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I called my good friend's girlfriend a wh***





Da Rossa
And I do not regret at all.

He's 26, a year younger than me, and hasn't been with a girl/woman for quite a long time. Actually, all he's done is trying to pass the admission exam to get into college since 2002. We're friends since 2000 when we were at high school. This nine years of his youth have been studying-and-failing. He doesn't accept anything but the Medschool.

As a friend, I care about him. Our other friend plus his brother and I have been talking to him about changing his mind about his profession. He's absolutely stubborn.

And he's been watching other people's successful academic lives while he's still trying to get in. From some years to now, he began avoiding getting out fearing he could meet known people! specifically, he's horrified about being asked the two following questions: "hey man! sup! Did you pass the exam this time?" or "What have you been doing all these years?" So he kinda avoided social contact. He's been quite a indoor man.

Recently he's got back to the preparatory course for the exam (which he's sick of, about seven years total, got bored even about the repeated jokes), and, naturally, the people he's likely to see there are 18, 19, 20 year-old teens who have just finished high school and are trying to get into the University. He eventually met a girl up there, kinda attractive, but very immature (19 years old). Then they started seeing each other.

When I was first introduced to her, I saw both of them were happy so I got a very good impression of their relationship. After all, she was doing good to him. The best part, he said, was the sex. They had a very active sex life.

But then that girl, who had dated four teenage guys in the recent past, and had some quite bad experiences (two of them got into drugs, other two were professional liars), started acting strange by no reason. First, she revealed herself as a possessive jealous-sick. My friend, on the other hand, has never been into a real relationship, so she used this against him: "you've never been into a relationship! You don't know how things work! I had four boyfriends prior to you!". And the girl only didn't plant a GPS on him. She wanted to know everything. She's so insecure she'll make a noise when my friend crosses the street to see his neighbour (male) friend from childhood.

So their relationship got unstable, and they were in and out, breaking up and getting together again. The magic wand was probably an orgasm. Sex was the medication for everything. But things always ended up the way she wanted. She would always put her cards on the table, say her terms and he would accept passively. They broke up four times in three weeks. I realised he would be stuck into this curse for a long time, and got concerned about his young lifetime to be spent with such a ridiculous person. Our friend, his brother, his two sisters and his mom agree with me.

So he told us, not for the first time, he would put an end into it for good. I got happy about him. So he did one last thing: his brother drove him to the girl's place so we could "drop a termination letter" and get lost. Then he, our common friend and I would spend the afternoon in the club, enjoying a good Sun. Since I was happy with the situation, I agreed to pick him up at her place, which is a long trip from the club, so we could go together. But, when he got there, she saw him posting the letter and forced him in.

Then the argument began taking place in her house, in front of her family, so she got them both into her bedroom, locked them both in, kept the key and started yelling, accusing him of many things. That was the time I arrived at her neighbourhood. I didn't know her address exactly, so I called him and asked what was the house. He refused to tell me and told me to go straight to the club. I, stupidly, said "ok, fine". Then I drove 50 feet and violently pushed the brake pedal, stopped the car, looked down and told myself: "how stupid you are." Then I called him again, this time much angrierly. I demanded the address, and again he refused. I hear on the phone background her voice telling him to lend her the phone so she could talk to me, and I blatantly refused, saying: "Man, I DO NOT want to talk to her. Leave that wh*** in there and lets go! I'm already here! Don't do that to me, I drove a long way!" When he told me again he would (magically, since he doesn't have a car) "find his own way to the club", I had no emotional choice. I told him: "tell your f***ing girlfriend she's a wh***, a sl*t, a hooker." He hung up on me just after I said: see you on 2012. Or as long as you stick with this imbecilec adolescent.

And I keep saying: despite not being a prostitute in its proper meaning, I said those words, and when people ask me about it I say she's a s.l.u.t.t.i.e.-psychopath-paranoid. And I mean it when I call her a psychopath.

That's it. Question: was I a bit too harsh or did I act properly? I honestly don't care about being impolite in this situation. I hope he knows I'll always be his friend but this is my way to demonstrate my friendship to him: using a shock therapy.
ExMachina
From your description of the situation, your assessment of this girl sounds absolutely spot on.

