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Increasing Divorce rate





shivaghimire
Now a days, the number of divorce rate is increasing day by day. what you think is happening?
The number is high in western countries than eastern but in eastern countries too it is increasing. I found the following reasons observing my country Nepal:
1. The number of love marriage is increasing than arranged marriage, so parents give less care to solve the problem of husband and wife.
2. Males are normally dominating characterized by nature and they want to keep in control females but now a days female wants to be free.
3. Females, generally become proud when they move quite forward than their husband.
4. The literacy rate in Nepal is being increased, but all are not educated so half knowledge brings destruction is applied in family life.
5. Increasing female literacy rate has made female known the right to freedom but they desired their rights but they much tried to bring obstacles in good steps of males.
6. Females are continuing their education but males are gone abroad for work which brings difference in academic qualification. This case makes males feel dominated and brings divorce.
deanhills
It's probably much easier these days to get a divorce than decades ago. Women are much more independent than they were before. Maybe society is also changing in that such things as abuse of women is being frowned upon and resources are being put at the disposal of women to leave their husbands. I'm in favour of the institution of marriage, but I wonder whether people sometimes get married for the wrong reasons, as love is not always enough. I sometimes wonder whether there should be an unofficial trial period of marriage, say one year (the reverse of divorce trial period) before the marriage is officially confirmed. I.e. the two people get married, and then in a year they confirm that they want to stay married. Or the marriage gets annulled by default.
loremar
I have a trivia, do you know that my country the Philippines is the only country in the world that doesn't have a divorce law. Used to be Malta and the Philippines but Malta just recently a month ago made a referendum and finally they pass the law.

However, broken families and filing annulment is still increasing in our country. And now 50% of our population is saying that we should also have a divorce law.

Although I am not religious but I believe that divorce is a big mistake that this world has ever done. I think marriage is to me fundamentally good whether religion is involved or not. To me marriage actually solidifies family because the two person is not related in blood, so by marrying they become somehow related in an abstract sense.

But sad to say that people nowadays have a lack of sense of what marriage actually essentially means. To them its about satisfaction. But what it actually means is that marriage makes you unbreakable, and become a family in a whole.

However, the sense of family nowadays can only apply to brothers and sisters, and parents and children but never with husband and wife. Yes, there are not related by blood but through marriage they are related in an unbreakable manner similar to relationships through blood.

You can't say that when you get into a fight with your brother or your parents then you'd no longer be related. Whatever you would say he'd still be your brother or your parent. And that should also apply to husband and wife. If you get a fight with your wife you can still separate physically to cool off things but never break the tie between the two of you because you already are a family.

Unfortunately, for many people marriage is just an expression or solidification of emotion or commitment and not tying up or becoming united as one.

That's why divorce has been very common because in the norms of the society, marriage has already delimited its value to some sort of cheap relationship, a form of commodity, a way of satisfaction and contentment.
watersoul
Interesting responses and rather than addressing them individually, I'll share a couple of experiences instead:

One of my jobs some years ago was to visit recently bereaved widow/widowers over pension age to help sort out their benefits/housing/funeral costs etc since the loss of their husband/wife.
I was employed by the state, to assist them in the administrative nightmare that is dealing with the state, especially while vulnerable and confused during the grief process.
I met many older women who were actually relieved that "the bastard had died", in fact, the first time it happened it totally threw me - I'd just come out with a standard line offering my condolences when the the lady replied "I'm glad he's gone, and I bet you didn't expect to hear that did you?!"
She then went on to explain how she was stuck in this hollow marriage and due to her social conditioning and the views of her peers, she just 'stuck it out'.

I got similar stories from about 10-15% of the people I met, and realised then how many people wasted so many years of their lives stuck in loveless marriages - what an absolutely sad waste of life just because of the human-created concept of "till death us do part".

I myself married young, and due to the way my ex-wife and I developed over the years, we realised that our decision was the wrong one. We divorced without any lawyers, filling all the legal paperwork out together, sold our house, paid off all debts and split the profits 50/50.

We legally share parental responsibility, our son being 3 or 4 nights a week with either of us depending on which option suits him/us/whatever is going on (short walking distance between our homes).
We watch him play rugby together, we attend school parents evenings together, we have a meal together as a family every week or two, we buy joint Christmas/birthday presents to avoid any "Dads/Mams present was better than yours" thoughts, and we even have a few drinks on our wedding anniversary because if we'd never married we'd never have had the most important person in our lives - our son.

