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What do I do, I messed up !! I really LOVE HER!!





wikfx
well Hi all I am a 26/m I was married for 3 years and went out with her for 3 before that so we were together for 6 years total. the last year of our marriage has been a little rocky. Sad no communication I blame it on both of us but she blames it soley on me. Sad we would never do anything together as a couple we also have a 2 and a half year old daughter (my little angel that I love with my life). I used to try to do things but she was always too busy trying to make plans for us to do stuff together with her parents, her parents have had it out for me for a while, reason being I dont really know. I always provided and tried to keep everyone happy Sad than I really messed it up, for the last 6 months of our marriage we didn't do anything in bed and were fighting alot. I couldnt talk to her without her ending up yelling at me, I could never do anything right, if I did option A she would tell me to do option B but then when I would do option B she would get pissed off at me for doing B and telling me I should do A ?????? confusing huh? anyway I ended up turning to online chat, yep I started talking to other females online than one day she found my chat history and didnt like it so she left me Sad I would do anything to get her back, and I mean ANYTHING. I know she must be hurt and I wish I never did that, but I really wish I could do something to make it up. does anyone have any ideas???? please let me know.
Thanks
benjamincblunt
Okay first off here's one thing I've discovered about women, never ever ever try to fight with them, if you two are very mad at each other, etc. and I know this is a lot easier said then done (and trust me boy do I) you can't yell back no matter what. Try to see things from her point of view no matter how hard that is and even if what she is saying doesn't really make since at the time talk it over with her without you yelling at all. now note she might yell back, but just because she does doesn't mean you need to. Now I'm not saying totally ignore your needs either but for the time being of a fight, yes hold them off & always remember no matter what to make sure she doesn't leave in the heat of the moment. talk to her. remember how she used to make you feel and how you love her so much (that is if you really do feel like you said you feel about her) and make sure you talk to her like "baby, i'm sorry let's just talk about this" in the sweetest tone you can. Now that's what you should've done so remember that if you two do get back together. Now this is what you need to do now, if she doesn't want to talk to you just send her little things here and there like cards, her favorite type of flowers, other things she loves (if she has a favorite type of candy of some sort?) and just try to make her understand in the sweetest and nicest way possible how much she means to you and how much you miss her and try to see if some how after a week or two of doing these things and establishing a friendship of some sort to see if she'll give your relationship a second chance. now note this if you two do give it another chance then it will be like rediscovering each other but if your really serious about it it takes a lot of work but of course you'll get her back in the process. now note this also to get her back all you can be is sweet and nice and the best guy you can be around her, one more fault and your totally out. if you want some more help or information or just want me to see you through it Private message me and i'll help you from there. hope this helps
ejmaster
Well, In my opinion, you got together way to young and that is probably why your not together now. It sounds like she was just getting tired of wasting her youth (if she is as young as you are) raising kids and from how your post sounds, raising you. If she left you with the kid, than I can fill for you, but If she took the kid with her, than good for you. In my opinion she'll be back once she finds out the world is not as an exciting journy as she wan't to believe, until than, be glad that she is gone and live for a little while. Don't waste your youth trying to be an old man, that will come in time.
raver
well actually studies show that the younger a couple gets married the more the marriage will last. Maybe find her, apologize till you melt your heart...tell her to do it for the kid Wink and go to a couple terapyst .
wikfx
well I have tried to apologize to her several times but she dont really care about my apologiy Sad is there something more I can do to show her how much I love her and that I would do anything for her? I told her I would even take the eyes out of my head just to know I would be with her, she just looked at me and said " yea watever" Sad
Metaguy
This seems classical. If your fighting, make it up to her with presents. Do something thats "amazing". If your still having problems, figure out what the main reason is and improve on it. If you spend too much time on the computer lower your computer time etc. If she doesnt like you for who you are shes not good and there for dump her, especially if shes taking advantige of you.
dark_one
lol... I dont think presents are going to do anything here...

My mum and dad are going through the same problem, and my mum keeps saying that all she wants is some attention...

Just spend some more time with her, if not for yourselves, do it for your daughter... I know what it's like to have your parents breakup, and it's not good...

You're lucky you don't have a son though, because when a marriage breaks up, it's generally the son who you need to worry about more because about 80% of son's who dont spend enough time with their dad (or more with their mum) turn gay/bisexual...
gh0stface
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.
cnnet
I'm only 21 years old and have got married now
but I insiste that love is to give
Falkien
Regardless of whatever we can possibly tell you, love is the great unknown.
dark_one
gh0stface wrote:
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.


