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Can any girl help me out?





satheesh
Hi,

I am in love with a girl for the past eight years. I love her so much that I would do anything for her (but she only wants me to forget her), which I cannot.

At the first I thought it might be some sort of infatuation, but as years passed I liked her more and more. The more the time the more stronger my liking for her became. Now she is so far away from but yet I feel her always to be so close to me.

I always repent the biggest mistake that I have done. I proposed to her when she was not mature enough to understand my love. I feel for it every day of my life. I called her up and told her am sorry for my mistake and she didnt scold me, she said its fine for me. But she also asked me not to disturb her.

I am not sure what to do now. Whether I should go all out and propose to her again, but if she says no, then I would be doomed forever. Or wait till she finishes college and do something about this. What will be her current take on my love for her. Will she understand?.

i asked the help of a girl because only the girls will be knowing the mentality of another girl. Please help someone. I am in a very bad condition othewise I would not have posted about this topic here in the first place.

regards,
Satheesh
dan751
I'm not a girl, but if you love her, but she's not close to you, then you're not really as close to her as you may think. My advice is to get close to her, being friends is a big help, if you're already friends, great! if you're only aquantances, then try and find topics that she likes/is into and talk about them. Try and find subtle ways to spend more time with her, an example, go to college, her college, (you don't need to actually pay to "visit" Wink) and ocassionally bump into her and talk with her for a minute or so (but not too long, especially if you can see she's in a hurry), and more often in time. The more things you have in common, really really helps. My ex-girlfriend and I had loads and loads of things in common, even before we considered ourselves on an intimate basis (She broke up with me for some religious thing). The more things you have in common the more there is to talk about between the two of you, and in time the better of friends you'll be. As a matter of fact, that how me and my ex grew soo close. So, don't go all out and propose and get shut down again. I hope that my advice helps.Very Happy
David_Pardy
My advice to you from my own personal experience is to stop telling yourself that you love her. I'm not a girl, but I've been in this sort of situation. If she doesn't see you the way you see her now, then there's a 99% chance she never will. You need to move on - continue to be her friend, but instead of waking up every day and thinking about how much you want to love her, think about how much you would like to make her happy by NOT being in love with her.

You need to build a friendship with this girl with the aim of being nothing but friends because your friendship appears to be all that she wants from you.

I know this may sound a little harsh, but it's simply the truth. At one stage it took me two years to 'get over' a girl because that's how long it took me to understand why it was never going to happen. It was all in my head. All I did in that time was drive her away - she was originally my best friend. We are good friends now of course, although I don't see much of her anymore unfortunately (gone our separate ways since leaving school).

Above all, you need to see this in a positive light. When I was finally able to move on it felt as though a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was a much happier person. Why? Because not only was I able to have an 'agreed' relationship with her, I was also able to make her happy by not putting her under pressure of situation she didn't want to be in.

I hope this makes sense. Best wishes.
hayley
I'm a girl. Here's my advice.

First of all, if you want to be close to a girl, telling her things she doesn't want to hear (i.e. how much you care when she's CLEARLY not interested) is not a smart move. It comes off as stalking. Stalking is defined as unwanted attention and is, honestly, more than a little creepy.

I completely understanded unrequited love, so do not take my response as cold. I simply feel like you need to lay off and tone down the persistent nature of your talk of a relationship. Begging and insisting will get you nowhere. She knows how you feel; you've made that evident. I'd say you need to work on your relationship as friends. If you establish that well enough, she may be able to reconsider the option you've given her to be with you.

Needless to say by what I've already stated, you aren't ready for each other. You may be ready for her but she is not for you. Perhaps she needs some VERY SUBTLE convincing that comes in the form of an amazing friend. Be that friend. Get closer. Be a gentleman. She'll fall for you. She'll see how amazing you are and won't be able to help herself.

At this point you know how good she is for you. She needs to know how good you are for her. Show her... but stop talking about a relationship (that's not helping).
budazz
be frends first
Lilystock
Well, I'm a girl. And what I'm going to tell you can seem a little pervert, but stop tell her that you love her. I know for certain that when I have a lovesick boy drooling behind me, it quite irritates me !!!

Just be a friend, and behave normally. Maybe one day she will find out that you are a great guy.

Or maybe not.

It may seems cruel, but love is not always share. So the best thing you have to do sometime, is to look another way. Maybe there is a girl out there that is really great, loving you and meant for you !
narc
I'm not a girl. I don't have any furthur comment.
TRANScend
I pretty much agree with everyone else. I would strongly advise about "going all out" and proposing to her - there is simply no way that could go well. I don't think another proposal would help her understand your love for her - it would only drive her further away. Having been in a few similar situations, the best advice I can give you is to seriously try to get over her. Any way you can. It sounds like you've been trying, but still secretly hoping that she'll change her mind. Stop believing that. Convince yourself that she will never ever change her mind, and that as long as your are persuing her she will only be driven further from you.
Next, try to be friends with her. You could try the gradual approach that someone suggested above - I think that might work well. One tip on that though, make sure you've really accepted that she's not going to magically love you once she's your friend, or she'll pick up on it and feel uncomfortable. It's common for people who are crushed on to resist feeling attracted to their persuer simply because of the pressure they feel to change their minds - so if she really believes that you're over her and just want to be her friend, she might begin to let her guard down. Two things could result from this: either you really will get over her and you two will become friends, or she will really come around after a long time of being friends. It may take a long time, but either outcome would be great for both of you. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
NuniPio
8 years....damns thats a long time..good luck with whateva happens in tha future dude Wink
Billwaa
sorry, I am not a girl. I kind of face the same problem with you, well, I know it going to happen like you if I tell the girl I like that I have a crush on her. Well, I am afraid to tell her because I know she wouldn't like me. I don't know why, I mean I am one of the top student in the school and the top 16th violinist (she is top 16 too) in the school. I guess I am just not looking good enough.

