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dumped





gonzo415
Hello everybody,
This is the first thread that I have posted on this site. I will try to keep this as concise as possible. So I was dating this girl for about 1.5 years and we r both 21 years old. We knew each other from middle school and we were already friends. We have had our ups and downs but mainly a lot of positive memories. When we started dating we were basically "friends with benefits." Next thing we knew we ended really liking each other so we started a relationship, which at first seemed completely out of our radar. Apparently not too long ago I disrespected her through text msgs. What had happened was that a long time ago she caught me talking to other girls on facebook, and hence I wasnt cheating on her but I knew it was disrespectful. I deleted my facebook acct and apologized, she forgave me and we moved on. But not too long ago I felt like reactivating my acct but I took off all of my info (including my relationship status). I signed back on to see what she has been doing on her facebook. I noticed she also took off her relationship status. I got mad and overreacted and started to basically disrespect her through texts, without even asking her why she did that. She got really upset and cut off contact for about a week. After that things got real sketchy and she became a bit distant. She is very emotional and sensitive and I definitely hurt her. Next thing I knew I went to visit her at her job and she straight up dumped me. She said that she really dislikes how aggressive i get when im mad and that she does not feel the same for me. I was crushed. Like a fool, I insisted that she would give me a 2nd chance, which I shouldnt have done! She basically denied it... But she stated that she was confused and that she really needed her space and focus on herself. What happened is that her uncle was murdered and it really got to her. Ever since then we stopped having sex and she became distant. She states that that is one of the reasons why she does not feel like she should be in a relationship right now. Another issue is that my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer (leukemia) and its been very hard for me. My ex has supported me so much through this and she left me at a time when I truly need her support. She mentioned that she still wants to give me moral support and that she will still be there for me. But, she wants me to give her her space. I asked her if she believes that our spark can become alive again by giving her space and she states that she hopes too and wants too but her heart just doesn't feel the same romantic/intimate love for me. I am really confused and hurt. BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BE BEST IN THIS SITUATION? IS IT WORTHY TO WAIT FOR HER? I truly love her and i can't bare letting go of her. any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.. Sad
The_unnamed_label
Hi...

I have a tip or two for you..

1).. When you love someone, no matter what you will "wait" for them... its not a decision you take, it's not something you can help... if she is the one then no one will find grace to your eyes...
99% of the time though, with time things fade away and you find someone else... so give it time and see how it goes.

2) give her time... she clearly told you she needs time didn't she? so no reason to not leave her space... you can't force her anyway.

3) respect her and her privacy. And accept that whatever you do, she should be able to do it too.... you describe the situation as its normal for you to act a certain way but if she does too then it bugs you?? that is pretty selfish really.... and love is based on unselfishness.

When you love someone then you have to learn the sense of the word patience. you should put that person before any of your own interests and you should try and understand them...
my advice would be to try and be in her shoes for once, and see what you've done that maybe hurt her etc... Try and understand how she thinks and why she reacts the way she does....
MrTylerGreen
Well, she did straight up dump you. So if you only want only her, then wait for her. If she moves on and dates other people and you still want only her, still wait. If she gets married and start having kids, but you still only want her, keep waiting. If she gets old and dies and you still only want her, then I guess you can stay single forever.

NEVER start a relationship with another person who is your second choice. If you are in love with one person, don't date another hoping you will start loving them too. It isn't fair to you or them.

I won't lie to you though, it is probably over, and you will probably fall in love again with someone new. But the most important thing is to never date a person when you love another.
FastDebrid
The_unnamed_label wrote:
Hi...

I have a tip or two for you..

1).. When you love someone, no matter what you will "wait" for them... its not a decision you take, it's not something you can help... if she is the one then no one will find grace to your eyes...
99% of the time though, with time things fade away and you find someone else... so give it time and see how it goes.

2) give her time... she clearly told you she needs time didn't she? so no reason to not leave her space... you can't force her anyway.

3) respect her and her privacy. And accept that whatever you do, she should be able to do it too.... you describe the situation as its normal for you to act a certain way but if she does too then it bugs you?? that is pretty selfish really.... and love is based on unselfishness.

When you love someone then you have to learn the sense of the word patience. you should put that person before any of your own interests and you should try and understand them...
my advice would be to try and be in her shoes for once, and see what you've done that maybe hurt her etc... Try and understand how she thinks and why she reacts the way she does....


Wow. I have the same stand.
menino
The_unnamed_label wrote:
Hi...

I have a tip or two for you..

1).. When you love someone, no matter what you will "wait" for them... its not a decision you take, it's not something you can help... if she is the one then no one will find grace to your eyes...
99% of the time though, with time things fade away and you find someone else... so give it time and see how it goes.

2) give her time... she clearly told you she needs time didn't she? so no reason to not leave her space... you can't force her anyway.

