Humor from smarties

smarties

45th wedding anniversary

A married couple in their 60s were out celebrating their 45th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table
and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and
for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant
you each a wish."

"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
husband" said the wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and -- abracadabra!?--
two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her
hands.

Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment
and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity
like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my
love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than
me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a
wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic
stick and - abracadabra! -- the husband became 96 years old.

The moral of this story...
Men might be ungrateful idiots...
But fairies are female...

Taken from Resource-A-Day
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smarties

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have
been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada
with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone
for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion I've wanted so would you please pack me
enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and
tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing
by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my
new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good
wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following
weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking
good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught
many fish? He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill,
and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk
pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies, "I did. They were in your tackle box!"

Taken from Resource-A-Day
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smarties

At the end of their first date, a young man takes the girl
back to her home. Emboldened by the night, he decides
to try for that all-important first kiss. With an air of
confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and,
smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Embarrassed, she replies, "Oh, I couldn't do that. My
parents will see us!"

"Oh come one! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please, I would just die of embarrassment if someone
saw us!"

"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way, it's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I like you so much!"

"No. I like you too, but I just can't."

"Oh yes you can Please?"

"No, no. I just can't."

"Pleeeeeeeese?"

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on and the girl's sister
shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice
the sister says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss.
Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down and do it. But
for crying out loud, tell him to take his hand off the intercom
button!"

Taken from Resource-A-Day
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smarties

A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what
his future held for him.

The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl,
who will want to know everything about you."

"That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At
a party, in the pond?"

The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her
next semester, in Zoology lab!"

_____________________________
Taken from Resource-A-Day
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smarties

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming
rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his
chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six
a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and
said, "You've got to do something about all of these
people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and
erect a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The
'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and
they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he
asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it
all right for me to put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in
order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no
more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff
decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone.

The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be
something there that WE could use to slow down drivers."

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in
large yellow letters were the words:

SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

Taken from Resource-A-Day
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