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Have we all turned into commitment phobics?

I once met this amazing guy. Beautiful, smart, loving, with a passion for shoes and matching colours, ambitious, friendly and helpful with everybody. Caring and funny and interesting. I was buzzing around him. I knew I would never find somebody else like him in my life and I was constantly thinking about what a lucky girl I was. He was all in once: my lover, my best friend, my big brother and my shopping assistant Smile. We dated for 8 months. We saw each other almost every day. A few times a day. Maybe just for a good night kiss at the door. I remember him being many times on my doorstep, calling at 4 in the morning just because he wanted to see me.
I met his friends, his family. I live on my own in the UK, but he met my few friends and all my work colleagues. He was nice and charismatic with all of them.
I felt growing sexually and emotionally next to him. He took me to visit places in the country that I always wanted to see. I was a spoiled little girl and I didn't know what to give in return for the happiness he was bringing into my life.
But we broke up. I was too scared to lose him or lose myself in him and he was too scared not to get hurt again. He told me he will only ruin my life,waste my time and I deserve better. And he is not ready to settle down.
The funny thing is that I have no remorse feelings towards him whatsoever. I understand him. He is 29, I am 25. I am focused on pursuing my career and he knows how much that means to me. He enjoys his freedom (which I have always respected).
We act like some idiots and we still text late at night to say that we miss each other, although be both know that it would never work. He told me he loved me in the day we broke up. I hugged him and I let him go.
I can't be in a relationship. I like to know I can do whatever I want whenever I want, without feeling guilty. That somebody doesn't mess with my mind and heart and then goes away.
He can't be in a relationship because he doesn't feel safe enough to get emotionally close to anybody.
So...what's wrong with us people? The sad thing is that I see more and more young folks with the same issues. Women who would rather have one night stands, men who would drawn themselves in work or engage in superficial relationships with somebody just for the sake of it.
Can You please decribe Your problem?
Are You in a happy relationship or are there problems?

Do You love him but he does not love You?

loveandormoney wrote:
Can You please decribe Your problem?
Are You in a happy relationship or are there problems?

Do You love him but he does not love You?


Thank you for your reply.
I love him. I really do. And I know he loves me too. But we can't commit to each other.
I was happy. He was happy. We had minor arguments, we worked at them, it was never something big.
Although I never felt comfortable calling him 'my boyfriend x' when introducing him to people and I used to simply say 'this is X'. And when I was referring to him i used to say 'I have this friend who..'. He had to initiate the 'talk' and I said I don't want any talks or promises. We did have the talk and it felt better, but then it all turned into a huge thing, with expectations of some sort.
When people used to ask me if I have a boyfriend I used to say, 'yes, I might be seeing somebody'. And not because I wanted to have my options free, because I didn't feel comfortable to put that label on him.
I didn't want to meet his parents the first time, and it took him months to finally convince me to go out with his friends. I never saw the point. I was going out with mine while he was out with his and I knew he wouldn't have had the same quality time if I was hanging around. And they wouldn't have felt comfortable in my presence either.
He used to make plans for the near future and I used to say ' let's see, it's a long time month' Smile. But I swear that I loved him so much. I never got that close to anybody and I never told anybody I loved them ( not even to my parents). A few times when he said it to me, I pretended I didn't hear it. Because I thought it was too early and he wasn't serious.
When we broke up, we've both agreed that we are wonderful people. But he said he is not ready to settle down. I knew he didn't feel safe with me. But he has commitment issues too.....he could have worked at it, instead of finding the easy way out.
But honestly, nobody has been in a similar situation? I don't know what to do...I generally feel suffocated in a relationship, most of the times I don't even start one because I know they are too all over me and want to much of my time. I need to breath.
But then, when I find somebody like me, I feel it's too much hard work and I am not sure I want to expose myself in case they wake up one day and decide they don't want me anymore.

I love him. I really do. And I know he loves me too. But we can't commit to each other.

Talk with Your friend about
relationship and fighting.
Because what do You do?
You want to improve the other.
So stop
educating each other.
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