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Professional/Personal Line at Work

I have a question about the boundaries between opposite sexes at work. I need to give some background for context. I engourgae all to reply to have a framework or opinions on this topic to have some platform for resolve in my relationship.


My girlfriend(gf) & I have been together for 3.5 years. We have 2 children and plan on getting married in the near future. Our realtionship is plagued w/ tension, arguments, disagreements, and fighting. All of the negativity starts from the begining of the relationship. I was not clear on the line w/ the opposite sex. I talked to other women (innocently) while out w/ her. Commented on other looks and she says not hers. Spoke way too much about my ex when we first got together. Stood her up for my friends (female and male), watched porn, etc. I have not been not totally flexable in my style of love and loving. She says I lack emotion, compassion, romace and expect everyone to be like the way I am. I agree that I do have a hard time changing & w/ consistancy but I do love her very much and want nothing more than to grow old w/ her, knowing no other. All of the above behaviors have ceased and we have really been trying to work on us. (note- I never cheated on her).

She says it is totally up to me to make this relationship better, and she will give no more of herself as she has little left. She says everything is my fault we are in a bad place and that it all falls on my shoulders to give her what she needs. Meanwhile she is short tempered, stays mad for days, hypervigilent for negative comments, volatile, reacts stongly to everything minor to major, and says that I am to blame for it all (for losing herself and her happiness).

At work, a new co-worker of the opposite sex started today. I don't know how the topic came up but I talked about my girlfriends photography business and how amazing she is. I talked about her artistic vision, her talent, her skills, and how pround I was of her creativity in her shoots. The co-worker asked if she had a website and I handed over a business card with no hesitation. A few hours after I got home the co-worker wrote on her site that she worked w/ me and that she liked my gf work. All hell broke loose in the house because she thinks I crossed the personal/professional line at work. She is infuriated, won't speak to me, when she does she yells and says I have no clue what professional is, "I am not supposed to talk about her to strangers I work w/ (i don't have her permission)", etc. She says she hates that I have to work w/ and be around women, it makes her anxious and disgusted (because she thinks I don't know how to carry myself). She told me now that for the rest of the year I have to work w/ this co-worker it will make her sick, anxious, and pissed off everyday I come home. I don't think I did anything wrong. I did not tell her I gave the card or spoke about her business (which is wrong) to prevent this reaction, which has compounded it. I thought she would be happy I spoke so highly of her, I am so pround of her, I place high value in her skill. But it is the complete opposite.

I would llike to know based on all of the info above did I cross the line? Or is she over reacting? And any other thoughts anyone may have.

Thanks, ~M
As you had mentioned and realised, the two of you did not have a great start. This could have made your girlfriend lose quite a fair bit of trust in you, especially with regards to putting her as one of your top priorities and maybe keeping promises. For this, females tend to be more emotional than males do and thus when we are insensitive to certain things, it will easily be picked up by them. In order to improve your relationship with her in this aspect, do assure her more by being more observant about her, doing small little things to show that you still care alot about her. (Take note that it is not about gifts or quantity of time spending, but more sensitive things such as noticing that she bought a new clothes/bag/shoes, giving her praises for things she did well eg. did a great meal and the quality of time spending.)

Next, about the issue of crossing the line, in my opinion, she did over-react about the comments your co-worker make on her site. But she does have her reasons. I assume that in your field of work you get to meet or work with a fair bit of females. The fact that she had 2 kids with you yet the two of you are not legally committed to this relationship might have made her insecure. Be more proactive about the marriage thing, and don't just talk about it, take actions to show that you will do it. Maybe start calling her your wife instead of girlfriend might work well too. (try once and see if she reacts well to it, if not, revert back)

These are my views, to get more feedback from here and evaluate your choices.
I'm so suprised that you have 2 children and you are not married yet! In my country that's strictly forbidden...
inuyasha wrote:
I'm so suprised that you have 2 children and you are not married yet! In my country that's strictly forbidden...

I think that is a difference in most people from western and asian cultures (my apologies if I appear to be stereotyping). Asians tend to be more particular about formalities and traditional values. It is the same for my side, where things like cohabiting and having children before marriage are generally not accepted. However, they still happen.
you should try to be married soon that you already receive the blessings of God maybe in that way

your relationship will be anew now... you should trust and love each other for your own and for the

sake of your children...
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