Hello there guys... I'm here again posting my problems...
Short and concise story:
I have a girlfriend right now. Were just almost 3 months. We had a lot of things we did... We explore a lot of things... feeling like were married... Despite of that happiness, there is something "catchy"..
Her past, one time she said that she had a 5 years relationship with an a drug addict guy.. Of course as expected that five years is bunch of plans and moments... She confess to me all of the things that they
did that i can't even take no longer to hear the story...
Most of the things she said about her past makes me cry...
I never expect that she had a dark past before...
Now even though i told to her that it's okay but deep inside it's very hard for me still to accept her past.
I'm the type of guy whom very conservative why she's kinda little liberated.
I would not accept it. You could tell her just how you feel about the dark stuff and just ask her not to talk about the past anymore if it is brought up. If she has a need to talk about it maybe she needs some therapy or if she is ok with it and just wants to share things with you then you can do that but in another way. - - ->
What was she thinking about anyway telling you all that stuff. Maybe you better ask her. Try putting it in the present tense though. Does she want to repeat anything or is there something she would like to explore more? Maybe it is in a direction you are uncomfortable with, don’t want to go or not interested in? You can always discuss things but keep in mind that we all influence each other and you really want to be honest with her and yourself. Let her know what you like and don’t like but why not forget the past, it is yesterdays news anyway. Sound reasonable to you?
I agree this is not right. I wonder why she feels that she has to burden you with all of this stuff? Is she trying to get emotional support the wrong way? Think it is always good to listen to your own instincts, and maybe it is your sixth sense telling you something is not quite right. Perhaps good to listen to it. Maybe it was too much too quickly. And too heavy. Maybe both of you need a little bit of a time out?
As disturbing as it is hearing about BF/GF's past can be, it is one of the best things you can do to prove that you are serious, and open about your relationship. Put everything on the table, we all have pasts, we have all made mistakes whether they are serious or not sometimes doesn't matter just realizing that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes will bring you closer to resolution.
if you really loves her. believe on her.
It really depends on WHAT you're having a hard time hearing.
If they are stories where she was abused, hurt, injured, on her deathbed, either by force or self inflicted, then you need to face it WITH her and help her to work herself through it.
If on the other hand she has CAUSED abuse, hurt, injury, or made someone to be on their deathbed, then that's a totally different case. Some people are capable of real and true change, but on most cases, they're just living a lie. If this is the case, I would honestly bail yourself out. In the long run, you will experience either psychological, verbal, or physical abuse.
It's really based on motive. If she wasn't the cause of the suffering, then seeing a counsellor with her would be a good idea, if of course, SHE wants to change. If she is holding on to her grief, it's best to leave her alone.
If she IS the cause of the suffering, then you need to be a wise person for your own safety and preservation to RUN AWAY.
Common red flags to future abuse are:
-telling you what to do instead of asking or making a suggestion
-making assumptions that you will be somewhere or do something based on their assuptions and commands of you
-little insults when angry, frustrated, or confused
-how they take care of animals and house pets
-how they treat children
-their relationship with their father, and how their mother treats her (opposite genders for men)
-how money is spent (buys 'toys' or splurges instead of things like pay bills, buy food, ect.)
-how debt is taken care of (slowly, without care, or quickly, like a sore spot - slowly indicates laziness, quickly indicates a hatred of being controlled).
-how they talk about themselves will reflect how they talk about you (arrogance breeds insult and control, self-abuse breeds abuse towards you, anger breeds frustration, silence breeds hostility, ect.)
-implying you are stupid when you make a mistake, either calling you stupid directly, making you FEEL stupid, or talking down to you
-showing hate of your independance (doesn't want you to go out with friends, tells you what shifts to take at work, tells you what to eat, who to see, stops you from seeing family, taking shifts off, doesn't let you out past a certain time or gives a curfew
-constantly pointing out flaws that you have, ignoring their own
If she's been doing any of these, it can only get WORSE, especially if they're not willing to change or look at themselves and their own issues. It's in your best interest to leave if that's the case.
If she is abused, and is willing to go through it with you and challenge her issues/fears/past, then absolutely do it. Otherwise, keep safe, and leave...
thank you guys... it really helps me... i know now how to accept the things that she had from the past
ACCEPTANCE is the word that i always nourish and understand... i know that God will always be with us
and he will guide us through and through...