Bowels No Move!
An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his teepee was located and he would have to move.
He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact place for many generations.
He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the route of the freeway.
He arrived in town but didn't know where to go so he asked someone for directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would be on the right.
He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the building on the left. It was a drugstore.
The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied. "Bowels no move!"
"Oh," said the druggist. That's no problem. Take this twice a day for a week." he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.
The Indian left and one week later the he returned. "Hello," said the druggist. "Did that medicine work?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Well, well," said the druggist. "It appears that we will have to use something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. "Hello again," said the druggist. "How are you doing?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Oh my goodness!" said the druggist. "This really calls for something drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him he asked, "bowels move?"
"Bowels have to move" said the Indian. "Teepee full of shit."
Bad Language
Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father is getting tired of it. So he decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”
Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”
On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”
Justin replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t find the son of a bitch!”
Give Bill More Time
Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill
Shy Guy
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The man responds, at the top of his lungs, "No I will not pay $200!"
Clinton In Heaven's Gate
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"
The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"
An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his teepee was located and he would have to move.
He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact place for many generations.
He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the route of the freeway.
He arrived in town but didn't know where to go so he asked someone for directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would be on the right.
He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the building on the left. It was a drugstore.
The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied. "Bowels no move!"
"Oh," said the druggist. That's no problem. Take this twice a day for a week." he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.
The Indian left and one week later the he returned. "Hello," said the druggist. "Did that medicine work?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Well, well," said the druggist. "It appears that we will have to use something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. "Hello again," said the druggist. "How are you doing?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Oh my goodness!" said the druggist. "This really calls for something drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him he asked, "bowels move?"
"Bowels have to move" said the Indian. "Teepee full of shit."
Bad Language
Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father is getting tired of it. So he decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”
Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”
On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”
Justin replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t find the son of a bitch!”
Give Bill More Time
Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill
Shy Guy
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The man responds, at the top of his lungs, "No I will not pay $200!"
Clinton In Heaven's Gate
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"
The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"
