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Can you help others w/out first "helping" yourself





mschnell
To say it another way, can you "fix" other people without first "fixing" yourself? I've been wondering about this for a while. The more I "help" my friends through their problems the more I wonder if I really can "help" them. If you don't "have it together" how can you help someone else? From this, I think it's necessary to have a stable self in order to help others. I want to know if this thought extends to nations. For one nation to help any other, must it first help itself? If a nation doesn't have its own problems solved, can it help solve the problems of other nations? Anyhow, I'm just looking for some feedback.
S3nd K3ys
In a word, you can't. If they aren't ready to fix what ever's broke, there's not much you can do. Except a few well placed tactical nukes in the case of nations. Wink
SunburnedCactus
Tactical nukes aren't ideal for personal relationships. Not especially subtle and all...
S3nd K3ys
SunburnedCactus wrote:
Tactical nukes aren't ideal for personal relationships. Not especially subtle and all...


You haven't seen my friends... Shocked

He was talking about nations, too. Wink

Quote:
If a nation doesn't have its own problems solved, can it help solve the problems of other nations?
SunburnedCactus
Yes:

"After a long stressful day at work, I like to come home, kick back, and nuke my friends into a blackened smudge on the landscape."

Fair enough.

Laughing
Vrythramax
Sure you can. If a friend, or a stranger asks you for a helping hand and you give it to them....isn't tht helpinh without personal gain?

I have helped many of my friends out of difficult situations and I have received nothing in return...not even a "Thank You".

Maybe I am a sucker, but I don't look to how to better myself by helping others. If more people thought this way (my opinion), maybe the world would be much better off.
Jeslyn
Wasn't this 'mind-boggling' question on Friends?
mschnell
I don't know. I don't watch friends.
tdb18
In my opinion...
first, people and countries are totally different!
A person who has her/his own problems can help a friend with love and support words. They can work to go trough their problems together and one can have an idea that might help the other...
If we're talking about countries it's more difficult to help. For example a country which has economic problems can not help other with money and there are always the diplomatic things.
But if you have a friend with a problem is always good try to help even if you have your own problems... everybody has problems.
kisses
silliman
mschnell wrote:
To say it another way, can you "fix" other people without first "fixing" yourself? I've been wondering about this for a while. The more I "help" my friends through their problems the more I wonder if I really can "help" them... I want to know if this thought extends to nations. For one nation to help any other, must it first help itself?


Hi Mschnell,

I'm of the mind that the "self" can only help the "self." Well meaning "freinds" might think they're "helping," but in all honesty, none of us can fathom the infinite cominations and permutations of action and reaction, let alone the multiplier and ripple effect of action as they directly or indirectly effect the decision of the individual.

In the end, we are all alone on this planet, surrounded by an ocean of people who serve as sounding boards -- providing feedback to the "self" who either chooses to use it or ignore it, re-direct itself, learn and grow.

No other outside person can "help." They can only act -- to which the self might react.

I think the same applies to nations "thinking" they can "help" another nation.
thiamshui
silliman wrote:
I'm of the mind that the "self" can only help the "self." Well meaning "freinds" might think they're "helping," but in all honesty, none of us can fathom the infinite cominations and permutations of action and reaction, let alone the multiplier and ripple effect of action as they directly or indirectly effect the decision of the individual.

In the end, we are all alone on this planet, surrounded by an ocean of people who serve as sounding boards -- providing feedback to the "self" who either chooses to use it or ignore it, re-direct itself, learn and grow.

No other outside person can "help." They can only act -- to which the self might react.

I think the same applies to nations "thinking" they can "help" another nation.


Hmm.. true.. we can only help ourselves.. nobody else can help us.. like the saying goes, 'the greatest enemy is yourself'.. u nid to overcome yourself to overcome any great problem..
planet
Doesn't it seem possible to "help" other peoples without being totally "cured" one self ?

I for one think so. On a personal level I believe that one can help others even if one has personal problems oneself. The contrary is ludicrous to believe.

On an international level the same should be possible to apply (and IS being done). The United States is amongst the best "givers" in the world even though app. 1/3 of her population lives below the poverty level. She still finds the monies and products to help many other countries in the world which are far worse off. So are many other countries with basically no poverty.

But if the help comes with "strings attached" it begins to be dangerous, If the help is politically motivated and has the objective of changing the direction and beliefs of the populations of said (help needy) countries, it will invariably defy the definition of help and c a n become opression instead of help.

Its a fine line, one which should not be overstepped lest believability will suffer, perhaps irritrievably so.
gaijin01
Everyone is responsible for their own fats... You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink, you cant make anyone leave you can only show them the door...

Each person must decide themselves on everything in their life. How can you also help anyone when you in fact may need "help" yourself.

Each person has likely made their decision about whatever it is long before you came around. If you convince them to change their decision, it is not them but you making that decision. They are not "fixed" only "persuaded"...
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