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How to break it up





royvalera
fisrt of all, you need to have a proof that there is ni magic anymore
zbale
It all depends on the situation. The first question might be "why you want to break up?". If you are sure that's what you want (and that you feel no obligation to pursue your relationship), do not lie to your partner.

It is quite terrible when for months one member of the couple makes a fool of the other pretending to be in love when they are not.
andysart380
yes this isnt right..ive had this happen to me before and i had to make myself let her go. i found it quickest and easiest to just say it straight out " i dont like you the same way i did, im sorry i dont know what else to say, goodbye".. quick and painless..well for you anyways and if you do feel pain in saying that then you truly do still have feelings for the person.
BigGeek
I disagree, being aware that falling out of love with someone is going to cause them pain does not mean that you still have feelings for them. For example I've been in long term relationships where the my female companion destroyed my feelings for her with cruelty and psycho behavior. You can love someone with all your heart and they can treat you so badly that in the end you no longer love them, you actually dread being around them and despise their behavior. Trying to break it off with them is difficult because of the temper tantrums and statements meant to inflict guilt whenever you attempt to end the relationship. It is easy to adopt the hate attitude toward them due to the mistreatment you have received but if you truly understand them, you know that leaving them causes them just as much emotional pain as anything else, and it is real for them. Just because you feel bad for the pain they are in, does not mean that you have feelings for them, it just means you have compassion.

People are funny, you all exclaim that it is wrong to mislead someone and make them think that you are still in love with them when you aren't. No idea where that notion comes from? If you look, the world is full of that exact behavior. How many people do you know that are in awful relationships but stay because they feel guilty, or for the kids, or because they can't afford to divorce. How many older couples have you seen where the man or woman is miserable and the other half is out cheating on them constantly, but they stay because of some misguided perception. How many women do I know supporting loser husbands that abuse them, but stay because of the kids, or because of the temper tantrums and guilty feelings the man inflicts on them.

It's not just cut and dried like that, it gets more complex when marriage, kids, money, and such get involved.
guissmo
Also make sure that both parties know what the "magic" is. It's not supposed to be some "abstract feeling", maybe you should think about what's lacking so you can find a solution before you give up on it.
airh3ad
Just’s tell her exactly the point. If you’re gonna break up with her anyway, do it in a way that’s the least emotionally painful to her and leaves her in the best position to want to remain friends with you after the fact. Women say they want respect, however, when that respect entails telling them straight up what the real deal is, then men are accused of being cruel. hehehe Y’all have to make up your minds. It’s either the soft landing of making you believe it’s your idea or the cold, hard facts of “it’s over”. Choose one.And maybe her family or friends will rally around her and give her the genuine love and support she needs to get past it and solidify that he was not the best option it was.
lucian0127
airh3ad wrote:
Just’s tell her exactly the point. If you’re gonna break up with her anyway, do it in a way that’s the least emotionally painful to her and leaves her in the best position to want to remain friends with you after the fact. Women say they want respect, however, when that respect entails telling them straight up what the real deal is, then men are accused of being cruel. hehehe Y’all have to make up your minds. It’s either the soft landing of making you believe it’s your idea or the cold, hard facts of “it’s over”. Choose one.And maybe her family or friends will rally around her and give her the genuine love and support she needs to get past it and solidify that he was not the best option it was.


Well i agree with you... but what if someone didn't get your point? i mean because of obsession, why they didn't get your point? what's the best way?
deanhills
BigGeek wrote:
I disagree, being aware that falling out of love with someone is going to cause them pain does not mean that you still have feelings for them.
I think one of the worst damages that can occur in a relationship that is in the process of breaking up is lack of honesty. I.e. to tell the other partner straight out I don't love you anymore, I don't have feelings for you anymore, I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. And then to act firmly on that and walk out. Very often the fact that that person is still around, and part of the relationship, even when he/she does not care any longer, sends the wrong message to the other person, who would most likely then act out even more than they would have acted out, if the other partner had been honest and walked out. They may be aware of the other person's changed feelings, and out of desperation turn into very nasty individuals. It would be much kinder to make a very firm and honest exit.
smit_alumni
Well this is a difficult issue! Breaking up is such a thing which causes pain for both the partners. The last time i broke i was absolutely in love with her! she had to let go off me, and i understand. she cried when she broke up and the next day she had nothing to do with me. that i understand! what i dont understand is that she started spying on me about who was friends with me and who i was going out with! she had her friends looking out for me every club every resturant and even movie theatres. one stalker ex-girlfriend. and then one day she gathers her courage to come up to me and ask if i could be friends with her. what should i do with her i have no idea!!
airh3ad
@luciano127 the best way is to tell the truth and tell her exactly the point.
jilbs
airh3ad wrote:
@luciano127 the best way is to tell the truth and tell her exactly the point.


i agree ^_^, it is the best way
bloodrider
just be honest... and don't keep her hanging..
macky
yes tell her at the very beginning...
zbale
Has the initial message been deleted or something? Looks like part of the thread is missing.
Bluedoll
royvalera wrote:
fisrt of all, you need to have a proof that there is ni magic anymore
waht if u you boke up but u keep see'in the peson?

Laughing

Is that breaking up?

___________________________________

Sad

How many relationships/marrages stay together without magic in them?
Alerrandre
it is easy,tell her ( i dont want you no more ).
ham65
tell her, ( sorry baby,but i´m looking for your friends,caroline and camila lol.)
zbale
Bluedoll wrote:
royvalera wrote:
fisrt of all, you need to have a proof that there is ni magic anymore
waht if u you boke up but u keep see'in the peson?

:lol:

Is that breaking up?

___________________________________

:(

How many relationships/marrages stay together without magic in them?


Depends what you mean by "seeing" I guess... I've heard that some people who are divorced actually still occasionally make love, even though they don't consider themselves "together". But then I guess your question about whether it is "breaking up" is a more general question about whether (or, rather, on what condition) you consider that you're "together" with your romantic or sexual partner(s), am I right?
kharol_016
discern first. after deciding, tell her the truth and dont keep her hanging.
mk12327
BigGeek wrote:
It's not just cut and dried like that, it gets more complex when marriage, kids, money, and such get involved.


That is very true, these factors does make it very complicated. Not to forget emotions such as guilt, fear and sympathy. The most used tactics to stop a person from breaking up are emotional blackmail, threats and crying.

Most people "fall prey" to these and ended up holding on to a failed relationship, further hurting of parties. If you have decided to break up, it is unlikely you can turn back unless you mention the break up at the spur of the moment (which you didn't really mean it).

By the way, on a side note, I remember reading somewhere before that females are less likely to initiate break-ups compared to men, but once they decide to break-up, there are also less likely to patch the relationship.
zbale
mk12327 wrote:

By the way, on a side note, I remember reading somewhere before that females are less likely to initiate break-ups compared to men, but once they decide to break-up, there are also less likely to patch the relationship.


Interesting. I'd love to have the reference if you find it again.
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