However, the issue is that it's much more difficult for the person on the "inside", so to speak, to see what's going on rationally. If the sex is really that good, then it can be difficult to look at things in an objective way when you're on the receiving end of the awesome sex. Wink

As you are an observer, you're not shackled by the emotions inherent in the relationship; but obviously, your friend is. Therefore, being so incredibly blunt (or as you said, "shock therapy") probably isn't the best way of approaching the situation as you're only going to get your friend all riled up and put him on the defensive about his relationship.

Just my two cents: you might want to approach this issue in a calmer way that doesn't involve yelling, curse words or derogatory slurs. Razz
Da Rossa
Thanks for your more than two cents!!

But the very thing is: do I really must approach the situation? Should I show up? I gave my word, in the first place, that I wouldn't talk to him until 2012 or as long as he sticks with her. And I'm plainly aware of the detail that I'm not inside. But this is the whole point! HE is unable to view rationally. And I'm a friend, at least I consider myself one. But I don't think it's a good idea to be there supporting his present actions. Supporting his actions is not supporting him. What do you think?
loremar
Just don't give up, pal.

He will eventually realize that the girl is no good for him.
Consequentially, he will also realize how a true friend you are that you didn't give up on him.

Just do what you think is right.
From the sound of it, I don't personally think that your friend has any future with that girl.
If its only sex that's keeping the relationship, there isn't any future at all.
menino
loremar wrote:
Just don't give up, pal.
If its only sex that's keeping the relationship, there isn't any future at all.


I agree with loremar on the above points.

I think you should keep being his friend. His stuborness may sometimes be a good thing - he knows what he wants to do, and maybe you should try to help him with his studies,... if you can... at least encourage him to try harder.

Regarding his gf, I it doesn't look like the relationship is right for him, as you already know, but perhaps you could find him another girl. Since your his friend, I think only you probably would know what makes him tick, and if you don't, maybe as his friend, you could find out and help him out as well.
Da Rossa
Quote:
If its only sex that's keeping the relationship, there isn't any future at all.


Well, I think:
- She wants a puppet. Not a healthy relationship.
- He wants to get serious with her. That's the unfortunate part.

He'll be always moved by the delusional motivation of fixing the fights they had so he could "make things right". He'll be in an eternal black hole boundary, orbiting without being eaten at once.

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I think you should keep being his friend. His stuborness may sometimes be a good thing - he knows what he wants to do, and maybe you should try to help him with his studies,... if you can... at least encourage him to try harder.


No, I think I wasn't clear about it: I'll never stop being his friend, at least, this is what I'm willing to do. I just won't see or talk to him in the meantime.
It's up for him now.

I think I reached the threshold of my capability to support and encourage him in this endeavour. I'm positive he should move on about his professional future. His stubborness never helped in that.

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Regarding his gf, I it doesn't look like the relationship is right for him, as you already know, but perhaps you could find him another girl. Since your his friend, I think only you probably would know what makes him tick, and if you don't, maybe as his friend, you could find out and help him out as well.


That would conflict with the part in which I said he has closed himself from social life. He doesn't want to get out and meet NICE people. So that não se trata dey girl is all he's capable of getting.
deanhills
Hi Da Rossa. I'm speaking from my own experience. With friends there usually is a time to speak up and a time to keep quiet. The time to keep quiet is when you know they are not ready to hear the truth, and maybe your friend was not ready to hear the truth yet. I'm the last one to tell you what to do, but if it had been me, and the friendship is very important to me, I would go back to him and apologize sincerely. Tell him you did it out of concern for him, but that you had no right to tell him what to do.

Getting ready for the truth for me is the equivalent of an alcoholic who needs to give his permission before we can take him to a detox centre. The Detox Centre will never admit him on our hear-say, the permission to be admitted has to come from himself first. So ditto him recognizing the girlfriend for who she is, or is not. We also have to accept that he may never see her the same way as we do, love is blind as they say.

