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what is the difference between a Girl as a friend and a GF?





icool
I have been quite confused about this for a long time now. what is the actual difference the aforesaid question and what might be the possible implications if a friend who is a girl becomes girl friend or vice versa? Shocked
watersoul
Urm, well, the big difference to me is that I share 'intimate moments' with a girlfriend, and I share less intimate moments with friends who are female.
I've personally been in situations where the line has been blurred or a female friend has crossed over to be my girlfriend many times. In fact, most female friends of mine have at some point been more intimate with me than the 'friend' status would imply.
Every time I've shared a house with a female friend it's got 'interesting' at least once after a bottle of wine! The bottom line is that if you have a guy and a girl who love and care for each other as friends, but are both hetrosexual, it will always be confused at times by sexual attraction.

I always behave as a 'gentleman' with all my female friends and never 'try anything on' but as long as I remain a hetrosexual male and my female friends are not unattractive to me, I'm certainly never going to say no if my friend wants to cross the line past innocent friendship.

Maybe it's a cultural thing here, but every man I've ever met and asked over the years "would you have sex with X or Y female friend if she was up for it?" the answer has been a 100% Yes!
...I think it is a rare man who isn't gay who wouldn't have sex with a female friend if she instigated it. We as men might hide that thought and don't make efforts to take it further, but usually it's pretty much an act (hiding/suppressing sexual attraction) to avoid spoiling the friendship...unless of course the girl concerned is not attractive to you or even 'untouchable' such as a male friends sister! Laughing

*Edit* Regarding the vice versa bit of the OP, my closest female friends are a couple of ex-girlfriends where we've both got over the sexual attraction thing and what remains is an uncomplicated love between two people who care for each other.
I will say though, there are still moments at the odd beach party etc where a line gets crossed sometimes, and as long as a man and a woman are both hetrosexual (and care for each other) it will always continue - why do we try to deny feelings that are perfectly natural? Control how we react to the feelings, yes, but deny they exist? Confused
marea
You can be physical relation with your girlfriend but not with Friend, Rest is same.
captainsuperdude
marea wrote:
You can be physical relation with your girlfriend but not with Friend, Rest is same.


yeah, but sometimes just being in the same room as somebody can be like sex... a couple of my female friends have been dumped because their boyfriends thoughts that I was sleeping with them, even though I was just hanging around and watching cartoons.

It's pretty frustrating because, on the one hand, it's not worth getting beat up for a girl I'm not really in love with, but on the other it's a bit shitty that these dudes are sort of closing their girlfriend's minds to other people, treating em like private property.

At the end of the day I go with the advice of William Burroughs, never interfere with a boy and girl fight.

But also don't fret too much over the lack of physical intimacy, love is straight up 99% mental.
deanhills
captainsuperdude wrote:
It's pretty frustrating because, on the one hand, it's not worth getting beat up for a girl I'm not really in love with, but on the other it's a bit shitty that these dudes are sort of closing their girlfriend's minds to other people, treating em like private property.
I agree, but then that does not say much about the girlfriends either. I would have more respect for them if they can be in a friendship with other guys, and be trusted in their friendships with the other guys.
missdixy
I think that to clear up any confusion with a girl (if you want her to be your girlfriend), just flat out ask her, so that it's a clear and definite yes or no.

Friendship for people means different things...I used to have a friend who had physical relations with several people and was sort of close and flirty with them but she was not "girlfriend" to any of them. For her, that was just friendship and the people knew about it and were fine with it.

For someone like me, that is bordering more on 'girlfriend' level though. It really just depends on where the line is drawn for EACH person.
watersoul
missdixy wrote:
[...]Friendship for people means different things...I used to have a friend who had physical relations with several people and was sort of close and flirty with them but she was not "girlfriend" to any of them. For her, that was just friendship and the people knew about it and were fine with it. [...]

Totally understand that.
A really fun weekend just gone with most of my friends DJ'ing at a club night, followed by a massive after party which was kind of split between my house and my neighbours - different rooms of music, chill-out/house/D&B etc.
The line between 'girl-friends' and 'friends of mine who are female' was especially blurred a few times through a combination of various levels of intimacy and alcohol. No-one woke up the next day thinking they were suddenly in a relationship, but all enjoyed a fun filled night of sillyness.

