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How to talk to new guys?





busman
So I'm not shy or anything but I've always felt akward trying to talk to new guys and feel them out and I would just like some simple advice on how any of you deal with the bar/club/date jitters. I recently got out of a relationship 4 months ago but it had been dead for 6, so I'm just lookin to have a lil fun before the next relationship lol Smile . Any decent advice would be appreciated.
kurtgeiger
Firstly give the new friend your introduction and then ask about him/her. If you friend is interested to chat of talk with you then carry on your discussion and if your friend is not interested in you never compel him/her to talk to you. Because trust is the first pillar of any relation and if there is not love and trust in your relation then it is of no use, leave it.
Da Rossa
Wait, let me ask first: 1- are you gay? (asking because of your nickname, which appears to be male, and because you're seeking 'new guys'). and 2- by 'new' your mean "people you haven't been introduced to yet" or "younger than you? 3- How old are you?

Edit: changed "make" above to "male" Very Happy
busman
I am 22, and yes I'm gay. Idc about age either. Just no grandpas lol. I went to the bar last night and met a cool guy but it was only once drunk that I was able to talk really and be myself Confused . I didn't have to buy my drinks or smokes though Very Happy . Apparently I'm cute and it has it's perks lol.
Da Rossa
Sorry but, in that case, I don't know what to say, since I'm not gay and I don't understand the gay most common procedures in a bar, and I don't have the necessary knowledge of the gay world to talk you through it. I don't even know the slangs.

But I'm sure there are people in here able to help you, gay or not.
johans
busman wrote:
So I'm not shy or anything but I've always felt akward trying to talk to new guys and feel them out and I would just like some simple advice on how any of you deal with the bar/club/date jitters. I recently got out of a relationship 4 months ago but it had been dead for 6, so I'm just lookin to have a lil fun before the next relationship lol Smile . Any decent advice would be appreciated.


is this a guy to guy conversation? are you a gay?
Da Rossa
Please johans, considering this is still a short topic, read all posts before posting yourself! Yes he's gay and wants to master the technique to engage a conversation. Only I can't help him on that.
pll
There is so much ways to meet new people! Every occasion is a good one, if your friends go out, follow them and they will surely introduce you to new people!
Da Rossa
pll wrote:
There is so much ways to meet new people! Every occasion is a good one, if your friends go out, follow them and they will surely introduce you to new people!


Easy, right? Not that ordinary in this case. First, the simple fact that busman started this topic indicates he has a difficulty. Second, which might be considered a prejudice, but gay people don't usually go out with straight people when they're "going on war" (hit on other people). If you're saying he should follow his friends when going out, then either his friends are also gay so he's already used to that, or his friends are hetero and therefore he won't find the people he's after.
busman
Da Rossa wrote:

Easy, right? Not that ordinary in this case. First, the simple fact that busman started this topic indicates he has a difficulty. Second, which might be considered a prejudice, but gay people don't usually go out with straight people when they're "going on war" (hit on other people). If you're saying he should follow his friends when going out, then either his friends are also gay so he's already used to that, or his friends are hetero and therefore he won't find the people he's after.


Ya that's the problem right there lol. Hella straight friends makes it hard to be like want to go to the gay bar ya know? All my friends are cool but I wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. The problem with conversation is I'm cute (I'm told that, not being conceded) and I don't want the guy meeting a cute person, all the right things said situation ya know? The whole I'm just trying to get in your pants type of thing. That's why I get hella nervous because I'm not experienced enough to know what's genuine or not Confused
Da Rossa
Well, and I'm not experienced at all. I got the first part of your post, but what did you mean by
Quote:
The problem with conversation is I'm cute (I'm told that, not being conceded) and I don't want the guy meeting a cute person,

?
busman
@Da Rossa: Like the whole I'm going to say all the right things just to get in your pants type thing... Almost all guys do it and it's a little scary because I don't want to get played etc..
Da Rossa
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but what's your goal exactly? Meeting people, a true love, just sex (I think you don't want this, at least right now), or finding a new friend with benefits? I ask because you got to put yourself on the board, you're like a pawn in a Chess game, not controlled by a thinking player, but by yourself. If you're not on the board, you're not catching other pieces. One of this pieces might be what you want.

Maybe you're sentimental. This is a nice dish for sharks to run over for. People may take advantage of it. On the other hand, there are plenty of sentimental people between the gays too. You might find someone who understands you. So dodge yourself form the sharks and go for your pairs.
busman
Da Rossa wrote:
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but what's your goal exactly? Meeting people, a true love, just sex (I think you don't want this, at least right now), or finding a new friend with benefits? I ask because you got to put yourself on the board, you're like a pawn in a Chess game, not controlled by a thinking player, but by yourself. If you're not on the board, you're not catching other pieces. One of this pieces might be what you want.

Maybe you're sentimental. This is a nice dish for sharks to run over for. People may take advantage of it. On the other hand, there are plenty of sentimental people between the gays too. You might find someone who understands you. So dodge yourself form the sharks and go for your pairs.


