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Fight to keep her or let her go?





Cliont
I was transferred out of town for 9 months. 3 months into it I met a girl that I thought would be fun to hang out with while I was there. After 3 months of hanging out she told me she didn't want to see me anymore, that it was going to be too hard to deal with the emotions of me leaving. At the time I agreed. Two weeks later we got back together agreeing that if our relationship continued to grow we would do what it took to make the relationship work long term. In that 3 months we fell absolutely in love with each other. She introduced me to her kids and we bonded. (I love her kids too.) When I left we agreed she was going to move here, thinking it would be easier because she is still in school and does not have much family there. 3 weeks after I moved back she told me that it was too hard being away from me and that she needed to break up with me to stop the pain. It has been one week since then and I have slept and eaten very little since then. On one hand I want to fight and go down there knowing that once she sees me she will not be able to control herself, but on the other she was very clear in what she wanted and I feel like I should respect her wishes. What do you think I should do?

I can not stop thinking about her and her kids. I have one of her kids toys on my desk at work and it is torching me when I see it but I do not want to move it. I think about her son and daughter all the time. When I am playing with my nieces I think about the things I want to teach and do with her kids. When I am laying in bed I think about holding her.
CHAOS-THEORY
Go get her noob (y) héh, am just kidding; i heared that from a movie, its so rediculous.. okey okey off topic, u should go back to her, my word (y)
loveandormoney
Cliont wrote:
I was transferred out of town for 9 months. 3 months into it I met a girl that I thought would be fun to hang out with while I was there. After 3 months of hanging out she told me she didn't want to see me anymore, that it was going to be too hard to deal with the emotions of me leaving. At the time I agreed. Two weeks later we got back together agreeing that if our relationship continued to grow we would do what it took to make the relationship work long term. In that 3 months we fell absolutely in love with each other. She introduced me to her kids and we bonded. (I love her kids too.) When I left we agreed she was going to move here, thinking it would be easier because she is still in school and does not have much family there. 3 weeks after I moved back she told me that it was too hard being away from me and that she needed to break up with me to stop the pain. It has been one week since then and I have slept and eaten very little since then. On one hand I want to fight and go down there knowing that once she sees me she will not be able to control herself, but on the other she was very clear in what she wanted and I feel like I should respect her wishes. What do you think I should do?

I can not stop thinking about her and her kids. I have one of her kids toys on my desk at work and it is torching me when I see it but I do not want to move it. I think about her son and daughter all the time. When I am playing with my nieces I think about the things I want to teach and do with her kids. When I am laying in bed I think about holding her.



What do you think I should do?

STOP playing games with the woman.

Good morning.
I answer
sentence by sentence:

I was transferred out of town for 9 months. 3 months into it I met a girl that I thought would be fun to hang out with while I was there.
*
Why did You not talk with her about Your expectations?
Try something new:
Talk honest with her.


After 3 months of hanging out she told me she didn't want to see me anymore, that it was going to be too hard to deal with the emotions of me leaving.
*
This is why I told You, she was angry with You because You played with her.
Change Your mind.
Be honest.


At the time I agreed.
*
Dont play with women.



Two weeks later we got back together agreeing that if our relationship continued to grow we would do what it took to make the relationship work long term.
*
Love is not playing chess.



In that 3 months we fell absolutely in love with each other.
*
Sorry
no
You look from outside at the relationship.
Read Your post
then You can see it.



She introduced me to her kids and we bonded. (I love her kids too.) When I left we agreed she was going to move here, thinking it would be easier because she is still in school and does not have much family there.
*
Better is
You should first spend three weeks of holidays together.



3 weeks after I moved back she told me that it was too hard being away from me and that she needed to break up with me to stop the pain.
*
You did fighting.
That is the problem,


It has been one week since then and I have slept and eaten very little since then.
*
Make peace
stop fighting.


On one hand I want to fight and go down there knowing that once she sees me she will not be able to control herself, but on the other she was very clear in what she wanted and I feel like I should respect her wishes. What do you think I should do?
*
If You want continue to be angry with her, then she will go more far away.
Try something new: Be kind.

I can not stop thinking about her and her kids
*
Talk with her.
Stop being aggressive.



I have one of her kids toys on my desk at work and it is torching me when I see it but I do not want to move it. I think about her son and daughter all the time. When I am playing with my nieces I think about the things I want to teach and do with her kids. When I am laying in bed I think about holding her
*
Just do it
Stop playing games.

Regards
Cliont
Loveandormoney

I think you have misinterpreted my post.

1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship.

2. No comment

3. Love is not playing chess but it is a gamble every time you go out with someone new you are taking a chance and hoping it will develop into a special relationship. The more relationships you have the better prepared you are for choosing the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

4. I do not understand what you mean by Sorry look from outside

5. You are probably correct about spending 3 weeks with her and her kids to see if I felt the same way

6.You did fighting, That is the problem I do not understand

7. Make peace stop fighting, We are not fighting

8. I am not angry with her just hurting

9. Talk with her, I would love to talk to her, but I get the impression she would rather not talk to me. Her texts are not rude but are very brief and not engaging.

