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Encouragement To Others - An Observation!





BigGeek
Last night my wife was lamenting how in her life she never received any encouragement or support from Counselors and Teachers at School, very little from her parents and siblings, and has experienced belittling and insults at work from superiors and some co workers!

My response was this - Few people in your life will encourage you to find the things you love to do, and encourage you to work at them and be successful. When you find someone that is a true friend and helps you and encourages you to be successful stick with them and take care of them because they are few and far between.

My experience has been that most people act as if success is a limited commodity, and if they help you be successful then somehow there won't be enough success left for them to be successful. Typically they say and do things to discourage you and get you to fail. It seems to be a point of Ego with them where they take pleasure in kicking people when they are down, insulting and belittling another persons dreams, and are happiest when their efforts result in another persons failure or misfortune! This is especially true in the work place where superiors have no vested interest in you being successful. Your success typically means promotions and more pay, which is a threat to the people in charge of you! So rather than encourage success they discourage it in an attempt to bolster their own self worth and mitigate their fears!

My only advice when faced with these sorts of people is to blow them off, and ignore their petty behavior and focus on yourself and your strengths and your own efforts to improve yourself and your life.

Petty, egotistical, angry destructive people seem to be everywhere and do not deserve your attention - pay attention to your true friends - those that have your best interests at heart and ignore the others! Life is too short to be consumed with another persons negativity!

I put this topic in the Relationship category because this is about our ability to relate to others and deal with them in life!
deanhills
BigGeek wrote:
Last night my wife was lamenting how in her life she never received any encouragement or support from Counselors and Teachers at School, very little from her parents and siblings, and has experienced belittling and insults at work from superiors and some co workers!
I sense your wife is a born achiever, the kind that people think she doesn't need any help, she has it all together. The signals she may be sending to other people are she doesn't need any help, she is doing OK on her own. Like I've often seen it in families too. You find one of the children has the appearance of strong, has it all together, does OK at school, yet all the help goes to the needy one, who turns into the special one, as people like to be needed. It isn't that people don't want to help. They may just think (whether wrong or right) that the person doesn't need any help.

The stronger we are, the more envious some would be of our strength, so I think that may have happened to your wife too. The insults came from people who were envious of her capabilities and strengths and wanted to bring her down a notch or two. She challenged them through her strengths.
BigGeek
deanhills wrote:
The stronger we are, the more envious some would be of our strength, so I think that may have happened to your wife too. The insults came from people who were envious of her capabilities and strengths and wanted to bring her down a notch or two. She challenged them through her strengths.


Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this - I imagine that you are correct in your assessment of the situation. I know that I have experienced this many times in my life and I experienced it from my father. At 18 years old when I graduated from High School I joined the US Marines. My father had been a Marine for 23 years and retired as a Colonel. After I served for 3 years I went to college on the GI bill which mostly paid for it, and what it didn't cover I took out school loans to cover the costs. My father paid form my brother and two sisters to attend college, and never offered any help. Years later when I asked him why he never offered any help his reply was "you didn't need any" you were a Marine and you were stronger than the rest of my children and you were able to accomplish things on your own that they were not. It was kind of cool to here him tell me that but at the same time I felt a little left out!

I have also been on the receiving end of people that see my strength and "get it done" attitude and have worked to knock me down a peg or two and sabotage my efforts in life. Which is something that I have seen many feel sorry for themselves when they have been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment. All that does to me is make me angry and even more determined to achieve success when I deal with people like that.

I had a manager tell me before she left the company I was with quite a few years ago that she was impressed by how determined I was to get things done and she was sorry that she had thrown every obstacle in my path possible to prevent my success, and that I overcame all of them and was successful anyway in spite of her efforts to cause me to fail. I was taken back by her statement and told her I knew she was doing things to slow me down, and that I was a little shocked to hear her admit it to me! She was one of the worst managers I have ever had in my life to say the least!
standready
BigGeek wrote:
Last night my wife was lamenting how in her life she never received any encouragement or support from Counselors and Teachers at School, very little from her parents and siblings, and has experienced belittling and insults at work from superiors and some co workers!

I know how your wife feels. My family not only do not encourage me but go as far to discourage me. Co-workers with few exceptions were insulting and belittling probably because I made an effort to do my job while they sat there to collect a paycheck.

I finally learned to accept and blow it off.
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