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Not quite a break up...or is it?





TunesandWords
I've been "in a relationship" for two months now with a guy that I was really hitting it off with for about 5 months prior. He always seemed interested in me and really pushed hard to get me to break up a short relationship I was starting with an old friend. It took me telling him I was interested in him to start the relationship. At first he seemed to really be all about sex, he was more experienced, I'm not at all but things have progressed in that area at an acceptable rate. He was actually holding back more than me. He comes from a tough home situation and we couldn't see each other much at all. I was uncertain whether his time constraints are real or just an excuse for not being into me or being with someone else. I chose to believe they are real. We are 19, he works extremely long hours and has other major demands on his time. I never complained about him not making time to see me but did ask that I get an occasional text or call to remind me he wants to be in the relationship. I gave him the chance to get out a couple times and he didn't want to. But the other day we went through this again and while he said he didn't want to break up he said we should start all over again and get to know each other better first then progress to more. It was a good way to break it off. He made more contact with me that day than ever before. Then at the end of the day texted me to ask if I was alright. I was confused...did he mean about the break up or because I had lyrics to a song (nothing mushy or miserable unless he wanted to see it that way) on my FB status. So I asked and he responded "About yesterday" meaning our decision to start over. I said yes...and you? He said yes. I suggested he call me in case he needed to talk but he couldnt. I haven't heard from him since. I don't now if I hurt him or if he was just letting me down easy and when I confirmed I was okay he felt it was okay to leave. What should I do?
Joshwa
You should wait for him to contact you. It sounds like you were all in for the relationship, but he had reservations. Relationships take enormous amounts of effort and energy, and if he is working long hours as you mentioned, then he might just be too burnt out for the time being for anyone. Let him work through any issues he may have, and when he's ready, he will come to you.
TunesandWords
Joshwa, I appreciate the reply and it is pretty much the way I'm choosing to see it too. What he is going through in his life right now is too much for most people our age to deal with and he really doesn't complain about it. I don't think he knows any other way of life maybe. But it is also pretty easy to see he comes from a different background from me. Our worlds are very different. I think
part of our problem is that he was trying to hide his baggage from me (he told a friend that I didnt have any and that he had enough for both of us) but being from a pretty typical traditional family too many things didn't make sense in our relationship and now I think he is just trying to hide his problems from me by "being friends" and starting over. I'm not kidding myself. I know that is not likely and I'm getting ready to move on and don't expect I will see him anymore soon. We ended it in a civil manner and I saw him today and we joked around and assured the two friends we told it was no longer a relationship that everything was cool with us. I'm going to force myself to hang out with other guys and maybe start dating--but honestly, I don't want to hear a guy use the words "exclusive" or "relationship" again until we have known each other long enough to be ready to walk down the aisle in maybe 10 years. I will never stop dating other guys for one guy again. I don't want to build an emotional attachment until I'm ready for marriage and the guy is too, and for that reason I will keep it at dating and date more than one.
apple
I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt here.

1. you are fully aware of his work/home situations
2. he cares about you enough to have tried to hide his 'baggage' from you (that's a big deal)
3. with more than enough chances to break up, he has chosen to stay together
4. starting over is not a bad ting. it simply means lets take it from the top again

How long has it been exactly since you last had contact with him?
Why not just call or send a text message asking how he is?

Instead of wondering and sending your blood pressure through the roof, just call him and ask how he is. Whats the worse that can happen? If he confirms you idea that you broke up, then you will know for sure. If not, then you will know for sure Razz

Call him.
deanhills
Maybe he wants the relationship to be simple with no complicated discussions and expectations. If you are interested in a relationship with him, perhaps now is the time to give him lots of space so that he can make up his own mind. In the meanwhile, maybe you need to catch up with your own friends, and go out and meet other people as well.
apple
deanhills wrote:
Maybe he wants the relationship to be simple with no complicated discussions and expectations. If you are interested in a relationship with him, perhaps now is the time to give him lots of space so that he can make up his own mind. In the meanwhile, maybe you need to catch up with your own friends, and go out and meet other people as well.


