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How do you know a man is gay?





iyepes
I met a man in my social circle recently, he is very popular, many women are interested on him, but, he has no couple and he does not follow any of the hints his "fan club" gives to him.

I don't know him enough to know if he is gay.... but that question really assaults me, can a 36 year old attractive man be simply not interested in having a relationship by now, or those are signs that he is actually gay?

I met him in a church, so moral behavior is very important to him, and all the community. Gay people are told in the community to keep celibacy (heterosexual too, until marriage). I know it's difficult to tell in this background, but, do you think this man could be gay, or has not "the one" arrived to his life yet?
truespeed
Ask him.
deanhills
iyepes wrote:
I met a man in my social circle recently, he is very popular, many women are interested on him, but, he has no couple and he does not follow any of the hints his "fan club" gives to him.

I don't know him enough to know if he is gay.... but that question really assaults me, can a 36 year old attractive man be simply not interested in having a relationship by now, or those are signs that he is actually gay?

I met him in a church, so moral behavior is very important to him, and all the community. Gay people are told in the community to keep celibacy (heterosexual too, until marriage). I know it's difficult to tell in this background, but, do you think this man could be gay, or has not "the one" arrived to his life yet?
I don't understand why that should be so important at this stage of the relationship? Just get to know him, and it will soon be revealed. Good chances are that he is not gay. If he is a serious member of your community though, even if he is gay, he probably would be offended if you should ask him whether he is gay, either that, or burst out laughing! Depends how you put the question. Very Happy
watersoul
iyepes wrote:
can a 36 year old attractive man be simply not interested in having a relationship by now, or those are signs that he is actually gay?


This topic made me smile because I've been asked 'are you gay' a couple of times at parties where I've been having a good conversation with some girls but haven't made the effort to take the interaction any further!

Maybe he's shy, maybe he's trying to keep things friendly without spoiling a social situation by turning it into a flirtation exercise, maybe he's completely missing the 'hints' which the fan club is giving out, maybe he's got really high standards for his potential partner, or maybe he's happy just being single?

Unless you get involved in a conversation and hunt the answer down you'll never know. I do know myself though that it is frustrating when girls jump to the 'is he gay' question just because a guy isn't chasing them or responding to their hints. I'm personally happy at the present stage in my life being free of a relationship, it costs much less money than being involved with someone, and at the moment I don't want to be in a position where I have to explain/justify my own time, which friends I can see, when or where etc - basically, all the restrictive bits involved in being in a relationship.

I guess you could say it also means 'the right one hasn't crossed my path yet' - and maybe the guy in the OP is in a similar situation?
LittleBlackKitten
He's either gay, or not interested in you.

Not as a rule of thumb, as personalities differ, but here are some general guidelines I use to tell the difference.

If he is acting like he doesn't care, is flaky, not returning texts/calls, not showing up for meetings/dates, with no explanation (Or a really pathetic reason), he's just not that into you.

If he is flaky while being extremely apologetic about it, or having genuine reasons why not (such as was with someone else, with mother, etc), he's likely gay.

If he is talking in a more aggressive mannerism, (sharper words, more masculine inclinations), he is just not that into you.

If he uses softer words, kinder words, more feminine inclinations, he is likely gay.

If he speaks of other women in a sexual or positive light, and sometimes as many men do (treating them like meat, etc), he is likely just not that into you.

If he speaks of other women in a negative manner, sounds hurt, doesn't like talking about women, or is unusually platonic about women, he is likely gay.


Of course, most gay men will TELL YOU they are gay, unless they themselves are unsure about their sexuality. In this case, RUN. If he is questioning his sexuality and is gay, you might wind up with a close friend, but nothing more. If he is questioning his sexuality and is straight or bisexual, he will likely view you as the portal - or awakening to this situation, and sometimes, can blame you for the cause. If he is questioning his sexuality, he needs to figure this out for himself, and you need to back well off - chances are, in the end, he will either only become a friend, resent you, and sometimes hate you. Its VERY VERY slim that you will wind up dating him, in any situation. So, either he is gay, not into you, or is questioning his sexuality - save yourself the pain, and try another guy.
iyepes
I really won't ask him, it would be a very embarrasing situation in both cases, if he is or he is not.

I agree about "he is not that into me", I know an interested man look for the woman he likes, if he doesn't search for time, spaces or excuses to be with you, he is certainly not interested now.

Can things change?, maybe, that's why the question comes, because it would be a waste of time to try to approach to a gay man.

Let's see how this goes, talking is my key strategy, I don't know where it will go.
dalethomas
When a bachelor is not marrying a girl for long time now going to some all boys parties you can know he is gay
emanuel2
dalethomas wrote:
When a bachelor is not marrying a girl for long time now going to some all boys parties you can know he is gay

maybe he is just afraid of girls Smile
Greatking
You can't be sure and only the individual knows if he or she is gay. If a person decides to tell you they are gay, then you will know for sure. Otherwise, it's none of your business.

Well, some guys act a little gay. For a women they are sometimes butch. But you can't tell most people are gay by these things, just some. Others are right next to you on the bus and others in the doctor's office or even the doctor. Don't be afraid. They are just like you and me, they just love someone just like them which, come to think of it, straights do that, too.

Some gays/girls flaunt it and some don't, so it would be very hard at times to tell if a person is gay. It's also not fair to the other person to ask if they are gay so you pretty much have to wait until they volunteer that information. Gays come from all walks of life and can be muscular, rough and tough looking, while some gay men can be very effeminate. Women that are gay can be considered beautiful, feminine, but still can be gay, and some women will act like a guy (often referred to as a Butch).
Greatking
If you are in a relationship and are wondering, then the person may be gay or bisexual. Then if this is a concern to you ask, but be warned, if the person isn't gay or bisexual, this remark could end your relationship.

I know how this one guy is gay because he tries to talk like a girl all the time, he gets a little too close to other guys, he hates girls, he wears rainbow colors, and he puts mascara on his eyelashes.
Well, you might recognize a lesbian by her behavior, clothing, and/or grooming. If a woman looks a lot like a man---man's hair style, mannish clothing---or if she walks and talks like a man or seems romantically attracted to other women, she may well be a lesbian. If she displays none of these signs, she may still be a lesbian, but there is no way to know unless she tells you. You don't always know, sometimes they hide it or they don't act like the stereo type gay. Some gay guys act feminine, for example talking in a high pitched voice or wearing feminine clothing. Some guys can also seem gay, but they aren't. It can be confusing at times. The best way to know for sure is wait until they tell you.
iyepes
I used the old strategy of asking a friend of a friend of him, and I received a confirmation, He is gay.

Why was this so important to me?, because I was really interested on this man, now I know is a waste of time as a man, however it could be an interesting friend anyway. Knowing this does not change the way I deal him, just shutdown any kind of romantic interest I could develop towards him.

Knowing this avoided me the embarrasment of flirting to a gay man.
ankur209
If he seems more interested in you rather than in girls !!
deanhills
iyepes wrote:
I used the old strategy of asking a friend of a friend of him, and I received a confirmation, He is gay.

Why was this so important to me?, because I was really interested on this man, now I know is a waste of time as a man, however it could be an interesting friend anyway. Knowing this does not change the way I deal him, just shutdown any kind of romantic interest I could develop towards him.

Knowing this avoided me the embarrasment of flirting to a gay man.
Great stuff. So your instincts were right on. I would agree. He may turn out to be a really good friend.
iman
Ask him, and then determine if he acts like what he said.
sketteksalfa
if a man had a sexual intercourse with another man!! Very Happy
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