In a nutshell, me and my ex-wife do everything we can to bring our son up happy and secure that he has two parents who work as a team and love him, and each other, while not being 'in love'.
Being a parent is completely different to being a husband or a wife, so if people stop being selfish, and instead get over their bitterness, it doesn't have to mean that 'the family' is broken.

There are many other threads I've contributed in where I've commented on how happy I am with how happy my now mid-teen son is.
But if his mother and I had 'stuck it out' whilst being so incompatible to live together as a couple, I can only imagine an unhappy household full of anger, resentment and bitterness.
Yep, divorce was a perfect solution for my situation, and many other people in the world. We were young and made the wrong call, why should the rest of anyones lives be tarnished by a mistake born of immaturity?
loremar
Can you possibly gone out of love for your kids or your brothers or your parents? Maybe. But can you divorce from them. Nope. If love is gone in a family, you can either stay or leave and forget about them. But still they are your family, your son, your brother, your mother.

But when love is gone between husband and wife, it seems that with divorce, husband and wife relationship is nothing but making babies, a bf-gf relationship, or a relationship under a contract. The society doesn't seem to find husband and wife as a family. So when love is gone, no longer a family.

On the first place why did the two get married together? Because they love each other? So when you love each other so much, there is no other logical path to choose but to get married? because people normally get married and when you don't, there's something wrong with you? So to get married there is no other person to be married with but the one you love today?

People seems to get into marriage for the wrong reasons. The purpose of marriage is to build a family. What does family means? make babies? No You can make babies even if you don't get married.

The purpose of marriage is make two people become a family which otherwise blood can't do. And when they make babies, then its a family of father(husband), mother(wife), and baby.

Husband and wife fights just as much as brothers and sisters fight for rivalry, and just as much as parents and children fight because of negligence. But is that enough reason to split family in half.

Well, my brother and I fights a lot since kids but we stick to each other till the end. I hate my brother so much but I love him.

As much as you have the responsibility as a parent, you also have a responsibility as a husband or a wife. Just as much as your kids hate you but still you would still love your kid, then you should still keep your love for your spouse. Even if your kids beat you, would you leave them. Maybe, but not that easily.

My point is marriage is about becoming a family because in the first place you were never related by blood. So what marriage does is bind two people like what they say 'Man and Woman become one in flesh and blood" making you a whole a family. In an abstract sense.

Unfortunately, society today is too shallow they would never understand that. For them it's all about convenience and satisfaction. They just never decide based on deep principles.

For me divorce is not the solution to unhappy family. The solution is to uplift the dignity of marriage in society. Getting into marriage should never be an easy decision.
watersoul
loremar wrote:
Getting into marriage should never be an easy decision.


Thats absolutely true, and as long as human beings are involved, some will always make the wrong decision due to the inherent imperfections of people and individuals.

Release/divorce from an unhappy marriage can sometimes be a better option than forcing two unhappy people to stay together until death Shocked
loremar
@watersoul I don't believe that there's wrong or right in making decisions about marriage. Marriage whether the output is not good is still good because two persons has been made into one. But what I'm saying is people should not rush into marriage unless their intention is to build a family. And as man and woman it is your responsibility to keep the family together ( family even its just the two of you). Yes, sad to say if you're fighting a lot but it is your responsibility to keep the family together even if that family only consists you and your wife. That responsibility is part of the package of getting married, so if you don't like that then don't go into marriage.

The same with deciding to have kids. Decision of having kids is not a matter of wrong or right decision. Having kids is good because life is good. If you and your kid fights a lot then would you rather separate with your kid? No. It is your responsibility to keep the family together no matter what the conflict is.

Leaving out is never a good solution in any of the family's conflict. Remember that your kids is not the only family that you have. Your wife is part of your family. So you should treat your wife the same way you treat your kids. Wife is not just a contract or a relationship meant to benefit you but wife is a family.
watersoul
loremar wrote:
But what I'm saying is people should not rush into marriage unless their intention is to build a family.

Again, total agreement with that, but there must be an escape option for people who made the wrong choice at a young age.
I haven't even mentioned domestic abuse yet but there are many tens of thousands of women in my country who would be trapped in violent relationships without the divorce laws we have.