10. I wish I could talk to her about it. I do not think she would say I am being aggressive.

She has read this post and responded to me through email. She corrected me on a few points but I do not think she would say any of it was a lie.

I did discover that she has been lying to me. I am not sure what is really true or not. I am not sure if she is really divorced. She was going by her maiden name but now by her married name. She hinted that she is trying to work things out with her husband/ex, but when asked would only reply that she has questioned if she did the right thing for her kids.

She has told me on three different occasions that she could not speak the words of what was going on but would send me an email so she could think it through, But I have not received that email it has been two weeks since then and do not feel I should ask for it. While I was in town last week I was told by a mutual acquaintance she was trying to get pregnant with her husband. Hearing something like that shakes my foundation but when I am laying in bed at night unable to sleep logic tells me unless she is the best liar in the world it is not true or she is hurting and hoping that will fix the pain.

Before I went down there I asked her to go to dinner to talk, after a long pause she said no that she was going through something very personal and did not want to not say much more, so I did not press it.

This is what I think is going on but have no idea if it is true:

June 9 we were both tired of not seeing each other, but we both said I love you when we ended the conversation. I think the next day at her church the kids made a Fathers day craft that made her very emotional and caused her to think she was depriving her kids of there father and decided she should try to work things out with there father. Which I would not like, but would support. I believe that kids do better with a mother and a father. I think it is admirable that she is willing to put her kids well being over her being happy. I think that she loves me (she told me she did in our last conversation on 6/25), but is not giving me any info because she is afraid of hurting me, is afraid of having difficult conversations with people and finds it easier to put her head in the sand, and does not realize what she is putting me through by not telling me. Telling me may also make it final for her and she may not be ready to do that. I don't know.
loveandormoney
Quote:

5. You are probably correct about spending 3 weeks with her and her kids to see if I felt the same way



Then start with this.

I ll write more later.
codersfriend
if that's the case. just let her go.
rx9876
That woman is not that into you.
If she really loves you, she will find out those problems are caused by herself,
and no body, including you, could help her.
The only solution is she have to grow up,
and be a mature person who can handle a normal relationship.

If you are patient enough to help her build self confidence and release her insecurity,
you can stay with her.
Otherwise, just let you self go.

Good luck to you.
loveandormoney
Cliont wrote:
Loveandormoney

I think you have misinterpreted my post.

1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship.

2. No comment

3. Love is not playing chess but it is a gamble every time you go out with someone new you are taking a chance and hoping it will develop into a special relationship. The more relationships you have the better prepared you are for choosing the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

4. I do not understand what you mean by Sorry look from outside

5. You are probably correct about spending 3 weeks with her and her kids to see if I felt the same way

6.You did fighting, That is the problem I do not understand

7. Make peace stop fighting, We are not fighting

8. I am not angry with her just hurting

9. Talk with her, I would love to talk to her, but I get the impression she would rather not talk to me. Her texts are not rude but are very brief and not engaging.

10. I wish I could talk to her about it. I do not think she would say I am being aggressive.

She has read this post and responded to me through email. She corrected me on a few points but I do not think she would say any of it was a lie.

I did discover that she has been lying to me. I am not sure what is really true or not. I am not sure if she is really divorced. She was going by her maiden name but now by her married name. She hinted that she is trying to work things out with her husband/ex, but when asked would only reply that she has questioned if she did the right thing for her kids.

She has told me on three different occasions that she could not speak the words of what was going on but would send me an email so she could think it through, But I have not received that email it has been two weeks since then and do not feel I should ask for it. While I was in town last week I was told by a mutual acquaintance she was trying to get pregnant with her husband. Hearing something like that shakes my foundation but when I am laying in bed at night unable to sleep logic tells me unless she is the best liar in the world it is not true or she is hurting and hoping that will fix the pain.

Before I went down there I asked her to go to dinner to talk, after a long pause she said no that she was going through something very personal and did not want to not say much more, so I did not press it.

This is what I think is going on but have no idea if it is true:

June 9 we were both tired of not seeing each other, but we both said I love you when we ended the conversation. I think the next day at her church the kids made a Fathers day craft that made her very emotional and caused her to think she was depriving her kids of there father and decided she should try to work things out with there father. Which I would not like, but would support. I believe that kids do better with a mother and a father. I think it is admirable that she is willing to put her kids well being over her being happy. I think that she loves me (she told me she did in our last conversation on 6/25), but is not giving me any info because she is afraid of hurting me, is afraid of having difficult conversations with people and finds it easier to put her head in the sand, and does not realize what she is putting me through by not telling me. Telling me may also make it final for her and she may not be ready to do that. I don't know.



Di Jul 02 05:39:23 2013

Good morning

Thank You for answer.

"I think you have misinterpreted my post. "

I sure: Not.