I dont see why people pay other people to sort their problems out. They create the problem, they should sort it.
gh0stface
dark_one wrote:
gh0stface wrote:
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.


I dont see why people pay other people to sort their problems out. They create the problem, they should sort it.

Worst thinking ever.

That's like saying, you having a leaky faucet and not calling in a plumber to fix it because you created the problem and that you can fix it.

Or saying that, in extreme case, that because you accidently amputated your foot, you can fix that problem.
dark_one
gh0stface wrote:
dark_one wrote:
gh0stface wrote:
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.


I dont see why people pay other people to sort their problems out. They create the problem, they should sort it.

Worst thinking ever.

That's like saying, you having a leaky faucet and not calling in a plumber to fix it because you created the problem and that you can fix it.

Or saying that, in extreme case, that because you accidently amputated your foot, you can fix that problem.


Well, they're both accidents... And a marriage breakup is neither an accident nor on purpose... You should at least TRY to do it by yourself, because then it means you're willing to work towards the relationship...
ashok
gh0stface wrote:
dark_one wrote:
gh0stface wrote:
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.


I dont see why people pay other people to sort their problems out. They create the problem, they should sort it.

Worst thinking ever.

That's like saying, you having a leaky faucet and not calling in a plumber to fix it because you created the problem and that you can fix it.

Or saying that, in extreme case, that because you accidently amputated your foot, you can fix that problem.


Razz Razz Razz Razz nice reply

being 6 years together, i think u know all her likes and dislikes. Line up presents which she like, get ready to give some surprises, always u try to start a discussion - not abt ur matters, but general things.. maybe a movie or so.. take her to some nice place in weekend.. talk to her in the softest voice, and FLOWERS.. yeah trust me, flowers do cool the girls a lot.. if shez working, by the time she returns home, u be ready with a cup of coffee for her, speak out with her about the happy days u spent "together"... Do everything she likes... when u try to do all those, she'll definitely speak out nonsense things, keep urself coool, dont blame or yell her no matter what happens.. in due course, she'll change back to the girl whom u loved so much.

Even after all this she still remains the same.. just dump her. She's not worthy enough for your love...
jazrt
just from what I read.
Is that she saw your chat online history, with other girls asking them for help with your love life.
Now and now she has left you for this. this is not the reason why shehas left but it is a good excuse for her whatever the reason is.
she is using this as a way of saying that you have betrayed me by talking to other girls online behind my back.
and just from some of the comments as well that I was reading is that for some reason she was frustrated.
as for what's gone on in the relationship beforehand to come to a head for her to leave. I do not know that full situation. There are a lot of deep-seated things that would need to be resolved and that cannot be done online. It needs of the two of you being up to get together with a certified practitioner in counselling to find out both. And it's about both working together to resolve the situation. One cannot resolve the situation all by themselves. It takes two to tango. Now there is a child in the situation and you both need to be thinking of the child. If she's not our two or not willing to take care of the child then you need to step up the plate and be the man.
CamiBor
i can understand you and her but i have no ideas how to help, if i'll have any i'll tell you=]
Metaguy
Yeah, Im sorry to say but i think your doomed actually. If your fighting already thats not a good sign. Like the other members said, try a marrige conseler... but then I guess you'd first of all look dumb and that might make it worse... Sorry buddy Sad
lockwolf
My friend told me this once when I liked this one girl "Treat her Like a Princess!" Its probably the only thing you will need to do and if you work hard at it, everything will hopefully turn out right.
ImChasingSafety
Sorry man.. All I say is shit happens... It WILL get better though. I promise. No worries, be happy.



aaron Very Happy
Xipha
The important thing is that you not give up. For the sake of your daughter you need to keep trying. My parents are split, and while I was older when it happened and managed to adjust ok(it still hurts though) I am watching the terrible effects that it is having on my little brother and sister and its sad because theres nothing I can do about it. Try writing a letter (not an email- emails are not very personal), a very honest letter that explains everything you feel, and let her know that you really want to make it work. It might be easier to express yourself that way. Let her know that you want to have a happy family and you are willing to make adjustments and compromises. Because love is all about giving for the best of those you love, and commitment is a big part of that. Keep working through the bumps, theres always hope left.