Another truth is, the more we criticize in a situation like that, the more protective your friend will become of his girlfriend. She may also use it against you to drive a wedge between you and your friend. When you pretend as though it does not matter, and you give your trust to your friend that he is capable of making the right decisions, it will give him the space and the necessary self-confidence to evaluate the situation more objectively.
Da Rossa
Thanks a lot for your testimony Dean. It's very valuable to me.

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I would go back to him and apologize sincerely.


Problem is, I don't feel like apologising. That would legitimate his amnesia for the bad things she represents. Also, that could clear what I already told him. When he was in the mood for breaking up, he agreed with everything I said. 12 hours later he changed.

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We also have to accept that he may never see her the same way as we do, love is blind as they say.


Love? I'd call that an addiction, a drug effect. I repeatedly told him to be honest and just answered the question: "do you love her?" He annoyingly insisted in answering "Things are cool".

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Getting ready for the truth for me is the equivalent of an alcoholic who needs to give his permission before we can take him to a detox centre. The Detox Centre will never admit him on our hear-say, the permission to be admitted has to come from himself first. So ditto him recognizing the girlfriend for who she is, or is not.


I understand. But that's the whole point: he'll never realise he's drugged. And, like I said, the rest of his youth will be consumed.

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Another truth is, the more we criticize in a situation like that, the more protective your friend will become of his girlfriend. She may also use it against you to drive a wedge between you and your friend. When you pretend as though it does not matter, and you give your trust to your friend that he is capable of making the right decisions, it will give him the space and the necessary self-confidence to evaluate the situation more objectively.


But isn't that exactly what I'm doing by staying away?
deanhills
Da Rossa wrote:
Thanks a lot for your testimony Dean. It's very valuable to me.

Quote:
I would go back to him and apologize sincerely.


Problem is, I don't feel like apologising. That would legitimate his amnesia for the bad things she represents. Also, that could clear what I already told him. When he was in the mood for breaking up, he agreed with everything I said. 12 hours later he changed.
Maybe he was trying to make you happy by saying what you wished to hear.

Da Rossa wrote:
Quote:
We also have to accept that he may never see her the same way as we do, love is blind as they say.


Love? I'd call that an addiction, a drug effect. I repeatedly told him to be honest and just answered the question: "do you love her?" He annoyingly insisted in answering "Things are cool".
It may not be real to you, but it is real to him.

Da Rossa wrote:
Quote:
Getting ready for the truth for me is the equivalent of an alcoholic who needs to give his permission before we can take him to a detox centre. The Detox Centre will never admit him on our hear-say, the permission to be admitted has to come from himself first. So ditto him recognizing the girlfriend for who she is, or is not.


I understand. But that's the whole point: he'll never realise he's drugged. And, like I said, the rest of his youth will be consumed.
Right, but maybe you need to use reverse psychology. By pushing him, he is going to resist. By letting go completely - and I mean completely - he may come round.

Da Rossa wrote:
Quote:
Another truth is, the more we criticize in a situation like that, the more protective your friend will become of his girlfriend. She may also use it against you to drive a wedge between you and your friend. When you pretend as though it does not matter, and you give your trust to your friend that he is capable of making the right decisions, it will give him the space and the necessary self-confidence to evaluate the situation more objectively.


But isn't that exactly what I'm doing by staying away?
I'm sure he knows about your non-acceptance of his relationship with this girl. If you can learn to let go of your non-acceptance as a condition of your friendship with him, and focus on the friendship as though the girlfriend does not matter, maybe he could come round his own way. I can imagine that is the most difficult for you to do as that is the complete opposite to what you feel like doing. Almost the same principle of giving someone the freedom to leave you, so that they would want to come home to you.
loremar
I think the only quick solution to this is find him another girl. But since you already said you're not talking to him until 2012 then you should see until 2012 if he's still not getting rid of the girl. Now if you're ready to talk to him next year, then maybe you can talk again, apologize for what you said and tell him that you've think it through and you still think you're right and he better find another girl. Maybe you can invite him to go out meet other girls and talk. The non-social part I think is negotiable(it's like getting your kid in his first day of school, you just have to be there for him). The problem I'm seeing here with him is that he's too over-committed/obsessive for things such as the college he wants to go to, or the girl he wants to have a relationship with; the first things he encounter and gets hooked into, he felt are the right things for him. The college part is understandable(since the college is not going anywhere) but the issue with the girl, I don't think so. She's got the potential to hurt the guy or to make a mess with his life. The only solution I see here is make him meet new people, broaden his horizon. It's not easy but I think it's doable. If you let him stay this way, he might stay this way with him confused why his life is messed up. If you keep reminding him how wrong he is, still there's a chance he'd stay this way but there is someone who reminded him where he's gone wrong. Either way, you're friendship is on a rocky road.