I also agree that two parents raising their kids in a loving relationship is always the best to hope for, but in the reality of our world there are times when this is unable to happen so the option of divorce becomes the least damaging option. Sad perhaps, but true.
deanhills
@Watersoul. I'm bowled over with how mature and unselfish you and your wife are dealing with a very successful divorce, although at the same time can't help but wonder whether you're still married to a certain extent. You can sign separation papers etc. but your son will always bind you to one another, you'll always stay a family. A very good friend of mine has the exact same relationship with her husband and two sons. Except, they decided not to get a divorce. They thought they would stay married forever, however are separated, live their lives separately and share it on a regular basis, not only for their two sons, but also because they really have a great friendship. Both have different partners and somehow have managed to still be on the phone to one another on a daily basis. I think it must be because they are able to think of everyone in the relationship including themselves. And there is that something extra, maybe a bond that seemed to have survived and bind everyone together. Not much different from what loremar was talking about.
yagnyavalkya
Here are two links that has a lot of infomration on the divorse rates in the world
http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate
http://www.darndivorce.com/divorce-rates-around-the-world/
There are many reasons for divorce
watersoul
deanhills wrote:
@Watersoul. I'm bowled over with how mature and unselfish you and your wife are dealing with a very successful divorce, although at the same time can't help but wonder whether you're still married to a certain extent. You can sign separation papers etc. but your son will always bind you to one another, you'll always stay a family.

Lol, Cheers Dean, I'd say it's a pretty accurate description there.
We've both moved on romantically, but there still remains a much more 'real' and mature love between us these days.
How could I ever not feel warmth and love for the woman who gave birth to my only child Smile

...but being part of a good parental team is totally different to being good as husband and wife - divorce allowed us to focus on what really is now a beautiful honest friendship without any 'complications'.
Nameless
7. It's just so hard to get away with mariticide these days!

Marriage is generally considered less 'sacred' (for lack of better word) than it used to be, so happy couples rush into it sooner while unhappy couples are more likely to just get divorced and move on without fear of being judged. The downside of this might be that couples don't try as hard to work out their problems, but people do change over their lifetime so it's probably for the better overall.
deanhills
watersoul wrote:
...but being part of a good parental team is totally different to being good as husband and wife - divorce allowed us to focus on what really is now a beautiful honest friendship without any 'complications'.
OK, I got it, I just wanted to point out that it really is just a piece of paper. Technically one never really gets divorced, you're sort of bonded for life, especially when children are involved.
Very Happy

Nameless wrote:
7. It's just so hard to get away with mariticide these days!
Never heard of this word before. Cool!
Cool
watersoul
deanhills wrote:
Technically one never really gets divorced, you're sort of bonded for life, especially when children are involved.
Very Happy

Lol, yeah tell me about it! Razz
Greatking
Typically a marriage always starts on a happy note. Both couples are falling in love to each other and the early marriage life is really beautiful. They feel that they are really blessed because they have found a partner for life. This scenario happens repetitively, but unfortunately it also can potentially end in a disaster. Many couples experience negative changes in their marriages after several years. Their happy early marriage lives are replaced by many arguments and fights. Each couple cannot stand each other anymore and they cannot stay under the same roof with arguing to each other. In the end, they feel that the situation has become unbearable and they decide to go for a divorce.




If you notice, the divorce rate has increased significantly over the years. Today's society is not the same as the older generations. These days, people do not think highly of a marriage. They don't care much about the vows that they have said in their wedding day. The old culture where husband and wife live together until death do they part does not mean much for them. What has gone wrong with the new generations? Why do they easily consider a divorce? Why can't they follow the foot steps of the grandparents?



Our older generations can be considered more successful when it comes to a marriage. They married only once and they stayed together through good and bad times. Of course they also faced problems in their marriage life, but they worked hand in hand with their spouse to solve those problems. It is such an unfortunate that people have left this beautiful culture behind. The situation has completely changed nowadays and the divorce rate has neared the fifty percent mark. To make it worse, the trend is still pointing up.
Greatking
here are several reasons that cause this situation. The most obvious reason is that the world has changed over the years. This is not the same world where our grandparents have lived before. Nowadays people are taught to be independent. People have learnt that freedom is the right of every individual. This new teaching sounds good, but it also has caused people to be more selfish.



Daily problems are another reason that has pushed the divorce rate up. Problems are becoming more and more complex. Stress and pressure invade every marriage life. People are exposed continually to stressful environments. This situation creates strain in a marriage and it is easy for people to act irrationally. People are getting angry easily and heated arguments can spark at any time.