I think the key question for me if someone is my girlfriend is 'are we still sleeping with other people or is it just us?'
If it's 'just us' then we're 'boyfiend and girlfriend' Smile
icool
wat could i say.. ? Now I am more confused. hmm all you mean to say is that a friend can trun into girl friend and vice versa based on the circumstances we would face.
watersoul
icool wrote:
wat could i say.. ? Now I am more confused. hmm all you mean to say is that a friend can trun into girl friend and vice versa based on the circumstances we would face.

I would say yes, definitely, although I agree it can be confusing at times.
Relationship/attraction stuff wouldn't be as exciting as it is if it wasn't confusing, and especially for guys who are often expected to 'read the signs' or subtle hints/flirts from girls.
Just run with whatever your emotions feel is right for you, and expect to get it wrong many times in life, you're only human! Laughing

I would say though, hanging out with female friends can be nice, but if they only want to be friends and you think they might change their minds, well, you could have a long wait.
...and remember, all the time you're spending time with your female friends, you might be wasting time which could be used finding 'new' girls who could be interested in being more than friends with you Wink
icool
watersoul wrote:
icool wrote:
wat could i say.. ? Now I am more confused. hmm all you mean to say is that a friend can trun into girl friend and vice versa based on the circumstances we would face.

I would say yes, definitely, although I agree it can be confusing at times.
Relationship/attraction stuff wouldn't be as exciting as it is if it wasn't confusing, and especially for guys who are often expected to 'read the signs' or subtle hints/flirts from girls.
Just run with whatever your emotions feel is right for you, and expect to get it wrong many times in life, you're only human! Laughing

I would say though, hanging out with female friends can be nice, but if they only want to be friends and you think they might change their minds, well, you could have a long wait.
...and remember, all the time you're spending time with your female friends, you might be wasting time which could be used finding 'new' girls who could be interested in being more than friends with you Wink


tats cool dude!
sudipbanerjee
A good friend is just a friend irrespective his/her gender. with girlfriend we have some bonding both mental and physical.
gandalfthegrey
ummm...
agreement that you are their boyfriend
IceCreamTruck
the term "girl as a friend" is long and complicated and was created to describe female friends in which you have no physical interest or have never been physically active with. If you have, and are no longer involved, then she's an "Ex-Girl friend" or termed "Just a friend" to suggest there was something before.

A "Girl Friend" is a person you are in an exclusive romantic relationship with currently, or who you are courting in order to have such a relationship even if that is not the current case. As in you two are exclusive, but not physical.

Either way it sounds to me like you are about to be in a lot of trouble. Women are trouble. It's probably time to go ahead and ask that "friend" to become more because she's most likely using you to feel good about herself, and it's not making you feel very good because you want to change the status.

If you ask her, and she won't be friends with you after that, then she's not worth any more of your time. Don't argue. No really, the argument stops there.

If you ask her to be your girlfriend, and she says yes, then you are one step closer to marriage, but this still doesn't mean she has to be physical with you, but it does mean her being physical with any other man is wrong. If she's more physical with someone else after she calls herself your girl friend, then she's not worth any more of your time. Don't argue. No really, the argument stops there.

It's possible to be physical with friends, but you have to fall back on that "Just Friends" label if she's just as much, or more so, involved with other people and doesn't want to be exclusive.

Sounds to me like you need to grab her up and tell her that you adore her, and she'd better act fast to get your heart or she may loose her chance forever. There is nothing wrong with forcing her to acknowledge your sexuality as a man, and her's as a female, just make sure she's mature enough to make that choice or just continue being friends for now, and know that women are most physical with the men they trust the most, and you might need to build trust.

Good luck, my friend! Smile I hope this helps.
therimalaya
If girl friends are just friends and GF are considered as the probable future wife, then there is somewhat difference in them, you might find GF as a part of you and dreams your future with her and for her. But with girl friends, you just hang out but there will be all other properties of friendship with them as well. That is what i think about the difference between them.
macky
icool wrote:
I have been quite confused about this for a long time now. what is the actual difference the aforesaid question and what might be the possible implications if a friend who is a girl becomes girl friend or vice versa? Shocked


your question is very simple to define..