Or maybe you're talking to the wrong person. Maybe you can talk to the girl and solve the problem from there. On the second thought... She probably needs to talk to a shrink first... Actually both of them needs to. lol.
Da Rossa
Dean, forgive my following tone, I have no intention to dodge from the reason and say you're wrong indirectly. But:

Quote:
Maybe he was trying to make you happy by saying what you wished to hear.


Could be, but in that particular case I doubt that. When you're trying to get rid of someone's buggin, you don't get to go out with that person to have a hours of "decisive" talk. He would just say "ok, man! I'll ditch her!" and not much more. He came with a whole fact sheet to base his decision to break up. I supported a lot. He didn't seem dishonest by that time.

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It may not be real to you, but it is real to him.


Well, then just say it! "I love her!" What's so embarassing about that? Specially when its a good friend who's asking. But anyway...

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Right, but maybe you need to use reverse psychology. By pushing him, he is going to resist. By letting go completely - and I mean completely - he may come round.


Yes, I realise things will not get better if I insist. But what do you think about a complete freeze in communication in the meantime? That's what I'm doing now: staying away.

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If you can learn to let go of your non-acceptance as a condition of your friendship with him, and focus on the friendship as though the girlfriend does not matter, maybe he could come round his own way.


Then I would have to play ball acting false. I'm positive I didn't regret what I did when I did the swearing about her, at least I haven't regret yet, but how things are supposed to be? Liking her is non-negotiable. She makes me fell bad just for her presence. I'm not his father, but I'm looking to the future. I can't think about arranging a hang out with my friends (including him of course) to have her bitching about not being invited, or else having to sit in the same bar table as hers. "Hey, how'ya doin'?" I wouldn't feel comfortable. At least not now, because I'm pretty sure I would, in the very moment I had the opportunity, tell the word to her directly. It would make me feel a lot more comfortable. But that's not a very good thing to do...

@ Loremar

Quote:
I think the only quick solution to this is find him another girl. But since you already said you're not talking to him until 2012 then you should see until 2012 if he's still not getting rid of the girl.


That's what I'm intending to do, since I really don't want to dishonour my word. But other parties may eventually convince me to resume talking to him before 2012. And right now I have no one on my list to introduce to him. And I don't think he would get it the right way.

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The problem I'm seeing here with him is that he's too over-committed/obsessive for things such as the college he wants to go to, or the girl he wants to have a relationship with; the first things he encounter and gets hooked into, he felt are the right things for him.


Just to make clear: although he's considered computing science in the recent past, he already considered other things in the more distant past, and even passed the exam for the same university, but to the Journalism course, not the Medicine. Coursed one semester, told one of the teachers to fukc off and evaded the course. He's obsessive about being a Doctor, but not about being admitted in the Medschool, since I don't think he's studying hard enough.

About the girl to get attached: in the past (2004) he stayed a long time making plans about conquering an international model's heart. Almost got there, he said, but in the critical time, he didn't say the word or did the right thing (hug, pull, kiss). That's the only one he got "attached into". So there's been seven years since he develops feelings about someone. And this is the misfortune: why her???

Quote:
The only solution I see here is make him meet new people, broaden his horizon. It's not easy but I think it's doable. If you let him stay this way, he might stay this way with him confused why his life is messed up. If you keep reminding him how wrong he is, still there's a chance he'd stay this way but there is someone who reminded him where he's gone wrong. Either way, you're friendship is on a rocky road.


If I even make a move about setting up a meeting with someone else, which would necessarily involve other people, he could get that the same way as if I stayed up there talking, insisting, bugging about how wrong he is. Since he's in a relatively comfortable zone, he wouldn't be lured.

