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is love dying?





criticaldensity
Divorce rates are at an all time high, last i read 60%. And people are getting married way later in age. Whats going on?? Which sex is the cause? Have men changed, or have women?

hmmm
Sappho
I should say that men changed since i am woman but i am not goin to be like that Smile I dont think it has anything to do with love, its just the way how it is nowadays, money, career, work, work, work... it seems that there is not enough space for anything else in the world of today. Sad

You dont need to be married to be in love anyway Smile
criticaldensity
Good points you make. A great quote i read.."Everyone should be in love. That is the reason why one should never get married" Do women make too many requirements on their "list" of prospective men??
NG
hmm i thnk woman they just dont want to get tht far so soon but men are way want to go tht far well i am lol i dont no about you tho wot do you thnk?
Soulfire
We aren't easily satisfied anymore, and we have lost our sense of compassion. Honestly, we live in a world that gives no meaning to integrity. It's just our lifestyle, stress is high, time for family is low, and that's not a good recipe.
Garg
Soulfire wrote:
We aren't easily satisfied anymore, and we have lost our sense of compassion. Honestly, we live in a world that gives no meaning to integrity. It's just our lifestyle, stress is high, time for family is low, and that's not a good recipe.


I'm don't totaly agree. I think that today the probabilities of meeting attractive new poeple is higher.

Because of our travelling lifestyles, urban lifestyles, we meet more and more poeple everyday. We are therefore more tempted by new and attractive poeple. The saying of there're are plenty of fish in the sea should now be there're plenty of fish in the ocean !

We live by change, if something doesn't work with an appliance or you car, the only solutions that comes to mind is to change or replace. I think we've transposed that to our choice of partners, which indeniably leeds to more divorces and heart breaks.

Plus the woman are just so demanding now Wink They all want the alpha male, and loads of less cute men end up alone ! I would think that the increase in the number of homosexual is also a consequence of what i've been saying !

My 2 cents
Mithrandir
I think its society that is changing, not the individual people. The divorce rate is at an all time high because divorce is much more socailly acceptable than it ever has been. Take a look through history. There was a time no one got divorced, not even kings. King Henry VIII of England wanted one but the Pope denied a divorce to him so Henry created his own chuch! And even during the early 20th century it was still taboo to get a divorce and was considered a sin by many religions. Nowadays when anybody can get married and people act on impulse, they don't have to fear divorce as the social suicide it once was.
alkady
It has nothing to do with love, I dont blame the highh divorce rate. Who wouldnt be bored doing the same person for a the millionth time. Plus there are alot of other factors. But its not easy to answer. But for people getting married later, Well Career is one reason, You work, You work. Cannot blame em. You want to be on the top, You have to fight for it. Most people just want the benefits thats all.
Vrythramax
Sappho wrote:
I should say that men changed since i am woman but i am not goin to be like that Smile I dont think it has anything to do with love, its just the way how it is nowadays, money, career, work, work, work... it seems that there is not enough space for anything else in the world of today. Sad

You dont need to be married to be in love anyway Smile


Absolutly right on the money Sappho. It seems that we as a culture have become so immersed in our collective work ethic that we have little time to think of anything else. That combined with a sense of apathy on the part of both males and females it is hurting relationships. I don't mean apathy towards your partner, but an overall sense of apathy towards commitment in general. We have, unfortunatly, become a "Fast Food" society where instant gratification is the end-all-be-all of existence, fewer and fewer couples are willing to take the time to build a lasting relationship, and I think we all suffer as a result.

Speaking strictly for myself, I was lucky enough to find and fall in love with a beautiful woman and I married her. She is now the focal point of my life...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love is not dead....but chivalry is terribly bruised.
Garg
Vrythramax wrote:
Love is not dead....but chivalry is terribly bruised.


I really like this Quote !!! Just so you know...
sammistrychnine
Everyone is changing. Love isn't sacred any more. People don't wait things out before marriage.

Love is still out there, people would rather overlook it for sex.
Dustin
The act of making love isnt dieing...thats for sure

However from the sounds of things lately on the news i guess i'd be safe to assume that romeo and juliet style love is dieing. Ohh well, i can do without it Razz
Blaster
BOTH!!

People now adays get married WAY too soon.

And if you were to disclue actors/actresess that would probely make it 50% because they got so much damn money they don't know what to do with it. So they get married.

