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what to expect when you are expecting





schumway
we just had our first daughter Nov23.
she is a cutie.

anyway... we had no idea what to expect and co-workers from ottawa sent us this book... what to expect when you are expecting.

it walks you through everything in a ton of detail... sometimes more information than you want to know.

we went from being concerned because we did not know what to expect... to being concerned because of all the possible things that could happen! So like everything... have to read it with a grain of salt.

but it does have a lot of great info... esp for the dad's like me who have no idea what is going on and since there isnt something growing inside you... it makes it a little more real knowing what is going on inside.

there is a lot of support for new mothers but not a lot for new fathers. this book helps to give new dad's some pointers as well... it is really great... with a grain of salt LOL
jacikka
What to expect the first year- also great, I have read it, well I am reading it- my little boy is 7 months old.. lots of useful infos Wink
stiffler
Heh, I have both those books too. After the first kid though, you dont need them anymore Cool
riv_
Congratulations!!!
The book was terrible for me. My pregnancy wasn't really noremal, so the book didn't answer any of my questions at all. So then when my son came at 25 weeks (15 weeks premature) the first year book wasn't any help either. (He's now 14/17mos)
Everyone has told me they're great books. But life isn't always (ever?) text book normal. Sometimes it's harder to go with the flow when a book tells you how things are supposed Laughing to be!
Anyways, I'm glad your daughter is healthy, and I hope you're having fun together!
schumway
wow... 15wks... that is some early.

that is a bit of a challenge as well... where ours was only a few weeks early... the nurse said about the same thing as you...

she is early... so toss the books LOL

we also had to do some medical stuff in order to get el-prego... and the books nor medical staff help you there...

more of a balanced whole life thing... you have to be able to take things in stride as they come along... but having the mother-baby clinic at the hospital has been a huge assistance... someone live you can bounce questions off of... where as a book is kinda one dimentional.

so it must be hard to tell what stage your baby is in. Everyone talks about the growth spirts at 2 and 6 weeks... well we had 3 so far and the current one has been ongoing for a week... so it is hard to tell what to expect so we have learned to not expect anything and just to know that she needs food, changing, and sleep.
riv_
Schumway...
Yeah, sounds like you've got the right idea.
For us, it became really important to drop all of our expectations and focus on reality.
We knew as soon as our son was born that he was a miracle, but things were not going to turn out the way WE wanted them to be.
There's a 3-1/2 month difference between our son's corrected and chronological ages, and medical issues complicate his development; if we allowed ourselves to be heart-set on things meeting our expectations, we'd be dissapointed rather than being grateful for this miracle!
I'm thankful that things have gone the way they have (although I'm sad my son has had to suffer so much!) I think it would be helpful for most parents to be able to keep things in perspective a little more.
THe books are a nice guideline for some people some of the time, but it's really dangerous to worry if things don't progress according to the textbook pattern.
It sounds like your baby is really lucky to have parents like you... who can focus on her needs, and stay calm in the midst of it all!
Hope you're able to get some sleep (smile!)
schumway
hi Riv

yes it isnt as easy as a lot of folks think. Our Tasha also had medical issues and spend a few weeks in ICU and then ongoing care still to this day (Born Nov23/05). We are thankful that we are in Canada with pretty good health care although we are in a remote province so we are still behind the times. We are lucky that we do not have to pay for every little detail although there are some expenses in our health care still.

I agree on the book thing. I am so tired of people asking about if she is sleeping the night and walking or saying daddy or whatever. It is like it is a constant contest. My wife is about the same... wishing the child's years away... oh I think she has her teeth coming in, I think X I think Y... so many of us are concerned about how our children are growing compared to... the norm? whatever that means.