Best of luck, I hope this helps
wikfx
well I am trying and I never plan on giving up, I would do anything to regain her trust in me Sad and I mean anything, I dont know what to do anymore, I feel like my life is over. and I dont blame her for being upset with me, I just wish that I could do something. I would write her a letter but I am scared to, scared she would either use it against me, throw it in my face, or watever, I really would and I thought of sending her flowers and a letter with them but I dunno, right now she is living with her parents and well they probably wont let her think twice of getting back with me Sad. there is nobody I would rather be with in whole world. I am also thinking of buying her a xmas gift but I dunno what to get her yet and I dunno if she will reject it Sad any ideas? should I get her a gift? I aint trying to win her back with a gift and I dont want her to think that coz that will just put her off so I dont really know what to do. anyway guys thanks for all your help and replies. happy holidays to all.
VisualProzac
In this case wright her a letter, show her you care. Maybe its just me but if a guy buys me presents it's just saying he's guitly of whatever reason I'm so mad at him. Which then in turns makes me madder at him. When she gets in a fight with you, instead of screaming and yelling try to see what's bothering her. I got married very early, and me and my husband have had our ups and downs, but we've got through it. My main point is just show her you care. Set you pride, your fear, and your worries aside, and show her that you care. Tell her that you can work together to make it work. Like all the other posts if you can't do it youself, ask her if she'd be confortable seeing a counselor.
If she doesn't wan't to work on it, she won't tell you what is wrong, she doesn't want to take some of the blame (yes, she gets some of the blame for not telling you what she needed and making time for you and her). Let her go she'll remember why she loves you, or she'll find out why she can't stand you. She'll probably come back (most of us girls do...dispite what we say, or at least hope that it'll work out again) Just remember why you two fell in love in the first place.
[FuN]goku
wikfx wrote:
anyway I ended up turning to online chat, yep I started talking to other females online than one day she found my chat history and didnt like it so she left me
well tell her you're really really sorry and then ask for another chance and tell here youll take her out to dinner.
[FuN]goku
wikfx wrote:
well I am trying and I never plan on giving up, I would do anything to regain her trust in me Sad and I mean anything, I dont know what to do anymore, I feel like my life is over. and I dont blame her for being upset with me, I just wish that I could do something. I would write her a letter but I am scared to, scared she would either use it against me, throw it in my face, or watever, I really would and I thought of sending her flowers and a letter with them but I dunno, right now she is living with her parents and well they probably wont let her think twice of getting back with me Sad. there is nobody I would rather be with in whole world. I am also thinking of buying her a xmas gift but I dunno what to get her yet and I dunno if she will reject it Sad any ideas? should I get her a gift? I aint trying to win her back with a gift and I dont want her to think that coz that will just put her off so I dont really know what to do. anyway guys thanks for all your help and replies. happy holidays to all.
well if your scared to write a letter... you'll never no unless you try.
wikfx
I dunno I just dont want it to backfire on me and make the situation even worse Sad
[FuN]goku
wikfx wrote:
I dunno I just dont want it to backfire on me and make the situation even worse Sad
im not married but ive had a gf leave me....... in the same kinda situation that u are in.... i was afraid but then i apologized to her and told her to give a second chance and it finally worked.. although i didnt take her out to dinner... but a dance Very Happy
Mik
<Edit: censored and banned>
[FuN]goku
Mik wrote:
<something which shouldn't be posted>
ok first its F-U-C-K ... second of all this guy just had someone run away on him that he loves so show some respect you nob gobbler
wikfx
I tried to ask her for a second chance she flat out said "NO" Sad and for you mik - watever man.
[FuN]goku
wikfx wrote:
I tried to ask her for a second chance she flat out said "NO" Sad and for you mik - watever man.
have you said you'd do anything for her? well i hope you get her back m8ey good luck.
wikfx
yea I told her I would do anythingI told her I would even cut my limbs off forher, I would do absolutely anything to be with her again Sad
[FuN]goku
well sorry m8 i cant think of anything else Wink i would help you if i could. i hope you get back together
VincentBlack
I'd say give it some more time, see how things go...maybe she'll somehow become somewhat interested again?
whplace
Do everything you can to convince her.........
James007
I hope she will change her mind.... if she would see this topic, she would see how much you love her... Smile
And if I can cheer you up, user Mik has been banned...

