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Complicated 8 yr friendship that is gonna crash :(





lovetorturedfor8yrs
Thank you guys for your help it was very useful. I have decided to still not talk with her until I find someone that can keep my intrest but to not have her as a friend indefinately is drastic.
SonLight
A difficult situation, for sure. Your friendship is valuable and has survived for eight years. If the two of you could maintain the friendship without romantic feelings, it could be valuable and last the rest of your lives, although both of you would have to exercise caution when you establish other relationships. On the other hand, you both have good reason to believe that romance between you could work and be even more wonderful.

It might be in the interests of both of you to back off and perhaps look for other romantic attachments for a time. When some time has gone by, you might be able to decide if friendship or the risk of something more is the right thing for you to do.

You and she now have to play your hand as you see it, and no one else can really give you much advice. I wish the best for both of you.
DavyJ
Both of you should be friends till the end of times. As it is more valuable relationship than love.
SonLight
DavyJ wrote:
Both of you should be friends till the end of times. As it is more valuable relationship than love.


"Friends till the end of times", I definitely hope they are, regardless of how their relationship is resolved.
"[Friendship] more valuable" than love, I cannot agree with. Right now they have a good friendship, but it is in jeapardy. Love is much more than friendship, and is worth taking risks for. An important part of any love relationship is friendship. If the friendship is not deep, the love is weakened and may not last.

Right now lt8y and his good friend need to decide whether to risk their friendship in the hope of something better, which will include a deeper friendship. But if love is not right for them, the friendship could be lost, perhaps never to be restored.
lovetorturedfor8yrs
Well I pretty much got my answer and it was not what I wanted, but I did expect it. She told me that she had never really thought about dating me and she would have to think about it. This tells me that we have no future.
I did go over to her house sunday and gave her the key back and took all of my belongings minus a surround sound stereo unit I told her she could borrow. When I left I said I would be back in may to pick it up and she just laughed and said what ever then I pretty much had to force a hug on her and asked her not to contact me anymore. Of course she texted me today and wished me a happy birthday. I think she doesnt think I am being serious.
Friends till the end of course but we can never really talk or hang because it is too painful for me.. Maybe I am being a wimp but I have been going through this for too long and I have broken up with two girlfriends just because her and I had hung out a couple of times and instantly I lose intrest in what I have.
baboosaa
it's been 8 years and more you are dreaming about this girl and how can you possibly do such things....Many times you were given signal of refusal...actually what they say is that a woman decides whether a man is good enough for her or not in first few minutes of interaction. So if she makes it complicated why are you forcing her to make it simple, just be friends and if you want to make history keep on dreaming... and you can also make her jealous by meeting your new girl friend with her...so the core point is "Running to catch a missed bus is foolish idea unless you have a car to catch that bus"
lovetorturedfor8yrs
I dont have any problem picking up or meeting women, besides her. Since I have abandoned our friendship I have been able to get the woman I kicked to the curb last week to start seeing me again, I have a date tomorrow and I also asked my hairstylist out who is going through a break up and will be ready shortly.
This decision was only being made for my own emotional well being. Thing is, is that it is not about sex between us that I want, its the love. I will never ask her or anyone else to try and learn to love me if its not their naturally I dont want it.
gandalfthegrey
I once read a quote, I forget how it goes, but the gist of it is that two friends will fall in love with each others, but at different times.

You've let it out the bag. Maybe in time, she will fall deeply and madly in love with you. You shouldn't wait for that though. You should both live your lives. Be yourself, be kind and be an excellent person and most importantly - always be there for her. In this way, you will always have a chance to enter into her heart in the future.

Best of luck mate!
mshafiq
I remember one of my friend was in love with her girl friend. However it did not lead to marriage and they stopped talking each other for about 11 months.
In the meanwhile he found anther girl friend and got married after about three months of previous breakup.

The girl got married too after about eight months.

Now they are friends again and accepted the new situation and have their family terms.

The point is, friendship is not a compulsory of love. They are separate entities which sometimes occur together.
In my opinion friendship over the time becomes more supportive and if both parties are sincere.
Anyway, good luck and well wishes for the better outcome.

Just one thing keep in mind - if it is yours it will come back otherwise it is not yours anyway, so set it free.
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