You are familiar the word Divorce and I observed divorce cases are increasing day by day. Whats the reason behind this no one can found this.
I think mutual understanding between couples or less patience of girl or women is the main reason behind divorce. Share your opinion any other reason behind this. Why spouse says I am happy after divorce.
If you see the famous divorces( Arnold schwarzenegger, Nicole kidman, Madona etc), you will see that it happened either at early stage or at late stage. Decision about being married too quickly without analyzing the compatibility may be the cause of early divorce. Then again being together for long time may create a monotonous effect. Divorce after 20-30 years of marriage is not very uncommon. Also there must be some breathing space between any relationship. At the same time the joy, happiness, struggle should be done together.
But what-ever may be the reason, the children of the divorced couples are the worst sufferers.
Well here in Middle East it is all caused by the media and movies! Each girl here has dreams about how her life will look like when she marries her knight. Once got married, dreams collapse and reality shows its ugly face. Although mostly girls have those dreams but men picture themselves as well.
In the end, they'll struggle to have a successful marriage or they will end it as soon as they can. Children sometimes make the parents delay this decision. Some just get bored of the increasing sacrifices they have and had to give all the way for nothing in return, from their point of view at least, so they demand divorce at a late stage.
Agree with bukaida, children are the victims of such a decision. But in some cases, it is for the best of all parties involved.
Welcome back TrueFact! Nice to see you posting after such a long time.
I agree that divorce in many cases has to do with an attitude that sets a marriage up for divorce. For example love being the main reason for being married and staying married. It is almost certain that love will change as the couple grow together and when they are yearning towards the "first love" stage all of the time then obviously they will come to the conclusion something is missing and they need to get divorced so that they can find that "first love" somewhere else. Kind of fallacy setting people up for huge disappointment.
There could be any number of reasons for the rise in the divorce rate in recent times. One reason could be that divorce is more socially acceptable to more people now. Another reason could be that fewer people belong to religions that oppose divorce and/or fewer people following rules of religion even if they attend services regularly.
Another factor could be that in the past more people stayed in situations that today are considered abusive, and the increased awareness of what constitutes abuse and why leaving is not only ok, but desirable, could play a rule as well.
I think, though, that there may be a less obvious and possibly more widespread problem at the root of many relationships, and I think it stems from a widely accepted piece of advice given to young people: "You shouldn't just marry someone because you're in love with them. That kind of love wears off.
You should marry your best friend." This advice comes from the fact that many people are aware of differences between infatuation and "real love", and many people are equally aware that infatuation can seem like real love but wear off. People generally understand, too, that even in the relationship that is headed for a calmer love there is the stage of hyperventilating when the partners of a new relationship talk with one another and of flowers and not being able to be the first one to hang up at the end of a phone conversation.
All this awareness of what "real love" is and isn't is something that our society has seemed to generate over the last few decades; and while much of what people say about love and relationships is often generally true, the "marry-your-best-friend" advice can at times backfire.
Young people generally have no problem meeting other young people, and if both individuals are nice people and enjoy being with the other it is very easy for a relationship to continue. Since relationships usually begin as a result of people's being attracted to one another most relationships could be seen as "the infatuation stage" at the beginning.
The attraction can remain for quite a while, and as the relationship turns into "something deeper" it can seem as if the relationship is solid. The partners often become "best friends too", which makes the relationship seem perfect.
Another scenario, though, is people sometimes get together out of a mutual interest or even convenience and become best friends as well. This means that an awful lot of couples who marry believe they are marrying their best friend.
In a way these couples are right about turning their relationship into marriage. It is true that people who are not "best friends too" can have more tumultuous relationships even before marriage. The calm and niceness of marrying this best friend can seem so much more right.
Sometimes, though, when a relationship begins with infatuation (which is fleeting) turns into one of best friends what is missing from that relationship doesn't even show up because what is missing is the kind of solid, permanent, love that is harder to come by but that will always survive.
There may be something in it for people to believe that there is a type of love that isn't infatuation and that isn't being the closest of best friends because its easier to find new relationships with people to whom we are attracted and with whom we will become best friends than it is to live for, maybe, years without meeting that person with whom we have "magic". Some people don't even believe this kind of love exists.
Others don't want to take a chance and find they've lived alone for too long because they held out in their hopes to find "magic". This "magic" standard is a tough one, and many women would age right out of their childbearing years if this is the standard they held; so finding the romance in a relationship with a best friend or finding the best friend with whom we can have a little romance can be ways that the majority of people can have a relationship without holding out for one that may have more solid permanence but that may be so rare it won't be found.
Marriage hasn't always been about love anyway. Two people who like each other can build a relationship. We have all heard, "Relationships take work," a zillion times. It is true that with the right amount of work many people can keep a relationship together, but what nobody ever says is that the right love and truly right relationship do not require more work beyond, maybe, compromising on where the dirty laundry will get dropped.