Well, anyway, I guess you should stop telling her you love her because that will probably make her think you are annoying and make a worst image of you in her mind.

*hayley - thanks for telling not to stalk the girl, I didn't really mean to stalk the girl I like, I just look it up in the school network and keep an eye on which direction she go, do some calculation in my head and ask a few friend, I somehow figure almost everything out on her. I think she know too, what should I do?
rainynightstarz
Hi, I am a girl. From what I read, it seems like you don't talk to her much.
You may want to ask yourself "How much do you really know about her?". If your answer is yes, thats probably only her b-day or her favorite color or something. But Do you really know her personality? How she laughes and what she would laugh at? For 8 years thats a long time. If she is not one bit interested maybe you should give leave her alone. there is a old chinese proverb, i'm probably not translating it right but it says " take one step back, and your sky will be milions mile wide" in your case it means if you give up on her, your choices might grow. many guys I know are pretty sttubron about give up a girl you like for a long time. Sometimes the girl is just no interested, there is nothing you can do about it. By give up, you'll be give your self less pain over all and gives her more freedom.
My boyfriend used tp be like that with some girl. Now he is happier than ever. He no longer have to think about how hopeless anymore.

But, if you persist in persuing her. you have plenty to do. First, change you self a bit, so she won't think you are the isolent boy that once proposed to her. Try talking to her and be her friend. All long time love have friendship first.
vignesh_natraj
Move on with your life if that girl is destined to become your partner then surely she will accept you one day.Be positive don't worry you have not reached the end .move on with other matters.
KHO
l can only wish you the best of luck in whatever happens. Try and lay off a bit, make it seem like you are mostly over her, but still a little intrested. Don't call her all the time telling her you love her and everything, that is just creepy after awhile (l had an ex girlfriend that did that, waaay too freaky for me) going to her college might be a bad idea, but find wherever she wants to go afterwards and move there, then just bump into eachother one day real cassual like, and the just go along with whatever happens.

Once again, much luck on this, l know your grief first hand aswell, it happened to me a long time ago and l have never really gotten over it Neutral
frozenhead
Wow! 8 years?. Now, that's a large figure I should say.

I'm a guy but I think I can give you some advice. Wink, Well, I will not repeat the things that some of our guys already told you. Maybe, only some of the strong points mentioned above.

Quote:
I love her so much that I would do anything for her (but she only wants me to forget her), which I cannot.


First things first, did you ask her the reasons why she wants you to forget her? If yes, then better fix yourself (It seems you're giving so much attention to her) and think what you really want.

Quote:
I called her up and told her am sorry for my mistake and she didnt scold me, she said its fine for me. But she also asked me not to disturb her.


Well, It's obvious that she's not interested having a romantic relationship with you. Sorry for being rude but it shows she's not into it. Look, understand her why she kepts on telling you to forget her maybe, she's more focused on other things maybe, she wants a good career in the future so just support her in that! It's one of the best thing to do. To support her in what she wants.

Quote:
I am not sure what to do now. Whether I should go all out and propose to her again, but if she says no, then I would be doomed forever.


I should say, better not go. For 8 years? I think she's not really to it. If you go and persue her your feelings? You might scare her and even drive her away more farther. Well, here's a cliche thing a would like to say. "If you love her, let her go and when she comes back, she is yours forever".


Just let her on what she wants. I'm sure it takes time to ease that feeling of yours. I don't mean to you'll forget her totally but make that experience to motivate yourself to move on and try other things. Learn a new skill, create a business, meet other people, make new friends, play new video games, invest on something, have a career,dream higher, make yourself rich, compete with Donald Trump or with Microsoft!(Hehe. Just playin'Wink). What I'm trying to say is to make yourself worth to anybody because you have no right to love if you don't even love own self.

And maybe if you meet again in the future, proven yourself that you've change a lot more better and if she see that in you maybe, she'll feel and think you're worth keepin' and opens that door for you. (For friendship and the like).

And for her? She is a lucky lady I must say. Wink
Cheer up! Wink Let us know how it'll come.
David_Pardy
Ok, I'll summarise my post into two sentences. This is going to sound harsh, but welcome to the real world:

Get over her because she is not interested and never will be. Move on to shinier things, build good friendships with people and you will find the RIGHT person.

I wish someone had given me that advice long ago, but hey - I learned from my mistake, you need to learn from it to. After eight years, NOTHING is going to change her mind about you - it was never meant to be.