I am very genuine, honest and pretty sensitive... So ya pretty sentimental I guess. Ty for being so kind and and true gentleman btw. Goals would include just making more friends, maybe just maybe with bens lol, love one day and maybe just casual dates ya know?
Da Rossa
Quote:
I am very genuine, honest and pretty sensitive... So ya pretty sentimental I guess. Ty for being so kind and and true gentleman btw. Goals would include just making more friends, maybe just maybe with bens lol, love one day and maybe just casual dates ya know?


Thanks for the compliment Very Happy
Well, so it seems that you don't have to take any immediate action or hunting procedure of any kind. One last question, which I'm not very clear about: are you public about your sex orientation or are you in the closet?

Tell us more about your friends. By friends I mean real friends, not acquaintances or one night stands. This may help about using them (in the correct way, not taking advantage) as a bridge to new people. Maybe they have other gay friends to introduce to you. What I'm saying is that you must be in-game. Must be available to be targeted and must be holding your sniper at half height, ready to aim and pull.
busman
@Da Rossa holding my sniper at half height Laughing lol, sorry dirty mind sometimes; although I do understand the analogy. My friends are all varied but all pretty hetero Confused, like I'm "the gay friend" they talk about when they have a conversation about gay people most likely lol ... The two female friends I have are either busy A LOT or my best female friend lives out of town, and although my ex and I are friends that would be to awkward as of yet so that's a non-option. I'm as public as I see fit for the situation; I act like myself, but I don't have your stereotypical gay male voice and I grew up in a hick town so if in unsure company I'll leave sexuality out of my presentation of myself. Other than the standard situation where it would behoove me to keep my sexuality a secret; say visiting a small town bar etc., I am pretty honest and open about my sexuality even though I'm still coming to terms with it.
kmr_mukund
without hesitating or feeling shy go and introduce each other may be the person with whome you are going to talk may be both of you may became a gud frnd, but if u will not appproach den u both will behave like a stranger! in this world more dan of 90% of pepoles are not talking bcz of attitude ,shy,hesitation !
killer2022
Try online dating.
busman
killer2022 wrote:
Try online dating.


What sites specifically?
Da Rossa
Quote:
@Da Rossa holding my sniper at half height Laughing lol, sorry dirty mind sometimes;


ROTFLMAO! This didn't even occur to me at the time, LOL
So, I'm concerned about this two friends who only look for you when they wanna talk about gayness in general. People shall not be treated as experts: you hire them for solving a problem, but don't get personal with them. This is not friendship imo.

About your on-the-go female friends: everybody are busy a lot, that's how life works today. In this forum we dedicate for the parts of the day we have left: the most important things. You see, we spend 6 to 12 hours a day working or studying, 5 to 9 sleeping, 2 which include eating, resting after meal, taking a shower or doing our fisiological needs. How much time do we spend having fun and seeking our real dreams? So, don't take them having no time for you personally.

Quote:
but I don't have your stereotypical gay male voice and I grew up in a hick town so if in unsure company I'll leave sexuality out of my presentation of myself.


"My stereotypical gay male voice"? Dude I'm straight! Apart from that, then I got your point.

Thing is: I believe this are not your only friends. There must be other circles! If you're 22, then you have a job or college or some occupation in where you can know people from. No need for 100% intimacy, but go out with them! And choose correctly who, some people may get umconfortable when finding out the person #6 in their bar table is gay. This is changing though.
busman
Double posted lol so it's below
busman
Da Rossa wrote:
but I don't have your stereotypical gay male voice and I grew up in a hick town so if in unsure company I'll leave sexuality out of my presentation of myself.

"My stereotypical gay male voice"? Dude I'm straight! Apart from that, then I got your point.


I ment like the average gay male voice that I don't have lol. The very fem voice, ya know? And as for taking the business personally; I don't but it just makes it hard ya know? And no, no, no about my friends Laughing ; I simply ment I AM the gay ONE in the hangout situations lol ya know? Like the only gay one. The friend people bring up when they're like "Oh ya. I'm friends with a gay guy..." lol Very Happy .

Edits; posted drunk had to do some typo work Very Happy
Da Rossa
Quote:
I simply ment I AM the gay ONE in the hangout situations lol ya know? Like the only gay one. The friend people bring up when they're like "Oh ya. I'm friends with a gay guy..." lol Very Happy .


I think I got it now Smile
So, try applying things I told you. I'm eager to know the outcome. Very Happy
busman
Da Rossa wrote:
So, try applying things I told you. I'm eager to know the outcome. Very Happy


So I did, and lo and behold I met three new people in one weekend Very Happy. One cool chick... Need some female friends lol, a cool guy and a new guy I might be able to swing something with Very Happy. Pretty proud of myself!
Da Rossa
Good, keep the connections comming. How did the conversation go? What are they into? Are they fit? And did you say you want to hang out with the female too?
busman
Well ya, the female lives in midtown Sac, California. A few more like minded folks there if ya know what I mean lol. The conversation went from everthing from love to politics, interests, life experiences etc.. Very nice guy to. An actuall gentleman too, which is rare in the gay community it seems sometimes Confused . Yes he was fit and he could dance too Very Happy !! The female was HOT and if I was of that persuasion I would've tried to take her home lol. Hot chick friends come with gorgeous guy friends, and their usually protective of their gay friends becuase we reciprocate the favor when it comes to jerks trying to get with you.
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