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I dont have very good social skills?





sauravdaga1
Hi,
I am 27 years old..and still very immature about the relationships wih people around me..i make very superficial friends and also often get manipulated..i dont know for what reasons i always feel left out..and ignored i have been feeling this way since my +2 which is equivalent of high school in my place..Although i am good at talking with people generally..but i dont understand why there is never a level of connect that i notice other people have....I have never had a real group of friends with whom i could hang out and have fun....I am abt 2 finish my MBA and will be starting work within a month..and my work also involves a lot of interaction with different people....all this has led to a deep frustration in me and i am scared that i may go into severe depression.....what can be remedy of my problem...?? Please help me...
deanhills
You probably need to do something that will give you self-confidence. Maybe you should look for a new hobby. Look at what interests you. For example, if you like ball games, you could take up tennis, take some lessons, and then develop from there. Or take up birding, or rock climbing, hiking, whatever you think you would like to do. As you progress in the sport and hobby, you will find that your self-confidence will improve. Once you feel as though you have achieved something, and you are busy with something that thrills you and you really enjoy, you will have more self-confidence. Time will just fly. At the same time you will find that you are no longer that much aware of yourself when you are talking to other people. Your communications will become much easier. As you start to communicate better, then maybe you will start to form more lasting friendships, as people may be more interested in someone who has hobbies and enjoying what that person is doing. Bottomline, you have to enjoy your own life first and when you are happy with what you are doing, other people naturally become interested in you.
Helios
sauravdaga1 wrote:
Hi,
I am 27 years old..and still very immature about the relationships wih people around me..i make very superficial friends and also often get manipulated..i dont know for what reasons i always feel left out..and ignored i have been feeling this way since my +2 which is equivalent of high school in my place..Although i am good at talking with people generally..but i dont understand why there is never a level of connect that i notice other people have....I have never had a real group of friends with whom i could hang out and have fun....I am abt 2 finish my MBA and will be starting work within a month..and my work also involves a lot of interaction with different people....all this has led to a deep frustration in me and i am scared that i may go into severe depression.....what can be remedy of my problem...?? Please help me...


Realising this is a major step. You understand what's been bothering you. That's important.
People are attracted to other people on the basis of general happiness I think. An unhappy person will be unsuccessful and less attractive (also sexually, but mainly socially) - this has been said by many people talking on the subject of success in general.
First of all you should find your comfort zone, i.e work and free-time hobbies. If you're in your social comfort zone, you'll feel better. Do you notice how sad are people who hate their job, for instance?
Find a hobby, use google if you have to to search for possible hobbies you might enjoy. Friends are often met in relation to a certain hobby.

Do things that make you happy. Be friends with whomever makes you happy. Even if we're talking about few friends, say 1 or 2 or 3. Don't look on others... maybe you'll feel better with 5 friends instead of 100? Think this through. What's good for you?
Navigator
Its strange that you have a silent personality yet you have now to interact with a lot of people, I wonder if this was by choice or chance?
codersfriend
yeah I think we're both the same..
I'm usually shy with people and starting a conversation... but it helps if
try spending time with your friends and get to know with other people they know Smile
shivaghimire
I too don't speak first due to shyness but later when someone talk to me then I feel comfort to talk but I don't talk too much.
loremar
Some people just don't need friends to be happy. Dealing with friends is just pointless and a waste of time. I would even say that you should spend more time for yourself. Surely you'll accomplish a lot and make your life a lot more meaningful rather than to expect other people to give meaning to your life.

You said it best, that they just manipulate and take advantage of you. Seriously, would you waste your time making friends with manipulative and dishonest people? I'm not saying that you shouldn't have friends, I'm saying don't beat yourself up because some people have lots of friends and you don't. You should be thankful you are not like them, liars and hypocrites, and they think they're happy because they have friends even if they know that they've been lied on their face. Having no friends is actually quite liberating. And if you meet someone and wants to be friends with you. Make sure his friendship doesn't cost you your freedom. I say that's the only way you'll find true friends. And there's not lots of them.

Now you say your work needs interaction? That interaction is called suck up and kiss ass. You don't have to be friends with them. But of course, if you have mad skills, it's them who have to suck up to make use of you. Believe me, the world is vicious, you don't want any emotions to get involved.
codersfriend
What you need is self inventory..
try this http://www.math.unl.edu/~nmsi/tQ2/inventory.html
as you evaluate yourself, you'll discover your strengths, and weaknesses and you might be able to gain confidence from that... also practice going along with others, meeting new people.. Smile
garlovsky
Hey sauravdaga1,

I'm assuming you are a man, if you are a woman, please forgive me!!

The first thing you should do is not try too hard! Forcing yourself to be something you aren't isn't good because people can see right through it...and you end up looking like a tool.

Now, what you need to do is train yourself into a certain mindset. There isn't any magic formula to turn you into the most interesting man in the world. If you try to use canned phrases or feign interest in certain subjects in order to seem cool, your cover will be blown and your relationships won't last very long at all.

Here's what you should do: Start studying the lives of the world's greatest men. Women are attracted to great men. It doesn't matter if you are anti-social. Women absolutely love strong men. Being silent and being vocal at the appropriate moments is an art you have to learn.

Read about the greatest men who ever live. Read their bios. Figure out how to apply their personality traits to your own. Craft yourself into a great man. You don't have to be the life of the party or outspoken to develop a high quality relationship with a high quality woman.

To get you started, read about:

    Charlemagne
    George Washington
    George Patton
    Napoleon
    Gengis Khan


There are others, but these ought to be a good starting point. Like I said, you are not trying to be these men, just take what you learn about them and apply it to your own life.

Best of luck!
codersfriend
Stop being a wacko Smile
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