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I have superiority complex and I need help.





Sizzle
I have superiority complex and I need help. I know I am just a normal person and not superior to anyone. So here is some history on me regarding this subject. When I was 20-23 I worked out about every day, went to the beach when it was sunny and hit the nightclubs about 4 or 5 nights a week. Physical appearance was important to me at that time obviously because I was single. Now I'm married and have a daughter- and they define that I am successful. I have had a career in IT for almost 11 years (still in it), and that too makes me proud. I visited Europe by myself when I was 21 among some other key points in my life that I can honestly say sets me apart from a lot of my peers.

Sounds like a sucessful guy right? I should just shut up and get over it right? LOL. Sometimes however I feel I may have an underlying issue. I don't know why but I am right about things about 99% of the time no matter what the subject. This isn't me coming to this conclusion (that would be silly), but rather what my family and friends tell me. They hate if we have a difference of opinion because later they always come back to me and say, "You know- you were right about this... I don't know what I was thinking". It feels good to be right, sure, and maybe I'm just picking my spots- in other words, I don't really speak about anything unless I know (or think I know something on that subject). I guess the word I'm looking for is "ego".

So here is my issue- I also try to be a sensitive person to how other people's feelings. When I was younger I used to just blurt out whatever was on my mind at any given point in time. As I get older I've been able to corden this off more and more. When I meet someone new they don't realize that for some rhyme or reason (and maybe it is calculated) I am almost always correct. This may be affecting me at work. Whenever I land a new job- I walk in and want to fix the things (processes, etc.) that need fixing right away. However in this scenerio I am the new guy and there is a resistance to change. I try not to step on any toes and when I can implement some of my skill to make things better for a company, I do so time after time. After some time passes and I've gained their trust, respect and admiration; they start treating me and I feel like "The Man". This further boosts my ego which I am trying to beat down with a stick (or obviously I wouldn't be asking for advice in this post).

If anyone has any ideas, please let me know...
Garnet
Is this actually damaging to your lifestyle? I mean, do you not accept someone as a friend, or lose friends because of this problem? See, I'm having a hard time picturing what the problem is. While I can see an ego being a problem for dates and things, you never said that this was bothering your family or the people at work. If you want to fix things right away isn't that just making things better?

However this would be a problem if you try to show the people you meet that you're always right, instead of letting them just figure it out for themselves without going out of your way to make them realize. I dunno, I don't see what's wrong with an ego unless it becomes destructive to you and the ppl around you.
Sizzle
I understand what you are saying- and yes I don't drive any friends or family away. It's not destructive or exteme- I don't loose jobs or friends (and I accept friends readily). They seem to always be glad to have me around at work, at home and out with friends. I guess my issue is how I deal with new people at work; I aggressively try to show them that I am the man. I sometimes feel that not only am I the best at the job I do that I can do anyone else's job better than they can. I don't think this feeling is right. I'm stepping on their toes. I have a habit of coming in and telling co-workers that there is a better processes for what they are doing. In effect, I am telling that for months, years (however long they've been there) that they have been wasting a lot of time.

The older I get the more I realize that my efficiency might irritate people. I am constantly being told to curb my performance.

You hit the nail on the head. I get anxious with people who I just meet- I want them to know that I speak very seldomly because I only talk about ideas I know I'm correct about. People who know me already realize this and waiting for new people to come around is tiresome. Maybe I should just get over it. I'm 35- I don't know if I can change at this point. LOL

-Sizzle
Garnet
Well I've been thinking about this, and I'm thinking that the approach you might be using when addressing your co-workers is the biggest problem. The people you meet will probably figure out you're right when you do day something without you actually doing anything. So for work if a person is wasting a lot of time being in-efficient (which it sounds like some people are, forgive me if I'm wrong Wink ) at work than it might hurt more to not say anything. What I think you should do is give them a chance to correct it first, especially if its your habit to immediately fix things.
There's a guy at the place I work who, as soon as he sees me doing something, insists on fixing the way I do things. What I would prefer is for the problem to be pointed out, then I'll try to fix it myself, and if I fail, then it would actually be better if he helped.
A person can't let personal pride get in the way of doing things right, so really if they obviously aren't going to change anything (probably like those guys who have been there awhile) on their own you should try to help. Just not every time since that makes a guy feel lousy and take it out on you. Otherwise don't worry about it, you sound ok to me.

Sorry if I didn't help much.
maxmax2
Hello To me it appears you are looking for someone to agree with you, that you are a superior being. Now to give you a glimpse of the view from the other side. I work for someone who believes himself to be superior. In fact, his favorite words are, "I know." So no one can tellhim anything, or suggest anything. He has no friends and is disliked at work, not because we fear his superior brains. Remember you and he think you are superior and so whatever anyone else says to you, YOU feel you are better than, smarter than. so it matters not, what the reality is. Most people who have been complimented (you are always right) do not take it to mean that they are then, "superior" to others. And this is what makes someone human and likable (that they are able to accept a compliment without growing a foot). My boss is pompous and insulting and treats everyone like they are beneath him because I suppose (like you) he actually feels that they are. He interrupts constantly, because he thinks only what HE has to say is important. So ok, you have the trophy family and the solid job and as YOU state, you have done things that make you "better' than others. Here is the thing, in case you are seriously asking for help, (though in my experience, Narcissists do not accept help): Much as you THINK that it is a proven fact that you are better-than, superior-to, IN FACT this is all in your mind. In other words, whatever floats your boat. You won't see what's wrong with you but I don't have to know you to be pretty damn sure you are messed up. Treating others as though the King has just walked in the room will eventually make you a lonely man. Here is what superior, narcissistic types like you do: Surround themselves with people who they have a hold on in some way. Maybe you buy your family things, you do something they can't get very easily elsewhere, or they would not be there. What you think is loyalty and adoration is actually them USING you, But as I said before, what ever floats YOUR boat, Mr. Superior.
logosen
Infact this is not new. It seems thats its the same story with every third person. But that doesn't cost. it requires some courage and thats it. What you really need and what you dont , doesn't matter if you have nothing to feel. Hope your getting what i'm talking about.

Keep it to yourself, and don't share things you don't feel comfortable with.
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