My parents after 6 months of going outgot engaged when they were (mom 17 dad 21) and had me a little later. My parents made it work so why can't others?
blackheart
No.
CrimsonStrange
I think that younger people, in particular, don't possess the ability anymore to fully recognize the differences between love & lust. And this is mainly due to their upbringing and the social stimulus that they're subjected to as they grow up.

I think another reason is fear - fear of responsibility and a fear of feeling trapped in marriage. The idea of marriage seems to have shifted over the years from the notion of lifelong commitment & understanding... to a stifling, unchanging prison sentence.

And I hafta agree with what Soulfire said - We're not easily satisfied anymore. Some call it "becoming more sophisticated". Rolling Eyes
Seems like society, as a whole, is becoming more & more like a spoiled, pampered housecat.
lockwolf
I think most people aren't becoming mature as fast and are still in more of a "Teenage Love" craze where you will go out for a short period of time (In teenage time a few weeks but in adult time a few years) and just get in one big fight and hate each other forever.

If you really want to look at it from my point of view, if your getting married you should be ready and mature enough to love your spouse for the rest of your life or not get married at all.

Also, haven't you noticed how easy it is to get another person to like you? I can't even check my email without getting an advertisement or spam for a dating website, sex hookup website or other relationship based website.

One thing that also sickens me is that society now days thinks its ok to marry 3 or 4 people in your lifetime. You will never find the perfect spouse but you can come close.
Caesar_
teenage love it's a lot happier then the adult... i mean... when you are a teenager you have that idea that you can do anything you want... so it could become more interesting then acting like an adult...

anyway... love is not dieing... if you loved... or you love... there will be allways something staying there in your heart... no matter how much you hate the one you loved once...
jaysen
is love dying?

What?
you mean its still alive?

People seem to want the quick fix nowadays. I've seen people get divorced for the stupidest reasons... but usually it comes down to people thinking about themselves too much and not about their mate... one or bothe of tehm don't try to make things work.. things get ignored, and people grow apart until they can't handle being together. been there myself.
dac_nip
Love can never die, it's within each of us. If you let your's die, then its your responsibility. When a man cease to love, he perishes! Very Happy
frozenhead
Definitely NOT

The world today have changed a lot and even continuously changing though I still believe that LOVE is still somewhere in the corner.

My mom and dad are married for almost 40 years now. So I think it is somehow existing and I do like to have someone that'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

_
JonesThe42nd
Love isn't dying, people are just changing. The reason families worked so well for so long in their nuclear form wsa because of a strict, socially-imposed role structure. Dad provided wealth for the necesseties of life, Mom ensured that the entire family was well-kept and healthy on a more individual level. The kids actually obeyed they're parents, at least to a degree that would make kids today shudder (which, i know, is still not 100%, but it's way more than it is today). Those roles have broken down almost completely. Media advertises different things, and people are always trying different things. The economy also contributes: It now takes both a mother and a father working full time to do what it took just a father full-time to do fifty or sixty years ago, as far as overall lifestyle is concerned. I personally blame, at the root, a separation of the individual from a truly religious community, but I will admit that, while this is one factor, it cannot be conceded as the only, or even the largest. The fact of the matter is, the world is changing, now more than ever (of course, every generation before us has been able to say that, but that doesn't make it any less true.) As the world changes, people change, and what we're changing into now is something that has to choose between a constant, lifetime commitment to family, or to career. So few have the privledge of both.
arch23
criticaldensity wrote:
Divorce rates are at an all time high, last i read 60%. And people are getting married way later in age. Whats going on?? Which sex is the cause? Have men changed, or have women?

hmmm

I think people wants everything has to be instant and come easy. so that reflects to other areas. if the relationship doesn't go up well - we'll reset and start over. there is less effort to solve problems and go through hard times.
Caesar_
divorcing it's made when a series of troubles with your mate from the past get over you all at once... it happened to me too... she allways says that i don't care and all those types of shits because something happens and i am trying to help her... in my own way... she liked my way... and now she doesn't (people change... or get bored...)... and she get nervous and ****** my day... that's when i allways say... "ok... that's it... i had enough" anyway... the next day it all comes back to normal... but it changes my way of thinking... because... things like this are not very welcomed when you have a week full of love... and you want to tell you girlfriend some of your feelings... and that day when you wanna tell what you feel turns in a really mad day... i hate it when we have to argue for some stupid things... i mean... it all starts with an explanations... and then sudently it turns into an argueing... it just doesn't worth it...