You NEED to move on. Better things will come.
hahame
love is not wrong ,if u love her ,say to her,and work for that ,i thank the result will perfect
710ths
Stop wasting your time, stop brooding and get out there. Never a more true saying "plenty more fish in the sea".
Billwaa
hahame wrote:
love is not wrong ,if u love her ,say to her,and work for that ,i thank the result will perfect


didn't he kind of did that and got a bad result?Or that apply to me? Shocked
April_May
Hey im a gal. Like another member said, going all out or telling her us feelinsgs when she isnt interesting will only make her push you further away. 8 years really is a long time dude. Maybe you are clinging on the past? Maybe you can move on to another girl who will accept you as who you are. But sometimes you just have to wait. Maybe the girl is in love with another? Hmm.. But if the girl truely doesnt want you in her life, maybe it will be best to let her go and move on. She may be the woman of your dreams now, but in time you will most likely find another to fill that space willingly. Keep your head up man
kawada2998
Yeah m8, im a guy , not a girl. I been in a similar case, I made myself believe i loved this gril for 5 years ! All I did was drive her away from me, i would think of her day and night, like an obbsession, I was really unhappy at this time. But when she finally told me to f*** off, well, i was really unhappy... But after a while u start to get better, and you can move on. I now realise that i did not love this girl, and i have moved on. So try not to think of her too much, thats my advice.
TimsJugling
It seems to me that 70% of the relplys are from guys. the guy said GIRLS ONLY. dont you want to respect that? oh wait.... IM a guy. oops.


lol
(3rownVito
Im a bwoi I understand,. Your Situation
Satheesh... I have been in your situation bwoi.. I know how hard it is.. I cried for like every single class in school ! My Best friend helped me out.. Now Im really happy. Im so happy then I was with her.. Lol Seriously Man.. IM not Joking. Heres the Advice my best friend gave to me..

He told me

---> Look why should you care when she doesn't even care !
---> Try to win her !
---> express your deepest feelings to her.
---> If shes a type of girl, that goes out with other guys.. and doesn't
give a F**K about you ! My friend Im telling you guy.. Why are you wasting your time her.

---> Don't you wanna be happy ?
---> Don't you wanna have fun. Go chill out with your friends yo
---> If she doesn't care about you, Forget Her. Find Some1else better !

________________________

What I would like to say ! (3rownVito

Satheesh Be Happy Bro,
Love is pain !
Im sure you'll find someone that 99.99% way better than her !
I know girls man... My girl, dumped me guy... She never knew how sad I was she'll just be with her friends not even caring about.. Talking about other guys... !!! Evil or Very Mad

How I do I feel Now ?
____________________

Satheesh Im so happy man...
Like Whatever, she doesn't care about me..
The funny and cool part is... now some girls ask me out.. And man I don't know who to choose.. Lol
As I said.. my Ex is not worth it.. She does things thats just sicks up my mind.
Before I used to spend more time with her.. And Now I hang out with my Crew..and damn its fun.. I missed out on lots of things.. man. !!
Me and my ex now we're just friends. Lol I barely even talk to her guy ! Cuz I got no time for her. LOL to busy having fun!

__________ My Wish For You__________

Satheesh Find Someone Better !
Be happy bro... !!
__________________________

Your Girl is like "Don't Disturb Me" I mean why are you disturbing her. !
WTF <--Sorry for the bad language but it kinda upsets me
orbital
i am not girl.
you are in a serious situation that dont care.
One day u will love another beautiful girl..
Dustin
ok, i aint a girl but ive read enough msn articles to know enough about em lol. Just kidding this is actually coming from expreiance.


The key to getting a girl to like you is mostly appearance, if you look good then i'll help. It will also make you more confident. Once you have that nailed (buy like a leather jacket or something) find some common ground that you both do (like funny movies) and invite her. If she is your friend then invite her as a friend first. Then as you get to know her more you can work around it. That method should be effective for you.

Or you could alwase try the more direct approach by just asking her out. 9 times outa 10 she will say yes and you can go on a pity date. Those are just as good Smile
coolclay
Love is a two part equation, if she doesn't love you then you really can't truelly love her either, you can only think you love her. My opinion move on there are more fish in the sea then just one. Oh and proposing before your even dating or anything is just creepy, no wonder she's scared of you I would be too.
Mrs Lycos
Ok I'm a girl. And it seems to me that if you are far from her, you are just idealizing her by now. If so many years have gone by, maybe she's not the girl you used to know, and fell in love with in the first place. College (and time) change people a lot. Perhaps getting close to her as some have advised is a good thing to see if she really is like what you where thinking of all these years. And that (I think) will release you from your pain, either way. If she is really meant for you, you´ll know, and she´ll know. If not, at least you´ll come to realize that and move on with your life.
solomagos
I AM a girl and I advise you to follow these two advise:

hayley wrote:
I'm a girl. Here's my advice.

First of all, if you want to be close to a girl, telling her things she doesn't want to hear (i.e. how much you care when she's CLEARLY not interested) is not a smart move. It comes off as stalking. Stalking is defined as unwanted attention and is, honestly, more than a little creepy.

I completely understanded unrequited love, so do not take my response as cold. I simply feel like you need to lay off and tone down the persistent nature of your talk of a relationship. Begging and insisting will get you nowhere. She knows how you feel; you've made that evident. I'd say you need to work on your relationship as friends. If you establish that well enough, she may be able to reconsider the option you've given her to be with you.