First in GIRL as a FRIEND:

This means that you have a friend which the gender is female or girl. Just like other friends, you have a some guy friends that you hanging with, shared your problems and bonding moments...

Second in GIRL FRIEND:

This means that you love someone whom you fell in love. You have this intimacy with her, which obviously the level of caring and adoring is more than FRIENDS. You kissed, hangout, sharing problems and etc...

I'm just wondering why you become confused with this matter...
IceCreamTruck
macky wrote:
I'm just wondering why you become confused with this matter...


He wants more. She's giving him the run-around and generally doing what girls do, and he's preparing to capture her forever hopefully with lots of rope, and duct tape otherwise she'll probably eventually get tired of all the love and presents that he throws at her, and she'll leave.

Get demanding dude... she's going to go for the first guy that makes it seem like there is no other option but to date him. She doesn't want to decide on you... you have to make that choice for her. I'm just saying... women never go for guys that can't look them in the eyes and say you're going to kiss me now, and then we're going to walk hand in hand to my car. Once in my car I'm going to drive you home and cook us a fun dinner, and then we're going to talk about setting ourselves up for the future, getting married, having kids, and what help I need from you in order to keep things together.

If you are asking the girl her opinion then you aren't being the leader that she most likely wants to be with. To her she doesn't really want to decide that you are the one, because that means she's the one who's going to have to make even more of the decisions and you are just going to continue being a push-over, maybe even when the kids are concerned. If your woman even gets a hint that you don't know what you want, then she can loose interest in you fast!

I don't care about exceptions to this rule any more, so don't post them. This scenario has been played out so many billions of times more than any other relationship dynamic possible that it's not even worth mentioning the other relationship styles and types. Most likely she wants you to decided that she's worth keeping, and get what you want. She'll even encourage this behavior because it most likely means you can get what she wants too.
watersoul
IceCreamTruck wrote:

I don't care about exceptions to this rule any more, so don't post them.


Perhaps icool (the topic starter) would care to read the opinions of people who think differently to you though?

It depends on many many things including culture and social environment, most girls I know would think I was an arrogant dick if I instructed them as below...
IceCreamTruck wrote:
women never go for guys that can't look them in the eyes and say you're going to kiss me now, and then we're going to walk hand in hand to my car. Once in my car I'm going to drive you home and cook us a fun dinner, and then we're going to talk about setting ourselves up for the future, getting married, having kids, and what help I need from you in order to keep things together.

...and jumping to the marriage thing in a first date conversation type setting would be guaranteed to put most girls off you straight away in my part of the world. Just sharing an exception to that 'rule' Wink
IceCreamTruck
don't post them... was meant as replies to my post that would distract from the topic because I am aware that my statements inflame emotion in some people, but these are just the basics of the human relationship that has evolved over time. People deny, deny, deny, but these mechanics are real because it's in the fossil record, it's in our written history, and it's observable in society today.

Watersoul, I was not describing your relationship. Different folks, different strokes. The dynamic of your relationship may be different, but honestly, it's likely not that different from what I described.

You say you know women who would be put off by this, but why do women keep going for the "bad guy"? Because typically that guy knows what he wants, and got the "bad guy" reputation because he's stepped on a few toes to get what he wants, and sometimes, but not always shows a lack of concern for other's well being. Women respond to in-their-face, strong, verbal men who do more commanding than taking commands. I'm sorry... statistically these men get more response from women. it's just the way it is. It's also why we have the phrase "nice guys never win" because typically they set themselves up for failure by not insisting everything go the way they want. Tolerance for failure builds, and repeats itself.

Our man who posted this topic seemed to need encouragement to figure out what he wants, and go for it. Seeing how women are generally more responsive to that behavior I figure it's not bad advice, and you don't have to take it from me. Just search "What women want in a man", "what women want in a relationship", and "How to make women take you seriously" and thousands of relationship advisors will say basically the same thing I have. You can add the spice of "being a good listener" and making efforts to be aware of her emotions concerning holidays and anniversaries, and these are always a bonus.