I see trouble between a woman and a man.

What do You see?


"1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship."

This I told You
You play with the woman
that is the reason
why she is angry with You.

Can You understand, she is angry with You?


"3. Love is not playing chess but it is a gamble every time you go out with someone new you are taking a chance and hoping it will develop into a special relationship. The more relationships you have the better prepared you are for choosing the right person to spend the rest of your life with."
This is war.
Where You can find peace and happiness with this attitude?


"4. I do not understand what you mean by Sorry look from outside"
If somebody outside
is looking at Your realationship
he or she has to say:

They want to do it by 50%.



"6.You did fighting, That is the problem I do not understand"

This is fighting:
"1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship."


"7. Make peace stop fighting, We are not fighting"
This is fighting:
"1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship."


"8. I am not angry with her just hurting"
This is angry.
Or is this happy?

"9. Talk with her, I would love to talk to her, but I get the impression she would rather not talk to me. Her texts are not rude but are very brief and not engaging. "
The reason is
You speak outside of the relationship with her.

"She has read this post and responded to me through email. She corrected me on a few points but I do not think she would say any of it was a lie."

What does mean
"correct?"

"I did discover that she has been lying to me. I am not sure what is really true or not. I am not sure if she is really divorced. She was going by her maiden name but now by her married name. She hinted that she is trying to work things out with her husband/ex, but when asked would only reply that she has questioned if she did the right thing for her kids."

This is because of this:

"1. I told her on one of our 1st dates that our relationship had a 5% chance of working out. That the town she lived in was too small to support my career and that she shouldn't move away from her kids dad. She replied she was not looking for a long tern relationship either just some adult conversation and companionship. But my comment did haunt her through most of our relationship."


"She has told me on three different occasions that she could not speak the words of what was going on but would send me an email so she could think it through, But I have not received that email it has been two weeks since then and do not feel I should ask for it. While I was in town last week I was told by a mutual acquaintance she was trying to get pregnant with her husband. Hearing something like that shakes my foundation but when I am laying in bed at night unable to sleep logic tells me unless she is the best liar in the world it is not true or she is hurting and hoping that will fix the pain. "

Just tell me
why this is not a chess game?

"Before I went down there I asked her to go to dinner to talk, after a long pause she said no that she was going through something very personal and did not want to not say much more, so I did not press it."
Was this right?



"June 9 we were both tired of not seeing each other, but we both said I love you when we ended the conversation. I think the next day at her church the kids made a Fathers day craft that made her very emotional and caused her to think she was depriving her kids of there father and decided she should try to work things out with there father. Which I would not like, but would support. I believe that kids do better with a mother and a father. I think it is admirable that she is willing to put her kids well being over her being happy. I think that she loves me (she told me she did in our last conversation on 6/25), but is not giving me any info because she is afraid of hurting me, is afraid of having difficult conversations with people and finds it easier to put her head in the sand, and does not realize what she is putting me through by not telling me. Telling me may also make it final for her and she may not be ready to do that. I don't know."


This is chess.
Can You see.
What would be a solution:
Father
Mother
You
talk together about the future.

Regards
RoylanM
Well depending on your situation it'll be quite simple. If having her is putting a bit of trouble in your life, let her go. If you can adjust things without a stress then it's worth keeping her. But like I said, it's really based on the relationship and how it's going for the both of you. Now you really got to look at what your choices are.
loveandormoney
RoylanM wrote:
Well depending on your situation it'll be quite simple. If having her is putting a bit of trouble in your life, let her go. If you can adjust things without a stress then it's worth keeping her. But like I said, it's really based on the relationship and how it's going for the both of you. Now you really got to look at what your choices are.




Good morning
Mi Jul 03 05:25:09 2013
Thank You for Your reaction.
BUT
"Well depending on your situation it'll be quite simple. "

A woman is not a car.
Or is there really a kind of love between men and cars?

" If having her is putting a bit of trouble in your life, let her go."
If the gasoline is to much expensive
then buy a bicycle?

Are only women looking for love and men just look for a cheap opportunity?

"But like I said, it's really based on the relationship and how it's going for the both of you."
Did You never have a problem in Your life?

Or is the woman the problem of the men?

"Now you really got to look at what your choices are."

If he does not want to marry her, why would he ask here in the thread?

Regards
12phabie
this going back and forth for me is way too much too handle. I am one the few women out there who doesn't seem to go through that much PMS. Im not sure how old she is but she must be grown enough to have KIDS. But for me it's either a yes you want to be with me or no. There is no inbetween.
loveandormoney
12phabie wrote:
this going back and forth for me is way too much too handle. I am one the few women out there who doesn't seem to go through that much PMS. Im not sure how old she is but she must be grown enough to have KIDS. But for me it's either a yes you want to be with me or no. There is no inbetween.


That is a good idea for all boys and men:

Say yes

Say no

Dont say maybe.

Then Your sex will be very good always.
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