Needless to say by what I've already stated, you aren't ready for each other. You may be ready for her but she is not for you. Perhaps she needs some VERY SUBTLE convincing that comes in the form of an amazing friend. Be that friend. Get closer. Be a gentleman. She'll fall for you. She'll see how amazing you are and won't be able to help herself.

At this point you know how good she is for you. She needs to know how good you are for her. Show her... but stop talking about a relationship (that's not helping).


AND

dan751 wrote:
I'm not a girl, but if you love her, but she's not close to you, then you're not really as close to her as you may think. My advice is to get close to her, being friends is a big help, if you're already friends, great! if you're only aquantances, then try and find topics that she likes/is into and talk about them. Try and find subtle ways to spend more time with her, an example, go to college, her college, (you don't need to actually pay to "visit" ) and ocassionally bump into her and talk with her for a minute or so (but not too long, especially if you can see she's in a hurry), and more often in time. The more things you have in common, really really helps. My ex-girlfriend and I had loads and loads of things in common, even before we considered ourselves on an intimate basis (She broke up with me for some religious thing). The more things you have in common the more there is to talk about between the two of you, and in time the better of friends you'll be. As a matter of fact, that how me and my ex grew soo close. So, don't go all out and propose and get shut down again. I hope that my advice helps.


Best Wishes. Tell us how it's going, ok? Good luck m8!

Lena.
ainieas
Dude, I'm not a girl but here is the thing. Life's not a movie. Just because you've loved her for eight years doesn't mean that its true love or that she should come to you. She's got a mind of her own, what if she fancies someone else. You are not giving her much of a choice are you. And by propose do you mean going down on to one knee and holding up the ring. BAD IDEA!

If you for a moment let yourself see beyond her, you'll find that there are in fact many more girls in this world.

So move on with your life. Let her go free.

I'm not trying to be harsh on you. I do understand your feelings. Don't we all go thru unrequited love but you have to undrstand that getting fixated on one particular person for a long, long time is just recipe for hate.

Rest upto you!
ainieas
coolclay wrote:
Oh and proposing before your even dating or anything is just creepy, no wonder she's scared of you I would be too.


This post says it all!!
satheesh
Hi,

Thanks for the overwhelming response to my plea. I really got some gem of advices from all of you friends. But some were discouraging me a lot, which I never needed because am discouraged all of my own. I would like to say to the discouragers something, " If its not her, then its going to be none for me ".

Then to the wise guys who were suggesting about dating her first and then proposing to her (some even mentioned it was creepy to propose before dating). Thanks a lot to those guys. I think they just posted a reply for the sake of reply.... Please see my name, doesnt it sound Asian, Indian at the most. here dating doesn't happen first, love should happen first even after that dating happens only rarely.

And for the return back to your life suggesters, I would like to say something, "I would have returned back the very first time she said no". I wouldn't have waited all these eight years.

Then to the madam who suggested that college would have changed, I know that too but till I experience what kind of a girl she is and even if she has changed I will love her, because its her whom I loved nothing else. I will love her till I die.
Then to all the encouragers and well wishers thanks a lot to you guys and gals " I have made a New year resolution that I am gonna love her more and more until I have that to be the only thing I do".
I am gonna tatto her name on my neck, any nice suggestions guys and gals.

Note : Her name is "Sharika", can anyone suggest and send me mails regarding some nice tattooes and some pics of some good tattooes made, plzzzzzz
Sappho
So basically all u needed was encouragement not an advice, since it seems like u made up your mind and u r not goin to change it. Anyway good luck whatever u do.

PS.: I wouldnt recommend a tattoo such as girl's name, believe me thats not really a good idea in a long run. But again, this would be an advice from me to u, which u dont wanna hear. Smile
paul_indo
Quote:
I have made a New year resolution that I am gonna love her more and more until I have that to be the only thing I do


I admire your commitment. It is an honourable and noble thing.
But be careful.

I am also not a girl, or asian. Although I have lived in asia for many years.

I had a girlfriend nearly 10 years ago who told me she didn't think we were right for each other and then a year later, when I already had a new girlfriend she came back and said she wanted to marry me. I would not dump my new girlfriend for such areason, although it broke my heart that I couldn't, so I missed out my opportunity.
Your faithfullness may be rewarded yet

I feel you have made the same mistake I did, I also proposed not long after we met.
Girls like to see strength in a man. They want to be loved, just like men do. But a women needs to see that her man is a winner, in her eyes.
That does not mean some he man superhero, but strength of character and commitment to goals.

I believe that to have a chance of winning her love you must show that you are in control of your life. BE YOURSELF, get right into the things you enjoy doing and accomplish the goals that are important to you.
If she is really your soulmate it will come to pass. If your life is full of interesting things and accomplishments I believe she is more likely to want to be a part of it.

We all like to be around people we admire, so try to create a life that she can admire. Not by pushing in on her life but by creating a life of your own that she will want to be a part of.

Then invite her to join you in some unthreatening activities you think she might enjoy, preferably with friends that you have in common. Let her see the real you, not a love sick puppy.

Send her birthday cards, send her valentine cards. Call her and ask how things are going, occasionaly. Don't make her feel like she is under pressure, but that you are someone who she can count on. Heck, even call her to let her know of something she might like to do, some event or something, and then don't even suggest she goes with you, but just that you thought she might like to know about it. This shows that you are doing it for her, not for you to be with her. There's a diference.
It is a hard balancing act when you are so in love, I know. When you think about someone all the time, every day. But you must get a perspective on your life.

