Corporate Lesson #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower. The doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
?00 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her ?00 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the ?00 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson #2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly
had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand onto her thigh. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her thigh again. The nun once again said, "Father, please
remember Psalm 129!"
The priest apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go
forth and seek further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson #3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I normally grant three wishes, but as
there are three of you, I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life by my side."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson #4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing all day, you must
be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson #5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients.."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower. The doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
?00 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her ?00 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the ?00 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson #2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly
had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand onto her thigh. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her thigh again. The nun once again said, "Father, please
remember Psalm 129!"
The priest apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go
forth and seek further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson #3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I normally grant three wishes, but as
there are three of you, I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life by my side."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson #4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing all day, you must
be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson #5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients.."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