even if this is the case, sending a text message to 'touch base' can't be bad. At least he'll know she still thinks about him.
priyank
ummm well thats actually sad
but this is how life goesss
i think good think about this is that guy cared about you
he didnt wanted you to leave like this he made you feel ok n then leave
i think it s BREAK UP
move on i am pretty sure you will find some one who is more caring then him
zacky
apple wrote:
deanhills wrote:
Maybe he wants the relationship to be simple with no complicated discussions and expectations. If you are interested in a relationship with him, perhaps now is the time to give him lots of space so that he can make up his own mind. In the meanwhile, maybe you need to catch up with your own friends, and go out and meet other people as well.


even if this is the case, sending a text message to 'touch base' can't be bad. At least he'll know she still thinks about him.


hhhhmmmm... yeah i think so. Coz if you will not contact him, both of you might get totally broke up and forget each other. I suggest to you TunesandWords that it is not wrong to send him a message so at least he knows that you are still care or have some doubts. We (guys) are sometimes hard to spell, we do it sometimes for some purposes but not at all. If i were the guy, you send me a message something like "How are you?", I might get think of you for the whole day and of course wondering why you send me a message. Good luck.. Smile
deanhills
apple wrote:
deanhills wrote:
Maybe he wants the relationship to be simple with no complicated discussions and expectations. If you are interested in a relationship with him, perhaps now is the time to give him lots of space so that he can make up his own mind. In the meanwhile, maybe you need to catch up with your own friends, and go out and meet other people as well.


even if this is the case, sending a text message to 'touch base' can't be bad. At least he'll know she still thinks about him.
I really believe in the saying about absence making the heart grow fonder. We tend to yearn more for that which is unavailable to us, than for that which we may think is there for the taking. I think it is as important for her as him, that she takes a few steps back, as sometimes when relationships go into analyses like these, they get stuck in problems. If one takes time out, enough to miss the other person, then when the two get together again, they may see things in a different light. Either that, or it may not work out, which would be a good test for both to see how they feel about one another.
macky
TunesandWords wrote:
I've been "in a relationship" for two months now with a guy that I was really hitting it off with for about 5 months prior. He always seemed interested in me and really pushed hard to get me to break up a short relationship I was starting with an old friend. It took me telling him I was interested in him to start the relationship. At first he seemed to really be all about sex, he was more experienced, I'm not at all but things have progressed in that area at an acceptable rate. He was actually holding back more than me. He comes from a tough home situation and we couldn't see each other much at all. I was uncertain whether his time constraints are real or just an excuse for not being into me or being with someone else. I chose to believe they are real. We are 19, he works extremely long hours and has other major demands on his time. I never complained about him not making time to see me but did ask that I get an occasional text or call to remind me he wants to be in the relationship. I gave him the chance to get out a couple times and he didn't want to. But the other day we went through this again and while he said he didn't want to break up he said we should start all over again and get to know each other better first then progress to more. It was a good way to break it off. He made more contact with me that day than ever before. Then at the end of the day texted me to ask if I was alright. I was confused...did he mean about the break up or because I had lyrics to a song (nothing mushy or miserable unless he wanted to see it that way) on my FB status. So I asked and he responded "About yesterday" meaning our decision to start over. I said yes...and you? He said yes. I suggested he call me in case he needed to talk but he couldnt. I haven't heard from him since. I don't now if I hurt him or if he was just letting me down easy and when I confirmed I was okay he felt it was okay to leave. What should I do?


get contact to her.. It is better than waiting and keeps your mind getting crazy what it might be after all that happen. And

in that case, you can decide what to do, what's you have to settle for you self.
natilovesmike
Well, the first thing you need to think about is yourself. You are young...believe me...really young...so, ask yourself...how much do you like him? would you spend the rest of your life with him?
I know those are kind of serious questions...but before you get too sad or happy, make sure he is something worth fighting for...because if it is not...then its better to move on and find what you really want.
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