If he goes for it, and she's not game, then it gets him closer to a relationship with a girl who will be responsive to him. If he goes for it, and her idea of him changes, and she decides that she likes the change, then that's all good too. Help to move on, or help to achieve was all I wanted our man to take from this.
watersoul
Totally understand your intention to help the OP, same here, but I try not to provide my comments as facts relating to all women (or any subject for that matter) - they're just simply my observations and experiences shared.

Culture and life situation/geography/socio-economics provides for differences the world over, and the 'bad guys' who always get the girl are usually just the alpha males in the given environment.
Consider the girl in a rough social housing estate/project who goes for the mean drug dealer who's the toughest guy in the area (or controls enough other tough guys to provide security).
Consider the rich city banker who could be horrible to his woman, but she sticks with him for the financial 'power' he has - protection and security paid for instead of fought for.

Those two examples would certainly agree with your 'women attracted to powerful men' idea, and that is evident in all sections of society. I see it clearly myself in various situations so agree in that regard, but I don't feel that ordering or (less dramatic) instructing women to do x or y will produce the same positive results all over the world.

I messaged my twin sister your line about:
IceCreamTruck wrote:
you're going to kiss me now, and then we're going to walk hand in hand to my car. Once in my car I'm going to drive you home and cook us a fun dinner, and then we're going to talk about setting ourselves up for the future, getting married, having kids, and what help I need from you in order to keep things together.
...she posted it on her facebook and the overwhelming response from her friends (51 so far and counting) has unfortunately not been at all receptive to the statement.

Like I said, must be a cultural differences thing Smile
IceCreamTruck
watersoul wrote:
Like I said, must be a cultural differences thing Smile


You are forgetting that it goes against women's nature to let you think that you've figured anything out, and that spans cultural boundaries. I stick to my guns, and dare any one of those women to not smile if I did exactly that because I would be doing exactly what they want... recognizing them as attractive, having caught my attention, and treating them like they are worthy of it. They would smile and at least talk to me, and I'd get 100% further every time the the quiet guy I used to be standing in the corner waiting for a girl to come talk to me.

BTW, that is a major foul dude. Don't give these words of wisdom to them... let women come here and post if they so choose. This is guy talk, Bro.

Women are cryptic... it doesn't help if you are cryptic too. Someone has to be straight forward about the situation or you never get anywhere.

Hell, if you are going to send them part of what I said then send it all... then when the conversation is drawn out a million years by adding 100 women with individual opinions to it, then we'll still be right where this whole thing started: someone has got to decide what they want and go get it or nothing will get done.

I rest my case.
watersoul
IceCreamTruck wrote:
BTW, that is a major foul dude. Don't give these words of wisdom to them... let women come here and post if they so choose. This is guy talk, Bro.
Lol! there are many female Frihost users who will read it here anyway!

Whichever strategy works for you will always be the best one though fella Wink
I of course employ every cunning technique as well myself, and will also sometimes cheekily tell a girl what a good time or whatever she will have if she comes back to my place after the party etc, always with a sly glint in my eye and a smile.
I haven't really ever had a bad result there...but then I always read the signs first and wouldn't say it if I didn't think I was gonna get a green light!

...different places, different girls, different modes of operation Laughing
IceCreamTruck
watersoul wrote:
read the signs first


You've completely said it here. I love it... you're just as straight forward as me! lol We, just like good racers, watch for the green light.

Reading signs is an art, because sometimes people are not even aware of the non-verbal communication they are putting off, but it's hardly ever noticeable if it's directed at you. To me it's much easier to notice if two people you are watching have chemistry, then it is to recognize the signs that are pointing your way.
Insanity
Uhm sex?
IceCreamTruck
Insanity wrote:
Uhm sex?


No one covered that quite so simply, but I'm afraid we're dealing with a real gentleman who's reserving sex for a marriage relationship, so it's not that simple in this case.