Another reason that causes the increase of the divorce rate is the high level of temptation. As you can observe, porn is easily accessible nowadays. Moreover, clothing design has changed considerably from the past. Now people need to show more skin and curve in order to look beautiful and sexy. It is not surprising to find out that there are many people who are trapped by these temptations.



Among those reasons, perhaps the biggest reason of rising divorce rate is the process of divorce itself which has become much simpler these days. Billboards and ads are everywhere showing lawyers who can help people get a divorce. In fact, some of those ads are encouraged people to get a divorce for a better life. The world has really changed for the worse. A marriage is considered as an outdated concept and a divorce is the new trend.
zbale
deanhills wrote:
It's probably much easier these days to get a divorce than decades ago. Women are much more independent than they were before. Maybe society is also changing in that such things as abuse of women is being frowned upon and resources are being put at the disposal of women to leave their husbands. I'm in favour of the institution of marriage, but I wonder whether people sometimes get married for the wrong reasons, as love is not always enough. I sometimes wonder whether there should be an unofficial trial period of marriage, say one year (the reverse of divorce trial period) before the marriage is officially confirmed. I.e. the two people get married, and then in a year they confirm that they want to stay married. Or the marriage gets annulled by default.


Rightly said about the ease with which you can divorce today (before, you might have needed to stage a "busting" moment, for instance with the husband calling the press and paying a woman to be "found" with him in a hotel room so that there would be a reason to divorce. You can read about that in Francis Scott Fitzgerald's first book I don't remember the name right now).

About "trial periods" I think most countries have one, though of a few months only.
Da Rossa
Quote:
1. The number of love marriage is increasing than arranged marriage, so parents give less care to solve the problem of husband and wife.


I never thought by that point of view, maybe because I'm from the West.

Quote:
2. Males are normally dominating characterized by nature and they want to keep in control females but now a days female wants to be free.


True, but incomplete: women female always wanted to be free, but until recently they couldn't. That's something weird because when you ask where this freedom they want so much points, it ends up in the same place they started.

Quote:
3. Females, generally become proud when they move quite forward than their husband.


Yes, but this is a void thought as well. Become proud then...? What's the next thing for them?

Quote:
4. The literacy rate in Nepal is being increased, but all are not educated so half knowledge brings destruction is applied in family life.


Knowledge itself is not what makes people destroy their families. "Some information" could be more accurate, but still not the answer. Actually, wiser someone is, wiser are their decisions, and ending up a relationship which means a family and a life not always is the most wise thing to do. Crisises should be fought, and couples should not jump the train before it hits "the wall", because there is no real wall. What about using the "break system" to make the train come to a halt, so you can look calmerly to the horizon and realise that there is no actual obstacle?

Quote:
5. Increasing female literacy rate has made female known the right to freedom but they desired their rights but they much tried to bring obstacles in good steps of males.


I didn't undestand exactly what you meant to say. If you mean "now they're aware of their role in society, so they're using this knowledge to undermine their own relationships instead of stop worrying and having a decent relationship at once", then I agree this is happening, at least in my country. This emancipation has reached something beyond the very thing they were seeking (freedom and happiness) and cluttering their space with more battles.

Quote:
Females are continuing their education but males are gone abroad for work which brings difference in academic qualification. This case makes males feel dominated and brings divorce.


Never heard this perspective neither, but internally the phrase is true. Now you have to determine whether if this is what's actually happening in your country.
mk12327
There are a lot of very deep and mature discussions / conversations in this topic. Great to see that most, if not all posts here so far are not of simply "you should divorce" or "you should not divorce" that kind of nature. Rather, views and opinions are fairly neutral, the basis for intellectual discussions.

watersoul wrote:
Interesting responses and rather than addressing them individually, I'll share a couple of experiences instead:

One of my jobs some years ago was to visit recently bereaved widow/widowers over pension age to help sort out their benefits/housing/funeral costs etc since the loss of their husband/wife.
I was employed by the state, to assist them in the administrative nightmare that is dealing with the state, especially while vulnerable and confused during the grief process.
I met many older women who were actually relieved that "the bastard had died", in fact, the first time it happened it totally threw me - I'd just come out with a standard line offering my condolences when the the lady replied "I'm glad he's gone, and I bet you didn't expect to hear that did you?!"
She then went on to explain how she was stuck in this hollow marriage and due to her social conditioning and the views of her peers, she just 'stuck it out'.

