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Tech Support





noliver
There may be a couple of old ones that slipped through in here ....

Call centre jobs: people wonder why they r paid so much.............for just being on the phone. Take a look:

*

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

*

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

*

Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

*

Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

*

Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

*

Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

*

Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

*

Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

*

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

*

Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

*

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

*

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

*

Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

*

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

*

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

*

Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Noah0504
Seeing my parents use the computer sometimes make all of those legitimate. I need to start thinking about the feelings of those who work in Tech Support.
James Bond-007
Hahaha, that is absolutely hilarious!
nivinjoy
Ha ha...They were nice ones mann...Keep posting more...I like such good jokes very much...!!! Laughing Cool Laughing
Trove-DnD
Remember it takes a
College degree to Fly a plane, but only a high school
Diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of those who
Fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS
Pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which
Tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
Mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
On the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
Before the next flight. Never let it be said that
Ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
By UPS pilots marked with a P) and the solutions
Recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has
Never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
Feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and
Be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
Like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Chris65536
One that I've honestly had when helping out my auntie:

Me: "Click Start"
Her: "Where's that?"
Me: <Incredulous pause>
Her: "Is it under 'File'?"

This was on XP. As if you can own a computer for 6 months and not spot the big green button at the bottom of the screen!
An1vad
Did any of you read the Dr.Seuss books while growing up ?
The Grinch, The Cat in the Hat, & all that ??
If you did, you’ll enjoy this one…


Dr. Seuss as IT Technical Writer


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.


If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
Joanne
Quote:

Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

That one cracked me up Laughing Laughing Laughing

Quote:
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed


So did this one LMFAO
Joanne
I also used to be both a Customer Sales Representative and a Technical Rep (not so techy though).

When I was assisting calls for a mobile phone company:

Customer: "I can't make any calls from my cellphone, whether it be an incoming or an outgoing call."
Me: "Okay ma'am, we need to do some basic troubleshooting with your phone. You need to turn off the phone, take out the baterry for a few seconds, place the battery back then turn it on. Please let me know when you have done all these so we may try to make an outgoing call afterwards."
Customer: "Okay."
-- Toot toot toot --

Apparently she's using her mobile phone while she's talking to me.


When I was a Customer Sales Rep for credit card application.

(Keep in mind that our calls are recorded and some are monitored, and some can be presented when we have team meetings. This was one of the presented ones. Laughing )

Customer: "It says here I can chose which design of the front card I may have. How does a gold fish look like?"
Sales Rep: "Well sir, you know.. It's like a shark... But it's gold."
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