we have been in a relationship for 5yrs now, my girlfriend decided to confess that she cheated on me with her xboyfriend 2yrs ago . It is really hurting to know . I still love her but the memories of her cheating is killing me . I was very happy not knowing about it but i asked her to tell me the worst thing she has done 2 me in all the past years. then she confessed . Its really hurting i don't know whether to leave her or stay with and the pain will go away with time . Please advice me or tell me your stories . I am really confused .
Thanks in Advance
Dump her. If she has been able to hide that fact from you for two straight years, there's no solid foundation for a relationship. Even is she'd confessed immediately I'm not sure what I'd have done, but in this case it's pretty clear.
for me its a question of TRUSTING her... if you put trust in her again then continue your relationship but if you have doubt everyday then better get out of that relationship because as you said the pain that will strike you every-time you are not each other will put in your head.
SEX is not really a factor of all.. did you ask her how many time they have sex? do you think you can trust her again? about your self have you also cheated her for the past 5 years in your relationship? is she really in your side when it comes to hard problems?
Hey bud, I'm sorry about that. It's a real heart crusher to find out your lady cheated on you and kept it a secret for so long.
It's gonna be real hard for you to continue in this relationship without some serious reflection about her behavior. I think you need to ask yourself some tough questions:
Will you be throwing her unfaithfulness up in her face every time you have an argument?
Is she really sorry?
Does she exhibit the kinds of behaviors that indicate nothing has really changed except for the fact that she's felt guilty?
Do you think it's likely she will cheat again?
Is she still in contact with the "ex boyfriend?"
What are the ground rules for the relationship now?
You have a right to be angry and you have a right to demand that she behave in a way that re-establishes trust.
Depending upon your answers, you should have enough information to decide whether or not to stay with her.
I hope you all the best!
Sorry to hear that ghmpls.
I agree with garlovsky to take into account all the factors.
Maybe she did it when you'll had a fight, or when she was confused, but thats what a relationship is for - when your confused and have a fight, you don't back down on your partner.
Still, the fact that she admitted it to you means that she wants to be honest about it and doesn't want to hide anything.. or it could also mean that she had a lot of guilt and wanted to release it.
My opinion is that you should forgive her, but I doubt you can trust her again, and I think you should tell her that, especially all that you are feeling about it.
Good luck and learn to let go.
The fact that she admitted it pleads for her. The fact that she waited with doing it for two years does not. I have been in a similar situation and for me I never fully trusted my girlfriend again. Eventually I did with other guys, but not with her ex, not even when she just talked to him on the phone. In my experience, what you feel will not go away, ever.
That does not mean that you can't continue the relationship, however. My relationship continued for several months and ended for very different reasons. What you should ask yourself is if you can live with it and forgive her. If she is truly sorry and if you can sense that she is then the pain can be soothed. Will it go away again? I honestly don't know. It may, but you will no doubt remember this for a long time and be pained about it.
In the end, it is about asking yourself if you can do it. No one will be able to make this decision for you, unfortunately. Can you still love her the way you would like to? Can you give her cheating on you a place? Can the relationship continue for you the way you would like to? Those are things you should think about, in my opinion. I think they can help reaching a decision.
it is hard to let go someone that you truly love.. even you encounter betrayal with her still you will feel the pain if you let go with her.
In the end its really up to you but be aware no matter what your decision is you will bring that emotions and feeling over2x again.. I hope not..
Are your ready to Seattle down with her now that you know she cheated on you..
Good luck both of you and i hope you find true love with her or with the other soon.
you have to let it go and focus on the present if you like to pursue your relationship.. at least she told you even though it took a while.. perhaps she was afraid that time to tell you... so she tried to wait for a chance to tell you..
I'm sorry to say that, but for women it isn't just about sex. Most women cheat because they feel something for the person they're cheating you with. Dump her.
And yes, I am a woman.
|Vanilla wrote: |
|I'm sorry to say that, but for women it isn't just about sex. Most women cheat because they feel something for the person they're cheating you with. Dump her.
And yes, I am a woman.
Hmmm ... Watch The NoteBook (movie)
I don't understand women
Apparently, Stephen Hawking finds women to be more difficult to understand than the Universe
|ghmpls wrote: |
|we have been in a relationship for 5yrs now, my girlfriend decided to confess that she cheated on me with her xboyfriend 2yrs ago . It is really hurting to know . I still love her but the memories of her cheating is killing me . I was very happy not knowing about it but i asked her to tell me the worst thing she has done 2 me in all the past years. then she confessed . Its really hurting i don't know whether to leave her or stay with and the pain will go away with time . Please advice me or tell me your stories . I am really confused .
Thanks in Advance
If I read this a few years back, I think I would have given you the advice of dumping her since she cheated on you. However, having matured and developed a personal relationship with the Guy above. I'll give you a different one. I hope you read this and reflect on it.
What happened to me is puny compared to yours. However, I know how you feel. You were cheated on by the one you trusted and loved. It is something you never thought possible or if it were, something that your loved one will never do to you but then she did. She cheated. We humans have temptations around us and in different forms. I think the worst of it all is lust, sex and pornography. You're girlfriend fell for those. It is really hard to comprehend something so painful. She has sinned against God and and against you. Even though it hurts so bad that you can't even grasp it, the thing is, you have to forgive her. Remember that we are all sinners. You, your girlfriend, me, everybody. In this kind of situations, we must remember the good there is in this life and not the bad ones. We will just burdening ourselves if we think of the latter. However, it doesn't mean we have to be hypocrites. What I mean, just be real with how you feel and try to be as good as you can be. Just always remember that if God can forgive ANYbody for his or her sins no matter HOW GRAVE it may be, HE STILL FORGIVES. HE FORGIVES BECAUSE HE LOVES US. We have to follow that example.
So, to prevent this from being longer than it already is, pray for it. Pray for the both of you,for your relationship, for forgiveness and purity of heart. God knows you've been hurt the worst. He knows it. You might say, forgiving is tough in your situation but just remember if God forgives the worst criminal, you can forgive your girlfriend. Just think about the love you have for her. Of course, forgiveness must come from the heart so it is understandable if it will take time for you to forgive her. The next advice I have is really going to be tough. I advice you to give her another chance. There is a reason why people are given second chances. I don't know your girlfriend but the fact that she became honest with you about it is something worthy of another chance. You just have to talk things through. You can tell her you love her and are willing to give it another chance. If she really loves you and is really sorry for her what she did, she will show you more the love she has for you now and will never cheat on you again. In your end, please do not try to get even with her. I don't know you and I'm not saying you would do such thing but we never know. If temptation comes, what she did might be a cause for you to do the same to get even or just to make the act justifiable. If that time comes, remember how much you love her. Pray. Your love for her will surely overrule any lustful desire.
In short (and I failed to make this a short advice post), pray. Pray fervently for what happened. Forgive her as God forgives you. Think how much you love her. If it is enough, you can give it another chance. Give it another chance. Pray. Love as God loves. Think of your love for her.
You are both included in my prayers. I hope you work this out. God bless you both! Try to smile.
Sorry to hear about that.
If I were you I would dump her because if she keeps a secret from you that big it's probably gonna happen again.