Why do people doesn't understand each other... ?
benjamincblunt
I think you want to know about love watch the movie hitch it describes alot about many things I think are true about love. Love still is out there you just have to try harder than ever and work harder than ever and look harder than ever and love harder than ever to find it.
lessthanchet22
expectations have changed

men expect women to be more tolerant, while women expect men to be more understanding

the world has also changed, due to the fact that women are now free from the various social restraints of previous decades.

Divorce is also in a much greater view in the national sense, due partially to the modern media

but, the most significant reason why divorce is on the rise is video games

people still want instant gratification, something that just doesnt happen in marriage
David_Pardy
The age of the nuclear family is dying because all people do is sleep around. There is no commitment to actually creating a future for themselves, they're only in it for the 'lustful now'.

If you want to make a relationship work, then COMMUNICATION is the #1 key. If you have a problem, talk about it. Don't let emotions peak, because everything coming out all at once is what causes marriage breakdowns, etc. A lot of marriage problems are caused by all the little things building up and not being addressed.

My church has given several sermons on marriage and making it work, and they all make absolute perfect sense. My parents got married at 20 and 17 respectively, and they just celebrated their 26th anniversary. They've never had a single big fight, and they love each other as much as always. There are plenty of happy long-married couples at my church, one of which has just celebrated their 50th anniversary.
EVILSKAAP
Maybe its just the new age way of living. The standards of living is way higher, so people do not see the need to create a family and populate the earth and all that. Humans have realised that they dont need a family or kids to be happy. Humans now have each other much closer than ever before and therfore a family has become redundent and a drag!
MWANGI
criticaldensity wrote:
Divorce rates are at an all time high, last i read 60%. And people are getting married way later in age. Whats going on?? Which sex is the cause? Have men changed, or have women?

hmmm


Love is not dying. It never existed in the first place.

Someone once said

"TRUE LOVE DOES NOT EXIST...IT'S JUST CHEMICALS!"

I think he was right. That thing does not exist so stop filling your brains with illusions and unrealistic dreams.

It's better if you just talk about something possible and visible that everybody knows exists. Let's talk about whether sex exists.

lol Arrow
Sappho
MWANGI wrote:

Someone once said

"TRUE LOVE DOES NOT EXIST...IT'S JUST CHEMICALS!"

I think he was right. That thing does not exist so stop filling your brains with illusions and unrealistic dreams.

It's better if you just talk about something possible and visible that everybody knows exists. Let's talk about whether sex exists.

lol Arrow


And someone once said:

"IF LOVE DOESNT EXIST THERE IS NO POINT OF LIVING."

She was right, whats the point then?
David_Pardy
Love DOES exist. Do you care about your parents? That is love. Do you have friends? That is also love. Do you feel for those who are in need, hurting, dying, etc.? Also love. Anyone who says love doesn't exist needs to use their brain.
tefa_taftaf2010
love Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed
love is the love for ever
but the men and women are changing
we find someone marrige in the 30th of age or later
but the 1st reson is the expinsive in life
but if the man and the woman love each other
every thing will be ok
and the love will live
adwya
love is love



dont change


in all places and all humans
dac_nip
if love exist. can you please define it? go to this thread and put your definition of lovel. Very Happy
http://www.frihost.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=24081&highlight=
valkyrie-heavens
I think that everything can factor in on this... like 50 years ago it was women did the house work and men brought in the income. There was a sytem that everything was done by. Now women have been given the freedom to work. I think that alot of it is a battle of power between male and female (how much money they make, who does the most work, etc.)

I dont believe in that saying "u can live on love" the world now revolves arpund money... and that what creates arguments. Everything know is based on physical material
XxGunner
Ya divorce rate is real high these days. But i dont think love is dying its just that people dont like staying with one person for a long time i think. I think people like sleeping with more then 1 person lol.
earthchild
heck no!
love can't die... it is the fabric of the universe.

marriage is only one form of love... and ironically after people divorce they still love the other person (even if they think they don't) Once you've loved someone - it can never be erased by the sands of time (in the big cheme of things.)
Caesar_
Well i think when you divorce you really crashed everything that life gived you... i donno... if i would divorce... my world would die... but the love would still remain... no mather what...

