You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!

Yet another Heart problem...

I came upon a thread by accident about dumping people and I realized that I needed to talk about my problem to someone. Someone I didn't know who would give me unbiaised tricks.

Here's my dilemma:

I've been with my boyfriend for three years. I'm 21, and so, he's my first serious boyfriend.

The problem is, I'm thinking about dumping him. I love him, I care about him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. And that is sad, really sad, because I could see myself with him in ten years, having children and all, until recently. I saw him holding a baby a couple of weeks ago and I felt strange, as if I didn't feel it right, him being the father of my children.

Also, I realized that I didn't have a life anymore. He's not happy when I want to see my friends, so I don't see them outside of school. He always wants to be with me. The moment he's alone, he doesn't know what to do. He always wants me around. But I am quite the solitary person, and I NEED solitary moments. I like to go outside and walk with my MP3 player alone. I like to read alone, draw alone... I don't need his presence as much as he needs mine.

Moreover, we don't even like the same thing: he's a red meat lover, whereas I don't like eating that... he likes skidoo rides and planes but I prefer snowboarding, going to the cinema... my dream is to dive in Southern countries seas but he is scared of fishes... I enjoy very much horseback riding but he hates horses.

But he is nice with me. That's what makes it hard. I'm scared to do a mistake. He's a great guy, intelligent, funny, although a bit too serious, and I know that leaving him would break his heart. But right now, I feel as if my head was held under water and I need AIR!

Last friday night, I went out with friends and he was really angry. He was invited but he didn't want to come because he doesn't know my friends. I told him they are nice and all but still, he refused to come. He told me, angry: Just go then!

And I did. And he accused me of liking my friends' presence more than his own. I told him: I need two things in my life: love and friendship. I don't want one without the other.

But he doesn't understand.

I don't know what to do.

My head and heart want peace for a little while, but I don't want to hurt him. And I've never even dumped someone... how do I do that ?!?!?

Anyway, even if you don't answer, it felt good typing this out.
I think you really need to tell him that you need some space every now and then. No-one wants to be with someone every minute of every day and he may well not realise that you do need some time on your own. Also if you can manage to spend some time apart it will give you a chance to really think about where you want things to go. And if he can't understand that you have your own life and so on then maybe you should call it a day.

[/relationship advice mode]
If I were, you, I'd hold on to this relationship with both hands.

What I'm hearing is that you really love this guy, but that you have lifestyle differences.

The hardest thing to find is someone who you can really admire, someone who is kind and loving, especially in a guy. Most men fake sensetivity to get the girl, it sounds like this guy is NOT one of them.

It is amazingly easy to find people that you have hobbies in common with. It is similarly easy to find people that enjoy the same lifestyle as you do. It is not easy to find people who are committed to a relationship and care about you.

My suggestion to you would be this:

Talk to him about exactly what you posted here. If you haven't really talked about it before, it will be very refreshing, and the problem could very well be on its way to being solved.

If this is something that the two of you have talked about before, then you should bring up that you are seriously considering taking a break from the relationship. Don't threaten, just make sure that he realizes that it's amjor issue for you.

As an introvert who has been married to an extrovert for three years now, I feel your pain. But we are very happy, and I'm glad that we have what we do.

You can solve this problem. Talk about it with him.
I think SunburnedCactus said it all. U should really talk to him, dont stay in relationship just for the sake of it thinking it, will solve itself, thats really not a good idea. Believe me i know, even if my problems were kind of different.
The best advice I can give is come out to him and say you need your space, that you need to be alone sometimes, that you need your friends. Just flat out say it.

And if he refuses, say it will not work out. Because if he won't give you what you want, then it truly will not work out.
Related topics
Yahoo! default email application
hp Goblet of Fire movie
Are atheists more likely to be fellons?
the 9/11 truth
True Innocents: Fathers and Sons
[Guide] HTML and CSS
another long distance one down the drain
What Religion are You?
Experiment in choices
Proposal to posters on this forum
Computer starts up, monitor has no signal
Positions of power
Yet another set of dots
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> General -> General Chat

© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.