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Relationships and Truth!

I've been talking to my 15 year old niece about relationships lately. I told her somethings that she said were really hard for her take, and after hearing what I had to say, she noticed all her friends do exactly what I pointed out goes on in so many relationships.

First off, how can you love someone if you do not love yourself?

This seems like a simple question, but in reality it runs so deep into people that almost everyone I know does it to some extent or another, and many don't even realize it. Basically what I am talking about is the Bull Sh#T factor, you know, we have all seen it. The guy telling the girl he is the greatest, best student, star athlete, or the woman telling a guy how smart she is or capable, or all the guys after her. In essence, people lie about who and what they are, and they do so in an effort to get people to like them, or love them.

I explained this to my niece, so I'll share it with all of you. If you are successful at getting the man or woman of your fancy to believe your BS, and they see you as great, successful, smart, great athlete, world traveler or whatever your line is; and you are able to start up a serious sexual relationship with someone you love. Have you succeeded? Did you get what you wanted? Of course my niece's reply was yes, and the girls in school that are the best at lying and pretending, are the ones that get all the guys.

I asked her one simple question - If you behave this way, and you get the guy you want, is he in love with you, or is he in love with a person you made up? How successful can you be if all you are able to do is get someone to love a person that does not exist, a person that you pretend to be, but that is not the real you, so again I ask, have you succeeded in getting someone to love you? and her answer was a simple no.

This follows through to my next point, and the most crucial point to anyone in the world that interacts with other people. If there is someone you love, that does not love you back, or someone you like as a friend, but they do not like you back......NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE LIKE OR LOVE YOU! And changing, or pretending to be someone other than yourself in order to get someone to like you or love you, only compromises yourself, and you lose yourself and sight of who you are in the process.

So I'll come back to where I started, be yourself, and grow with that, learn about who you are, and what you like, and expand it, and gain confidence with that. In the end you will be much happier, and people will notice your confidence, in yourself, and no matter what your physical appearance, they start to admire you, and in the end they will be your true friends, and true lovers, because they will love the real you, and not some social mask, or person you pretend to be.

AND REMEMBER - this is free advice, so it is worth what you paid for it Laughing
well , according to your advice i am 100% decent..
I guess this post didn't even strike anyone here with any realizations about there behavior!

One of my pet peeves in life is that people are really really shallow, their thinking and actions are about as deep as a wet road!


What would I expect Question
I agree completely with what you say BigGeek. We can really only love another person if we love ourselves. Problem is that at the vulnerable age of your niece, we rarely know who we really are, as we are still trying to figure out the person that our parents want us to be and do or not to be and not to do, our peers, our teachers, society as a whole with all its many role models. Amongst all of that confusion is also this idea of "love" and THE love relationship of our life. So maybe the pursuit of a relationship in a way is a pursuit of who we are. Problem again is when young people are not strong enough in themselves to deal with relationships that aren't really constructive for them and then get to tear themselves to pieces in the process. On the positive side, that is probably also part of the learning experience. We can learn as much about ourselves from the loving of ourselves and the sometimes not liking ourselves parts. The problems that occur with those parts that we don't like about ourselves when we are in a relationship with another person, can lead to a conflict that could potentially be a pathway to liking ourselves in the end.
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