This isn't to say that any number of less-than-perfect relationships can't be good and solid and lasting and meaningful. It is to say, however, that there is such a thing as a relationship that truly has the ingredients required to be permanent; and that many relationships are missing one very important ingredient.
When elders and experts advise people to marry their best friend it isn't a lie. Its just that it isn't the whole truth. When we are told there is no such thing as "real romantic love" or "true romantic love" that will last, that is the part that is a lie, even if the people who believe that believe they are telling the truth.
Greatking, you sure had a lot to say on this subject.
It is correct that people used to stay in abusive relationships not knowing that they were abusive, and that as time has passed, and the things that people used to stay quiet about, are now brought out into the open, abuse is getting more exposure. As it gets more exposure, and people become educated as to what abuse is, they are able to make a honest decision as to stay in an abusive relationship or not. Of course most people once they recognize that they are being abused will make the healthy choice to leave the relationship.
Folks almost always make the comment that it is the children that suffer in a divorce....this is NOT TRUE, having been through 2 divorces myself, and having received lots of therapy for the effects of these failed relationships. I can state that research shows that the children are not upset by divorce, they are actually relieved that the fighting between their parents has stopped, and even if there is only one parent around on a regular basis, as long as it is peaceful, and a drama free environment, they are happy.
I can tell you why marriages go bad, one of the two people become chronically angry at the other, and take out their frustrations and fears on their partner. Usually this takes the form of excessive control through intimidation, insults, guilt and fear, directed toward their partner. Behavior that they show toward no one else but their partner. The problem is that when dating, and getting to know each other, the behavior of the people involved is often times misleading, and dishonest. The person you come to love is putting on an act to win your love, and once the bond of marriage has been made they no longer have to act, they have the person stuck in their life, and they can act how they please, even if that means abusing their partner.
Any sane person when confronted by that behavior is going to eventually make the decision to leave for their own sanity. Especially when the other half of the couple refuses to change, and insists on controlling abusive behavior.
Another factor for high divorce rates is infidelity, many men and women decide that having sex outside of their marriage is acceptable, and lying to their partner is also acceptable. This also leads to divorce as once a partner discovers that their partner is a liar, and can't be trusted, they want to get out of the relationship in hopes of finding someone honest that they can trust.
Marrying a friend is all fine and good, but even that has many draw backs as people will change, and the compatibility will end.
From my experience why relationships fail is that couples are deceived when they get together, women want prince charming, and happily ever after, and when that doesn't happen they become chronically angry with their partner and the abuse starts. Men want all the women the can get, and they want a hot babe that will be their end all of sexual attraction, when that doesn't happen they also become chronically angry and abusive.
Biggest things that couples fight over in the US is money, or lack there of. Once on partner becomes abusive, financial difficulties set in, and life becomes a torment, the only healthy decision is to get out.
Having been on the end of two abusive women, and having received therapy for what I went through, I now know the signs, and can avoid the bad relationships before they start.
Problem is that so many of the single women out there are just angry hateful women, with I hate men complex. Seeing past their social mask, and fake behavior can be difficult until you've been burned a few times
Divorce rate is increasing because people find divorce more convenient than marriage.
They think it's a better option. If that is the case then we should abolish marriage then?
As per me, the main reason behind the divorce is misunderstanding or lack in understanding each other.
People who go for Love Marriage is gonna face this problem more as compared to the ones who go for arrange.
In Love marriage lover's hurried up and take the decision of living together with felt affection only towards each other which leads them to divorce because they didn't gave themselves time to first understand each other well.
So, the conclusion came out to be, before getting yourself engaged, try to understand each other well because you need to spend whole life together with each other.
A few decades ago, divorce was never an option, because folks then had a certain sense of family values.
Even if some folks didn't love each other, they kept being married for a lot fo other reasons, mainly being
- financially economic, since they didnt have to stay in different places and part with savings.
- for the children
- to avoid scrutiny from neighbors and other family members
- some of the spouses had to pay "dowry" (especially in India), so leaving the spouse sometimes posed little logic according to them at the time.
With todays world, people have grown more independent and want more out of a marriage.
I agree with truefact that its mainly from media such as television soap operas that people want more than the norm from their partners.
People do change from time to time... I know of a few couples though, who got married because of love, but after that they changed, got a divorce and went their separate ways.
It may be understanding, but also, would you want to give up your dreams for someone elses?
Maybe... but its not for everyone.. and not everytime.
I think the selfish attitude of people is the reason for divorce. Instead of going into marriage, thinking "what can i give, how can i comprise", they think rather selfishly.
I realise that in nort america, marriage nor having children is not incourage. People better have animals that children beceuse of material. they have become materialistic. I asked my self what do the like and what do the espect?
|surekha1976 wrote: |
|Whats the reason behind this no one can found this. |
There is no reasons to be found, as everybody is different. The reasons and motives why you love someone and decide to try and share their life is personal to each individual. So are the reasons to chose divorce or not.