Can I encourage you to read more of the thread before posting? I think, although not so simply, three or so people have covered that aspect of a relationship.
ProwerBot
I have a girl friend and friends that are girls. There is a difference, I am very close to my girlfriend and don't have those moments with my friends. Despite this, I still am veryyyy close to my friends and they know basically everything (and I mean everything) about me.
ayour
I think the diference is in the sexual side buit other things there is no difference . this is why we call her a girl-friend she is higher level of friendhood
IceCreamTruck
ayour wrote:
friendhood


Friendship!
webpinoy
Clear for me, that I have friends girls and boys. And there is no difference between them: we share time together, have fun - but of course just as friends.

It happened to me that a female friend was close to become my girlfriend. But actually I refused cause she was just a such important friend to me. And I was afraid it could never go back to that stage if the relationship won't work. So I wanted better to stay with her as very good friends than to risk that friendship.

The other way around, an ex girlfriend became my friend already. But so far it never worked fine in a long run. When the new partner of my ex came into play, the friendship was over. Cause the new guy was thinking there could be something more than friends knowing that we was together before. For me it is nonsense - but what can we do?
IceCreamTruck
webpinoy wrote:
but what can we do?


She can choose to not be with that guy! It's a bad relationship if he's self conscious like that!

Seriously... she dropped your friendship? She's a bad friend, so don't even worry about it.
icool
Hmm I have been chatting with this girl who is just year older than me. I proposed her last night and she accepted to be my first girl friend. I hope this goes on well. Does age matter in Love. She was the one who confessed her love for me before. But she was quite reluctant because I am younger than her. I hope everything goes on well. Now I have a girlfriend and I hope there are certain changes in my life and I hope to get to know more about the fairer sex. Smile
IceCreamTruck
icool wrote:
Hmm I have been chatting with this girl who is just year older than me. I proposed her last night and she accepted to be my first girl friend. I hope this goes on well. Does age matter in Love. She was the one who confessed her love for me before. But she was quite reluctant because I am younger than her. I hope everything goes on well. Now I have a girlfriend and I hope there are certain changes in my life and I hope to get to know more about the fairer sex. Smile


Good job, bro! But hey... you're in some real trouble now, eh?!?!?! lol
domz
they both mean the same... which means there's no real commitment.
IceCreamTruck
domz wrote:
they both mean the same... which means there's no real commitment.


You mean people have been struggling to define the difference because there is no difference? I think not. There's a big difference.

In the US if I come up to you and I say "she's just a friend" this is like saying "we're not sleeping together or having adult physical interaction like hugging or kissing"

If you say "She is my girlfriend" then you are suggesting that you have an exclusive relationship, and this doesn't always involve sex, but it often does. It really means you are holding hands, kissing, hugging, and exploring yourself with that person and it's a more intimate and involved relationship

You can say "I'm going shopping with my girl friends" and the assumption is that you mean friends who are girls because multiple significant others is still looked down upon in this country for the most part. This is not to be confused with "I'm going shopping with my girlfriends" which is said exactly the same way, but has a different, unimplied, meaning. The implied meaning is "friends that are girls" but someone might jokingly say "you have more than one girlfriend" to which you would follow the statement "I'm going shopping with my girlfriends" with something like "Yes, I have more than one, and they don't kill me or each other when in close proximity, so we go shopping together".

People aren't tripping themselves over this in English because "they both mean the same". Maybe no commitment, but it's the admittance that you are with someone that is the difference between these two, and it carries with it a mild level of commitment, but it's definitely not a permanent arrangement.
graceysmith12
If you ask the girl her opinion, if you are not the leader who can lead. For her, not really decide that you're the one, because it means you have to make several decisions and we're just going to remain one more push, even when children are involved.
IceCreamTruck
graceysmith12 wrote:
even when children are involved.


Children are a very bad idea. Especially considering the question asked in the OP!
USWacveteran
The difference is that you should only have 1 girlfriend (someone who shares intimacy and love with you) while you can have many friends who are girls. If you're lucky your girlfriend is also a friend as well as a soul mate.
watersoul
USWacveteran wrote:
The difference is that you should only have 1 girlfriend (someone who shares intimacy and love with you) while you can have many friends who are girls.

For personal simplicity of life I agree with such ideas, but I wonder who wrote these rules relating to number of partners which you assert should be followed?