3) respect her and her privacy. And accept that whatever you do, she should be able to do it too.... you describe the situation as its normal for you to act a certain way but if she does too then it bugs you?? that is pretty selfish really.... and love is based on unselfishness.

When you love someone then you have to learn the sense of the word patience. you should put that person before any of your own interests and you should try and understand them...
my advice would be to try and be in her shoes for once, and see what you've done that maybe hurt her etc... Try and understand how she thinks and why she reacts the way she does....


Could not have put it better myself.
codersfriend
Quote:
Ever since then we stopped having sex and she became distant. She states that that is one of the reasons why she does not feel like she should be in a relationship right now.
...

...serious? I mean. That can't be the basis of a relationship. Yeah it's good but I'd rather reside on the emotional side rather than getting physical
FastDebrid
codersfriend wrote:


...serious? I mean. That can't be the basis of a relationship. Yeah it's good but I'd rather reside on the emotional side rather than getting physical


I agree. The physical is only temporal. It's the emotional aspect that lasts.
codersfriend
actually I had the same problem before.. but later I realized that she was a female dog.. yeah the b word. She broke up when we stopped doing it also. but I'd better forget about someone like that.. I know she's screwing up with someone because I've read her messages some time. Maybe that girl who dumped you @gonzo415 already has someone else and uses another reason to leave you.
Because your diagnosed mom is not a valid reason for her to leave you. And it doesn't make any sense why would she leave you because of that
FastDebrid
codersfriend wrote:
actually I had the same problem before.. but later I realized that she was a female dog.. yeah the b word. She broke up when we stopped doing it also. but I'd better forget about someone like that.. I know she's screwing up with someone because I've read her messages some time. Maybe that girl who dumped you @gonzo415 already has someone else and uses another reason to leave you.
Because your diagnosed mom is not a valid reason for her to leave you. And it doesn't make any sense why would she leave you because of that


That is true. Coming from a recent 'breakup', I can definitely relate. My friend told me that the only reason for someone to change in an instant is because they've found someone new.
Mrs Lycos
FastDebrid wrote:
codersfriend wrote:
actually I had the same problem before.. but later I realized that she was a female dog.. yeah the b word. She broke up when we stopped doing it also. but I'd better forget about someone like that.. I know she's screwing up with someone because I've read her messages some time. Maybe that girl who dumped you @gonzo415 already has someone else and uses another reason to leave you.
Because your diagnosed mom is not a valid reason for her to leave you. And it doesn't make any sense why would she leave you because of that


That is true. Coming from a recent 'breakup', I can definitely relate. My friend told me that the only reason for someone to change in an instant is because they've found someone new.


I don't think that was the main reason, according to his story, they started to have problems because he got mad at her, and something was broken between them from then on. From her perspective, I'd say that not having a trusting relationship with him would be the basis for the rest. No trust, no intimacy, then something hard happens in both their lives... What about what she felt? were you supportive? She said she'd be there for you as a friend in your difficult situation with your family, I think that speaks very well of her.

Maybe you should stop thinking about you, and think about her.
The_unnamed_label
FastDebrid wrote:
The_unnamed_label wrote:
Hi...

I have a tip or two for you..

1).. When you love someone, no matter what you will "wait" for them... its not a decision you take, it's not something you can help... if she is the one then no one will find grace to your eyes...
99% of the time though, with time things fade away and you find someone else... so give it time and see how it goes.

2) give her time... she clearly told you she needs time didn't she? so no reason to not leave her space... you can't force her anyway.

3) respect her and her privacy. And accept that whatever you do, she should be able to do it too.... you describe the situation as its normal for you to act a certain way but if she does too then it bugs you?? that is pretty selfish really.... and love is based on unselfishness.

When you love someone then you have to learn the sense of the word patience. you should put that person before any of your own interests and you should try and understand them...
my advice would be to try and be in her shoes for once, and see what you've done that maybe hurt her etc... Try and understand how she thinks and why she reacts the way she does....


Wow. I have the same stand.



Smile - it's only good sense, love and respect... no?
The_unnamed_label
menino wrote:
The_unnamed_label wrote:
Hi...

I have a tip or two for you..

1).. When you love someone, no matter what you will "wait" for them... its not a decision you take, it's not something you can help... if she is the one then no one will find grace to your eyes...
99% of the time though, with time things fade away and you find someone else... so give it time and see how it goes.

2) give her time... she clearly told you she needs time didn't she? so no reason to not leave her space... you can't force her anyway.

3) respect her and her privacy. And accept that whatever you do, she should be able to do it too.... you describe the situation as its normal for you to act a certain way but if she does too then it bugs you?? that is pretty selfish really.... and love is based on unselfishness.

When you love someone then you have to learn the sense of the word patience. you should put that person before any of your own interests and you should try and understand them...
my advice would be to try and be in her shoes for once, and see what you've done that maybe hurt her etc... Try and understand how she thinks and why she reacts the way she does....


Could not have put it better myself.


thanks...
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