Quote:
Or maybe you're talking to the wrong person. Maybe you can talk to the girl and solve the problem from there. On the second thought... She probably needs to talk to a shrink first... Actually both of them needs to. lol.


Sure you're right about the shrink for both of them. I already talked to the bithc when things weren't bad yet, and even to me, who's not the one she has a relationship with, she's absolutely adamant. Like she had a mission to convince ME insted of HIM about HER reasons to be paranoid. So, if I go straight to her, 1- I'd end up with zero productivity, 2- my friend would take it the wrong way, 3- I could end up smashing her powdered face.
deanhills
Da Rossa wrote:
He came with a whole fact sheet to base his decision to break up. I supported a lot. He didn't seem dishonest by that time.
I'm sure he was not dishonest. He was working with his mind and maybe got overruled by his heart. People do pretty silly things when they are in love. They are definitely not that rational either.

Da Rossa wrote:
But what do you think about a complete freeze in communication in the meantime? That's what I'm doing now: staying away.
This is who you are Da Rossa. You're a rational person. And this makes sense to you. So you are doing the right thing for you. Probably the safest thing for you too, otherwise if you had to face his "girlfriend" on a regular basis, it could turn out far worse.

I just hope he does not turn into this woman. They say that in a relationship our bad habits rub off on our partners. Do you think if something should happen that he becomes single tomorrow, that you may still like him the same way you did before he got involved with this woman?

Da Rossa wrote:
Then I would have to play ball acting false.
I realize this now. You have to be true to yourself - like that Shakespeare saying say, if you can't be true to yourself, you can only be false to others.

Da Rossa wrote:
I'm positive I didn't regret what I did when I did the swearing about her, at least I haven't regret yet, but how things are supposed to be? Liking her is non-negotiable. She makes me fell bad just for her presence. I'm not his father, but I'm looking to the future. I can't think about arranging a hang out with my friends (including him of course) to have her bitching about not being invited, or else having to sit in the same bar table as hers. "Hey, how'ya doin'?" I wouldn't feel comfortable. At least not now, because I'm pretty sure I would, in the very moment I had the opportunity, tell the word to her directly. It would make me feel a lot more comfortable. But that's not a very good thing to do...
I guess your friend would know you well enough to be used to your swearing if you felt strongly enough about something. He probably also knows you well enough to know you won't budge on the issue either. I wonder what this woman has on this guy?
Da Rossa
Quote:
I'm sure he was not dishonest. He was working with his mind and maybe got overruled by his heart. People do pretty silly things when they are in love. They are definitely not that rational either.


Definitely. You're absolutely right.

Quote:
This is who you are Da Rossa. You're a rational person. And this makes sense to you. So you are doing the right thing for you. Probably the safest thing for you too, otherwise if you had to face his "girlfriend" on a regular basis, it could turn out far worse.


Don't overestimate me! I'm not the one on the eye of the hurricane! I am capable of analysing things from my position, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be like that if I were in his place.

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I just hope he does not turn into this woman. They say that in a relationship our bad habits rub off on our partners. Do you think if something should happen that he becomes single tomorrow, that you may still like him the same way you did before he got involved with this woman?


Well, at least for now, I fortunately don't see him getting habit-infected by her. He's a decent guy in the first place, except by some moral relativity he's adopted with time, but prior to meeting her. One thing he could get is her dirty mouth. She loves some smooth swearing when she's normal, and hard trash words when she's enraged.

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I realize this now. You have to be true to yourself - like that Shakespeare saying say, if you can't be true to yourself, you can only be false to others.


Smile

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I guess your friend would know you well enough to be used to your swearing if you felt strongly enough about something. He probably also knows you well enough to know you won't budge on the issue either.


I never came to that level of swearing. I'm a decent man too. But I'm also a truth lover, even in the philosophical way. And sometimes the truth is ugly. I can't stand people saying politely and smoothly "2 + 2 = 5"; when that happens, I might say a not-so-nice word and say "2 + 2 = 4!!". So, I don't use inconvenient words unless I'm positive about the situation or else when I need to be clear. So I think he probably got surprised with it, yet I don't think he was that offended. In normal circumstances, what would you do if I called your wife/gf/lover a wh**e? I'm pretty sure you would at least tell me the F word. Not to mention ones that fly over the offender and punch his face.