I believe this is the only way to happiness in love. You must be happy to be yourself. A considerate and loyal self, yes. But not a drooling puppydog that so clearly craves for her love.
That does not impress many girls. Is that right Girls, what do you feel about this. Is this just a male rave?

Anyway, GOOD LUCK. You deserve it if you can be faithful to her for so long.

My luck changed eventually and I have been married for 3 years to a lovely girl, her name is Yuni and she is a wonderful wife, she is the photo in my Avatar. I hope I am as good a husband.

Oh yea, and I agree with Sappho. DON'T get the tattoo.
I think that will really tun her off you. The love sick puppy thing.

And Oh yea again. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
frozenhead
Well, after all the "discouragements posted", you definitely made your decision and we respect that. Wink

Quote:
I would have returned back the very first time she said no". I wouldn't have waited all these eight years.
....
I experience what kind of a girl she is and even if she has changed I will love her, because its her whom I loved nothing else. I will love her till I die.
....
I have made a New year resolution that I am gonna love her more and more until I have that to be the only thing I do".


I really admire this kind of heart. Oh man! I wish I could have one like yours. You've been really "Love strucked" by this girl named "Shakira" (Lucky she is) I must say.

All I can say is Good luck! Wink

Quote:

Please see my name, doesnt it sound Asian, Indian at the most. here dating doesn't happen first, love should happen first even after that dating happens only rarely.


Yeah, I know that for sure because I'm an Asian too! Wink
torchkeeper
Hey I am a girl! Smile

erm, i think everyone is correct. the right thing to do is to become friends, then the rest will follow. At first it will be hard to befriend her because of your past experience... but if you love her, you'll do anything for her.. oh and you said you are far away from each other? that makes it extra hard because long distance relationships don't really work. I think that you should wait for her to finish college. It's much easier that way.She's more mature and all that. Smile
schumway
not a girl but most people want what they cant have LOL
allriddims
dude (im a guy) all i can tell u is, the mentality u have now will only make the girl move farther away from u. i dont think telling her u love her at the very beginning was a good idea - that was kinda wimpy , putting a tatoo of her name will only make it worse. Sad . girls dont like wimps- they are attracted to masculinity and that, is NOT masculine its wimpy.u have to be and act like a man. stop telling her u love her, start hanging out with other girl or girls, so she can see- be cool, girls are attracted to bad boys, be bad (that doesnt mean u have to shoot somebody, lol) do stuff and talk to her like u dont care what she thinks. it will make her feel attraction to u... especially if u ingore her (especially if u were giving her alot of attention before). u have to be a completely different person to get her, take back your control dude.YOU'RE the MAN. Cool Wink
Marston
Aw man this site is going to become just like Teenspot!
Itachi
I'm not a girl but i had the same problem you did a while back (didnt propose to her.) After a while i figured out that it was never going to happen and now i have a very lovely girlfriend that i would give my life for. As for the girl i used like that much after i finally gave up we became really good friends. I haven't talked to her much but her sister is at my house right now visiting with my sister. But like others said try to move on you will find the right person for you it may be now it may be later. I know this is a hard thing to especially for me because i have major lonely issues. That is my worst fear. I had to look deep within myself in my last relationship because my ex fiance who i was with for 3 years was treating me badly and the only reason i never did anything was because of my fears of being lonely but as soon as my new girlfriend came into the picture i actually realized that what i was doing was wrong so i broke up with my ex-fiance hoping that one day i would find the right girl for me. about 3 weeks later my girlfriend broke up with her ex and actually told me to wait a little bit before i asked her out so her ex wouldn't be so mad. (Still trying to figure out how she new i liked her.) Anyway she broke up with him because he was way to jelous anyway we have been together for a good time and i love her with all my heart. So this whole story adds up to if you two are meant to be together you will end up together but don't try pushing it right now just try suppressing your feelings become good friends with her let your choices out to other girls and you may find that she wasnt the right one or she will end up trying to be with you in the end.

~Itachi
frozenhead
Marston wrote:
Aw man this site is going to become just like Teenspot!


Well, some of the guys here are suggesting to have a Relationships Forum to be added though.

Here's the link to it, Suggestions:Relationships forum
Carupieara
satheesh wrote:

Then to the wise guys who were suggesting about dating her first and then proposing to her (some even mentioned it was creepy to propose before dating). Thanks a lot to those guys. I think they just posted a reply for the sake of reply.... Please see my name, doesnt it sound Asian, Indian at the most. here dating doesn't happen first, love should happen first even after that dating happens only rarely.


You have GOT to tell me where in India you reside cause me too an Indian and out here in Assam we DON'T "propose" before we learn to love or date unless of course you are in school and way are too young to understand.

Quote:
And for the return back to your life suggesters, I would like to say something, "I would have returned back the very first time she said no". I wouldn't have waited all these eight years.

You shouldn't have waited.....could have spared us all this misery.


Quote:
....I will love her, because its her whom I loved nothing else. I will love her till I die.

You use the word love too many times. Is that what makes you determined to be that annoying presence in her life that ALL girls detest? Even though she seems to have made her mind clear about where she stands, you are quite determined to get her to accept you. Nice going!! I wish I was that girl's elder brother.


