I have experience lot of things in life, especially when dealing relationships. Either from mature and immature relationships, love life, family, friends and for enemies. One main reason why i can get to any relationship because I respect people, maintain my limitation.
Yes, respect is the key to a success in relationships, any relationship. I suppose finding out what those boundries are is what we learn from each other.
Maintaining respect and a high bar of morals sounds like a bad idea at first to a lot of people because it means limiting oneself from a vast number of possible partners, but look at it this way; if that long list of people who don't qualify are bad people, than the bar you have set is a GOOD one. If there are still bad people on your list of qualifyers, then your bar isn't high ENOUGH. Finally, if there are good people on that list of non-qualifyers, then your bar is too high.
I personally think that is really complicated and a poor way of saving oneself the pain of the poor choices of other people.
The manner in which I used to pick a mate (and I say used in past tense because I am married happily and it worked for me) is to make a few lists.
First, take a sheet of paper and write all the words, sentences, and terms you can think of that described your strengths, personality, and all the GOOD things about yourself. (For starters, are you physically strong? Are you sensitive? Do you like Sports? Ect.)
On the back of this sheet, put all the BAD things about yourself, and be brutally honest. (Are you jealous? Quick to anger? Do you translate angry to hitting or punching? Do you use foul language a lot? Are you superficial?)
Once you have that done, take a highlighter and select the top 10 or 15 strongest traits on both the positive and negative. These 20 to 30 items are a basic personality sketch. (Don't include things like "I am blonde" or "I hate cars". Things like "I get Jealous" or 'I can sing very well" are great.)
Now, imagine your dream spouse. Write all the best things this man or woman would be. Be realistic; you're not trying for Pam-Am here; try for your perfect man or woman for you, in reality. Fill the page, even if it's stuff like "Big boobs/pecs" or "Blonde/Brunette". Be sure to include important non superficial things like "can dance" or "likes sports too" or "must love animals". Now, do the same for the negative - things you can't handle in a mate, like "Farts without politeness" or for some people "Loves sports" is a BAD thing.
Once you have another full age double sided of goods and bads, go back and select 10-15 things you HAVE to have, and things you absolutely CANNOT have. If you feel strongly that this person should be blonde, I won't argue, but it is really superficial (and dye is readily available too). These things should be CRITICAL items like personality, work ethic, religion, things you just can't live with - or without.
These 20-30 items are your deal makers and deal breakers.
If someone ticks most or all of your deal makers and NONE of your deal breakers, you have a good match for a partner or spouse. If ANY of your deal breakers are ticked, then they are not right for you.
Don't compromise on this list. Of course, if after some time you find a deal breaker to no longer BE a deal breaker, then revise your list.
Of course, the msot important part of all this is YOU - if you're having trouble attracting the right people, look at how you feel about YOURSELF - if your self esteem is off, if you are not dressing accurately for your age/body type, that can effect it too. If you're attitude is "I am dull and useless", the people around you will think this way, too. First change how you look at yourself before you look at being with someone else. Of course, the opposite is true - if you think too highly of yourself, other people will see that as either a negative thing, or that you are unattainable, and will not give you the time of day.
for me it is not complicated nor to be exaggerated explainable. i believe that it is normal that exist that this world has natural feelings of love and care.
I usually try to understand them and treat them with respect. It's extremely important that each couple feels equal (and not superior or inferior) to the other. I always try to be honest about my feelings and slow to anger.
Ultimately, I understand that nobody really knows what is right and wrong, and we all just have to realize that everybody is in the same boat: we're all just searching for the truth.
If the people in the relationship fight, but it's a fight that each couple wants what's best (closest to the truth) for the other, then it's a fight that is okay to have.
I would think that our relationships with ourselves would determine how we deal with relationships with others. If we are generally happy, and treat ourselves with respect, are able to have a good laugh at ourselves now and then, then it would be the same way that we would treat others that we are in a relationship with, with basically good results. If we tend to be too hard on ourselves, or fight a lot with ourselves, perhaps set too high standards for ourselves, be insecure with ourselves, the people in our relationships may have to suffer as a consequence.
Deanhill, We have just the same root of concept in life. As what i have did to myself, I do to master myself, know my abilities, attitudes, strength.
i believe that the way we relate to people in a way is a reflection of who we are.
How we express ourselves and deal with others helps us to discover in inner being, because the warmth and affection that we want is the same that we will show towards others.
What we discover from people is our true self.