I donno what people think when they divorce... most of them do it for stupid reasons... and others... well they have no other ways...
I guess life is unfair with us sometimes... but we are unfair to life to... so it is a a balance of good and bad...
adwya
both>>>
SkullPizza
I'm not sure it has anything to do with whether or not men or women have changed. It would seem that society is the culprit here.
Eyre
yes i don't think anyone has changed. i just think that love itself has taken on a newer meaning for most people. However for the people who still hold true to the real way's it is rather hard to find the special someone.
Caesar_
welll i did it... i broke up with my girlfriend... i guess it was the best way to make both happy... we love each other a lot... but we don't have posibilities to make us happy... i feel so unlicky, i thought this relationship would be for a lifetime... we even thought of kids... and mariege... but only two weeks has changed everything... it wasn't the same... now it's very very hard for both of us... i don't know about her... but my chest is hurting like hell when i am thinking about this... well... anyways... i look at it as a great relationship... whit a good ending... i donno if there is an ending withouth suffering... but i would say that everything has turned out well... we don't hate each other... well this feelings change us... but... we don't let each other change in a bad way...
Lennon
I just don't feel the love.

Love is dying Crying or Very sad

All I feel is ego, people surrounding themselves with images, friendly faces, always needing to be stimulated by happy images and fun, looking for everyone else's attention. It's psychologically proven (Maslow's theory of motivation). Self-approval. Nothing else matters.

charitable people are only those who have so much themselves that anything they give is not that valuable. you don't give away your only clothes. you give away clothes that you'll never wear again. Everybody is in competition for jobs, girl/boyfriend relationships and positions of power. Everybody competes until they're happy at what level they stand, that is when they have their two feet on the ground and life looks steady.
Just look at the rich and poor. the poor are killing each other for survival. The rich are only giving away what they can afford, and they measure every bit in their head to estimate what's a good affordable donation, and then they'll feel good to themselves. coz you have to reward yourself for doing good things, even if you don't care what happens to the donation, at least you did something good (which is another way of spending money/ getting rid of old clothes to make you feel happy). But is that enough? while you're spending so much time out there trying to feel good, other people just arent' getting enough. There's people out there with no friends, people who make an effort and don't get noticed, people dying because there's too much competition. And yet we think we're right, coz when we're wrong we don't feel good about ourselves.

And then you'll realise how we are only ready to give to others when we've had our fill. Typical, give your leftovers as donations and you'll feel good about yourself for doing a good thing. (at least good use of valuable resources).

but that's not enough.
There's people like me who try so hard to get in touch with society and get involved in everyway, I seem nice and friendly, and people are friendly back to me which is good, and I'm socially dying with no support from parents, never had a friend or relationship, but trying, trying so hard and I keep my cool about it. Yet all i get is opinions and advice coz that makes people feel good about themselves to think that they're doing the right thing.

for me to see real love is to see people stop hiding their inner thoughts, to stop trying to impress everyone, to let themselves be seen as simple human beings that we are trying to learn and better ourselves and the world, and if there's any negative to let it out, and if there's any warm feelings, to let that out too. And not just to do the right thing for people, I'd like to see them feeling the hurt and pain of others not by experiencing their situation but by empathy as simple human beings. coz if we really knew how bad things are out there it would make you cry. Remember 9/11 or Tsunami December '04, when you were shocked with graphic images of hurt and despair., when the news finally sunk in, those deep feelings are the love that human beings share for one another, and it takes a reminder once in a while to remember what it feels like to really appreciate one another. Because sooner rather than later it's too late. i hope you'll understand and thank you.
Soulfire
I don't think love is so easily defined, but it does exist... it just changes. Society seems to think that "more is better" and now we are at the statistics of 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce, and probably higher than that now.

The problem is we tend to get "bored" if you will, and of course there will be fights between people, but we just live in a society that seems to accept loving and marrying multiple people (hopefully not at the same time). And because "everyone else is doing it" we do to.

Also, a lack of good judgement on many peoples' parts is to blame. As the song says, only fools rush in.
Rhubarb
I think you are on to something there. All that most people do these days is work. They leave time for nothing else. But it also has to do with people thinking to much, confusing infactuation with love and not going with their natural instinct. After all we are intelectual animals and should not disscard our instincts.
tdb18
Good and useful question...
I prefer to believe that love will never die, so I'll blame the rest of the world for divorces and broken hearts and not love or the lack of it.
For the rest of the world I mean all those needs that we have: We want money to live confortable, we want the whole world agree with us, believe in the same things that we believe and it causes a lot of hate... We often want more from people and we give nothing! It's sad, but so true, thank God that we still have good people in the world.
About love, it's not dead, we still see a lot of people who reamain married untill their death... and almost everybody is looking for love, so it can't be dead! Wink

I Hope you can all understand my poor english!
kisses
nopaniers
I agree with those people who say it's work... work and money. For example, someone coming out of university today has a much bigger debt. How are we meant to set up a family? With house prices like they are, I basically could not have afforded to buy on in Australia, but I think the situation is much better here in the UK. Marrying is being put off until much later, and when people do, there is much more stress being in such massive debts which our parents generation did not have.

