can you give me a new one anyway then?

HelpDesk: Helpo. Technical Support, how may I help you?
End User: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
HelpDesk: What sort of trouble?
End User: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
HelpDesk: Went away?
End User: They disappeared.
HelpDesk: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
End User: Nothing.
HelpDesk: Nothing?
End User: It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type.
HelpDesk: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
End User: How do I tell?
HelpDesk: (thinks) Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway. Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?
End User: What's a sea-prompt?
HelpDesk: (thinks) Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack. Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
End User: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
HelpDesk: (thinks) Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug. Does your monitor have a power indicator?
End User: What's a monitor?
HelpDesk: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
End User: I don't know.
HelpDesk: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cable goes into it. Can you see that?
End User: (muffled sound of rustling and jostling) Yes, I think so.
HelpDesk: Great! Follow the cable to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
End User: (pause) Yes, it is.
HelpDesk: (thinks) Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something. When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
End User: No.
HelpDesk: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
End User: (muffled) Okay, here it is.
HelpDesk: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
End User: (still muffled) I can't reach.
HelpDesk: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
End User: (clear again) No.
HelpDesk: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean over?
End User: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.
HelpDesk: Dark?
End User: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
HelpDesk: Well, turn on the office light then.
End User: I can't.
HelpDesk: No? Why not?
End User: Because there's been a power cut.
HelpDesk: A power...?!? (thinks) AAAAAAARGH! A power cut? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
End User: Yes...?
HelpDesk: Good! Go and get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the shop you bought it from.
End User: Really? Is it that bad?
HelpDesk: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
End User: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
HelpDesk: Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER! (the 'phone slams down)
first one is pretty good second not really...but tnx anyway
they are all very funny Very Happy I prefer the first.
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to -"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file 'little picture' ok?"
Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control - Alt - Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't
(Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.)
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
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