As you can probably appreciate... it is hard not to have multiple views on how children develop and what to anticipate. This is our first child so I have no idea what is suppose to happen next as far as development is concerned. I know it has something to do with playing with toys and recognizing them vs who is in the mirror and etc along with getting their driver's license or something but I am not going to wish her years away. I know my wife will be the proactive one trying to show how intelligent out daughter is and I am mostly along for the ride as far as pushing Tasha is concerned. She will develop like she develops. Everyone is different and there is no gold medal for being the best mom/dad... as long as we can keep her out of the bell tower and progressing through her learnings I am fine. I am sure she is not up to learning calculus yet... and I certainly am not looking forward to opening those text books again.

The books are a good guideline so you know what is suppose to be 'normal' in someone opinion but the more people you talk to the funnier it is because over the ages the 'rules changed' and along the way they revert to he way it was 20 years ago or whatever.

I am really just happy she seems health and normal... whatever those terms mean. It was not an easy trip but one well worth taking. Love her to pieces and would do anything I could to ensure she is happy but being normal is not always being happy nor aligned with the crowd LOL

best of luck with your son! I dont want to get into any details as this is posted on the internet and you never know but best of luck with him.

Tasha is not sleeping yet. I am up all hours of the night for work anyway so it is a little easier on my wife. I am usually up until 2-3am and Tasha usually only gets up once after that around 4am then she is out until 8-9am

although... last night she breast fed then had 2 x 4oz of formula because we could not fill her yesterday 'naturally' and driving my wife crazy. After the feeding and the couple of bottles ( she would normally not have any more than 2-4oz as a top up) she crashed for about 5 hours, was up and ate only twice over the night. Mind you... she had been up for nearly 2 days eating then sleeping for 30min then eating for a couple hours again then sleeping for 30min so we assume she is in yet another growth spirt LOL

Although Tasha was about a month after my friend's child, Tasha has caught up in length. She is not as heavy because of the breast milk vs formula but she had a better colour and is looking healthy.

having something like this to chat and just be assured everything is ok is nice to have. Sometimes you need someone not too close to the situation always poking and proding LOL

thanks for your time... keep me in the loop how things are going.. want to make sure we keep up with your son LOL.
riv_
Sounds like you're tired and discouraged!
We've had a lot of difficulties with other people and their opinions. The local paediatrician has just recently had to ask the local Child Development Center to stop calling us until further notice. Sometimes, even when a child is doing well, people can get all in a panic because they EXPECT problems (whether they exist or not) and they can also be upset if things don't happen in the time frime we want them to.
Our Samuel is doing remarkably well, but doesn't respond well to being pushed at all. It has been a real struggle for us, knowing this, but not being able to do anything about it, with doctors appointments every other week, and various child development professionals coming and going on a weekly basis. It took a lot of strength and effort for us to finally decide that we really do know what's best for our child. And if we think it's time to stop pushing... then it's time to stop pushing.
Fortunately, we are blessed with a paediatrician who sees eye to eye with us on this. (lucky thing, he's the only one in town!)
Even now, I find the lack of sleep most difficult. We're only having to get up once, around 5am at this point. I say this mostly to encourage you... it does get better. Samuel would probably sleep through the night now, except my husband works shift work, and is up and about at this time. (There's a really good book on sleep issues in kids... solve your child's sleep problems... if you ever have time or are interested. Doesn't apply till the child is 6 mo+, and ultimately, you just have to do what works for you... just a thought if you're getting desparate)
We wanted to breast feed exclusively too, but also had to introduce formula eventually. So don't beat yourself up about it. The growth spurts are tough. WHen Samuel was nursing, he'd nurse every 20 minutes, all day, and be up several times through the night as well. In retrospect, I don't know how we did it... but now, I wish we were still doing it.
Overall, my attitude is that you give them your best, and be thankful. He'll hit the next "developmental milestone" when he gets there. My job is to give him every opportunity, and it's his job to grow. Doesn't do anyone any good to worry about it. (She says, worrying obsessively:D )
I don't think there are many kids out there who meet the "textbook norms" anyways.
Which is a good thing for us; how old is Samuel anyways? Should he be doing 19-1/2 mo. old things, or 16 mo. old things? Everyone has a theory, but - good grief!- let's just be thankful that he's growing and developing, and is not nearly so sick as everyone expected!
I'd love to talk more about the kids. I'd like to know about Tasha's health, and how you guys are holding up... and would be happy to tell you more about Samuel too, if you're interested. Feel free to pm me if you like. Then we don't have to post anything too personal in the public forum.
I wish you all good health, and a good night's sleep! Wink
schumway
hi Riv

thanks for the support...