He did neither. Strangely, he apologised for the inconvenience he caused. Weird, eh?

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I wonder what this woman has on this guy?


Like other friend of mine said, she's struck him with this:



he used the expression "vagina headlock". Like I said, what he likes is mainly sex. That she can provide, and also use as a bargain chip. Trades sex for obedience. Or trades sex for peace. Yeah, believe me. She also takes advantage of the fact that he needs to get attached to someone.
loremar
Well, at least he's getting some vagina headlock. lol

Must be a good vagina headlock, I guess. Smile
Da Rossa
Of course. Just like a good blow of white powder. That would say a junkie. But do you see the big picture? He can't.
deanhills
Da Rossa wrote:
he used the expression "vagina headlock". Like I said, what he likes is mainly sex. That she can provide, and also use as a bargain chip. Trades sex for obedience. Or trades sex for peace. Yeah, believe me. She also takes advantage of the fact that he needs to get attached to someone.
Sounds like one formidable "lady". Thing is, the longer he sticks with her, the more difficult it will be to extricate himself. He is sort of digging a hole for himself.
Da Rossa
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Sounds like one formidable "lady". Thing is, the longer he sticks with her, the more difficult it will be to extricate himself. He is sort of digging a hole for himself.


So, I guess I was successful making my point in here. Won't be that easy to make it for him, however. What is your final suggestion? Sad
loremar
I have a suggestion. This might work if this girl is really a wh*** as you say she is.

Find a guy to meet up with her and to seduce her. Set up the whole thing so your friend can catch them right in time. Make him see how pathetic this girl is.

Kinda evil and desperate but it might work. Smile

That is only if you are really that desperate. Wink


_____ Twisted Evil _____
signed, The Devil
Da Rossa
Quote:
I have a suggestion. This might work if this girl is really a wh*** as you say she is.

Find a guy to meet up with her and to seduce her. Set up the whole thing so your friend can catch them right in time. Make him see how pathetic this girl is.

Kinda evil and desperate but it might work. Smile

That is only if you are really that desperate. Wink


I wish I had the means to set it up, it would prove the point conslusively. But that's not the actual meaning of wh*** I used. I believe she can, for some time, be "faithful". I think she would bite the lure. The is a ****** in the moral way.
Da Rossa
Updates, based on info gavbe by his brother:

1- She's back with him;
2- He's only there because of sex;
3- She's made a campaign against me and our other common friend, now he won't even call us;
4- Everyone agrees she's a psycho (the homicidal/suicidal text message, locking him up in the bedroom and some other things);
5- He'll never learn.
mshafiq
loremar wrote:
Just don't give up, pal.
If its only sex that's keeping the relationship, there isn't any future at all.


Of course, I agree that sex is not a prime drive for long lasting relationships.

It is a big factor but the absolute one.

By the way, our comments may or may not be applicable as we think our way and the persons in the situations may have different circumstances.

Any way, it is always duty of good friends to keeps the thing on track or at least informed about the possible harm. However real friends never ever left their friends even if they do not accept suggestions.

It does not mean they do not leave in any situation. For example if someone becomes a part of drug gang we may want to leave him/her as it may harm ourselves and our families and friends too.
What I mean is if our friend say I will still try to establish relationship with this person even after our suggestion of not to keep company of that person, we should love our friend.
Da Rossa
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Any way, it is always duty of good friends to keeps the thing on track or at least informed about the possible harm. However real friends never ever left their friends even if they do not accept suggestions.

It does not mean they do not leave in any situation. For example if someone becomes a part of drug gang we may want to leave him/her as it may harm ourselves and our families and friends too.
What I mean is if our friend say I will still try to establish relationship with this person even after our suggestion of not to keep company of that person, we should love our friend.