Quote:

I am gonna tatto her name on my neck, any nice suggestions guys and gals.
Note : Her name is "Sharika", can anyone suggest and send me mails regarding some nice tattooes and some pics of some good tattooes made, plzzzzzz


I can tell you the girl won't like it a bit if she learns you've been giving out her name in an open forum filled with strangers. BTW, get the tattoo. That'll definitely make her LOVE you.


Quote:
Then to all the encouragers and well wishers thanks a lot to you guys and gals " I have made a New year resolution that I am gonna love her more and more until I have that to be the only thing I do".

So thats all you wanted - encouragement. Couldn't you have just said so. Thats what we are all here for anyways. So here's my take - "your" girl is waiting for you, actually she does love you but is just shy. C'mon who wouldn't be - in front of a handsome fellow like you!! So all you gotta do now is just tell her that you are free and ask her (politely) if her BF would mind if you take her away on your white horse. Do shield her eyes from your shining armour, it reflects the sunlight!


P.S. If you look past my sarcastic tone you'll see that I'm just poking fun at your "patheticity" and just advising you to grow up. You will, someday.

I know I could have stayed without posting but I'll be damned if I didn't post in a thread where someone bares his insides out. Boo hoo!
Remzo
If I were you I would just setup a nice dinner where you can both talk things out. Never rush a girl, always take your sweet time with everything.
adwya
hahaha Surprised
satheesh
Hi,

The guy named "Carupieara" was pretty cool about expressing his mentality. He seems to be a pretty nice gentleman who has quoted me good at places just to express his views in a emphatic manner. The use of his language is pretty good too, but his ideas are not. If he had kept it to himself they might have been better. But he may say you shouldn't have posted here, posting here will get such replies. But I posted here to get some encouragement (sure I needed lot of it). I see people really giving nice suggestions both positive and negative ones, but no sarcasms.

And about the sarcasm that you indicated with the "white horse" and stuff, man you are seeing too many movies and am not, thats why am still loving her. If its the "white horse" and thing that I have been imagining it would have faded or the horse could have died by now....

And about mentioning her name here, now I realise it to be a mistake with so many angels like you around here (BIG BROTHER). Thanks all the same for all your suggestion. I will try to grow up more Crying or Very sad ...
lycadia
If you are more interested in having her be with you, in being married to / dating / posessing her / whatever than you are in respecting her desire than you do not truly love her. She's made it clear she does not want a relationship with you. What you are doing is not for her own good. It does not respect her wishes or feelings. It's wrongly imposing on her.
Not only is it likely to get you in trouble in some places, it's simply contrary to what you think you feel for her.
If you do not respect her and her choice, then you don't love her, you just want her. In any case, you need to leave her alone.
If you decide that if you can't have her, then you'll be celibate or something, then you're only denying yourself the chance that someone else will be right for you. But that is still less wrong and less unloving that making her suffer discomfort and disrespecting her by persuing her at this point.
I hope you'll move on and be happier in the future, but I can't in any way encourage you to carry on.
I'm sure that isn't what you'd like to hear, but it's the truth as I see it. I certainly would be extremely displeased by such behavior toward me and it would harden my heart against the man who refused to respect me, forever.
magnusmoty
satheesh wrote:
Hi,

I am in love with a girl for the past eight years. I love her so much that I would do anything for her (but she only wants me to forget her), which I cannot.

At the first I thought it might be some sort of infatuation, but as years passed I liked her more and more. The more the time the more stronger my liking for her became. Now she is so far away from but yet I feel her always to be so close to me.

I always repent the biggest mistake that I have done. I proposed to her when she was not mature enough to understand my love. I feel for it every day of my life. I called her up and told her am sorry for my mistake and she didnt scold me, she said its fine for me. But she also asked me not to disturb her.

I am not sure what to do now. Whether I should go all out and propose to her again, but if she says no, then I would be doomed forever. Or wait till she finishes college and do something about this. What will be her current take on my love for her. Will she understand?.

i asked the help of a girl because only the girls will be knowing the mentality of another girl. Please help someone. I am in a very bad condition othewise I would not have posted about this topic here in the first place.

regards,
Satheesh


If you love she-let she go. if she will come back-she alvays loved you.
if not-your love was false
schumway
was waiting for the... set her free... if she comes back.. she loves you... if not... hunt her down like the animal she is LOL
Jack_Hammer
Dude I know how you feel, I don't know my life is a mess at the moment, I feel oh so strongly for this girl I have only known for about a week, lol. I thought I liked a good friend of mine (I mean I wouldn't say no Wink ) but now I realise, that this new girl (I could be in lust I supposed would make sense) is so much more suited to me except I hate to say it, she's not all that bright, being blonde small a woman AND irish... lol
Rolling Eyes
schumway
better blonde and irish vs red head... fiesty!

Dunno... guess you have to determine what you want out of life and if she is aligned with your goals.

lust is easy... it is everywhere... love... no idea... like to think it is something that grows but you can meet someone and hit it right off from the start...

perhaps the lust was the intro ticket.. but the love makes it long term... lust fades or transfers away... love helps get you through the obsticals in life
hahame
i think u can do more things for her,not just thought how to improve the problem
Lied
Hi,am a lover-boy not a girl. Laughing
I want to tell you that you are not loosing you time with her,when you are with your friends, you think of her,you imagine accidental meeting,or just to take a glance of her.Been there, done that. You let your life sliping through your hands!!! Someday you will look back and realise that you missed your childhood over a girl that married another man.