...respect for the 2+ year old topic bump as well Laughing
oksms
A girl as a friend is a friend that is a girl and a girlfriend is a girl that you are exclusively seeing and have a relationship with.
Its like this, your sister, mother, aunts or even a daughter can be a friend, but they can never be your girlfriends. Apart from them any other girl can become your girlfriend.
It doesn't mean that all the other girls will be your girlfriend, You can only tell that over time, as you get to know them and they get to know you. If they giggle and flirt and laugh at thing you say when they aren't funny, they probably want to be your girlfriend. If they are just comfortable to hang around with and don't go out of their way to try to impress you, they probably want to be friends.
loveandormoney
icool wrote:
I have been quite confused about this for a long time now. what is the actual difference the aforesaid question and what might be the possible implications if a friend who is a girl becomes girl friend or vice versa? Shocked


This is very easy:

With Your girlfriend or wife

You are 100% honest
You laugh together
You know what she is thinking
You count the minutes until You meet her after work
You dream every night about Your happy time.
Pippo90
Very Happy

We have a word in Italy, "trombamica" (you can translate it, more or less, with "****** female friend"), which we use to refer to the heavenly condition of having a very good female friend with whom you sometimes have sex without additional complications. Wink
Insanity
There's intimacy that's present between you and a girlfriend that doesn't exist between your other platonic friends.
loveandormoney
Pippo90 wrote:
Very Happy

We have a word in Italy, "trombamica" (you can translate it, more or less, with "****** female friend"), which we use to refer to the heavenly condition of having a very good female friend with whom you sometimes have sex without additional complications. Wink





Quote:


additional complications.


I understand.
So the most people like sex only with complications.

Only trombamica like it the easy way.

These are women.

Why do men do a complicate way?

Is it boring for men to have fun?
biolu
You can have intimate relations with a girl who is not your girlfriend. So the quesiton remain whole!
loveandormoney
biolu wrote:
You can have intimate relations with a girl who is not your girlfriend. So the quesiton remain whole!


Girls and boys can do sex even when they do not know the name of the other person.
Example: Sex with a foreigner in the bathroom of an airplane.
Just for fun.
lemonedia
It's all in the way the perceive you. I've had a recent girlfriend, who because I never established with her through words about our relationship, she got all confused and left despite the fact our actions and real relationship was that of a bf / gf. So, this shows the psychology behind it; No matter how incredibly tight you and a girl are, if they're not told in words what the situation is, they'll go off and make their own conclusions despite all the evidence before their eyes.
codersfriend
A friend who is a girl is just a friend and it has its own limits. While having a girlfriend means you both share romantic feelings which you cannot have with a friend.
talibhsn
Valuable comments have been given on this topic
loveandormoney
lemonedia wrote:
It's all in the way the perceive you. I've had a recent girlfriend, who because I never established with her through words about our relationship, she got all confused and left despite the fact our actions and real relationship was that of a bf / gf. So, this shows the psychology behind it; No matter how incredibly tight you and a girl are, if they're not told in words what the situation is, they'll go off and make their own conclusions despite all the evidence before their eyes.


Do not confuse women
because then sex is very hard work.
dude_xyx
Girl as a friend - She suggest what you should do.

Girl friend - You are do what she say.
loveandormoney
Quote:


Girl as a friend - She suggest what you should do.


Do not treat every woman like You treat Your mother.
kaylors
The smart-ass answer I'm going to give for this is this...

So far, the score stands thus:

Girlfriend:


    Has Hurt Me: Yes
    Has Deserted Me: Yes
    Has Wasted My Time: Yes


Girl As Friend:


    Has Hurt Me: No
    Has Deserted Me: No
    Has Wasted My Time: No


I think I'll stay out of the dating scene, for now. Too much pointless pain.[/list]
loveandormoney
Quote:

Girlfriend:


Has Hurt Me: Yes
Has Deserted Me: Yes
Has Wasted My Time: Yes



Why does all the boys here like to play war with women?

They like it, isnt it.
TheLimey
Girlfriend and a girl that is a friend lol.... First off, whats her relationship status on fb? girls change that stuff quick. Girlfriend wants you around to do relationship things, girl that's a friend asks you to hook her up with things.
loveandormoney
Is woman the bad gender
and man is the good gender.
Why do I always read words like this here?
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