James Smile
wikfx
thanks james007 and thanks to everyone for helping me out, right now I am just a sitting duck, just waiting maybe she will want me back one day Sad but like I said maybe. well all I can do right now is hope.
VisualProzac
Good luck and best wishes to you. I hope everything works out for you. (hug)
Kashinilaya
Dear friend, a writer once wrote a book teaching a way to save a marriage. Just before he explained how to do it he said "I don`t know if a marriage should be saved, but if you want to, I`ll show you a way..." His way of saving marriages implied that both the husband and the wife should want to do so. It doesn't seem to be your case right now (You want it, but apparently your wife doesn't). What I could see from your postings is that you're allowing your emotions to take over, preventing your brain to think clearly. Believe it or not, you have all the answers inside. Just need to learn how to probe into yourself and this is much more easily accomplished through experience. Life is a wonderful challenge for all of us an we can learn from every breath we take!
Whatever people may teel you, you'll have to weight it against your beliefs and decide wether it applies or not to you (maybe changing your beliefs to new ones).
It's very difficult to give advices to others, because we never know what is really better for a given person. We don't live his/her life. Let me, however, give you a glimpse of my experience. I read in the book "Conversations with God", written by the american writer Neale Donald Walsh, that every relationship is sacred. I do believe in that. And the more difficult it is, the greater the chance we have to express our best. Knowing that, biases our thoughts to a more understanding approach towards others.
First, understand the needs of every person involved, including you. For that (I mean, understanding the needs of a lady) I will suggest the book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" (I'm not sure about the English title), written by Dr. Jonh Gray. It would also be a good choice of Christmas present to your wife, since she surely doesn't understand quite well men's nature, or you wouldn't have fought with each other so much.
Second, keep a mature disposition towards the problem (that will be hard if you're a yong man; maturity comes with time and it's useless to force it). From what I got, you are adopting a desperate approach when talking to your wife. It won't help. Show her the logic about your relationship. The mutual benefit of your being together. If she's too young (that is, doesn't have enough maturity) she may need the help of an elder. Ask your in-laws to help you start a conversation with her. When people get hurt in the feeling level, it may take more time to restablish a mature conversation, but you will end up getting her attention.
Third, you should both rethink your decision on living a life together, that is, what was the purpose of you joyning each other in a marriage? What should be your new purpose you decide to start over? Before my wife and I decided to get married, we searched for a real good reason to do that. We found out that if we got married, we could help each other in the evolutionary path. This means helping each other to overcome his/her shortcomings. It has been working real well for us. We're together for 17 years and planning more. Would it work for you and your wife to decide to help each other to grow? That's the question you should ask yourself and your wife.
Other than that I can only say that a relationship is a bidirectional enterprise.
Read those books I suggested. They will help you in one way or the other.
Good luck. Please feel free to PM me if you need to reach me again (I'll be out for a while. I'll be back by the end of January)
May 2006 shower love and fulfillment to you and your family.
qbawler311
The solution to your problems is summarized in 1 word "EXTORTION". Extortion is a great tool to use as leverage to get what you want. First do whatever it takes to hire a private investigator (PI), meet with a few and try to find one that is very unethical. You can find this out using clever conversation. The PI will find whatever dirt she has. Confront her with the dirt and get whatever you want, If she tries to refuse tell her you will expose the dirt to everyone.
todabeat
gh0stface wrote:
You might want to try a marriage counselor too.


I've seem to have a good way with women, and i guess i can understand them pretty well, i've helped out acouple of friends both (men and women) who are my friends with their relationship stuff, but i see you have a daughter that is a bit different so i would vote for the conselor man. Best whishes and good luck bro.

Will
Kashinilaya
qbawler311 wrote:
...

Do not pay attention to such commentaries. They are not based in any good experience of life. Negativity only leads to more negativity and misery. Plant happiness and you will harvest happiness as a result, no matter how long it may take.
Be well.
snjripp
Before this deteriorates further, I think there are some very good questions latent in this forum. What are we willing to sacirfice for love, including our own pride; what can we do when we are in a marriage that is struggling; and what are ways to avoid it as much as possible.

Talking with other women in a chat room in ways that made your wife leave was probably a mistake. Don't do it. Tell her you won't and don't. Ask her what you can do. If she gets mad, and demeans you, ask her again after a little while. It is important to make repair attempts. It is also important to accept repair attempts.
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