It sounds sick, but the reason you cannot let her go,is because you are addicted to this feeling,and i don't mean love.It is dayly practice for your mind to think of her and you cannot leave it behind because you are afraid that after that, there will be nothing for you to think about and hope for.You are lost in your feeling and thought,and not only that,you have focused so much on her that nothing else can distuct your mind and find other things to think about.

Oh, and Btw YOU DON'T LOVE HER! to love her you must respect her,from your saying you barely know her!She might easyly be a kind of bitch and insentimental.You are in love with her.Purely biological,your lips get bigger and your heartbeat change when you see her.So if you get to know her and be friends with her it might be a twin bladed knife.You might fell more for her.

And a last advice for the tatoo.Do it behind your right shoulder in a shape of the upper right cyrcle quarter.-and ofc do not let her find out that you have a tatoo of her name- After some time (more than 2 months) let her see it but not directly,make it look like an accident,not show off.For her to fall to the lie and be sure that you are not showing, must think that you are not aware of her presence.Its a long shot but if you stop showing that you care for her,like you get over her, and then see the tatoo,that you were not going to show it to her.It will sure show that you grown up, understand her feeling and stop being anoying,but you are still in love with her.If you fail on that you are completly doomed
our-trip-to-cotlands
Play your cards right, strike at the right time and only that time. Or go watch the 40 year old virgin. lol
Rhubarb
Hey Satheesh. A mate of mine does tat art. you can go an check some of his stuff on www.devientart.com and his handle is Freak. Plus they have a lot more.Hope You come right with your gal, if not look for anouther one, there are plenty of fish out there, and i can guarentee you that there a lot more interesting ones. Esspecially if she's not giving you the time of day.
ccarter24
Quote:
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

Animal House is the best show ever by the way. Maybe instead of a tatoo on your neck you should get it on your forehead. Nothing says "I can't live without you, and I won't let you live without me" like a tatoo on the forehead.
lildoraemon
hmm.. try to get into a close friendship with her first.. den when she understands you more.. maybe she will start to understand the way you feel for her.. dont let her feel you like her.. just let her know you want to be normal friends with her... but u better do it quick.. or else she will get a new bf you know ><
eml298
Why don't you try to make a list of ten things about her that you love. Then, try to (objectively, if you can) really figure out if it is the case that no other woman could have these traits.

This sounds mundane, so let me try it from another angle. I have found it to be the case that, even for myself, loving (obsessing) over someone we know, deep down, that we will never have is a way of protecting ourselves from the love that exists for us out there with a real person who WILL have us. I know you believe you really love her, but if it is at all possible that this (what I just described) is the case, please reconsider your plans. It honestly does sound like she is not interested - I am sorry to repeat what others have said. Continuing this is very unhealthy for you. You clearly have a deep and passionate heart, and there are many women out there who would appreciate this and nourish it. You are preventing anyone from doing this, however, by hanging it all on the one woman who will not have you.

Try to give another woman a chance. Even if you think no woman could live up to this one, try anyway. Pick one trait you like about her, and find a woman who has just that one trait. See what it could be like to be with someone who WANTS to be with you. That so beats being rejected over and over.

I wish you luck. And, btw - I am a woman. And a psychologist Smile
stinky321
8 years? woo thats me in the future Very Happy thx for help btw im 13 years old and like a girl so gonna use some tips from you
ainieas
stinky321 wrote:
8 years? woo thats me in the future Very Happy thx for help btw im 13 years old and like a girl so gonna use some tips from you


Seriously, you want to be still be pining for your girl after 8 years?? Shocked

Here is a tip: do something NOW!
bryntwr
Erm dude, not being nasty or anything but from past experience, move on, have you ever heard of playing hard to get, 8 years is a bit to long to be honest. Shes trying to drag you along and trying to hint to you she dont wanna be with you, imagine some girl really fancied you and she purposed to you, what would you say you would be nice about it and keep dragging her about you wouldnt tell her to f**k off, i think you should move on. Itl never work, if she wanted you she would have grabbed you when she could have. 8 YEARS AGO. Sorry but its the truth! Sad
kissfish
Hi there,
I have read your message. I am sorry. Not a girl though nevertheless I must tell you one thing bro. There are something like 7.5 billion people live on this planet. This means that we have 7.5 billion worlds within this. Anyone of us is living with and in it. So there comes a real challenge. Everyone of us has our own character, personality, experience, surrounding environment etc. These make us unique. On the other hand even if we don't believe in that there is a creator, but we feel that we're coming from a very same source. You can call it anything you want. So this makes us the same. If you feel that uniqueness in that oneness then you will see that it is us who creates in all by our thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. I know that it is very hard to forget someone sometimes. But believe it or not it is all about you. Not me or not the young lady who caught you fire.
Just think what if that there is noone besides you here? What if that those feelings of yours are only the programs which are installed into your hardware by a distant programmer/user?
You know that you can never predict tomorrow and you think that yesterday has gone. Fortunately the system is giving you the chance to correct your growth opportunities everyday, that's why we live only one day in our whole life. Today, now and here.
There are lots of ladies who are looking for a decent love, the man she who wants to be with forever. Whatever happens don't stuck in here man. Take a deep breath and know yourself that you're bigger than this and you can do whatever you want just by believing in first than wanting and intention for it.
Please be sure that this bondage is coming up in your mind just because three things: fear, disbelief and doubt. And they're all in your mind.
Hang in there man.
with love.
CD
duckie
Hi,

