Roman Holiday
SCENE A pavement café in Rome
CHARACTERS Bill, Elaine (Bill’s wife), Jamie, Webber
Bill and Elaine are sitting at a table in the café.
BILL Well, here we are in Rome. The sun is shining, and we don’t have to care about
anything.
ELAINE Yes, Rome is so beautiful.
BILL And it's such a beautiful day.
ELAINE This square looks lovely in the sunshine.
BILL And it's so nice, sitting here with you. No trains to catch…
ELAINE No telephones to answer...
BILL No boring business people to talk to... Do you know, this is the first holiday we've
had for five years - since we were married.
ELAINE And it's our first visit to Rome, too. It's like a second honeymoon.
BILL Yes, and now we're alone together, with all the time in the world.
ELAINE Yes.
BILL Just you, and me, and romantic Rome.
ELAINE Yes.
Jamie comes to their table.
JAMIE Excuse me, do you speak English?
BILL Yes.
JAMIE May I sit here?
BILL Er...oh...yes.
Jamie sits down.
JAMIE Thank you. Just a minute - it's Bill - Bill Chen!
BILL Good God! Jamie Yao!
JAMIE Bill, darling! How lovely to see you! It's been so long since we –Er…
BILL Jamie, this is my wife, Elaine.
JAMIE Oh, your wife. Delighted to meet you.
ELAINE So you know Bill, do you?
JAMIE Oh yes, Bill and I are old friends, aren't we, Bill?
BILL No. Er… yes. Er… what are you doing in Rome, Jamie?
ELAINE You're old friends, are you?
JAMIE Oh yes, I've known Bill for years and years, since we were both young and
innocent.
BILL My goodness! Look at that remarkable statue!
ELAINE Bill!… Tell me, Miss Yao, what exactly do you mean by 'young and innocent'?
JAMIE Well, darling, before Bill met me, he was just an innocent boy.
BILL Er… yes… we met at kindergarten.
JAMIE Bill, you know that's not what I mean.
ELAINE Well, what exactly do you mean?
BILL My God! Look at that magnificent telephone-box!
ELAINE Bill!
BILL Well, you don't see telephone-boxes like that in Taipei, do you?
JAMIE Poor Bill! Before he met me, his life was so boring. He was a student at an awful
college in the mountains, and he hated every minute of it.
ELAINE But Bill - you told me you loved that college in the mountains!
JAMIE Ah yes, that's because he met me there.
ELAINE What - at the college?
JAMIE No, in the mountains.
BILL Er, Elaine, I think we'd better go. The Colosseum closes at six o'clock, you know.
ELAINE Sit down, Bill. It's only half past eleven.
JAMIE Yes, I remember that day so well - the day that we met. The mountains were so
beautiful, the sky was so blue -
ELAINE - and Bill was so green, I suppose.
JAMIE 'Green'? What do you mean?
ELAINE 'Green'. Young and innocent. Just the way you like them, I suppose.
JAMIE Well, really!
Jamie gets up.
Excuse me!… Goodbye, Bill. (Sarcastically:) Delighted to have met you,
Mrs. Burton.
BILL Jamie ... um....
JAMIE Goodbye, Bill.
Jamie leaves.
BILL Oh, dear.
ELAINE So before you met her, you were just an innocent boy! You told me I was the first
woman in your life, and I believed you. . and I've been so honest with you.
BILL Yes, Elaine.
ELAINE I've told you everything.
BILL Yes, Elaine, I know. I was the first man in your life.
ELAINE The first and only man, Bill.
Webber comes to the table.
BILL Oh… waiter. I'll have a Martini, please.
WEBBER Certainly, sir. And for you, madam? Oh! Elaine!
ELAINE Webber!
WEBBER Elaine!
BILL Webber?
WEBBER Elaine, it's wonderful to see you again!
BILL Elaine, have you met this man before?
ELAINE Well, Bill -
WEBBER Elaine, it must be five years!
ELAINE Six, Webber, Six!
WEBBER And now you've come back to Rome!
BILL Come back? What's he talking about?
ELAINE Well, Bill
WEBBER Come with me, Elaine. We've got so much to talk about!
ELAINE Oh… er, yes… urn… excuse me, Bill.
Webber and Elaine leave.
