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'You're not invited' alerts: New wedding trend





handfleisch
Quote:

'You're not invited' alerts: New wedding trend draws criticism
By Rina Raphael, TODAY
February 9, 2013, 11:43 am

NBCNews.com

Careful: That e-mail from your newly engaged friend may be just the bearer of bad news. It could be to kindly not request your presence at their wedding.

“You’re not invited” alerts are the latest trend for those brides and grooms who feel a need to confirm non-attendance. With some couples looking for more budget-friendly receptions (i.e., smaller guest lists) and social media serving as wedding announcements on steroids, some feel a need to let non-essential pals know they’ll be sitting this one out.

“Nine out of 10 times, it’s because of lack of space – and the couple feels super guilty,” Tatiana Byron, founder of event planning service The Wedding Salon, told TODAY.com. “These are usually people they’re friendly with, but not close to.”

Tatiana’s clients have done everything from personally e-mailing and sending cards to acquaintances to having their wedding planner do the dirty work for them – call and apologize on the couple’s behalf. The response? An unsurprising mix of disappointment and anger.

“Some of their friends complain and criticize the couple, thinking the planner won’t tell the client,” explained Byron. As for those who deliver the bad news personally, it usually becomes a game of throwing the significant other under the bus. “The groom blames the bride, and the bride blames the groom.”

It’s a relatively new tradition that many call foul, even cruel. “These are unnecessary and narcissistic” said one commenter on CafeMom.com. “Rude as hell” chimed in another, while one pondered “is this something from The Onion?”


So when they get divorced, the person who was not invited can send them an email like "Glad I wasn't invited" or "Am I invited to the divorce?"
deanhills
At first glance it looked quite hilarious. Guess it could easily mean an end of a friendship. I'd have thought a phone call for something like that would have gone across much easier though. An e-mail with bad news in it, always turns into a bad e-mail.
ocalhoun
An easier and more polite way it to just hold the wedding at some venue that's a long way away from most people who would want to attend.

Then, only the most important people will take the significant time and money cost of traveling to it.
That way, you keep the guest list small, and instead of people angry at being uninvited, you have people apologizing for not being able to make it.
IndieCthulhu
ocalhoun wrote:
An easier and more polite way it to just hold the wedding at some venue that's a long way away from most people who would want to attend.

Then, only the most important people will take the significant time and money cost of traveling to it.
That way, you keep the guest list small, and instead of people angry at being uninvited, you have people apologizing for not being able to make it.


I agree entirely, it is a much easier way to not have people disappointed.

Another way is to have a wedding with the close people alone, but make it so that people aren't allowed to talk about it to certain people... only within the group... then if someone finds out... say you eloped...
RosenCruz
Lol. I wonder where all this new business ideas will go
Da Rossa
Wedding is a very special moment. Supposed to happen only once in one's life. Why not elaborating? This is concerning; if they're going after 'friendly budgets' for that occasion, then I think they in the deep don't think the marriage is that important.
coolclay
Wow, that's crazy. I've not been invited to many weddings that I thought I would be, but I don't really mind. It's less money I have to spend traveling there and it's less money the bride and groom have to shell out to host more people. When I am invited I usually feel more of a compulsory feelings to go. I think the uninvitations idea is pretty stupid, I'd think just not mentioning it too someone would be better.

I do like the idea of destination weddings though. That ultimately weeds out the acquaintances, as well as makes it a great excuse for a vacation for those attending, and you can extend it into a honeymoon too!
ocalhoun
Da Rossa wrote:
Why not elaborating? This is concerning; if they're going after 'friendly budgets' for that occasion, then I think they in the deep don't think the marriage is that important.

A: Perhaps like me and my girlfriend, you don't want a big fancy wedding. If you don't like big parties to begin with, why should you force yourself to have one?
B: Some people are just plain poor. Maybe they don't want to start their marriage off with the debt from a fancy wedding, or maybe they'd prefer to spend it on the honeymoon instead?

Just allow yourself to separate the size of the wedding from the importance of the marriage, and then you can have all kinds of benefits from a smaller celebration.
Da Rossa
Quote:
Just allow yourself to separate the size of the wedding from the importance of the marriage, and then you can have all kinds of benefits from a smaller celebration.

No, don't be that rational, this is about a couple's most import day in their lives!! Humans are ritualistic beings, you know. Why breaking tradition! Very Happy
Well, if they're poor, they tend to make a get-together with their community. Doesn't mean they'll spend much. But regarding the middle-class couple which doesn't want a fancy party, then it's their choice. But among all "parties they could give and could be fancy", the wedding should be the most 'fancy' one. Why would someones birthday be more important (in terms of cash spent) than their own wedding?
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