I think also that society is moving to value money much more than everyone else. We're working much later, trying to be more productive. We are being told more and more that economic growth is more important and everything has its price. It's a sad state of affairs when people are being pressured to give up their time to work instead of spending it with their girlfriends and wives.

I recently read this, which I thought was pretty interesting:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4740092.stm
Jack_Hammer
I think as people are living longer (also it is proven that with longer living is the slowing of aging), so that the agin process is slower the longer you live. So people are living such a long time now there is little point even thinking about settling down till you in your 30's imho.
Jacqueline
First of all: Don't EVER bring up the idea that love will die!! That's a horrible, HORRIBLE thought!

Moving on:

People nowdays are looking for too much stability. That's what i blame it on. They aren't willing to go out and try to make something of themselves, therefore, their falling for the first person they see.

My dad's ex-wife has been married 6 times (though I give her credit, this new one looks like he'll be here forever. He's been here for 5 years, and has already promised his jeep to my 4 year old nephew.), and she's mostly after MONEY.
She ran my dad dry for money even after the divorce (my mum and dad have been married my whole life though!)

I'm not really sure what's going through the male mind. I don't get asked that question allot in my column, so I havn't really researched it, or asked many campus mates...but I think I will!

Thanks a bundle! You have just inspired my next editorial piece!
Once a month I write an editorial piece to go along with my column. This sounds like a good one!

Well anyway, back on topic:
I believe there are two types of people when it comes to situations like these. Those who are too scared/smart to jump into anything, and those who aren't.
The ones who are too scared/smart will be more willing to go out and go to the big colleges, and get their masters in whatever they feel like, and are perfectly content with not settling down until they've gone to hell and back over this one person, and finally realise their the one.

Then there's the other. the ones who are willing to do anything to keep someone. They are so infatuated with this one person that their willing to marry them before they even try to go to college.
There's this girl that lives near me, for instance. She graduated in the spring of '05 from high school. She was in my sister's class. I recently read about her engagment in a newspaper.
Now this girl was very popular in school. A former dance-squad captain, and over-all snob. But completely and utterly STUPID. Girl couldn't throw a rock at a bulls-eye because she couldn't figure out how to pick the stupid thing up. Seriously. So it's no wonder she's engaged so soon. She's already figured out that she's about as smart as candy-corn, and so she's going for the guy who goes to a private college, and is more likely to make enough money for the both of them to have the ten kids she never wanted and the mansion she's already picked out. Don't get me wrong. She's going to college. the easiest college to get into that's within a 60 minute radius. Indiana Bussiness College. Just give them your name and your birthday, and your in! You dont even have to spell it right.

Modern life is much different from what it used to be. It's a harder world full of backhands who will do anything to make it to the top. ANYTHING. and some people just don't know how to survive, so they count on "instant love". just add water and wait for the mold.
Caesar_
If there is anything that could save us it's love... and when i say it... i think about "saving the entire planet"... when you love... you forget about hate... and you only think about doing good things... so... i donno if anyone would like to kill "love" or let it die... because it's the only time when you feel good... and... i don't think that your conscience will ever let you forget about loving... or will let you hate so much... i mean... there is something good in anyone... and love will allways make us think positive...
scottcquinn
No, love is not dead.

I think that the culture has changed so much over the past 50-years that it's hard for anything to stay put. Look at technology, communications, business, everything is changing so fast that unless each person invovled in the relationship put extra time into physically, mentally, and yes, spiritually relating to the other individual then the relationship falls apart.

Another part of it is whether you define love as a "feeling" or a "decision." If you define it as a feeling then it's really easy to fall in and out of love with someone, however if you define it as a decision or a choice I think that it becomes easier to stay in that relationship longer. Everyday I get up and I choose to love my wife. Someday we might not make that choice, but there've been lots of times that I haven't felt like loving my wife but I make the choice to. I'm not saying that feelings aren't a part of love. I just think that in today's world we focus more on the feelings than on the choices and the consequences of those choices.

I went ahead and opened up another forum topic with this in it to see what your thoughts are on this. Please take a look and give me your response.
Defining Love
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