BILL Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!
SCENE A pavement café in Rome
CHARACTERS Bill, Elaine (Bill’s wife), Jamie, Webber
Bill and Elaine are sitting at a table in the café.
BILL Well, here we are in Rome. The sun is shining, and we don’t have to care about
anything.
ELAINE Yes, Rome is so beautiful.
BILL And it's such a beautiful day.
ELAINE This square looks lovely in the sunshine.
BILL And it's so nice, sitting here with you. No trains to catch…
ELAINE No telephones to answer...
BILL No boring business people to talk to... Do you know, this is the first holiday we've
had for five years - since we were married.
ELAINE And it's our first visit to Rome, too. It's like a second honeymoon.
BILL Yes, and now we're alone together, with all the time in the world.
ELAINE Yes.
BILL Just you, and me, and romantic Rome.
ELAINE Yes.
Jamie comes to their table.
JAMIE Excuse me, do you speak English?
BILL Yes.
JAMIE May I sit here?
BILL Er...oh...yes.
Jamie sits down.
JAMIE Thank you. Just a minute - it's Bill - Bill Chen!
BILL Good God! Jamie Yao!
JAMIE Bill, darling! How lovely to see you! It's been so long since we –Er…
BILL Jamie, this is my wife, Elaine.
JAMIE Oh, your wife. Delighted to meet you.
ELAINE So you know Bill, do you?
JAMIE Oh yes, Bill and I are old friends, aren't we, Bill?
BILL No. Er… yes. Er… what are you doing in Rome, Jamie?
ELAINE You're old friends, are you?
JAMIE Oh yes, I've known Bill for years and years, since we were both young and
innocent.
BILL My goodness! Look at that remarkable statue!
ELAINE Bill!… Tell me, Miss Yao, what exactly do you mean by 'young and innocent'?
JAMIE Well, darling, before Bill met me, he was just an innocent boy.
BILL Er… yes… we met at kindergarten.
JAMIE Bill, you know that's not what I mean.
ELAINE Well, what exactly do you mean?
BILL My God! Look at that magnificent telephone-box!
ELAINE Bill!
BILL Well, you don't see telephone-boxes like that in Taipei, do you?
JAMIE Poor Bill! Before he met me, his life was so boring. He was a student at an awful
college in the mountains, and he hated every minute of it.
ELAINE But Bill - you told me you loved that college in the mountains!
JAMIE Ah yes, that's because he met me there.
ELAINE What - at the college?
JAMIE No, in the mountains.
BILL Er, Elaine, I think we'd better go. The Colosseum closes at six o'clock, you know.
ELAINE Sit down, Bill. It's only half past eleven.
JAMIE Yes, I remember that day so well - the day that we met. The mountains were so
beautiful, the sky was so blue -
ELAINE - and Bill was so green, I suppose.
JAMIE 'Green'? What do you mean?
ELAINE 'Green'. Young and innocent. Just the way you like them, I suppose.
JAMIE Well, really!
Jamie gets up.
Excuse me!… Goodbye, Bill. (Sarcastically:) Delighted to have met you,
Mrs. Burton.
BILL Jamie ... um....
JAMIE Goodbye, Bill.
Jamie leaves.
BILL Oh, dear.
ELAINE So before you met her, you were just an innocent boy! You told me I was the first
woman in your life, and I believed you. . and I've been so honest with you.
BILL Yes, Elaine.
ELAINE I've told you everything.
BILL Yes, Elaine, I know. I was the first man in your life.
ELAINE The first and only man, Bill.
Webber comes to the table.
BILL Oh… waiter. I'll have a Martini, please.
WEBBER Certainly, sir. And for you, madam? Oh! Elaine!
ELAINE Webber!
WEBBER Elaine!
BILL Webber?
WEBBER Elaine, it's wonderful to see you again!
BILL Elaine, have you met this man before?
ELAINE Well, Bill -
WEBBER Elaine, it must be five years!
ELAINE Six, Webber, Six!
WEBBER And now you've come back to Rome!
BILL Come back? What's he talking about?
ELAINE Well, Bill
WEBBER Come with me, Elaine. We've got so much to talk about!
ELAINE Oh… er, yes… urn… excuse me, Bill.
Webber and Elaine leave.
BILL Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!