I was about to get back here to sway we talked yesterday. We stayed about 40 minutes on the phone and talked about a lot of things. He's got no hatred. But I have to do my job as a friend, and I told him exactly everything. Everything I've said in this topic I let him know. I could not be more honest. And he insisted "things are not as hard as I'm thinking", that "I'm making an extreme judgment of her", and that she "has not made any kind of 'campaign' against me or our mutual friend". Even believing he wouldn't by, I doubt she has made no effort like that.

I'll always be there for him, and I let him know that too. I'll always, as much as possible, be there to say the correct things. One time he may get fed up with me.
Da Rossa
Just an update:

She broke up with him. Then, he gets an anonymous e-mail saying: "you lose, playboy. She's got a new boyfriend now!"

Of course it was her. And, in Facebook, it's already stated that they're in a "serious relationship", which can't be, given the timeframe.

GOOD!!
tingkagol
Da Rossa wrote:
"Man, I DO NOT want to talk to her. Leave that wh*** in there and lets go! I'm already here! Don't do that to me, I drove a long way!" When he told me again he would (magically, since he doesn't have a car) "find his own way to the club", I had no emotional choice. I told him: "tell your f***ing girlfriend she's a wh***, a sl*t, a hooker."

I know it's settled, but I just want to point something out. As a rule of thumb, never call anyone's girlfriend a ******. If you do, this will happen:
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3- She's made a campaign against me and our other common friend, now he won't even call us;

It's important for people in the same situation to keep communicating with close friends. What your friend needs is someone who understands what he's feeling, not someone who antagonizes everything he does. In my experience, people are more receptive to the advice of someone who is empathetic of their situation.

Also, what you did is create another problem for him --- which is YOU. You, who's upset with him that he stood you up. You, who's upset that he didn't follow your advice.
Da Rossa
I'm not sure whether you didn't take it clearly or I did not explain the best way; maybe my story made you believe that.

First, the "campaign" he made against me has nothing to do with me calling her a w**** because she didn't get to know that. He didn't tell her what I called her.

As as for the...

Quote:
It's important for people in the same situation to keep communicating with close friends. What your friend needs is someone who understands what he's feeling, not someone who antagonizes everything he does. In my experience, people are more receptive to the advice of someone who is empathetic of their situation.


...there are already some people playing that role to him. And in my own circle of friendship. Our mutual friend I mentioned is the one that kept playing along with his attitudes. I stuck with my position playing the WAKE UP part. At least one of his friends is supposed to do that, right? So I did not become a problem at all. He likes me as much as previous to her; maybe even more.
tingkagol
Well, what really made me believe that you were becoming a problem to him is the "see you in 2012 / or for as long as you're no longer seeing that b*tch" comments. You're basically pressuring him to act - OR ELSE -

A lot of people actually do that - they become so annoyed with a friend who's stuck in a horrible relationship that in a fit they would propose an ultimatum, or should I say a "deal", to either leave his gf or don't bother talking to them again. No matter how you put it, that is going to be another thing he will need to worry about- in addition to the mess he's already in. Perhaps that is a healthy way of dealing with hard-headed friends for your own sake, but if you really intend on sticking with your friend until he gets through his situation, it's best not to give him that "deal" (nor at least to give him the impression that you're proposing it).
Da Rossa
Quote:
Well, what really made me believe that you were becoming a problem to him is the "see you in 2012 / or for as long as you're no longer seeing that b*tch" comments. You're basically pressuring him to act - OR ELSE -


I backed up on that, fortunately. I could create an unpleasant situation.

You're right about me becoming just another problem for him to deal with. Now I see it clearly.

Thanks tingkagol.

Let's see if this story has other developments.
Da Rossa
Another MAJOR update:

- In the meantime between last post (jan 11) and today, I've learned that he finally got it! I mean, he passed the damn med school exam he was trying for 10 years! He got so happy that he finally made a real, official Facebook account. Until today he owned only a fake profile for nosing around.

- They finally broke up for good and the girl got into a new serious relationship (says Facebook) within one week. Her new boyfriend is a real bizarre peace of work. So, when I saw that extreme emo-like guy, I realised: my friend and that b**** were meant to break up!! Now, she prolly got her soulmate! Very Happy
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