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Become immortal! Honest!





LoveMachine
"But LM, you're being an idiot! You can't become immortal! The ravages of time affect everyone!"

Oh, you think so, do you?

Just checking.

There was one special group of individuals that were immune to the effects of time, disease, and that angry burning you get when you take a dump after eating too much spicy food and you have to wipe like sixty times to get it all clean again. God, I hate that.

Who was this elite group of demi-gods? When did they exist, and why aren't they around now? To get the answers, all you have to do is pick off that thing at the end of your shoelace, and put it in your mouth.

Go on. Jenna Jameson that shit and put as much of it in your face as you can manage! Soon you'll be on your way to living forever!

"Mmmph! Phmmm mmmphmmm!"

Ah, I see your pie-hole is so jam-packed with shoelace ends, you can barely breathe, let alone talk. Allow me to explain. The immortal beings I mentioned before weren't devil-worshippers or scientists. They were dinosaurs!

Dun dun duuuuuuuuunnn!

Think about it! The dinosaurs could live forever, but they were just too stupid to not get buried under landslides, sucked up by tar, or smashed to death by meteors. Had none of this stuff happened to them, they'd surely be around today. Because it's a sure thing that they wouldn't die of something only a pussy would die of, like old age. They had to get wiped out by an interstellar event!

But what does this have to do with the ends of your shoelaces? It's simple, you brain-dead mongoose! The clear plastic is a 100% pure oil product. And oil is pulled out of the same ground that dinosaurs are buried in.

So you can see that by steadily increasing your daily dinosaur intake with the help of non-toxic oil products, you too can live forever as long as no outside forces kill you.
strfry
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink
LoveMachine
strfry wrote:
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink


Like hell it is! I don't need that sissy to help me gain eternal life. Who needs the afterlife when you never die!
Zuwiki
strfry wrote:
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink


Yeah, me too. Really funny though. One problem though...

As I'm sure Lennon will tell you, dinasaurs are what is called an "organism". Organisms die. All of them. THEY DIE.

Well, anyway, funny. I'm not sure whether it was also supposed to be a rant though...

Oh, and if you don't mind me saying so, you're not a very constructive person. Very self-righteous. Not a good quality if you ask me. Try telling someone WHY you don't need Jesus. Ever think about that? Or like what I'm doing right now, I'm telling you WHY I think you should change your ways, not saying you are a jerk or whatever.
candycakes
o_O shoelaces....

when i read Jenna Jameson i thought o no! porn post!

bu seriously shoelaces....could've used something easier like gasoline? lol
LoveMachine
Zuwiki wrote:
As I'm sure Lennon will tell you, dinasaurs are what is called an"organism". Organisms die. All of them. THEY DIE.


Now it is you that has the problem.

You see dinosaurs weren't merely orgainsms. They were also awesome.
strfry
They were orsgainms?

[Zuwiki: Don't sweat the petty or pet the sweaty. LM just having a bit of fun as he fulfills his entry points for Frih. Very Happy ]
Bondings
LoveMachine wrote:
There was one special group of individuals that were immune to the effects of time, disease, and that angry burning you get when you take a dump after eating too much spicy food and you have to wipe like sixty times to get it all clean again.

Actually all those things should theoretically be possible in the future. However, not 'aging' or not having a 'natural' way to die, doesn't make you immortal. If we wouldn't die of those causes, we would live ~600 years on average and die due to accidents like a meteorite falling on your head, the sun exploding or (very unlikely) a car accident. Those 600 years can become a few thousands years, a few million years, a few billion years, ... but not forever. Wink
LoveMachine
Bondings wrote:
but not forever. Wink


Actually, if you wanted to get reallytechnical about it (and you strike me as the kind of person who does), the oldest indication that we were meant for natually long lives is in the Bible. Within the first fifty or so pages, besides the numerous accounts of characters living well on into their six and seven hundred years, it states explicitly that our lifespan is supposed to be 120 years. This could be carried on further of course, as long as you believed in the Lord, and he believed in you.

But my dinosaur idea is so much cooler than that.
Jeslyn
Well someone has obviously been sniffing too much mustard.
Zuwiki
Jeslyn wrote:
Well someone has obviously been sniffing too much mustard.


Mustard? If it's anything less than pure meth, I'd be really surprised.

Although, people have said the same about me, but I actually HAD been doing drugs. Caffiene, namely.
Vrythramax
The final point being *THE DINOSAURS DID DIE*. Whatever happened (who really knows for sure) to kill them off it seems to me they met thier end regardless of the effects of aging or anything else for that matter. I am a diehard computer geek and I don't believe I am saying this in a public forum, but I don't believe God had it in mind for any of us to live forever. If He, She or It [meaning God] did have such a plan in mind then why also create a situation that would kill them off in the first place? Seems to me that they met the fate destiny had in store for them, just as we all will in the end.

But I have been known to be wrong.
Daniel15
When I read the title of this topic, I thought it would be a post about Alex Chiu Razz. He's tried to create some sort of device that makes you live forever. I think that the only reason people know about him is because he's been in a lot of Animutations.

@LoveMachine: That is the best idea I've ever heard! Razz I just don't have that many pairs of shoelaces to eat the ends off (maybe I should buy a shoelace factory and live LONGER than forever Razz)Just Joking!
jibbity
i thought this post was gonna go be some gay shit but actually it was pretty funny and so i can say that this guy has some time on his hands but i have found posts on how to eat cereal so this guy is right in the miffle lol gj man keep it up
Konvikt
i would have to add that i would not want to be immortal... with being immortal comes a very big set of down falls--

1. You live through everything
2. You watch your family and friends die
3. you giv up on the whole life thing
4. u become fearless and stupid
boocherry
You could become a superhero.
Soulfire
LoveMachine wrote:
strfry wrote:
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink


Like hell it is! I don't need that sissy to help me gain eternal life. Who needs the afterlife when you never die!

That sissy you speak of died for you, be careful when you curse Him. There is no logic behind this post, and you cannot live forever. I wouldn't tempt fate like that either, it always ends badly.
lockwolf
LoveMachine wrote:
strfry wrote:
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink


Like hell it is! I don't need that sissy to help me gain eternal life. Who needs the afterlife when you never die!


****** YOU! Have fun in Hell Bitch!
Bondings
Please stop flaming people.
LoveMachine
daniel15 wrote:
@LoveMachine: That is the best idea I've ever heard! Razz I just don't have that many pairs of shoelaces to eat the ends off (maybe I should buy a shoelace factory and live LONGER than forever Razz)Just Joking!


You just have to steal them. I steal all mine from work. And no one is the wiser!

(And if you tell anyone, I swear I'll slice you good!)
Zuwiki
lockwolf wrote:
LoveMachine wrote:
strfry wrote:
And I figured this was going to be a "Come to Jesus!" post. Wink


Like hell it is! I don't need that sissy to help me gain eternal life. Who needs the afterlife when you never die!


**** YOU! Have fun in Hell Bitch!


Oh, he will. Probably be Satan's favorite comedian.

Anyway, yes enough flaming. I think this topic should be closed. But whatever. I'm gonna go find a slightly more significant topic to post in.
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