I got similar stories from about 10-15% of the people I met, and realised then how many people wasted so many years of their lives stuck in loveless marriages - what an absolutely sad waste of life just because of the human-created concept of "till death us do part".

I myself married young, and due to the way my ex-wife and I developed over the years, we realised that our decision was the wrong one. We divorced without any lawyers, filling all the legal paperwork out together, sold our house, paid off all debts and split the profits 50/50.

We legally share parental responsibility, our son being 3 or 4 nights a week with either of us depending on which option suits him/us/whatever is going on (short walking distance between our homes).
We watch him play rugby together, we attend school parents evenings together, we have a meal together as a family every week or two, we buy joint Christmas/birthday presents to avoid any "Dads/Mams present was better than yours" thoughts, and we even have a few drinks on our wedding anniversary because if we'd never married we'd never have had the most important person in our lives - our son.

In a nutshell, me and my ex-wife do everything we can to bring our son up happy and secure that he has two parents who work as a team and love him, and each other, while not being 'in love'.
Being a parent is completely different to being a husband or a wife, so if people stop being selfish, and instead get over their bitterness, it doesn't have to mean that 'the family' is broken.

There are many other threads I've contributed in where I've commented on how happy I am with how happy my now mid-teen son is.
But if his mother and I had 'stuck it out' whilst being so incompatible to live together as a couple, I can only imagine an unhappy household full of anger, resentment and bitterness.
Yep, divorce was a perfect solution for my situation, and many other people in the world. We were young and made the wrong call, why should the rest of anyones lives be tarnished by a mistake born of immaturity?


I'm touched by watersoul's experiences. It is rare to see how two people is able to amicably separate and maintaining the big picture. In this case, the future and happiness of your son. I've seen many broken families, where the children, whom are the most innocent, suffer the most.

Personally, I believe this is one of the best solutions to a without-romantic-love marriage. Forcing both parties to stay together with all the conflicts and unhappiness is very unhealthy for all in the family. On the other hand, a bitter divorce with fierce custody fight too does not make things any better. Ultimately, the children are innocent people that did not choose to be brought to this world. They should not be made to bear the consequences of a failed marriage. As long as the children continued to be loved by both parents, the separation can aid in eliminating the conflicts while ensuring the innocents are not harmed in the process.
mengshi200
Sex should not be free.if public know it,Divorce rate will natrually decrease.
Da Rossa
mengshi200 wrote:
Sex should not be free.if public know it,Divorce rate will natrually decrease.


Can you explain a little more clearly?
Greatking
I think, though, that there may be a less obvious and possibly more widespread problem at the root of many relationships, and I think it stems from a widely accepted piece of advice given to young people: "You shouldn't just marry someone because you're in love with them.


That kind of love wears off. You should marry your best friend." This advice comes from the fact that many people are aware of differences between infatuation and "real love", and many people are equally aware that infatuation can seem like real love but wear off.


People generally understand, too, that even in the relationship that is headed for a calmer love there is the stage of hyperventilating when the partners of a new relationship talk with one another and of flowers and not being able to be the first one to hang up at the end of a phone conversation.
mk12327
wallalbert wrote:
Hello

divorce lawyer st john are really good . he has soved many cases as early as possible. they provide good solution. they have solved my case in just few days.

Thanks


I don't really need that, but took a look at the site anyway. Their concept and approach of using collaborative law is interesting. Afterall, it is true that when two parties split up after a marriage, everyone gets hurt. This includes the innocent children, if there are any. Peaceful resolution, whenever possible, is still preferred.

I've heard stories of peaceful and friendly relations between two families even after a divorce. It is possible. (Of course, most of these cases is when the divorce is not due to infidelity or that they both love their children and do not wish to adversely affect their lives)
busaboss
I don't like the idea of divorce simply because when you acknowledge your responsibilities in being married and had pledge in front of the lord, we should learn to fight for whatever challenges that may cause a relationship to be weakened. I understand that sometime problems were inevitable and they arise in the most difficult times but we should be familiar with it. As a matter of fact, we encounter our very own problems everyday so it is not actually new. Plus, simple but constant arguments shouldn't lead to divorce because if we would let that happen, then maybe our love wasn't true after all. True love conquers all fears and obstacles. Smile
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