things are holding up well. I find it funny... like you say.. people are rushing to the next development cycle... at 2mths my wife was sure Tasha was breaking gums LOL... now she has Tasha scheduled for walking exercises at 4mts 1 wk and no teeth yet LOL

Like you noted... I am just glad we have her.

I am finding it hard lately because I am not home much. I try to be but my work requires me to be away and sometimes even when I am not required to be away, if I stay down overnight then I can work an extra 3hrs I would normally be driving plus another 3-4hrs I would be puttering or watching TV so sometimes by sacrificing one night I can gain a day... but I miss her SOOOO much when I am away and it is hard to believe how much they can grow and develop in a night/day and esp a week! I have been working 20hr days this week and not enjoying a moment of it. Not good for sanity LOL

My wife is doing well. She is tired but Tasha is being more responsive and communicating better vs blob. LOL So she is more encouraged. Every second I get I cheer her on about what a great mother she is and encouraging her to spend some fun time not just feeding time with Tasha and I would go do some cleaning or whatever. Course I appreciate every second I can spend with Tasha... love her to pieces!

I have put the books away for awhile as I just want to enjoy "the now" vs fretting about what she should be doing. I would like to ensure that I am not crimping her development so it would be nice to know what some of the 'norms' are just so that she does not show up for kindergarden and be sent home because she doesnt know 123-abc LOL.

I do have today's parent magasine still coming to the house. It seems pretty good... yes even for guys LOL

I did not get a lot of parenting when I was growning up. I do not regret any of it but I look back and my parents did not complete high school although they both ended up in good federal government jobs because in those days... you could. Anyway... it still leaves that gap. My mother told me in grade 6 that I was beyond her level of education for what she learned in school as the study has changed and it was so long ago. She probably knows it if she looked at it but it was so long ago she felt that she could not help.

I want to be more active in Tasha's schooling. I will be at all the parent teacher interviews and I want to meet the parents of all her friends. I want to be more involved in her life but not be over bearing.

We do not live in a 'troubled neibourhood' but I just want to be involved. I know any child could get themselves in trouble or trouble could find them and I know I can not always be there for her but I want to do what I can.

I kid around with her.... saying that she knows more than the world knows today... she just can not articulate it... but when she learns to speak in the manner required and document her theories she would wow us with all the knowledge she has... just that it will take until university before she will be able to explain it in a way we can understand it Wink Which has some truth in it I guess... each generation discovers more than the last...
schumway
Just a quick update...

Tasha is now 8mths

she is super cute and love her to pieces... dunno what we did before she came along... and do not know how we got anything done after she came along!!!!

16lbs and 30inches
tar-xzv
My baby is 8 months now and I havent read the book What to expect when you are expecting but did spend a lot of time reading about pregnancy and post pregnancy during those 9 months.

Sometimes I felt the more I read the scarier it was so at one point I just stopped reading crazy things because all I could this about was am I gonna be a good parent, am I gonna know what to do.

Every pregnancy is different and as one of the moms said the book didnt help her because her baby was premature. I ended up having a c-section because of the breech baby and my c-section was nothing like people said, it was very painful, oh my..... I personally did a lot of research on internet and if anything I need to know I just go to google and search of it. Also I joined one of the baby forums that as a lot of help too.

But then again every book has at least one good advice.
schumway
blame canada? Southpark?

ya that is what we found as well... the more you read the more scarry stuff that is out there re: births and children as they grow up.

we picked up another book... positive parenting. Just trying to break the cycle of making kids feel bad about things... course you cant go too far the other way either... wish washy sappy LOL
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