I think thats why
|surekha1976 wrote: |
|the reason behind this no one can found this. |
I think what matters the most is happiness.
|surekha1976 wrote: |
| or less patience of girl or women |
If this was not true why are ther too much document written to help children from separate or divorse? why are there no document talking about normal family? I know both children and parent suffer from that. but I think if you can not fight for your children then for whom are you able to fight? and why making children to put them in that situation? I fill it is not the better thing to do if you realise that you made a mistek, before having chidren you can change. once ther are children ther are not there so that other should tack care. parent chould tak care of thier children and put away thier differences at less until children get independent.
«Folks almost always make the comment that it is the children that suffer in a divorce....this is NOT TRUE, having been through 2 divorces myself, and having received lots of therapy for the effects of these failed relationships. I can state that research shows that the children are not upset by divorce, they are actually relieved that the fighting between their parents has stopped, and even if there is only one parent around on a regular basis, as long as it is peaceful, and a drama free environment, they are happy».
i think is thre is a several reason for that statics grew.
the values of the society was lossing after a couple o decades, this lack of values (the ones that came in home) is one of it
this point of wiew have to edges
1.- women dont want to tolerate anymore the macho style (at least here at latinamerica)
2.- is easy to get married if the divorce is not loger a bad thing, so young couples dont spend the time to know each other better
in the other hand and to reforce the point 2, i think people before marriage is other than really are, i see a lot of couples complain about it
in my own case that was the reason that leads to a separation and soon to the divorce.
my wife (still is til the divorce, but we split 18 months), change a lot after the wedding, in the honey moon, si i need to meet a new people that i dont before, 3 months after the wed, we have a car accident where i get a back and head injuries, my wife just scratches, and 3 young of my brothers in law get injuries, leg broke, loss theet, and wrist broke, but other have serious injuries, had to be in hospital for 2 months and other 6 for recovery, that accident change our life dramaticaly, an my wife get apart from me, and dont think she blame, i never feel that, besides the accident was not my fault, some drunk driver ivade my side of the road in the last second.
i try to talk about with she, but after that iwas just and object in the house, she have to go work to another city, and i cant leave mine, so we just see in weekends and all my vacations i go to live with her, two times we try to sincronize our vacatation but she changue it last time to take it when i cant.
sorry for use this post to talk about...
the good notice for us was that we dont have children, she want but i was not sure, because all money she earn was for his family, and i think a couple is the real family, so i feel that i was not part of the family, thats why i dont want to have children yet, a year ago she ask me for come back but in the same conditions i dont think so, si the she ask for me to geve her a son, and i sntrngly refuse.
Once there are children, parents should tack care off what they are doing. Children did not asked to came it the parent initiatif. Why should the pay for the most important bill? People should tace care of what they are doing
the increasing rate of divorce is due to the fact that there is immature relationship. Mostly love marriages and immature decisions are the cause of failure of relations. cay
I was having a discussion with some young ladies. but I could realise that if your are a handsome man and do not have money, they are not interest in a relation with you. Just tell what will happen tomorrow when you are poor? is it love? I'm afraid. I'm trying to think that it is immaturity that causes divorce but this days It is all exepte error nor immaturity.
I think it has more to do with your average person who is much more educated today than he/she was even a few years ago. Life's short, so why suffer unnecessarily? Particularly in the case of women who may be treated badly, there are plenty of support groups these days to help them get out of a bad marriage.
|Nehemie wrote: |
|I was having a discussion with some young ladies. but I could realise that if your are a handsome man and do not have money, they are not interest in a relation with you. Just tell what will happen tomorrow when you are poor? is it love? I'm afraid. I'm trying to think that it is immaturity that causes divorce but this days It is all exepte error nor immaturity. |
In East Asia .. ( Pakistan / India ) Families of suffering by divorce are mostly the reason .. because in combine family system man still obeys his parents and listen to his first blood relation even after the marrige ...
Family is united until a woman controls her tongue. A non respecting women mostly lose her marriage.
Women mostly sacrifices here for her children because divorce directly effects children a lot.
but thing are dramatically getting different here, getting modernize.
In Islam more then one marriage is allowed just to put this dispute and divorce problem to lowest ratio.
Mostly the person who have more wives don't go for divorce. If They can afford their responsibilities and needs, they can go for it.
It is better instead of leaving one you love for another and feeling guilty for whole life.
In Arab its common and above 90% marriages goes with excellent results until now.
Divorce is a course .. so avoid it, for your children..
What is bad mariage? The day a man will get pregnat from a woman, i'll understand that things have change. Women are not men slaves no douty for that and men should love thier wifes and try to understand them. but women should not abuse. A mariage became bad because self intrest came forward. whet parents are locking after thier children, ther is no problem. ones each other start to lock for his or her interest, this will be up end down.
How can a woman call a mariage bad and have sex with the husband? What children from separete mariage became. I asked last time why are ther much more documents written about separate family or children from divorce but no document on normal familly? people should stop and thinka while please a stop distruing children to whom they are giving life.