I can understand the girl's point of view in the problem. I had a guy after me for five years, proposed twice and was constantly telling me how much he loved me. Don't get me wrong he was a really nice guy and I enjoyed his company but I didn't love him. I believe that love is a two-way thing you need to be loved in return for it to be true love. Because he wouldn't let up about being in love I had to stop being his friend because it got too hard. Don't push the girl away, if you would do anything for her ease up, be friends. Get to know her, see her pbjectively, faults and qualities. Either in time she will love you or you will get over it. As is stands now soon enough you will make it too hard fior her to be near you and you will lose her out of your life. The guy that liked me now has a girlfriend and he is happy, the is life after love.
Sabz
Hi satheesh

I give you this advice as I am currently in a situation where I can definitely relate to the girl that you like and understand what she would want from you. I am also from Iran and might be able to relate to your culture a bit better. A guy friend has been liking me for well over 7 years, and I do not have the same feelings back. He is a wonderful wonderful guy and I have wondered a lot about why I can't like him. Because I know we might have been the perfect couple if I could just develop feelings for him. These are a few things I can advice:

1- Find out what SHE likes in a guy. It could be very simple things like "guys who are well dressed", "guys who are smart or educated", "guys who are not necessarily educated, but rather very technical", "guys who are very family oriented, or guys who are very WILD and careless", "guys who are sporty, or formal etc".... some things you can not, or do not WANT to change about yourself and that is fine. but with other things, try to show her that you can be what she likes. it could be something as simple as wearing the cologne she likes, or doing your hair in a particular way. This might help some initial attraction to develop. Once she is attracted to you, she will also start liking you for who you really are.

2- Occassionally, show her that you love her, mostly with your actions rather than words (for some reason action has more effect in some situations), don't hold back and try to hide it. And be CONFIDENT (the confidence thing is hugely important) when showing her how you feel and show her the seriousness of your love (again with action). If you are confident the feelings of being attracted towards her might cause her to feel attracted to you. The guy who liked me did not feel very confident about showing his feelings, and instead he tried to mask it by flirting with me in a joking way. That meant that I never quite realised that he is serious about me. Just relax and be yourself and don't be scared of her knowing that you love her.

3- At the same time, have self respect and confidence and don't lower yourself. Let her realise that you are confident. Let HER chase you at times. Most people (girls or guys) don't like something that they can have too easily. It has to be a two persons game. It would not work if only one person is chasing and the other person running away. You have to make her chase you as well, and that would make her like you more (even if she doesn't realise it).

Take your time and make her interested before asking her again. Please let me know if you have any questions or I haven't been very clear anywhere. Good luck!

Oh and whatever you do, don't wait long enough for some other guy to grab her before you! Or you will regret it forever. Start making your moves...

schumway
I do not know why but it seems that when going through school, all the attractive girls were hoocked up with folks who preferred drugs to a future.

course when I see the guys today... they are also the ones with money and nice toys... assuming they are not dead or in jail.

I guess it is a rebel thing or perhaps just that folks on drugs have more confidence and will say what is on their mind not caring of the consequences so when the dweebs like myself wonder if she would like me... the other guy already has her info and a date lined up LOL
jcvincent
[quote="hayley"]I'm a girl. Here's my advice.

First of all, if you want to be close to a girl, telling her things she doesn't want to hear (i.e. how much you care when she's CLEARLY not interested) is not a smart move. It comes off as stalking. Stalking is defined as unwanted attention and is, honestly, more than a little creepy.

That's right.

Maybe you can still wait a little longer. If that's what you feel, then you can give yourself a little more time. But, try also to observe the girl. Try to see if she's ready for what you are going to say. If she can understand you completely.
JoeFriday
8 years, and she's in college now.. which means you probably weren't even teenagers when you decided you love her

here's the best advice anybody can give you, and something she almost certainly already knows..

DATE OTHER PEOPLE

no offense, but you seem very obsessive about this girl.. you've been hung up on her since you were in junior high.. in 5 years you'll look back and go "what the hell was I thinking?"... she might be a really great girl, but you're both way too young to make a commitment at this point

I fell madly in love with a girl when I was 16.. we broke up 8 months later and I was devasted for several years.. then I fell madly in love again when I was 20.. we were together for 3 years and things fell apart.. it took me quite a while to get over that one, too.. but now, I look back at both times and think they were wonderful times of my life, but I can't imagine being with either of those women now

sometimes you just have to accept the fact that there are 'growing pains' in life.. and losing your first love is one that nearly everyone experiences at some point
loveandormoney
Why do You not like to use Your chance?
daltonedwards
Be a good friend to her and always be there.. If she truly likes you she'll appreciate the effort.
loveandormoney
If You like to live like this
all humans shall disappoint You.
markharris
I am not a girl but if you ate sincere the you must tel her
loveandormoney
Give her a chance.
Just relax and be honest.
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