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CHUCK NORRIS





djcaution
I couldnt help it.... Laughing
I'll start:

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris walked into a Wendy's & asked for a Big Mac. AND GOT IT.

Chuck Norris’s blood type is Unleaded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
matt87
Chuck Norris? lol... did you make these up yourself?
Liu
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
ocalhoun
I can divide by zero as well, It's not complicated.
Here's an example in JavaScript
Code:

   ...
var num=5;
var zero=0;

document.write("this is the result: "+num/zero)

Output of this:
Code:

this is the result: infinity
Liu
That's not really you dividing by 0 then.

Either way, way to take the joke in a literal sense!
ocalhoun
Fine.
6358923654238954 / 0 = infinity

Happy?
Liu
It's impossible to do it. Infinity is only a concept as it is. It's undefined - impossible. Majority of the jokes of Chuck Norris is doing the impossible; that's what makes them funny. So are you saying you can do the impossible? Because x/0 = infinity isn't really an answer. It violates the axioms of mathematics.
djcaution
haha no I actually didnt make them up myself there are entire sites dedicated to these kinds of chuck norris "facts", some are really funny, check out:

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
djcaution
p.s. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
ocalhoun
Liu wrote:
It's impossible to do it. Infinity is only a concept as it is. It's undefined - impossible. Majority of the jokes of Chuck Norris is doing the impossible; that's what makes them funny. So are you saying you can do the impossible? Because x/0 = infinity isn't really an answer. It violates the axioms of mathematics.

Just because the people behind "the axioms of mathematics" couldn't understand infinity, dosen't mean I can't.

Just revert to the elementary-school way of teaching division:

2 goes into 4: two times
5 goes into 100: twenty times
0 goes into 4: infinite times

If you have four apples, and you divide it into portions of two, you get two portions.
If you have four apples, and you divide it inot portions of zero, you get an infinite amount of portions.


You are just limited by human understanding, which finds infinity hard to grasp, being finite.
Human consiousness finds it difficult to understand things such as infinity or eternity, but if you try hard enough, you can overcome this.
djcaution
Quote:
if you try hard enough, you can overcome this.


ocalhoun, like chuck norris, has overcome this...
Sappho
ocalhoun wrote:

Just because the people behind "the axioms of mathematics" couldn't understand infinity, dosen't mean I can't.

Just revert to the elementary-school way of teaching division:

0 goes into 4: infinite times



Ppl behind those axioms understand it much more than u do obviously Smile

4/0 cant be infinity couse infinity*0 is still 0 Smile

How many times u need the 0 to get an apple? Laughing
ocalhoun
Sappho wrote:



4/0 cant be infinity couse infinity*0 is still 0 Smile

Any number multiplied by infinity is infinity.
Any number multipleid by zero is zero.
I theorize the solution to infinity * zero to be any number. (>0 OR <0)
Therefore infinity * zero = an infinite range of numbers.
LoveMachine
"Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming that 'Law and Order' are trademarked names for his left and right legs."
ocalhoun
Sappho wrote:

How many times u need the 0 to get an apple? Laughing

infinity.
Now you are enlightened...
Zuwiki
My crappy uneducated theory is that 0 and infinity are the same thing.
Sappho
ocalhoun wrote:
Sappho wrote:

How many times u need the 0 to get an apple? Laughing

infinity.
Now you are enlightened...


Ok so i did look into that problem a little and here is the best answer i found:

Quote:
Because there's just no sensible way to define it.

For example, we could say that 1/0 = 5. But there's a rule in arithmetic that a(b/a) = b, and if 1/0 = 5, 0(1/0) = 0*5 = 0 doesn't work, so you could never use the rule. If you changed every rule to specifically say that it doesn't work for zero in the denominator, what's the point of making 1/0 = 5 in the first place? You can't use any rules on it.

But maybe you're thinking of saying that 1/0 = infinity. Well then, what's "infinity"? How does it work in all the other equations?

Does infinity - infinity = 0?
Does 1 + infinity = infinity?

If so, the associative rule doesn't work, since (a+b)+c = a+(b+c) will not always work:

1 + (infinity - infinity) = 1 + 0 = 1, but
(1 + infinity) - infinity = infinity - infinity = 0.

You can try to make up a good set of rules, but it always leads to nonsense, so to avoid all the trouble we just say that it doesn't make sense to divide by zero.
alkady
I never really understood this obsession for Chuck Norris, But I finally do.
ml
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
alkady
I found a bunch of Chuck Facts from: http://www.cubeslacker.com/content/view/26/36/

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris won ‘Jumanji’ without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a ****** Indian.

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't ****** think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Each individual hair in Chuck Norris' beard has a beard of its own.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't pluck up the courage to tell him
Chuck Norris once knocked out Mike Tyson in a bare knuckle boxing match... with both hands tied behind his back.
chuck norris frequently signs up for beginners karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out fully solved.
Chuck Norris is said to have roundhouse kicked a McDonald's so hard that it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris is where babies come from.
Chuck Norris invented a language that uses kicks and punches. So if he kicks your ass, don't take it personally. He may just be trying to say that he likes your hat.
When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com
The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis.
Chuck Norris eats pieces of metal for breafast and shits out a tool shed at lunch.
Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a lighter weight and work his way up.

Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.

Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
Godiva chocolate is made out of Chuck Norris’s shit.
The foreskin from Chuck Norris’s penis is used to cover Yankee Stadium when it rains.
When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. he then procedes to ****** all the girls in the stadium with his beard.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
LandShark
lol chuck norris is amazing, all these facts are pretty funny
picsite
i don't get where this new chuck norris craze came from. The most random and stupid comments about him are being made. I first heard about it at school and now here and checked it out of google and its the new craze. Holy where did this get caught on from? Btw, what did chuck norris do that made him so special. ////
Vrythramax
picsite wrote:
Btw, what did chuck norris do that made him so special. ////


He's Chuck Norris....isn't that enough? Sheesh.

Funny reading people Very Happy
lockwolf
I can divide by 0 but when I try dividing by zero with the windows calculator I keep getting this:



Microsoft is so stupid
hack_man_
I go to [url=http://albinoblacksheep.com]Albinoblacksheep] al lot and I have notcied that since that ne song called "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" by Lemon Demon was uploaded... I have seen more references to Chuck Norris that I have ever seen before!

Is there a connection? (See the clip if you do not know what I am talking about)
Jayfarer
There's a Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Jack Bauer random fact generator on the internet. I'm pretty sure that's where this meme started.
Patrick
Chuck norris is so amazing.. i@m glad he dont roundhosed kicked me
n0obie4life
I wonder why this spam topic wasn't locked.

-close-
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